(no subject)

[kippurbird]

As Spirit Bear shambles towards an ending, I'm sure there are other books out there that demand my attention. So, I will take suggestions. A few criteria, I am not going to do a chapter by chapter analysis of the Wheel of Time books or the Sword of Truth. That would take forever and a half and I'd probably kill myself. I may do a series over view, however, of those two.

So, give me suggestions and comment as to why you think I should go through this book. Examples are always welcomed.

After that I'll put up a poll.

Sound good?

Comments

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

House of Leaves.
There. Your mind is made up.
Oh, fine.

Watership Down
Good Omens (Which you've probably already read)
World War Z
Children of Men
Animal Farm!
1984?

[ladyphoenixia.livejournal.com]

I protest! Watership down, animal farm, 1984 and good omens are all great books, imo, or at least not appallingly terrible. So not at all in need of a sporking by kippurbird

(Although, on the other hand, a deconstruction of 1984 could be very entertaining... it does have Gaping Flaws here and there...)

[lauramcvey.livejournal.com]

American Gods. No matter how many people claim that Gaiman is Teh Pwnage, he can't plot to save his life, and his hero is just plan boring.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

On a side note, Neil talked about American Gods at Comic Con and he said that he wrote it the way he did because he was sick of writing three act structure books.

[ghostgecko.livejournal.com]

Marry me. I, too, dislike Gaiman and I feel I'm the only nerd on the internets who does.

Ok, suggestions?

"The Beekeeper's Apprentice". Mary Sue from hell with bells on. In the first chapter she not only outsmarts Sherlock Holmes, she has the nerve to backsass him. By the end of the book everyone from Doyle canon wuvs her and she marries Holmes despite him being in his 60's and she's like 15.

Lew hate? Lew HAAAAAAAAAATE.

"Hunted Past Reason" byt Richard 'Coasting on love from Psycho' Matheson. Marshmallowy screenwriter author-substitute guy decides taking a backpacking trip into the wilderness with the psycho guy who hits on his wife is a GREAT idea. Psycho procedes to assfuck him in the most unrealistic rape scene ever, then chase him thru the woods with a giant knife. You can almost picture Matheson sneaking around buying gay porn for research to make his rape scene "realistic". Best scene: guy takes a break from running for his life to free a mountain lion trapped under a fallen tree. Huh?

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

One of the Black Jewels books. Because while having a different magical system is always nice, wtfbbq Ring of Obediance?

[prototypical]

Nah, the entire Black Jewels trilogy!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I read one of those... the Invisible Ring? That was interesting. As in "Strange". The whole... sexism and those jewels and things and the sex needing to go up and down the jewel scale and... um.. yeah.

[prototypical]

Janine Cross's Touched by Venom. Yes, it's the infamous "venom cock" book and I'm recommending you tear it apart partially because I want to see how you deal with the sex scenes. I've read it - it made my giggle and headdesk and want to throw it across the room because of the stupidity. The sad part? My mother loves it.

If you want an longer series to tackle at some point, you can always do the Anita Blake books.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Oooh... yes. Maybe. That would be interesting.

[oceans-heart.livejournal.com]

I would suggest any Anita Blake book 9 and up actually. The earlier books actually tried to have a plot.

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

Aww, I'm doing it wrong. I'm actually reccing books I think you'd enjoy.

I Still stand by "Lexicon Triumverate" then.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I'm gonna put it up to vote.

[authoressarktos.livejournal.com]

The Fire-us Trilogy ('The Kindling', 'The Keepers of the Flame', 'The Kiln') by Jennifer Armstrong and Nancy Butcher. Though it does have splashes of originality (awesome idea, having the christian zealots use Biblical passages for names...), it's basically a book with one cliche after another.

Well, the plot does kind of set itself up for them though...apparently, it's about these kids who survive this apocalypic disease, forget their real names and identities, and start the search for the president five years after the 'Fire-us' disease struck. The characters are kind of...two dimensional. The plot holes that riddle the book are kind of amusing though (so, automatically any glasses suit the vision-impared kid? including prescribed ones made for someone else? Sorry, not buying that).

But anyways, it's an interesting read. Even if it seems kind of flat, at least it's more interesting than Touching Spirit Bear and Eragon. *shrugs*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Why are they searching for the President?

[evil_plotbunny]

*digs deep into her memories of bad teen novels*
YMMV on these.

Go Ask Alice - I've never actually read this (bad YA librarian, no cookie) and you should so I don't have to.

Crosses by Shelley Stoerr - There's this girl that cut herself and I didn't care even a tiny little bit.

I'm sure I'll think of more tomorrow when I'm at work.

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

*Spits on Go Ask Alice*
It was a good book, until I learned it was a LIE!

[intertangled.livejournal.com]

Well, if you want both Mary Sues and bad sex - want in this context; cringe at - you could always do Clan of the Cave Bear.

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

I was thinking of that one, but there's so much to wade through to get to the actual story. The first book isn't too bad; it takes a nose dive in Valley of Wild Horses, though.

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

Well I'm rather fond of the idea of seeing you go through Touched by Venom or its sequels. However, if you're looking for a more YA book then can I suggest Daughter of the Mountains by Louise S. Rankin (most unrealistic single girl on a road trip story I've ever seen), or Locked in Time by Lois Duncan (the heroine is amazing in her immaturity)?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Locked in Time? What's that about?

[berseker.livejournal.com]

Anne Frank and me, by Cherie Bennet. You´ll love it. I haven´t read the whole thing, but the two pages I saw at Amazon are so sporkable that the book will probably be really something.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*checks it on Amazon. Dies a little*

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Because I absolutely loved Spider Robinson for a while, I picked up everything I found by him for a while. One such title was Night of Power, and it pretty much singlehandedly soured me on him for months. It's awful, whether you want to look at the ridiculous techno-maguffin, the outrageous socio- and geopolitical oversimplifications, the staggering reverse racism, the unquestioned Messiah Stu or the always lovable genius child. It's got it all, and at only three hundred and eighty-four pages, you know you're going to get terrible, terrible sporking material on every godless page.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go reread my Callahan books. Must... remember why... I liked Spider...

[ladyphoenixia.livejournal.com]

I'd say "My Place" by Sally Morgan, except it's hard to be sure if it was truly as bad as my memories say it was. I just hated it so, so much.

You could always go through the Da Vinci Code? I've heard bad things about the writing style in general, enough that I've refused to ever read it.

[emily-goddess.livejournal.com]

Seconded. DVC was so bad, I would have sporked it myself, but I got rid of my copy as soon as humanly possible.

[(Anonymous)]

Witches' Night Out by Silver Ravenwolf is probably the worst YA novel I've ever read. Much worse than Touching Spirit Bear, but at least it's short. Psychotic teenage witch who is somehow completely right about everything (she goes beyond Mary Sue), including the fact that her dad's girlfriend is evil, speeding around sharp corners presented as a healthy way to let off steam.

As for the prose, just look at the excerpt on Amazon.com:
http://www.amazon.com/Witches-Night-Out-Silver-RavenWolf/dp/1567187285/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/002-6906029-2110409?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1187937898&sr=8-2

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

*stares* I somehow remember one of the FUNDAMENTAL tenets of Wicca to be Do What You Will, SO LONG AS YOU DO NO HARM. This girl... seems to be like the magical equivalent of Eragon.

Annnnnnd calling on the Wild Hunt is, in ANY mythology involving them, probably a bad idea. I can't help be reminded of certain lines from H.P. Lovecraft:

"I say to you againe, doe not call up Any that you can not put downe; by the Which I meane, Any that can in Turne call up Somewhat against you, whereby your Powerfullest Devices may not be of use. Ask of the Lesser, lest the Greater shal not wish to Answer, and shal commande more than you."
...I seem to remember from what little I know that the Wild Hunt are PRETTY FREAKIN' POWERFUL. And indeed, it says in the summary that she "gets more than [she] bargains for", soooooo... um. That's kinda stupid. >_>

*whistles* So, maybe you should try it out...

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

ANYthing by Nick Pacione.
*Snirk*

[byakuganchick.livejournal.com]

Ever thought of taking a typical romance novel and ripping it to shreds?

Either that or "Once Upon A Winter's Night" by Dennis IForgotHisLastName. (I can look it up.) It has fangirl French, a heroine so annoying perfect that you want to choke her. The language switches from formal to modern and it's pretty much the only version of West of Sun, East of Moon, that is virtually unreadable.

[kellicat.livejournal.com]

The Renunciate trilogy by Marion Zimmer Bradley. Here are the reasons to spork it.

1. Bad feminism shoved down the reader's throat on every page

2. At least one forced moral discussion between the characters in each chapter

3. Tonnes of ANGST!ANGST!ANGST!

4. Really annoying female characters. The only female characters I liked were Magda Lorne and Camilla. Then even they went downhill in the second and third books.

5. Jaelle n'ha Mellora. She deserves a reason all to herself. The books were telling me that I should like her, but by the end of the first book I just wanted her to die.

6. Stupid men who were stupid only to make the women look good by comparison. This grates my teeth every time. Give me a friggin' break! Smart men don't make smart women look stupid by comparison. What does it say about an author's view of women when they can only be smart when men are stupid? Not a pretty picture, is it?

There are more reasons, but I don't want to spoil a potential spork. I actually have an extra omnibus copy I could send you if need to get a copy of the books. In order from first to last, the names of the books are The Shattered Chain, Thendara House, and City of Sorcery.

I like Darkover books in general, but this series was a bit much for my taste.

[dryaunda.livejournal.com]

The Fifth Sacred Thing, by Starhawk. Hippie-wiccan fluffbunnies from post-apocalypitic San Francisco fend off militant Christian fundamentalists from Los Angeles. There's also psychic computer chips, curing drug dependency with chi, and a third nipple that controls bees!

I'm also morbidly interested in seeing how a Kippur sporking Oryx and Crake would do...