Alternative writings

I imagine people are wondering what happened to me.

Penguins did.

( See what I mean? )

A friend of mine died suddenly over the weekend.

We only knew each other over the internet but we were good friends. She was even coming out in May – around the 21st- to visit me on her way to New York and grad school. She was going to be getting a Masters and then a PhD in History specializing in like the Prohibition era. I was going to take her to the restaurant where they filmed the Schwarma scene in the Avengers.

We met over Journal/DW rping at a game called the Library and eventually we hit it off smashingly. We clicked over banana slugs of all things.

I was talking to another friend, one that I met through her, about how strange it seemed that we both missed her so much. After all we never saw her in person, just through photographs she posted. We never heard her speak, except through voice recording memes. Our entire contact was through words and screens. Why should someone like that, someone we’ve never had a physical contact with hurt so much when they go?

After some thought, I realized what it was: we told stories together. In our Role playing, during games or private story lines, we were telling stories together and that’s a very intimate thing to do. We were creating lives together. We were creating worlds together. Opening ourselves up to the other person and saying this is something I think is interesting that I created and I want to share it with you. I want you to be apart of it.

We told stories with characters and lived their lives, their private moments, their hours, days and years. Births and deaths, finding love and losing it. Anxiety over things, over family and friends and the world around them. Laughing at the good things, enjoying the strange moments that happen between lovers and friends. Every piece of a person’s life that they could go through with another person, we did together. Several times over.

And now these stories, all of them incomplete, all of these lives incomplete are gone forever. They will never be finished. They are lives cut short, just like hers. We’ve lost a part of ourselves, a creative and intimate part of our self that we shared with another person. We lost a bit of our self that said to someone let’s make something bigger and better than just the one of us.

Even if we were to find another person who plays the same characters she did, it wouldn’t be the same. The new person would play them differently. They wouldn’t have the same history or knowledge of the ideas we came up with. They wouldn’t have the same experiences that the two of us shared to get to these stories. After all, everyone has their own spin on what makes a character tick or work.

I think this is why role playing, is so involving. We’re not just playing make believe. We’re creating something more than ourselves and we’re sharing it with other people. Saying, I want you to help me make this thing. I need your help to make this thing, to put this idea into the world and to make it grand and wondrous and glorious. It may only be the two of us who ever see this, but it will be an awesome and amazing and fantastic and beautiful and I want to do it with you.

I am choosing you, I think you would be good, perfect, to share this experience, to help create this experience.

And now, it’s gone.

Gone forever, a broken book with the ending pages torn out. A doll left by the wayside on the road caught in the rain. The sad house, falling apart in the field. You can see the glory of what it used to be, but all you have is memories.

At least the memories are good ones.

And at least I can go back and read the stories we created.

Interesting week.

I got one of my teeth capped on Thursday. The first time I've had something majorly wrong with my teeth in 35 years. Two fractures on the tooth. Apparently my anxiety got bad enough that I cracked the poor tooth. Considering that I get migraines bad enough that I clench my jaw so hard that when I open my mouth for some reason it hurts, it's only to be expected. It was a very interesting experience but not one that I'd care to repeat.

In nicer news I learned how to make very simple flash animations in Illustrator. Here's the two that I've done:


( animations )

Back from Alaska!

Or I was Tuesday evening, but whatever. It was fun! Pictures coming soon.

Things I'm glad I didn't pack: my sandals. Things I wish I packed: warmer socks.

There was sunshine and warmth only on the first day of the trip, as in when we got off the plane and were looking around. It was rather strange the entire time. It would be around ten at night and only getting dark.

First Day: We arrived in Anchorage and got our car. We drove to a small motel whose amenities included coffee and a fridge and microwave. Also very slow internet. Like dial-up slow. We then went and found the one store that had kosher meat in it. Turkey sandwiches, soda and chips for dinner.

Second Day: Drive to Dinali. It's a long drive. We stop in Wasilla where Sarah Palin lives and my friend lived. We visit my friend's house. It's been turned into part of a museum. Her father was one of the first big people in Wasilla and helped make it into a bigger town. He owned the first store etc. And then we drove. And drove. And drove. We stopped at a lot of scenic spots. It was also cloudy but not too bad. Just a little bit chilly. We stayed at a place called the White Moose Lodge which had very slow internet and we could use the fridge and microwave in the lobby. It also had danishes in the morning. Turkey sandwiches, soda and chips again for dinner.

Third Day: We went into Dinali. First we stopped off at the Tourist Trap that was right outside the park. Stuff was bought. I got a sample of fudge. We went into the park and hit the visitor centers. Saw some nice movies there. I bought a hat. A cold weather hat with flaps on the side. I was very thankful for that purchase. We went on a tour into the park on a bus with a bunch of old people from one of those cruises. We saw a caribou. And moose if by moose you mean tiny dots that through a binoculars were moose. Also, in theory, Dall sheep. Sill, very scenic. After the tour we drove back into the park as far as we were allowed to go and stopped at a river. Which was utterly fun. I wish it had been warmer because I would have gone wading. Dinner: Turkey sandwiches, chips and soda.

Fourth Day: My birthday! We drive to Moose Pass. For those who've read Son of Neptune this is the same Moose Pass that Percy and friends stay at over night after running from the Gryphons. We stay in this tiny motel with keys. White Moose Lodge also had keys. We had dinner in the restaurant. My mom and I split fish and chips, my dad got a burrito thing and my brother a salmon burger. They were pretty good. I also got a lovely chocolate cake slice because it was my birthday.

Fifth day: We go down to Seward. First we stop off at the Exit Glacier. Which is very Blue. And pretty. There are these signs on the road that show where the glacier used to be at any given point in time starting in the 1800s. It's sort of depressing watching how quickly it starts to melt. My dad, brother and I take a trail up to try and reach being in close proximity to the glacier, but we didn't have enough time.

Then we took a cruise around the Resurrection Bay (also seen in the Son of Neptune). One of those boat tours where you see the wildlife and stuff. We got a baked salmon lunch. We saw otters, seals, bald eagles, sea lions, jelly fish, PUFFINS and my lunch. Again. I got very sea sick, if you can't guess.

My mom and I were looking a bit green and this one crew member (Tall, dark, handsome, nice body) came over and asked if we were doing okay. I said we were both feeling a bit sea sick. He said let me get you something for that. He comes back with some barf bags, ginger candy and ginger ale. I take the bag and about five seconds later... hello lunch again. The guy had the best timing.

But I saw puffins! Dinner was cheese sandwiches.

Sixth Day: We drove back to Anchorage. We stopped in this little town... not even town called Whittier, I think. The only way into it by car is through this tunnel. A one lane tunnel that's two miles long and has to take both cars and trains. So. They stagger it out. There are fifteen minute windows to which you can get to drive through. Otherwise you have to wait 45 minutes to an hour. We got in pretty quickly and had the best fish and chips. Halibut fish. It was in this tiny locals only sort of place. Of course there weren't very many places in general in town. But we were definitely away from the small touristy bits. And the fancy hotel.

There were about two streets which we drove around and missed the tunnel window so we had to wait for 45 minutes. BUT we were first in line. Weather was miserable and rainy.

From there we went to the Alaska Zoo as my dad said it was the only way we were going to see the animals up close. This was around seven at night, still nice and light out. The zoo was pretty much empty so we had it to ourselves. We saw all the animals! Including bears and a camel. Dinner was sandwiches

Seventh Day: we go around downtown Anchorage looking for a post office to mail postcards. It takes about an hour to find one. It's in a mall next to the Nordstroms. Then we decided to go to the museum of Anchorage. We saw Stuff about the history of Alaska. My mother was disappointed when she saw what a real igloo looked like. Not made of ice. Oh well. I got a stuffed puffin! :D I named him Seward.

Then we went to this place that's supposed to have great pizza but my dad ordered a margarita pizza which I hate. Unfortunately I got out voted. It was icky. The crust was good.

Following lunch we went to Target because my mom wanted to see if they were the same as here in LA. They were, except more cold weather stuff. Also the hat that I bought was cheaper. Like I paid double in Dinali. Well. I didn't know. And I'm still glad I got it. Dinner was: Mac and Cheese... not sandwiches.

Eight Day we rested... I mean we flew home. I read most of a book. It was boring. Turkey sandwich for lunch. Salmon jerky for dinner. For the first night in seven days I didn't have to listen to my brother snore.

I love him dearly but he snores like Granny Weatherwax and I'm a light sleeper. Every time I'd start to drift off he'd scare the shit out of me with a snRkkKFZZFFFKkkkzZZz.

And it was good.

Tonight is the first night of Passover!

Where upon we celebrate this ancient and fine holiday with many well worn rituals. Rituals such as:

Look at this can of macaroons. How old is it? It's from the eighties. Wow it sounds like rocks when we shake it. Well better put it back in the box.

What time do we put in the roast?

Where is the shankbone? (This year we accidentally threw it away.)

How do we cut the meat? With the grain or against it? You're cutting it too thick. Don't cut the wood!

Don't turn the soup up! (Said when my father goes to hide the afikomen.)

Later: He turned the soup up.

Right. So, how am I doing? I've been quiet for a while. I still do exist, I want you to know.

I'm starting school on Monday. I'm taking a costume drawing, inDesign and photography class. My dad got me a camera for the class really cheap. However I've only seen it for all of five minutes. In theory my dad is going to sell it after class. But considering how much fun he's been having with it I seriously doubt it.

I've still got no car, but in theory my dad's getting one in March so fingers crossed and all that jazz.

Still unemployed, of course.

Here's a photo of the cat and a drawing I did.


( drawing )

So, in the continuing saga of someone hates my family, my brother gets to have the most fantastic of birthday presents. Surgery on his birthday. It seems he developed a hernia on Saturday. My dad, I should remind you, had hernia surgery on September 7th. My brother decided to one up my dad and get one of the bad kinds of hernias. So, while my dad had to wait several months for his surgery my brother gets his in ten days.

Can this bad stuff be over already and we go onto the good stuff.

Dad update

So. He went into the hospital on Saturday and he's not come home yet.

There's something wrong with his heart, it's not beating as strong as it should so that's why he got dizzy and fainted on Saturday. Not enough oxygen in the blood getting to his head. Or something.

He's not coming home tonight either.

How do you tell your teacher that you don't give a fuck about your homework/classwork because of family stuff?

You can't really, can you?

I know my typography homework currently is awful.

I dunno.

I just... guh.

I don't want to function right now. I want to curl up somewhere and just not function. But I can't.

I have to take my brother to school today since my mom can't. And then I have to go to class this evening. And we're going to try and squeeze in visiting my dad, too.

So.

I dunno.

Last night I was in the absolutely utterly worst place you could be in an earthquake: the shower. A 3.5 hit just after midnight as I was getting ready for bed. It was centered in Beverly Hills. On Monday a 3.2 hit around 3:30 am, also centered in Beverly Hills.

What sort of parties are they throwing? BAH-dump-CHINK.

Still, I am getting a bit jumpy. The Northridge quake in 1994 followed a bunch of jolts about this big within a few weeks. That was possibly one of the most scary days of my life.

I guess there's nothing much to do about it.


In the mean time:

What I did on my summer vacation

A ramble by Kippur.


I just got back from my summer vacation with the family. We went to Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina and Tennessee. It was a fun trip with a few bumps in the road.

( long ramble is long )