Memo to the Cat

To: Chaucer
From: Your Provider/Slave/that person who feeds you
Re: Your recent behaviors since we've moved.


Chaucer:

I'm quite glad that you appear to be adjusting well to your new home. However there are several behavior issues that I would like to bring up to you to make both yours and my life easier.

1. Waking me up at godawfully early hours in the morning by pouncing, meowing, head butting or biting is not acceptable. I'm trying to sleep. If I don't sleep then I have trouble waking up in the morning. If I have trouble waking up in the morning I get into work late. If I get into work late I get less money. Less money means less stuff for you. So, in both of our interests please stop.

2. I'm glad to see you're enjoying having the run of the apartment and are expressing that by running through the apartment. Please stop making a mad dash past me while I'm walking. I don't want to trip and fall. This would be bad for both of us.

3. Socks do not belong in the water dish.

4. Toys do not belong in the litter box.

5. Somehow you managed to get cat hair to clog up my bathroom sink. While I do not wish to know how you did that, please refrain from doing that again.

6. The Lego stormtroopers would like to remain with their friends. Kindly refrain from making off with one. The same goes with the droids.

7. Please do not denude Ali's house plants. I don't want to have to explain to her when she gets back what happened. I will provide you with appropriate plant eating materials.

8. You have two scratching posts. Please make use of them and not the rugs.

9. My Shakespeare collection is also not appropriate for scratching, even though they are lined up nicely on the top shelf of my book shelf. Please see note #8 for further instructions.


I hope that you will understand these points and will take them to heart. I'm sure by following them our life in the apartment will be filled with joy in the years to come.

Kippur

In which Kip talks about her being ill.

Obviously God hates me.

( TMI )

(no subject)

I think this is an autistic thing. I don't know for sure.

Anyway, person I talked to there was. Really liked said person. Then stopped talking to said person because of missigash.

Recently saw their old AIM come back on the buddy lists. So I thought about AIMing them to say hi.

But then I got all funny in the stomach and just unhappy and depressed feeling and all the bad stuff just sort of came back like it just happened. And I thought to myself... well, you know, I don't want to bring back all those bad memories and feelings like they just happened.

So... I mean, I would like to talk to her and everything... but I'm afraid to because of all the feelings.

I dunno. Maybe I'll just talk to her if she pings me. Or something. That way I know if it's a mutual thingy.

Spirit Bear! Dance the Dance of Pain!

For those of you wondering how my doctor's appointment went. He gave me a shot in the ass.

In return for my pain, I return to Spirit Bear.

In our last chapter we had Garvey make symbolism with hot dogs. Unfortunately it wasn't sexual. Fortunately we all bypassed that and turned it into our own special little symbol of love.

Garvey continues his wonderful non-innuendo by telling Cole that tomorrow they dance their feelings! Yes. Nothing sexual about that. I'm surprised he's able to say it with a straight face.

Cole goes to sleep... and tosses and turns a lot. He thinks about the Spirit Bear and wonders if it's still out there, if it was angry, did it miss him, did it want to go out on a date? Okay, maybe not the last two. He wonders what his mother was thinking, if she missed him. What his father was thinking. He hopes that Peter would be okay. Not kidding about that last one. No really. Not.

As he thinks he gets angry. Angry Cole SMASH!! Angry Cole thinks about his past and future and how he was going to have to do all the work around the island even with his bum arm. He doesn't actually think about his past or his future. We're just told that he does. Once again he seems to be showing when he should be telling and telling when he should be showing.

Edwin wakes Cole up in the very early morning before sunrise. He's all very mysterious and leads Cole off to the woods. They talk for a bit and Edwin remarks about how Cole was tossing and turning. Cole says that he was thinking, "My mind gets to thinking and won't quit *mad cackling noises* Think? Him?. Like it's chewing on tough meat. It won't swallow a thought, and it won't spit it out. It just keeps chewing it over and over." It seems to be a rather thoughtful bit of words from Cole, who doesn't normally express himself beyond "I HATE YOU" But since this is the new and improved Cole, he obviously is allowed to wax poetically.

They get to a lake Edwin strips off all his clothes and tells Eragon Cole to do the same. There is no gratuitous body oogling scene for which we are grateful. I don't want to see any sort of lingering description of Edwin's potbelly or groin areas. Once derobed they go into the water and Cole bitches about the fact that it's freezing. They get to a ledge where they7 sit chest deep in water on some underwater rocks.

Edwin has a stick.

No, not that sort of stick.

He tells Cole that the right side is his happiness and the left his anger. And then he tells Cole to break off the left side. Can you see where this is going? Cole eventually says, "But it'll always have a left side" and Edwin goes "Exactly!" And I get a concussion.

While Kips has her concussion and ass pain. *snerks* I'll take over for a bit.

Right, so Edwin is sharing his Native Tribal Wisdom©. He tells Cole to look up at the sky. Half of it is stormy the other half is sunny and clear. Is it a stormy or is it clear and nice? Is the glass half empty or the glass half full? Edwin drones on about how he spent time on the island and how it helped him deal with his anger. I kinda fell asleep at this point. But apparently the pond is supposed to make Cole learn to be happy one day at a time. There's symbolism there if you can find it. Apparently being a pessimist is bad and we all must be happy hippies like Edwin and Garvey who have conquered their anger and become one with the universe. After all conforming to the majority culture and sharing their opinions is the only way to go as opposed to finding your own way and creating your own life and yeah, okay maybe it doesn't exactly jive with what the rest of society says is right but if you're happy then good for you. And yes Cole may not be happy but this also may not be the way to get him to be happy, but of course it will be because the wisdom of the Tribal Elders is always right.

Next chapter Cole dances like a whale!