*whistles innocently*

[kippurbird]

*is a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad person. Really, just bad.*

Lay your blame on this one for dove_cg.


Slowly Eragon came out of the darkness that always seemed to accompany the horrifying pain that the scar gave him. He found himself on the ground could see Oromis' feet. Slowly he stood up, putting his hand gingerly to his back.

"Master... I don't understand. No one has been able to discover a reason for the pain in my back. They all say that I'm perfectly healthy," he implored his master, the wise elf.

For a long time, Oromis stared at him, his face perfectly blank. Then he sighed. "This is something that I had not thought I would need to discuss with you."

"What?"

"Come with me." And Oromis turned and started to walk deep into the forest. Eragon followed him, hobbling almost. His back hurt, and his stomach felt like he was going to exorcise all its contents. They walked in silence, as they often were want to do. Eragon thought about opening his mind up, but he hurt too badly to do it.

After a half an hour of walking, they entered a quiet glade with two stones. Oromis sat on one and indicated that Eragon should sit on the other. When he had done so, the elf stared up into the canopy.

"You know, that when a dragon bonds with their chosen Rider, the Rider goes through certain changes, yes?"

Eragon nodded, and unconsciously fingered his ears.

"The outside is not the only thing that changes. We found, over the years, that the male Riders who bonded with female dragons became... special."

"Special how?"

"Eragon, have you enjoyed the company of a man since you bonded with Saphira?" Oromis asked, seemingly changing the subject.

"Of course I have, Murtagh... and Brom."

"No, I mean, have you been intimate with a man?"

Eragon's eyes widened for a second, remembering some of the nights with Murtagh and Brom, "What if I have? What does this have to do with my back?"

Oromis folded his hands, "Eragon, the change that the female dragon causes in their male Rider is to give them the ability to become pregnant."

"Pregnant? I'm Pregnant?"

"Yes, I believe so."

And Eragon fainted as the horror of what he heard overcame his senses and all he wanted was the sanctuary of darkness.

Comments

[prototypical]

You seem to have found an explanation for MPreg that makes sense. I'm afraid for the Eragon fandom if they see this.

And I'm still getting over choking on brown rice, dammit.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Well, not entirely. Since the dragons lay eggs and stuff. Though Eragon is supposedly a mammal, so he'd possibly get a womb from somewhere. *has sudden disturbing mental images of Eragon having a tattoo over his butt that reads 'Cum Bucket'*

But it IS magic and magic makes everything work in Eragon Land. XD

That poor brown rice. Brown rice is the best. :3

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about the rice. Really, I am.

As for the explanation ... *giggles*

[ghostgecko.livejournal.com]

Kippur wins the internets!
So, all that fainting was orthostatic hypertension?
You know, if this actually happened, I'd probably read the books. Well, maybe.
Now write one where Eragon lays an egg.

[prototypical]

Don't encourage her or I'll choke on something that I can't cough up as easily as rice.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

You know, if this actually happened, I'd probably read the books. Well, maybe.

I'm with you on that. Isn't it kind scary when a book is so bad that we need M-Preg to make it better? I_I

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's why he's always fainting.

Eragon laying an egg... hrrrmmm.... >.>

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

*DIES and is DEAD* I love you so much right now. And I am giddy with joy that my random humorous comment inspired such lovely crack-fic. XD

It's sad that the crack-fic always makes more sense than the original, when it comes to Paolini. Truly sad. *hangs head with sadness and cries many single tears*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It just appeared to me as I read it.

Well, at least even in my crack fic I try to make sense. Which makes it even crackier.

[pococurante.livejournal.com]

Ah ha! :D

I'm laughing quite hard right now XD

[christinaathena.livejournal.com]

Nice icon. :-)

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yay. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[christinaathena.livejournal.com]

*snickers* Perfect!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*bows*

[oceans-heart.livejournal.com]

*attempts to claw out her minds eye*

Bad image bad image!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

MWAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAA!!!

[berseker.livejournal.com]

the elf stared up into the canopy

You mean ceiling, right? :-)

You know, that makes sense. Now I wonder, who´s the father?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I almost used ceiling. I did.

Either Brom or Murtagh. I'm voting for Murtagh.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

I. Love. You.

*dies*

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

*revives long enough to say:*

Want ≠ Wont

*dies again*

[millenium-king.livejournal.com]

"They walked in silence, as they often were want to do."

I think you meant "wont to do."

But seriously, male pregnancy? In Eragon? That's hilarious. Can't wait for book 3. I'm sure it will have chapters of purple prose about him giving birth.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I certainly hope not. Because then Eragon would really be pregnant...

[searchingstars.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*takes the body off to experiment on*

[dryaunda.livejournal.com]

I'll have to leave more twisted comments in the future.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. We must feed the crack bunnies.

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

Ehehehe...

Love how pregnant's capitalized. Just adds that extra little bit of crack to the whole story.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Well, he's just that special, you know?

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

*giggles madly*

I love you. :3

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yay! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[papier.livejournal.com]

That poor, poor child. D:

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Eragon or the baby he's carrying?

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

I just realized – this is probably why he gives up meat.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Why? XD

[ameliorer.livejournal.com]

Of course, in Book One, Eragon had his first period.

His muscles, cramped from clenching for so long, shook violently. He rolled onto his back, shivering, and stretched his limbs as best he could. Then he forced himself to look down. Two large blots darkened his wool pants on the insides of his thighs. He touched the fabric. It was wet. Alarmed, he peeled off the pants and grimaced.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Was that seriously from the first one? If so, what was the actual cause for it?

But... incidentally... that is hysterical. XD