Flipping through the first couple of pages of Maximun Ride...

[kippurbird]

Okay.

Just a note.

Look.

Two to three pages of what has to be five hundred words? Does not a chapter make. It's not even a scene for god's sake. Okay. It's going up to the high point of the scene without resolving anything thus requiring you to turn the page never mind the fact that you don't seem to resolve it.

Sure it makes things go quickly but it also feels like you don't know how to finish things off.

And do you have wings or don't you?

How are you running around in a night gown if you have wings? What sort of stupid evil scientist has people with wings and doesn't clip them? We clip our parakeet's wings and we're not evil! ... well, the evil and the clipping of the parakeet's wings have nothing to do with each other in this case. And if you're going to create wolf/human hybrid things why are you calling them erasers? It sounds like that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.

Okay. So it was more than just a note.

It was several notes.

Comments

[smurasaki.livejournal.com]

It's probably possible to design nightgowns (and other clothing) that would accommodate wings, but that's hardly something I'd expect an evil mad scientist to do. Then again, this is an evil mad scientist who gives his creations nightgowns and fails to clip their wings, so who knows.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Mad scientist company it seems. An entire place worth of them experimenting on kids. If you're keeping kids in cages then I don't see why you'd be giving them nightgowns as opposed to just... a set of hospital clothes and hosing them down every so often.

[smurasaki.livejournal.com]

Indeed. Especially since a hospital gown should (I think) still work if you've got wings. Though the question of why anyone would be making kids with wings in the first place does still come to mind.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

See, I can go with making kids with wings as an experiment. Why not? It makes about as much sense as a premise as any other fantasy/science fiction book out there.

It's just if you are going to do such a thing be smart about it!

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Your idea sounds more practical and more evil. I like it!

As far as clipping goes... I guess it depends on why they needed wings on the children in the first place. If they're creating them to do a specific task that involves flying, then clipping their wings would be pointless. But that's when you put them under maximum security (har har) and keep track of each one (preferably in separate cages) at all times.

But I'm betting this company just gives them random animal parts to see if they can give them random animal parts, if they're using a "mad" scientist. So clipping their wings would be ideal in that instance.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

If you don't clip the wings, then band them. From what it sounded like they were kept in cages and not let out or something.

Yet they had nightgowns.

Yeah. Confused.


My first novel I wrote (when I was in high school, clearly now I know I should have published it) involved the army of this alien world... I think it was alien... stealing kids to experiment on them. The main character was treated like an animal for the most of it but didn't get brainwashed well which led to some interesting tensions.

I should rewrite it someday.

Anyway, my point being, he got wings and they made sure he couldn't use them unless they wanted him to be able to.

(Tracking devices on the winged kids might have been intelligent too)

[albijuli]

Maximum Ride is... ugh. You think the first book is bad? Wait til the THIRD. This series put me off that author for good.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I'm fifteen pages in. I don't think I can stand to wait that long.

[otherscape.livejournal.com]

You think the third is bad, wait till the fourth. The series turns into a global warming soapbox with a literal speech about it at the end.

[albijuli]

So I've heard. I didn't even bother with it. D:

[rurounitriv.livejournal.com]

Ah, you have discovered already part of what made me resolve to never read Patterson. (He was two-for-two in the DO NOT WANT sweepstakes... and nobody gets to three.)

My friend Kat calls him "the author who forgot how to write" and swears his first few were pretty good. I don't know that I believe it, though, and I'm certainly not going to go look for the first few he crapped out to confirm.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

What are the other parts?

I will take your friend's word on the "forgot how to write" bit. From what I'm seeing, I don't see any "knew how to write in the first place" bits.

The wings seem to come and go. They're stated to be thirteen feet in wingspan, I'm going to assume that's for both wings spread out, that's not going to be something that meanders off when you're doing stuffs.

... yeah, okay, I'm doing this book.

[rurounitriv.livejournal.com]

Our book club does a "summer read" every June, and one year the person who picks those summer reads chose Patterson's "Beach House". (She thought it was another book titled "Beach House" by a different author but oops.) It read like bad pr0n fanfic. Horrible characterization, overblown draaahma, bad sex scenes, and the "hero's" brother turned out to have been a gigolo who got passed around the rich set in the resort town it was set it, and who was killed by the most obvious villain of all, the Decadent Rich Guy, because he discovered that DRG had AIDS and was hiding it from everyone, including the Other Decadent Rich Folk he was sleeping around with. He was digging pretty deep into the squick mines, and it was very obvious that Patterson was deliberately trying to sensationalize it as much as he could. The hero was a spineless lawyer who Learned To Take Action to avenge his brother, the brother became a gigolo to Protect His Innocent Sibling from the consequences of a mistake. The romantic interest was boring, and they were all cardboard cutouts.

If I recall the very little I read of that, the wings may retract into the kids' bodies. I don't know for sure, I couldn't get too far into Maximum Ride. I don't think that Patterson has ever met an actual teenage girl. He may not have met an actual woman, for that matter, given his female characters.

...then again, his male characters aren't much better.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Is this the same guy who did the Notebook? *too lazy to look it up*

retract into the kids bodies... how does that even... physically work? They've got bird DNA. There isn't a known species that can retract stuff into the body like you would need to get rid of wings. The amount of energy required would be insane, I'm sure of it.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Well, in theory any author's first couple of novels will be heavily edited by a presumably competent editor and thereby potentially better overall for it. The problem is once they get more fame, the less editors mess with their work. So it's possible he was better because of that and/or that he's gotten lax because he knows anything with his name on it will sell reasonably well at this point.

But yeah, I don't blame you for not giving him a third chance. I don't usually give an author I don't like a second chance. :P

[rurounitriv.livejournal.com]

LOL I didn't particularly want to myself, but part of my job at the library is reviewing books for our newspaper article, so I kind of had to give Maximum Ride at least a little attention, and I knew that the slimier elements of The Beach House wouldn't be able to carry over to a book being marketed to teens even now. The lack of the nastier sexual elements, alas, did not improve his characterization or writing style.

[kjtaylor.livejournal.com]

Man, I point that out to people all the time!
After a certain level of success, they don't care if your book has a few unnecessary pages or a mistake or two; it's gonna make money anyway. In fact, the thicker the better! That's why J.K.Rowling's books just got bigger and bigger as they went on. It's lucky she can make just about anything engaging to read.

[(Anonymous)]

If you think 13-foot wings that can retract into clothing with no visible effects are bad, just wait 'til you get to the deux-ex magical powers randomly manifesting at convenient plot points! :D

I read the manga because the art was pretty and it wasn't teeth-gratingly terrible...just typical popcorn fantasy. I don't think I'd be able to stand the books.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

They already mentioned some of the due-ex magical powers. Eye rolling was to be had.

[kjtaylor.livejournal.com]

Wait... is this that series I've seen in the bookshops about kids with wings? Does the cover have a tagline that says something like "these kids don't need brooms to fly!!"
If so, I've seen it.

Is Patterson the guy that wrote the Alex Rider series? A kid I knew cajoled me into reading a few of those, and they weren't bad. They were silly and over the top, and the main character would do some tremendously stupid things just for the sake of a stunt (ie., lifting an entire criminal clubhouse with a crane instead of just calling the cops), but they were fun. James Bond for kids, complete with implausible gadgets.

I'm going to the maul today, and this time I'm taking my new camera. Gonna get a picture of that Number Four poster for ya. I'll photograph the book in question too. May as well!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

It sounds like it. I don't think the American Edition has that as a tagline, but it is the closest I can think of if I were to give the book a tagline.

The book is on my desk, I do not feel like getting up to reach it.

No, -according to TVtropes - he is not.

You know, every time you write "maul" I think of you trying to injure someone and I get confused. It is spelled "Mall" here.

[kjtaylor.livejournal.com]

You're right; I went to the bookshop and took a picture of the Australian cover. And yeah, turns out Anthony Horowitz wrote the Alex Rider books. I'm glad, because... well, you know how if you read a book, something of the author's personality comes through? What comes through for Horowitz seems very likeable, and I'd be sad if you were making fun of him.

I took some pictures, as promised - I'll put 'em up later.

It's spelled "mall" here too - I just call it the Maul because I think it's funny.

[Hm. Now that I have the spear, the sword and the dagger, it's really about time I got an actual maul to complete the set. Or a morningstar, at least]

[kjtaylor.livejournal.com]

OK, as promised - your pictures.

The cover of Maximum Ride, Australian Edition, complete with tagline: http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h140/Opifex_the_Singer/MaxRide.jpg
The poster for Number Four:
http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h140/Opifex_the_Singer/NumberFour.jpg
And another poster I spotted while I was there...
http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h140/Opifex_the_Singer/Bieber.jpg

Barf!

[otherscape.livejournal.com]

Oh god, Max Ride. I'll admit, I love that series (or the first three) because of how batshit insane it is. It's like something I thought up when I was ten. Good luck sporking this thing, if you're going to. Fair warning though, there is a plot contrivance so contrived that it might make your brain implode. I think it's in the second or third book. Also, beware the fourth book. It's the Breaking Dawn of this series. And if you thought those chapters were short, take a peek at Ch 127.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I don't believe I'll get to book four. I had the first two, got them for free at Comic Con, and gave the second copy to my dad to sell.