Dreams in Twilight

[kippurbird]

I dreamed that I was Edward Cullen last night.

I was rather interested in Jasper.

I also discovered why I was an evil cranky bastard.

I has a permanent hard-on. See if I'm the consistency of stone then it would be impossible for me to have a flaccid penis. Since I don't have a flaccid penis, I'm constantly hard but unable to get off in any comfortable way, likely because masturbation is evil.

So, yeah.

Comments

[subieko.livejournal.com]

Man. When I have fanfic dreams, they make no sense, but damn, yours actually gives a somewhat plausible explanation for an element of canon! I'm impressed.

(also OH GOD BEING EDWARD CULLEN NIGHTMAAAARE)

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

And I wasn't even trying!

My favorite is when I'm young Kenobi.

[prototypical]

As terrible a dream as that is...it makes sense.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

My brain is weird.

[carolpent.livejournal.com]

Man, you should have gone after Jasper.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I think I was working on it.

[carolpent.livejournal.com]

Well if you have it again and you're more lucid, you should go for it. And type up the results in great detail, however much you can remember.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

I second that notion.

[easol.livejournal.com]

The scary aspect of this dream is that it actually makes sense. Especially the part about being interested in Jasper (I always got a gay vibe from Edward... and the pillow biting comment didn't help).

As for stone penii... yeah, the jokes are inevitable. I can only imagine why Stephenie Meyer didn't realize that.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Utterly gay. Completely. Him and Daddy Cullen.

Likely because she never thought anyone would think about his penis?

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

My main question is how they even have sex in vampire-mode, since the girlbits are probably just as hard as the boybits. I mean... wouldn't they erode (instead of just chafing)? >_< OH GAD BAD IMAGES. ...Yeah. I have no idea why she went on about vampire!sex being awesome but never thought of how it would WORK...

[subieko.livejournal.com]

Well, just in order for their limbs to move, their skin has to be flexible--otherwise they'd be frozen, like statues. So...maybe it's just...very durable? Or something? I mean, clearly they're fleshy, otherwise you couldn't, say, spread your fingers. It...it doesn't really make sense...

Maybe it's like Superman? Does sex work for him? *brain breaks*

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

Well, Superman is still flesh like anyone else, just 'invulnerable'. I'm not sure if that means his flesh is dense, or there's a force field in his skin, or what.

The real problem is he would have to wear a kryptonite condom to keep from hurting whoever he's with. And if she got pregnant, if the baby could absorb any 'yellow sun' energy through her, one kick would kill mommy.

[(Anonymous)]

The venom acts as a lubricant so the cells can move or something. I'm mostly curious about why Bella enjoyed having a 6-inch block of ice-cold rock shoved into the hottest part of her body.

[falconwhitaker.livejournal.com]

Wow. That makes... an awful lot of sense. In a terrifying, mind-warping way.

It also fits in with the explanation I read somewhere of Edward being like a prissy middle-aged housewife, doing scrap-booking and pottery and the like - he's using the energy from his libido to create things rather than anything else.

Also, D8 D8 D8 BAD DREAM.

[pandoras-closet.livejournal.com]

You worry me.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I worry you? I worry me!

[dergerm.livejournal.com]

Well, they do say that you use your dreamtime to make sense of things in the real world. Apparently, your brain decided it was high time to make sense of that dribble.

[lemon-m.livejournal.com]

Well, there's something Meyer didn't dream about.