What lurks in Kippur's mind
Jan. 15th, 2008 07:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kippurbirdA short story. Not my usual style, but...
My Lady of the Blood
She was always followed by blood. A woman wearing a dress of the purest of white with long black hair that nearly covered her face but I could still see her dark brown black eyes. Hold still here. I first saw her right before the neighbor’s cat got hit by a car. Five at the time, I was playing catch with my older sister in the front yard. She appeared right over my sister’s shoulder, just barely there, like a bit of haze, and then vanished. It startled me so much that I missed the ball. It went tumbling towards the street just as the cat ran out. A car seemed to come out of nowhere, blue four door; out of state license plate (I don’t know why I remember that) which slammed right into the cat; Sam. The cat’s name was Sam. The car slammed right into Sam and continued to drive like nothing had happened. My sister screamed as Sam went flying to land in a bloody heap on the side of the road.
I just kind of stared. I guess I couldn’t believe that happened to Sam. I’m not really sure. I just remember staring, bent over to pick up the ball.
As for the woman in white, I didn’t think anything of her at all, completely forgetting that she appeared.
You moved. I told you not to. See. That’s your own fault.
The second time I saw her, we were on the freeway; me, my mom and dad. She appeared right outside my window. I could see her eyes; they stared at me, emotionless, brown and black. She vanished just as my father screamed, “Jesus!”
The car swerved to the right, as he narrowly avoided hitting a car that spun out of control. He hit another car though. Metal screeched like a murder of crows lifting up into the air, as more cars hit us. I think we spun around a few times. I just remember waking up to sirens and someone asking me if I was okay. Five cars had piled up, we were in the middle
We were fine. Mom had a cut on her head and I broke my arm getting slammed into the door. Dad didn’t have a scratch on him; though his glasses broke. Two people died however. And seven more were seriously injured. I could see blood staining the ground and crunched like soda can cars as the paramedics loaded me up into an ambulance, my parents coming in with me.
No. Not like that. Turn that way. Yes. Very good. Where was I?
Right the car accident. I had completely forgotten about her up until she appeared again. After that, I started to notice her. I right before I get a paper cut, I saw her out of the corner of my eye, almost as if looking at her through a thick London pea soup fog. The blood, I learned, had to be close up. Right before I would encounter it. If I saw it on a television, like on a news report, I wouldn’t see her.
Obviously, I became obsessed.
Wouldn’t you? I mean a strange woman who only appears when I’m about to encounter blood? A strange a beautiful woman.
I think I may have fallen in love with her.
You’re struggling. That’s completely running the pose. Relax. And you too. Don’t think I can’t see you. How am I supposed to create if you’re always moving?
Before that happened, I tried researching her.
Google came up with nothing. The great and wonderful find it all search engine found nothing. So I fell back to more traditional methods: libraries. I didn’t bother with public ones. It seemed highly unlikely that they would have what I needed. University libraries! Now there, I thought was the ticket!
Have you ever been to them? The older ones, I mean, with the deep stacks smelling of dust and leather and books. Books seem to have their own particular smell. And libraries, old ones, seem to go on forever, like you could get lost in them and never find your way out. I think I read a story where that happened. I’m not really sure.
Oh! That’s very nice. I like that. The tilt of your head is perfect. Hold still. Yes. Yes.
So, I talked to the librarians; old ones, new ones, expert ones. None of them knew anything about my darling lady in white. They directed me to mythology experts. One fellow… Albert? Alvin? I suppose his name doesn’t matter. He was exceptionally fascinated by her and my stories.
We spent endless hours talking about her. I admit that I was happy then. At least I thought I was. After all I was looking for an answer for my lady.
My lady. Yes I suppose that’s what she is. That’s when I fell in love with her. It surprised me, I’ll tell you that.
Move your leg a little to the right so I can… yes. Oh dear. Well. I’ll just have to work around it. Not a problem, not a problem at all.
I had to see her to tell her that I loved her. But she only came when there would be blood. A problem. A problem that was, surprising easy to fix. She came for blood and I gave her blood. Archie? Whatever his name was seemed to be exceptionally eager to try the experiment; though he ended up being a bit squeamish at the end.
Still she showed! She showed!
Right before I plunged the knife into him, she showed!
She had this look on her normally passive face that seemed almost eager and hungry. I had to satisfy her and this time, instead of vanishing right before the blood happened; she stayed until the last bit of breath came from Arnold, vanishing with a look of ecstasy on her face.
Ah… yes, I can hear them now. Wonderful! This shall be my finest work I tell you.
After that I had the secret as to how to make her stay. I learned how what she liked and didn’t like as I experiment more and more. She has the soul of an artist, which is why you’re here. The blood, every single cut has been meticulously placed. Every twist of your limbs planned. She’s been standing here filled with adoration for me. Me who finally gave her what she wanted. I think she finally returns my love.
Look. Look. Her arms are wide open welcoming me.
The police are here. I have to go now. Can’t leave an audience waiting, now can I? And soon, soon, my darling, we’ll be together.
You have a beautiful smile.
She was always followed by blood. A woman wearing a dress of the purest of white with long black hair that nearly covered her face but I could still see her dark brown black eyes. Hold still here. I first saw her right before the neighbor’s cat got hit by a car. Five at the time, I was playing catch with my older sister in the front yard. She appeared right over my sister’s shoulder, just barely there, like a bit of haze, and then vanished. It startled me so much that I missed the ball. It went tumbling towards the street just as the cat ran out. A car seemed to come out of nowhere, blue four door; out of state license plate (I don’t know why I remember that) which slammed right into the cat; Sam. The cat’s name was Sam. The car slammed right into Sam and continued to drive like nothing had happened. My sister screamed as Sam went flying to land in a bloody heap on the side of the road.
I just kind of stared. I guess I couldn’t believe that happened to Sam. I’m not really sure. I just remember staring, bent over to pick up the ball.
As for the woman in white, I didn’t think anything of her at all, completely forgetting that she appeared.
You moved. I told you not to. See. That’s your own fault.
The second time I saw her, we were on the freeway; me, my mom and dad. She appeared right outside my window. I could see her eyes; they stared at me, emotionless, brown and black. She vanished just as my father screamed, “Jesus!”
The car swerved to the right, as he narrowly avoided hitting a car that spun out of control. He hit another car though. Metal screeched like a murder of crows lifting up into the air, as more cars hit us. I think we spun around a few times. I just remember waking up to sirens and someone asking me if I was okay. Five cars had piled up, we were in the middle
We were fine. Mom had a cut on her head and I broke my arm getting slammed into the door. Dad didn’t have a scratch on him; though his glasses broke. Two people died however. And seven more were seriously injured. I could see blood staining the ground and crunched like soda can cars as the paramedics loaded me up into an ambulance, my parents coming in with me.
No. Not like that. Turn that way. Yes. Very good. Where was I?
Right the car accident. I had completely forgotten about her up until she appeared again. After that, I started to notice her. I right before I get a paper cut, I saw her out of the corner of my eye, almost as if looking at her through a thick London pea soup fog. The blood, I learned, had to be close up. Right before I would encounter it. If I saw it on a television, like on a news report, I wouldn’t see her.
Obviously, I became obsessed.
Wouldn’t you? I mean a strange woman who only appears when I’m about to encounter blood? A strange a beautiful woman.
I think I may have fallen in love with her.
You’re struggling. That’s completely running the pose. Relax. And you too. Don’t think I can’t see you. How am I supposed to create if you’re always moving?
Before that happened, I tried researching her.
Google came up with nothing. The great and wonderful find it all search engine found nothing. So I fell back to more traditional methods: libraries. I didn’t bother with public ones. It seemed highly unlikely that they would have what I needed. University libraries! Now there, I thought was the ticket!
Have you ever been to them? The older ones, I mean, with the deep stacks smelling of dust and leather and books. Books seem to have their own particular smell. And libraries, old ones, seem to go on forever, like you could get lost in them and never find your way out. I think I read a story where that happened. I’m not really sure.
Oh! That’s very nice. I like that. The tilt of your head is perfect. Hold still. Yes. Yes.
So, I talked to the librarians; old ones, new ones, expert ones. None of them knew anything about my darling lady in white. They directed me to mythology experts. One fellow… Albert? Alvin? I suppose his name doesn’t matter. He was exceptionally fascinated by her and my stories.
We spent endless hours talking about her. I admit that I was happy then. At least I thought I was. After all I was looking for an answer for my lady.
My lady. Yes I suppose that’s what she is. That’s when I fell in love with her. It surprised me, I’ll tell you that.
Move your leg a little to the right so I can… yes. Oh dear. Well. I’ll just have to work around it. Not a problem, not a problem at all.
I had to see her to tell her that I loved her. But she only came when there would be blood. A problem. A problem that was, surprising easy to fix. She came for blood and I gave her blood. Archie? Whatever his name was seemed to be exceptionally eager to try the experiment; though he ended up being a bit squeamish at the end.
Still she showed! She showed!
Right before I plunged the knife into him, she showed!
She had this look on her normally passive face that seemed almost eager and hungry. I had to satisfy her and this time, instead of vanishing right before the blood happened; she stayed until the last bit of breath came from Arnold, vanishing with a look of ecstasy on her face.
Ah… yes, I can hear them now. Wonderful! This shall be my finest work I tell you.
After that I had the secret as to how to make her stay. I learned how what she liked and didn’t like as I experiment more and more. She has the soul of an artist, which is why you’re here. The blood, every single cut has been meticulously placed. Every twist of your limbs planned. She’s been standing here filled with adoration for me. Me who finally gave her what she wanted. I think she finally returns my love.
Look. Look. Her arms are wide open welcoming me.
The police are here. I have to go now. Can’t leave an audience waiting, now can I? And soon, soon, my darling, we’ll be together.
You have a beautiful smile.
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no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 04:21 am (UTC)Anyways, reminds me of good-ole Sander Cohen from Bioshock.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 04:26 am (UTC)But I'm glad you think it's twisted! It's what I was going for... I think... *laughs*
no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 04:43 am (UTC)I LOVE IT :D
no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 04:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 05:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 05:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 06:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 05:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 06:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 05:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 11:41 am (UTC)This was nice, though. It was deliciously twisted. The errors didn't bother me so much because they're minimal.
I loved the ending bit, though, where the narrator just...kills a guy just to see this woman. I also got a feeling that you, the reader or something, is supposed to be listening to the narrator talking about all of this just because he (assuming the narrator's a "he") is about to kill you. Which is a very nice effect.
Either way, for some reason I love bits in narrations where it feels like the story is talking to me. I don't know why. It just seems more personal that way.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 02:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-17 12:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 05:21 pm (UTC)I blame first draftiness.
I also got a feeling that you, the reader or something, is supposed to be listening to the narrator talking about all of this just because he (assuming the narrator's a "he") is about to kill you. Which is a very nice effect.
That was what I was going for. I'm glad it worked.
I have an idea similar to this that's been brewing in my head for a few months, though it is a bit different (and I'm planning on making a novella out of it).
THIEF! THIEF! *kidding*
no subject
Date: 2008-01-17 12:28 am (UTC)I figured it was what you were going for with that effect. Kind of like the narrator is spilling their soul to you before they kill you. Kind of like how villains monologue before they allegedly "kill" the main characters, only this time I'd like to see it actually happen. Mwahaha.
Actually, the stories are quite different, just that the concept is similar. I swear it was all inspired by Rob Dougan's entire Furious Angels album...but it's mainly focused on Ravine and my own little lovable serial killer, Grayson. I started it a little bit ago; just need the time and oomph to work on it more. Now I actually feel like doing it, though. :D
no subject
Date: 2008-01-17 04:09 am (UTC)I figured it was what you were going for with that effect. Kind of like the narrator is spilling their soul to you before they kill you. Kind of like how villains monologue before they allegedly "kill" the main characters, only this time I'd like to see it actually happen. Mwahaha.
I think, at least in this case, if you saw what was happening it would ruin the story.
Actually, the stories are quite different, just that the concept is similar. I swear it was all inspired by Rob Dougan's entire Furious Angels album...but it's mainly focused on Ravine and my own little lovable serial killer, Grayson. I started it a little bit ago; just need the time and oomph to work on it more. Now I actually feel like doing it, though. :D
Uh-huh. Suuuuure. ;D
no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 03:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 05:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 05:17 pm (UTC)Very chilling. Which is what I think you were going for.
Cool writing style, too. I liked it.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 05:22 pm (UTC)