JESUS!

[kippurbird]

Our new section begins with gibberish, once again.

It is not the absence of evil that perpetuates goodness. That alone is the province of the teachings of the Vigors, and is found to be most true in the hearts of kind men of endowed blood. It is however, the absence of goodness that allows evil to survive.

I like the fact that women of endowed blood aren't allowed to be good. Or that normal people can't be as good as people with endowed blood. Men with endowed blood that is. Women are still crap. So, a normal guy could save an entire village of people from the Minions but he still wouldn't be as good as Gimpy. I love this guy's morality. It's not what you do apparently but what you were born that makes you good or evil.

Ahh... so, on we go. Failee and Sister are admiring the room where the Blood Communion will take place. There's a long description of the room. Complete with thrones and a pentangle on the ground. Sister's blood is talking to her now telling her that it's her destiny. What is with all this talking blood. Why is there always talking blood? It's getting silly now. Can't there be something else, like the gut or a vision or... something? Why is it always the talking blood?

My blood told me too.

We get some of Newcomb's fantasies. I think he really has a thing for Sushi.

The second mistress was dressed in a black leather vest and breeches, but tight fitting and leaving little to the imagination. Black elbow-length gauntlets and high helled knee boots also in shiny black leather completed the picture, and she carried a long riding crop in her left hand.

You know, there's nothing really snarky I can say to that. We already know that Newcomb has issues and this just sort of proves it. We really didn't need to know this. I really didn't want to know this. And yet now I do.

The rest of the Sorceresses are there to feed "them". They've decided to feed Stefan to "them". Stefan is the one that couldn't get it up for Sushi. He couldn't get it up again, so she is unhappy. Dwarf is there and he's feeling horribly guilty about all of this. He even gives us a Dire Proclamation. "But I swear I will live to see this bitch die... Even if must somehow kill her myself" I think that's nine.

Sushi demands that Dwarf throw Stefan in to a pit of horrible hissing things. He is surprised that she's asking him to do this because apparently over three hundred years she never made him kill someone. I find this highly unlikely. But the only point of it is to make him hesitate long enough for sister to say, "let me kill him." She then shoves the guy over, "Feeling the endowed blood rushing through her veins with more sheer joy than she had ever known". Murder makes you happy when you're evil!

Dwarf cries TWO single tears.

Geldon lowered his head, and a tear began to form in each of his eyes and run down the lengths of his cheeks. one tear for the slave,he thought. And one tear for the princess this new sorceress used to be.

I is sad now. =(


Now we skip over to Triscuit and Earwig. Triscuit wakes up and he feels hungover. Then someone holds a sword to his throat and I'm happy. We see Earwig who is curled up like a baby a little bit away. It actually says that, not in so many words, but it says that. They're in Dwarf's aviary. The guy with the sword demands that Triscuit tell him who he is.

Truiscit spills. Apparently naming his sister's makes the guy with the sword relax. Once he's satisfied with Triscuit's identification the guy, we learn is named Ian and he's a leper. Having endowed blood protects you from leprosy. It's a magic cure all! And it talks to you! WOO! I want some! Faegan also told Ian that there is no leprosy in Eutracia.

Earwig says this is not at all true.

"First there was leprosy in the kingdom Eutracia," Wigg began. "The Coven induced it into the population during the war, and then dispersed rumors throughout the land that it was an intentional by-product of male endowed blood. Their plans proved to be quite successful, and we knew we had to find a cure to reverse both the physical and psychological damage that had been done." He looked at Ian, anticipating the effect of his next words. "We found it," he said compassionately.

The wizards are Jesus! Not only that but they're mind controlling Jesus! Because they're able to undo psychological damage! Because they're just that special!

Anyway, they have to wait two days until Dwarf shows up again. Good stopping point.

Comments

[smurasaki.livejournal.com]

You know, in the world of this book, I think death by pit of hissing things is actually one of the best things that could happen. I mean, at least you get out of the world of brain-breaking stupidity. Honestly, staying in a world with the collective IQ of a hamster (apologies to hamsters everywhere) run by people with Jesus in their (talking) blood would be a far worse fate.

I'm beginning to think that Newcomb only has a problem with women because his dominatrix didn't beat him hard enough. Then again, that could just be my strong desire for someone to beat him talking.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

You know, in the world of this book, I think death by pit of hissing things is actually one of the best things that could happen. I mean, at least you get out of the world of brain-breaking stupidity. Honestly, staying in a world with the collective IQ of a hamster (apologies to hamsters everywhere) run by people with Jesus in their (talking) blood would be a far worse fate.

I think giving them the IQ of hamsters is being kind.

I'm beginning to think that Newcomb only has a problem with women because his dominatrix didn't beat him hard enough. Then again, that could just be my strong desire for someone to beat him talking.

Probably both.

[kellicat.livejournal.com]

The characters in this book have less brain mass than a prion and that's an insult to prions.

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

I think giving them the IQ of hamsters is being kind.

Not to the hamsters.

[wariena.livejournal.com]

I just love how that opening implies that all women are inherently evil and have no goodness in them whatsoever. Then again, Jesus!Wizards are officially creepy too- they search for cures for diseases and yet don't even attempt to prevent that little massacre at the start, which they knew was coming? Automatic fail.

Also, my sister's fiance is called Ian- I'll spare him and won't tell him his name's been raped by this book.

It actually says that, not in so many words, but it says that

Given Newcomb's infatuation with his own vocabulary, I find this hard to believe. XD

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I just love how that opening implies that all women are inherently evil and have no goodness in them whatsoever. Then again, Jesus!Wizards are officially creepy too- they search for cures for diseases and yet don't even attempt to prevent that little massacre at the start, which they knew was coming? Automatic fail.

Isn't wonderful? I've always known I'm evil. This just proves it. >:D

[kunolacarai.livejournal.com]

I have to confess, I haven't read the book. Earlier, I commented that he implicitly suggested that good and evil were defined by genetics. I didn't even imagine that he would state something like that explicitly!

I guess the reason that bothers me is because writing often reflects a culture's values. Think about it.

[syderia]

Nitpick of the day : The second mistress was dressed in a black leather vest and breeches, but tight fitting and leaving little to the imagination. What is that "but" doing there? Where in the previous clause has it been implied that the clothes were anything but tight fitting and all?

Also : The guy with the sword demands that Triscuit tell him who he is. Truiscit spills.
Triscuit is dumb. Since when when waking up in a foreign place with a sword to your throat do you say exactly who you are, especially when you're a prince on a rescue mission in an enemy country? He really deserve to die.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Nitpick of the day : The second mistress was dressed in a black leather vest and breeches, but tight fitting and leaving little to the imagination. What is that "but" doing there? Where in the previous clause has it been implied that the clothes were anything but tight fitting and all?

No where. But Newcomb had to make sure we know they were tight fitting.

Also : The guy with the sword demands that Triscuit tell him who he is. Truiscit spills.
Triscuit is dumb. Since when when waking up in a foreign place with a sword to your throat do you say exactly who you are, especially when you're a prince on a rescue mission in an enemy country? He really deserve to die.

What else is he supposed to do?! He might die!

[last-servant.livejournal.com]

Wow. Killing this with fire would be an insult to fire, by this point.

I hate the whole "born good/evil" trope, it's just lazy writing. Yes, I'm still holding it to a higher standard. But only select parts, to protect my sanity.

Incidentally, do you think this series is the Necronomicon?

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

Incidentally, do you think this series is the Necronomicon?

Believe it or not the following books are... well you can guess by now can't you? So yes I think this is a good working hypothesis.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Maybe we could eject it into space?

I hate the whole "born good/evil" trope, it's just lazy writing. Yes, I'm still holding it to a higher standard. But only select parts, to protect my sanity.

Me too. It is no where near how reality works. I think maybe he's been playing too much D&D.


Incidentally, do you think this series is the Necronomicon?

... I dunno, I'll have to roll a wisdom check. >>

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Maybe we could eject it into space?

But what if it's found by aliens? This book is probably the last thing I would ever want to be the catalyst for a first contact.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Incidentally, do you think this series is the Necronomicon?

I keep hearing that word, but I don't know what it means. D:

[last-servant.livejournal.com]

One of the most famous Artifacts of D00M ever, from the Lovecraft mythos. It's a book that essentially makes you go insane by revealing the true nature of human.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

It does? I thought the gibbering things that walk in the spaces between where humans walk had something to do with it. :P

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

It reveals the truth about the history of the Earth, humanity, the various gods and demons, and so forth. It makes you a gibbering wreck because that truth is so utterly alien to human reason.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

Ah. I only read The Dunwich Horror, the... whichever one was about Medusa and her hair..., The Color From Outer Space, Nytharlotep, and The Shadow Over Innsmouth. Oh yes, and The Case of Charles Dexter Ward. :)

[ember-reignited.livejournal.com]

Hm. Well, while Newcomb's books are definitely bad enough to drive one insane, it would be far too much of a compliment to his skills as an author to say that reveal anything about the true nature of humanity. ^_^

[last-servant.livejournal.com]

No, Newcomb is truely the best example of humanity. That's enough to drive you insane.

[(Anonymous)]

Having endowed blood protects you from leprosy.

Big deal, even normal humans are immune to leprosy unless they roll a natural 20. Really.

[dryaunda.livejournal.com]

(More evidence supporting my claim that webjournals should be wikis.)

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

Wait! If Triscuit has never seen leprosy, and there hasn't been leprosy in Eutracia in yoinks, and he's an ignorant moron... then why does he know what it is? Why does he know enough to even worry about it?

Also... the dwarf weeps two tears? Sheeze! People accuse me of melodrama, but even so...

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Ian tells him about leprosy, so he's not being a twat... at least not on this particular case.

Also... the dwarf weeps two tears? Sheeze! People accuse me of melodrama, but even so.

Yes. Two tears. Each one for a dramatic purpose too.

[last-servant.livejournal.com]

Oh Lord, save us from multipurpose melodrama.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

But it's important! Don't you understand? Can't you feel Dwarf's pain?!

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

No, but I'm sure a dominatrix might help me there.

Then again maybe that's where all the money made from this book have gone.

[dryaunda.livejournal.com]

Having endowed blood protects you from leprosy.

Big deal, even normal humans are immune to leprosy unless they roll a natural 20. Really.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Don't you mean a natural 1?

[dryaunda.livejournal.com]

Whichever one's bad. My brain's tooled to GURPS rather than d20.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Ah! Well in D20 natural 1 is bad. Though I think in the older editions it was the other way around.

[sonic-sues.livejournal.com]

Geldon lowered his head, and a tear began to form in each of his eyes and run down the lengths of his cheeks. one tear for the slave,he thought. And one tear for the princess this new sorceress used to be.

That made me giggle out loud. I thought that Anne Rice was bad with purple prose, but this guy has her beat.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

That made me giggle out loud. I thought that Anne Rice was bad with purple prose, but this guy has her beat.

It is horrible, isn't it?

[(Anonymous)]

The second mistress was dressed in a black leather vest and breeches, but tight fitting and leaving little to the imagination. Black elbow-length gauntlets and high helled knee boots also in shiny black leather completed the picture, and she carried a long riding crop in her left hand.

Would a medieval society even be able to make shiny leather? According to wikipedia, it dates back to 1818 and the lacquer doesn't sound too complicated to make, but I imagine there's a technical reason why nobody came up with it earlier.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Would a medieval society even be able to make shiny leather? According to wikipedia, it dates back to 1818 and the lacquer doesn't sound too complicated to make, but I imagine there's a technical reason why nobody came up with it earlier.

In Newcomb land, ANYTHING is possible. Even if it doesn't make sense.

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

It's MAGIC!

[christinaathena.livejournal.com]

According to wikipedia, it dates back to 1818 and the lacquer doesn't sound too complicated to make, but I imagine there's a technical reason why nobody came up with it earlier.

I don't know. A lot of things aren't invented, not for technical reasons, but for economic reasons, or just because no one thought of them. The wheelbarrow, for example, a rather simple design if there ever was one, was invented in medieval times. The Romans had no such object. There was no technical reason why the printing press couldn't've been invented in Roman times, but it wasn't because the economic conditions for it didn't exist.

I suspect the main reason that the bicycle wasn't invented until the late 19th century was it required the discovery of rubber. The basic design of a bicycle is quite simple, but without rubber tires, it wouldn't work very well. *tries to imagine a bicycle made with wooden wheels*

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

History of the Bicycle is rather interesting in that regard, and yes they did invent a few before the existance of rubber.