More things I'm not allowed to do at work.

[kippurbird]

And even more list (in which we expand a bit out of the library):

• The catalog cards are not to be used to create card houses.
  
• Or for fifty two card pick up
• Origami
• wallpaper
• There is no secret non-kosher cafeteria.
  
• Telling visitors this is cruel
• The kitchen staff will not give you a cheeseburger if you give them the secret code
• there is no secret code for any food items
• Food fights are not an appropriate use of the salad bar
• Especially not when the University Women are having their luncheon
• Or when there is a meeting of potential donors.
• I have not donated money to have the bathrooms named after me.
  
• The bathrooms are not named after anyone
• I will not put signs in the bathrooms indicating such.
  
• Especially not of the University President.
  
• AJU stands for American Jewish University not American Jehovah's Witnesses University
• Yes, there may be scaffolding around the building, but that doesn't mean that I may climb all over it like a monkey
• Even if I promise not to sue
• Or sign a wavier saying I'm not going to sue
• Pink is not an appropriate color to paint the Library interior
• Or the university interior
• I was not ordered by a Roman soldier to paint "Romani ite Domum" a hundred times before nightfall.
  
• I will not write an essay on the abundance of phallic sculptures in the University and how it reflects on the President's in adequacies.
  
• And if I do, I will not publish it in the Jewish Journal
• Or any other publication
• Speaking of sculptures, the tall orange neon column is not to be used for a fund raising thermometer.
  
• Especially for my own funds.
  
• Saying it's for the library doesn't count
• Even if the library really does need the money.
• If a patron asks if a book is available I will not say, "No, but I am."
  
• Even if it's true
• And the person is really really cute
• Or they seem interested.
  
• The stacks are not the university's secret make out spot.
  
• I will not tell students so.
• Nor will I take pictures of students who actually believed me.
  
• If it involves any of the university staff, I will not do it.
• Even if I think they might enjoy it
• I will not switch around the floor signs by the elevator. It confuses the old people who come here.
• The library is not second floor from the right and straight on 'til morning.
• Link + are not the Others.
  
• If someone asks for John Locke, they mean the philosopher
• the same goes for Rousseau
• Sawyer is in reference to the Mark Twain character
• Juliet the Shakespeare.
  
• I do not have superpowers
• Sylar is not coming to eat my brain
• Tinfoil hats do not protect me from the aliens
• tinfoil hats are not apart of the funny hats that I may wear
• I will not pretend to be a Jew for Jesus and hand out pamphlets at the university entrance
• There will be no pamphlet handing out of any kind
• Fliers count as pamphlets
• Boredom is not an excuse
• I will not repel down the side of the building
• I will not auction off members of the university staff as sex slaves
• Or for any other sort of reason
• Even if it is for the library
• Nudity outside the library is also not allowed
• The phone cubby is not a time and space machine
• There is not bring your cat to work day
• Or goldfish
• or parakeet
• or plant
• Running screaming through the halls is not a good way to exercise.
  
•  I will not put my own artwork up in the gallery
  
• even if people like it better than what's already there
• Because I thought it was a good idea at the time is also not an excuse
• the teachers do not need riffing while they are lecturing.
  
• The monkey pirates did not tell me so.
  
• Four out of the five voices in my head did not say go for it.
  
• three out of five didn't either
• The board room is not the war room. I will not put up signs designating it so.

Comments

[dragonwhishes.livejournal.com]

The book I told you about was called Touching Spirit Bear. I wish you luck.