More things I'm not allowed to do at work.

[kippurbird]

And even more list (in which we expand a bit out of the library):

• The catalog cards are not to be used to create card houses.
  
• Or for fifty two card pick up
• Origami
• wallpaper
• There is no secret non-kosher cafeteria.
  
• Telling visitors this is cruel
• The kitchen staff will not give you a cheeseburger if you give them the secret code
• there is no secret code for any food items
• Food fights are not an appropriate use of the salad bar
• Especially not when the University Women are having their luncheon
• Or when there is a meeting of potential donors.
• I have not donated money to have the bathrooms named after me.
  
• The bathrooms are not named after anyone
• I will not put signs in the bathrooms indicating such.
  
• Especially not of the University President.
  
• AJU stands for American Jewish University not American Jehovah's Witnesses University
• Yes, there may be scaffolding around the building, but that doesn't mean that I may climb all over it like a monkey
• Even if I promise not to sue
• Or sign a wavier saying I'm not going to sue
• Pink is not an appropriate color to paint the Library interior
• Or the university interior
• I was not ordered by a Roman soldier to paint "Romani ite Domum" a hundred times before nightfall.
  
• I will not write an essay on the abundance of phallic sculptures in the University and how it reflects on the President's in adequacies.
  
• And if I do, I will not publish it in the Jewish Journal
• Or any other publication
• Speaking of sculptures, the tall orange neon column is not to be used for a fund raising thermometer.
  
• Especially for my own funds.
  
• Saying it's for the library doesn't count
• Even if the library really does need the money.
• If a patron asks if a book is available I will not say, "No, but I am."
  
• Even if it's true
• And the person is really really cute
• Or they seem interested.
  
• The stacks are not the university's secret make out spot.
  
• I will not tell students so.
• Nor will I take pictures of students who actually believed me.
  
• If it involves any of the university staff, I will not do it.
• Even if I think they might enjoy it
• I will not switch around the floor signs by the elevator. It confuses the old people who come here.
• The library is not second floor from the right and straight on 'til morning.
• Link + are not the Others.
  
• If someone asks for John Locke, they mean the philosopher
• the same goes for Rousseau
• Sawyer is in reference to the Mark Twain character
• Juliet the Shakespeare.
  
• I do not have superpowers
• Sylar is not coming to eat my brain
• Tinfoil hats do not protect me from the aliens
• tinfoil hats are not apart of the funny hats that I may wear
• I will not pretend to be a Jew for Jesus and hand out pamphlets at the university entrance
• There will be no pamphlet handing out of any kind
• Fliers count as pamphlets
• Boredom is not an excuse
• I will not repel down the side of the building
• I will not auction off members of the university staff as sex slaves
• Or for any other sort of reason
• Even if it is for the library
• Nudity outside the library is also not allowed
• The phone cubby is not a time and space machine
• There is not bring your cat to work day
• Or goldfish
• or parakeet
• or plant
• Running screaming through the halls is not a good way to exercise.
  
•  I will not put my own artwork up in the gallery
  
• even if people like it better than what's already there
• Because I thought it was a good idea at the time is also not an excuse
• the teachers do not need riffing while they are lecturing.
  
• The monkey pirates did not tell me so.
  
• Four out of the five voices in my head did not say go for it.
  
• three out of five didn't either
• The board room is not the war room. I will not put up signs designating it so.

Comments

Romanes eunt domus!

[christinaathena.livejournal.com]

How do you make these bullet points?

Nudity outside the library is also not allowed Jeez! Where CAN you be nude? Man, what a bunch of spoilsports.

Re: Romanes eunt domus!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I went into the rich text editor and hit the bullet button.

In the bathroom. XD

Re: Romanes eunt domus!

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

Has there been one about nudity inside?

Re: Romanes eunt domus!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yes.

Nudity is not allowed inside the library.

Or something like that.

[byakuganchick.livejournal.com]

Teehee. These always crack me up.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Glad I could help. But I won't put you back together.

[byakuganchick.livejournal.com]

It's okay. I can miss work tomorrow, then.

I am highly peeved that the 4th falls on a Wednesday. We work two days, get the 4th off and then have to come back for thursday and friday. How dumb is it to get one day off in the middle of the week and then have to come back?

Please note that I do not want them to take away my July 4th holiday. I want them to give me Thursday and Friday off as well. I am a greedy little worker bee.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I do not have to go to work on Wednesday and Friday. Mostly because the library is closed on Fridays during the summer. So, I have one day off, one day on, and one day off. Which also sucks.

[byakuganchick.livejournal.com]

Ooh, that would suck too.

When I was working at a certain bookstore, we had an employee that was basically one of the most annoying people in the world. Like, ever. Dictators are more pleasant to be around than this person. He was lazy, he refused to pitch in and help others, he felt the need to belittle his coworkers and then point out how superior he was to them, he constantly whined when you gave him work to do and whenever he was unhappy with anything (which was often) he'd say something along the lines of "One of these days I'm just going to quit! And then where would you be?!"

And one of our managers tried her best to get him to quit by giving him that exact schedule for about a month. Turns out it just made him worse. He was a persistent little bugger.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I hate him just on your description. He sounds like one of those people who just like to complain and be annoying for spite's sake.

[byakuganchick.livejournal.com]

He was. And then one day after he DID quit, which was a relief, me and a friend ran into him at the mall and he proceeded to follow us around trying to make conversation about how things were going at the store. Our guess is that he wanted us to tell him it was falling apart without him.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's what it sounds like. Total egotist.

[byakuganchick.livejournal.com]

We, of course, told him everything was going peachy. Never been better, yada yada yada.

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

"Tinfoil hats do not protect me from the aliens"

They did a study... Tinfoil hats actually amplify the radio waves that the government supposedly sends messages on.

"I was not ordered by a Roman soldier to paint "Romani ite Domum" a hundred times before nightfall."

I less-than-three Monty Python references.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*quickly balls up tin foil hat then.*

<3

[dryaunda.livejournal.com]

There is no secret non-kosher cafeteria.

Kosher, my one complaint about Judaism. It's minor and historical so I'm fortunately good humored about it.

I remember that when I was taking swim classes at the JCC, the vending machines were shut down for Passover. When I was meandering in the JVS workshops, I couldn't get pepperoni on my pizza for love nor money.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

There are many theories about Kashrut none of which that I'll go into here. But anyway, yes the closed vending machines are a bitch.

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

These just keep getting funnier. And cooler. *G* Imagine if this really was stuff you'd been told not to do!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's the boredom at work. =D

[dryaunda.livejournal.com]

Why would you be bored in a library? It's the perfect place for editing Wikipedia Citizendium articles.

[liritarofrohan.livejournal.com]

What do you mean? He is too coming for your brain.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

No he's not. I do not have superpowers.

[liritarofrohan.livejournal.com]

*Blinks* Don't you? What about me?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I don't know about you. Do you?

[liritarofrohan.livejournal.com]

I'm starting to think I do. *Wry grin*

[dragonwhishes.livejournal.com]

The book I told you about was called Touching Spirit Bear. I wish you luck.

[emily-goddess.livejournal.com]

Pink is not an appropriate color to paint the Library interior

The public library in Portland had orange carpeting throughout. It was the #1 reason why I didn't go there often.

If a patron asks if a book is available I will not say, "No, but I am."

Aw, why not? Seems like a good pickup line to me. Some people like bold women.

The stacks are not the university's secret make out spot

Of course they are. Any dark, out-of-the way or not-commonly-used sections of a library are good makeout spots. I was always surprised when I didn't find people making out in Periodicals or the West Wing of the UVM library.

There is not bring your cat to work day
Or goldfish
or parakeet
or plant


Maybe I've been spending too much time on dot_bdsm_snark, because my first thought was, "what about your sub/slave?" "Bring Your Slave to Work Day" would be awesome.

I'm assuming you've read Skippy's List, right? It's kind of the origin of the "things I must not do" lists.