kippurbird | Pao-Pao awards

Here's one right off the top of my head. For Character that should just DIE: Angela.

Really? She's the only character I actually like. (Probably because, according to the author's note, the "real" Angela writes most of her dialogue, thus causing her to have a more distinct personality than the other characters.)

What do you have against her in particular?

Mostly I dislike her because she has absolutely no reason to exist other than Paolini's whimsy. Her absurd lines seem to me to be Paolini's attempt at injecting Rowling-esque humor into his story, but he just doesn't pull it off. She's supposed to be all quirky and funny, but she really just annoys me.

Her absurd lines seem to me to be Paolini's attempt at injecting Rowling-esque humor into his story
I was thinking more Terry Pratchett/Douglas Adams-eque humor, but I agree that he doesn't really pull it off. I still like her better than any of the other characters in the series. At least the nonsense she spouts is supposed to be nonsense!

Most Ironic Line.: "In a way, he welcomed these limitations, for if he was perfect, what was left for him to accomplish?"

Most character growth in any direction.: What character growth?

Most WTF moment.: Eragon comparing Oromis' naked body to the other men's he had looked at in Carvahal.

Most Deus Ex Machina moment.: Eragon getting turned into an elf. That bleeds so much Deus Ex Mechina I think it needs a transfusion.

Most idiotic moment.: Eragon trying to "woo" Arya shortly after he got turned into an Elf, I...guess...but the whole book was pretty idiotic.

Most Why God Why moment.: Eragon's poetry.

Eragon's most idiotic moment.: Man, this is difficult because it seems that everything he does is idiotic! But if I could choose one, I think it would be his decision, and what more his REASON, to stop eating meat.

Character that should just DIE (besides Eragon).: Nasuada. I was actually about to say Arya, but there's just no reason for Nasuada to exist. She's pointless and she's boring. There's absolutely nothing interesting about her character, so I don't know why we even needed to see from her point of view. I guess Paolini just wanted a female character's perspective. Or something.

Most WTF moment: Eragon comparing Oromis' naked body to the other men's he had looked at in Carvahal.

Darn, you took mine! XD

Most character growth in any direction - Murtagh. I mean, we didn't actually get to see any of it, but clearly he's had the most.

Most WTF moment - Eragon using the super-rare, super-speshul potion as a reflective surface to scry through. You couldn't ask someone for a mirror? Or, hell, polish a piece of armour?

Most Deus Ex Machina moment - The dragon tattoo turning Eragon into an elf.

Most idiotic moment - Eragon not walking over to meet Nasuada's dad, who promptly gets killed because Eragon isn't around, being instead some distance away waiting stupidly.

Most Why God Why moment - Eragon lusting after, oops, I mean, Eragon 'studying' the naked hairless elf.

I can't believe Paolini actually did, said, wrote that moment. - Still the naked hairless elf scene. I mean, what kind of teenage boy writes about carefully examining a naked man while they're bathing together?

Eragon's most idiotic moment - Trying to trade the possibly evil rock he can't identify, which he found in the terrifying Spine, for some meat.

Character that should just DIE (besides Eragon) - Quimby's widow. Just because I want to see Roran reveal his true sociopathy by beating a defenceless woman to death with his hammer.

Most Ironic Line: I'm going to have to second the perfection comment

Most character growth in any direction: Cardboard can't grow, dude.

Most WTF moment: Diving up.

Most Deus Ex Machina moment: ? I'm going to admit a tad of n00bishness, and say I don't know what this means. *shamed*

Most idiotic moment: The first 29405801745 pages of the first book and 109239081734 of the second.

Most Why God Why moment: Any of Pao Pao's poems

I can't believe Paolini actually did, said, wrote that moment. Hairless groin scene. Hands down.

Eragon's most idiotic moment:Let me NOT tell my uncle about my dragon!

Character that should just DIE (besides Eragon): Certainly not Galby. How about...I forget. They're all the same anyways

Deus Ex Machina means something like God of the machine (from machine? something like that). It means a magical solution for a plot hole. Or for the plot itself. Like Saphira´s magic, the potion that can do wathever Paolini needs it... in short, it´s a sheap trick.

(There´s a whole wiki article, if you feel like researching about the origin of the expression. It´s fun ^_^)

Oh, okay. Thanks!

So practically the entire book.

Eragon becoming an elf would be a biggy.

Most Ironic Line
Another vote for the "perfection" line.

Most WTF moment
The Elf Orgy.

Most Deus Ex Machina moment
Another vote for "Eragon turns into an elf."

Most idiotic moment
"'Aye,' he said, and chopped off his head."

Most Why God Why moment
...You know. The Direct Quote. -_-

I can't believe Paolini actually did, said, wrote that moment.
Naked Half-Cripple, description of. Wow, just wow. Follow-up would be the previous nomination

Eragon's most idiotic moment
Eh...raincheck on this one

Character that should just DIE (besides Eragon)
...There goes my nomination. But seriously, Rowan needs to kick the bucket. Or Katrina. Or how about just a giant "Rocks Fall, All Supporting Characters Die"?

Ok, let me think

Most Ironic Line: I would nominee the perfection one, but we can’t have poll of just one line, can we? So I say this one: "What a tragedy that so many must die to thwart a single madman." (page 654)

Most character growth in any direction: Saphira. First I thought she was kind of cool, then she seemed an immature teenager, then she seemed (or was supposed to) wiser than her years, then she was a bitch, then back to immature, then- you get the point.

Most WTF moment: Eragon picking a boy part from the floor in the first chapter. A tooth, I think. Srsly, what was that?

Most Deus Ex Machina moment: The bit from the first book where Murtagh says they can’t do something and Eragon is like “we have too” and so they do it. I think I can understand what Paolini was going at, but that’s just plain stupid.

Most idiotic moment: That’s a hard one. The whole last battle. From both books.

Most Why God Why moment: Sloan’s betrayal and that elf acknowledging Eragon after the creep break his arm. I had hope for those two. Ç_Ç

I can't believe Paolini actually did, said, wrote that moment: Again, I would say the whole naked thing, but everybody’s nominating that. So I pick all the religion bashing. I still can’t believe he had the nerve to actually publish it…

Eragon's most idiotic moment: The last reflection about his real father. Yuck.

Character that should just DIE (besides Eragon): Elva? She’s not doing anything. But Nasuada and Rouran bother the hell out of me too.

So I pick all the religion bashing. I still can’t believe he had the nerve to actually publish it Meh, I've seen worse.

The Naked Groin scene woudl be a strong contender for "Most Inadvertantly Homoerotic Subtext" if that were a category.

Most WTF moment: "Oh, we completely overlooked a HUNDRED THOUSAND MAN ARMY". Or maybe Saphira charging around ON THE GROUND instead of using her wings.

Most Ironic Line: The line about "No one really believes they're evil" or something to that effect, is a good contender as well.

Eragon's most idiotic moment: "I'm not like you at all. Because I don't have a scar any more, neener neener neener."

Direct quote later.

For any character growth at all, I'm going to have to suggest...Roran. Because, dangit, he was /trying/!

But then he turned into Eragon v 1.5 and we all winced... XD

Hmm. Roran needs to have the last nine months of his memory be removed.

Then he can be taught kingship/blacksmithery/etcetera and set free to attempt non-chaos.

Most Ironic Line: I second the line about 'no one really thinks they're evil' because that one REALLY galled me. Paolini had a CHANCE to really do something with it. But he's going to fuck it up. We all know he's not going to give Galby a chance or else he's going to 'redeem' Galby.

Most character growth in any direction: I've seen people suggest Saphira, Murtagh, and Roran. But hrmm... I choose... Galbatorix. Everything they do just proves how awesome Galby is! (Well, except for that suck-ass assassin.) Maybe Arya, who's becoming even more of a bitch and holding her ground vs. Eragon's lust but she was happy to see Eragon appear at the battle... eh. ;P

Most WTF moment: The little stud-fist things that those dwarves had. Actually, just about any dwarf moment. They need love and they had some weird-ass shit. Either that or that dumb raven. In this book, it's so hard to separate the WTF from the idiotic. They kind of blur together. I guess that whirlpool would count too. And so would anything involving magic in these books. ;P

Most Deus Ex Machina moment: I'd vote for the 'turned into an elf' bit but everyone is voting for that. I'd say Eragon writing an 'epic' poem and then reading it in the language that forces you to tell the truth. And then how they all loved it. >_<;

Most idiotic moment: Arya being captured while trying to transport that damn egg. She could teleport it. I think someone more powerful could have teleported it to a specific location. Also the 'rich man' who was down on his luck who DIDN'T turn Roran in for the reward money! And now that I'm thinking about it, anything involving Nasuada. That whole thing with the miner-thief was absolutely horrible and the lace-making fiasco was just... I wanted to like Nasuada. I really did! ;P

Most Why God Why moment: When Arya killed that bird. And when Sloan went to the Ra'zac. Oh! Elva's existence. And that damned scene involving the transformation into an elf...

I can't believe Paolini actually did, said, wrote that moment: The hairless groin thing is high on the list but I think my biggest nominee is actually that whole thing about Paolini MENTIONING how Arya was NOT raped! If he had simply ignored the possibility entirely, not bringing it up at all, or he let it happen... I could accept it. But from the torture scene to her detailed account of the events, it was just glaringly mind-boggling. Paolini wanted angst points but he didn't want to actually soil his self-insert's future beloved in any way. Maybe he was also trying to prove how bad-ass she was but he never explained how she could do magic, while being deprived of magic, so he fails.

I think Paolini was actually bothered by the potential for rape, which was why he refused to let it happen. But if that was so, then he shouldn't have brought it up! Sure, some of the fan authors would've speculated and written about it. But what does he care about them? I don't think he does, so he really shouldn't have worried about what other people may or may not have assumed. Or else, he could have made it so that Galby was TOO NOBLE to let his captives be raped. But no, he wanted Galby to be evil, so of course he'd allow rape. ;P

I have said it before in my LJ and I'll say it again here: every rapist is a villain but not every villain is a rapist. And certainly that holds true for condoning it. It's possible his guards could have gone against his wishes but there are precautions he could've taken. It's not an unavoidable possibility if Galby didn't want it to take place.

I don't necessarily want rape in fiction to reflect that of reality all the time. I don't even mind the use of pretend rape during a sex scene or 'last minute save from rape' or even 'it isn't written as pretend but the woman clearly isn't upset with the situation, as it is written' erotica. My problem comes from when people try meshing 'that feels so good' with 'she couldn't escape the pain or horror' situation. Especially where it doesn't make any sense. I have my guilty pleasures but that kind of confusion isn't one of them. And I really hate it when people use it, even just mentioning it, to force-feed us ill-gotten sympathy for a character that may or may not deserve our sympathy. ;P

And the last two! (Yes, yes, I got a little carried away.) ^^;

Eragon's most idiotic moment: Every moment Eragon has is an idiotic moment. I think the worst ones are whenever he thinks about Galby. Or when Murtagh showed up again.

Character that should just DIE (besides Eragon): So many... meh. I can't decide. I guess Solembum. I wanted to like him too. I love humanoid animal races and shape-shifting characters. But he does nothing. He's loosely based on an awesome character but he himself really does even less than Elva, Angela, and Nasuada. And his name... I want to like his name. It looks fun. It sounds fun. But it's a case of 'this LOOKS nice but it has mental assumptions that will be attached which I don't want applied to my character'. So Serious Ass should go. And honestly, he did NOTHING. He could've been dropped entirely. (Or given, you know, a purpose and something to do. Why the hell does Elva rank higher than he does? Shape-shifter often equals Sue! Just make him a Sue, yah stupid Pao Pao.) ;P :)

Of course, Arya could've just been lying and said that she wasn't raped just for the sake of it. Sadly, I sincerely doubt it, but it would've made some sense that a woman of her status wouldn't want to admit that she had ever been raped, regardless of the circumstances. In that case, I would have implied that Arya was slightly uncomfortable with the subject, because not a lot of women like talking about rape.

If Paolini wanted to avoid Arya's rape at all cost, I think it would've been interesting if it was Galby who protected Arya from being raped (like you said, "every rapist is a villain but not every villain is a rapist". Maybe Galby doesn't condone rape. Which reminds me of a couple of villains from a certain webcomic I really, really like). You know, made some sort of spell so his guards couldn't touch her that way. Because, seriously, since she was in such a frail state there's no way that she could've fought back in any way, shape, or form. It's just not realistic. I know I've made a rant about this some time ago, so I'll leave it at that.

There's a character from a game who was a victim of rape/incest and abuse. I love the way they go about this because it's never stated outward that she was raped, but the hints are all there that she was. She acts like a rape victim, i.e. is skittish and nervous when around the main character, who is, by the by, male. See, they never touched the subject of rape. They didn't have to. But it was there and it was inserted in a very tactful way with that character, which was why I grew to sympathize with her more and more.

Arya? Not so much. I guess Paolini is trying to make her a "strong willed" character, but at the cost of making her extremely unbelievable.

Arya? Not so much. I guess Paolini is trying to make her a "strong willed" character, but at the cost of making her extremely unbelievable.

Pretty much. ;P

Most Ironic Line: when Oromis says "No shortcuts exist for you, Eragon"

Most character growth in any direction: Murtagh

Most WTF moment: When the Ra'zac break into Horst's house and capture Katrina INSTEAD of Roran, the guy they've been

Most Deus Ex Machina moment: The Blood oath ceremony where Eragon gets transformed into an elf. Hands down

Most idiotic moment: When Eragon writes a fourteen page poem in a language he's been studying seriously (not just learning random vocab) for two or three months

Most Why God Why moment: When Eragon becomes a vegetarian

I can't believe Paolini actually did, said, wrote that moment: the whole "Eragon I am your brother and Morzan was our father" moment. This plunges the depths of literary plagiarism

Eragon's most idiotic moment: When he decides that the Council of Elders is EVIL and swears fealty to Nasuada instead

Character that should just DIE (besides Eragon): All of the Varden should die

sorry need to add "wanting to capture" to my nomination for Most WTF Moment

I forgot about that one. That is a good WTF moment. I mean, it's what I thought when I read it. ;P

Eragon's most idiotic moment:

"So, Murtagh, you're fleeing the city at breakneck speed? And someone recognised you, you say? Someone who's more than likely to blab to the Empire the whereabouts of you, a wanted man? Never fear, I have a great plan! Let's go to sleep in our camp that's in clear view of the city! Nighty night!"

...a few hours later...

"We're surrounded by Urgals, eh? Didn't see that coming."

Don't know if I'm allowed to nominate if I haven't even finished the first book because it made me want to bleach my brain and scrub my heart with steel wool. But if I am...

Most Idiotic Moment: Any moment of MurtaghEragon UST that didn't turn into wild boysex. Oh, wait. That was all of them.

...dammit, and I can't even find any good fanfic for it either...

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