(no subject)

[kippurbird]

So... finished up the next bit in Miss Formulaic's story.

It seems like whenever a character is not talking about the Profiler they're thinking about him. Both Policewoman and Partner suffer from this.

Policewoman gets some coffee:

“We’ll have to make due.” Nicole watched the young man as he stirred in the hot milk. How she wished Kent was here. He could tell her everything she needed know about this guy. Like why did he dress like a slacker when obviously he had some intelligence under that over-producted hair?

Partner:

Each and every time he thought Nicole had finally, finally, finally caught a glimpse of what an asshole Harbinger was, some kind of invisible bell would ring in her head and like Pavlov’s dog, she would go running back to him. What kind of hold did the profiler have over her? How much better in bed could Kent be?

Policewoman is on a stake out with partner and leaves stake out to get coffee. Then she goes to Profiler who is staking out a different person. She doesn't tell anyone where she's going. She catches Profiler breaking into a car and makes up with him. Instead of watching the house, like they should be in a stakeout they read the Archie comic book and snuggle. Yes. They snuggle.


This allows potential killer into the house to attack victim. I say potential killer because back at the stake out with Partner, they actually catch someone whose doing the same thing.

The attack on Profiler's girl gives him a chance to angst horribly about not being there in time.

Kent couldn’t move as he looked over Nicole’s shoulder at the downed woman. That was five. Five women he had failed. How in the name of God had he failed again?

Kent tossed the bed. He pulled the dresser away from the wall. No perp. A breeze moved the curtains away from an open window. The profiler ran over as sirens sounded in the distance. Sticking his head out, Kent scanned the backyard. Nothing. No one. Plain Jane had gotten away, yet again.
“Bastard!” The profiler slammed his fist against the windowsill as he shouted into the empty night.


When he learns that the other stake out actually caught someone, he's still confident that they've got the wrong person. He's not at all unshaken or anything.


He watched Nicole turn away and head to the front of the house. Kent looked around the dim bedroom one last night. He would go with her. He would look at this supposed suspect, but his confidence was unshaken .
The killer had been here tonight.
Of that, Kent had no doubt


If he were a normal human being, he would be shaken. Even just a little bit. Just a wee bit. But he's not. Argh.

I have copied out several of limyaael's essays to give to her. The ones on Character Flaws, Secondary characters and killing your darlings. I shall give them to her with my critique tomorrow.

Comments

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Wait, who are you assuming we're talking about? Because I thought she was referring to Partner with that little 'why is he a slob' thing, who we haven't actually seen do anything one way or the other so far.

As for 'men not being able to control themselves', the author has already had Kent 'The Profiler' Harbinger restrain and sexually assault Policewoman, and Partner doesn't seem capable of getting his mind out of the bedroom, either. So far, it's not looking good for you keeping an even keel.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

You know? Reading back over the snippet, I'm not sure who she's referring to. I misread it at first as referring to Kent. I mean, she left the stake-out to get coffee. So... it could be anyone she's referring to. :P

And you're right... so far the odds are grim. :I

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Slob is a Starbucks coffee slinger.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

... How does she know he's intelligent then? :I

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*shrugs* I don't know. She just does.

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Then that makes even less sense because, really? Who can be bothered to dress up to serve four-buck coffees at the most faceless megacorp on the planet? Especially one that came out of Seattle, birth of, wait for it, the grunge movement?