(no subject)

[kippurbird]

So... finished up the next bit in Miss Formulaic's story.

It seems like whenever a character is not talking about the Profiler they're thinking about him. Both Policewoman and Partner suffer from this.

Policewoman gets some coffee:

“We’ll have to make due.” Nicole watched the young man as he stirred in the hot milk. How she wished Kent was here. He could tell her everything she needed know about this guy. Like why did he dress like a slacker when obviously he had some intelligence under that over-producted hair?

Partner:

Each and every time he thought Nicole had finally, finally, finally caught a glimpse of what an asshole Harbinger was, some kind of invisible bell would ring in her head and like Pavlov’s dog, she would go running back to him. What kind of hold did the profiler have over her? How much better in bed could Kent be?

Policewoman is on a stake out with partner and leaves stake out to get coffee. Then she goes to Profiler who is staking out a different person. She doesn't tell anyone where she's going. She catches Profiler breaking into a car and makes up with him. Instead of watching the house, like they should be in a stakeout they read the Archie comic book and snuggle. Yes. They snuggle.


This allows potential killer into the house to attack victim. I say potential killer because back at the stake out with Partner, they actually catch someone whose doing the same thing.

The attack on Profiler's girl gives him a chance to angst horribly about not being there in time.

Kent couldn’t move as he looked over Nicole’s shoulder at the downed woman. That was five. Five women he had failed. How in the name of God had he failed again?

Kent tossed the bed. He pulled the dresser away from the wall. No perp. A breeze moved the curtains away from an open window. The profiler ran over as sirens sounded in the distance. Sticking his head out, Kent scanned the backyard. Nothing. No one. Plain Jane had gotten away, yet again.
“Bastard!” The profiler slammed his fist against the windowsill as he shouted into the empty night.


When he learns that the other stake out actually caught someone, he's still confident that they've got the wrong person. He's not at all unshaken or anything.


He watched Nicole turn away and head to the front of the house. Kent looked around the dim bedroom one last night. He would go with her. He would look at this supposed suspect, but his confidence was unshaken .
The killer had been here tonight.
Of that, Kent had no doubt


If he were a normal human being, he would be shaken. Even just a little bit. Just a wee bit. But he's not. Argh.

I have copied out several of limyaael's essays to give to her. The ones on Character Flaws, Secondary characters and killing your darlings. I shall give them to her with my critique tomorrow.

Comments

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

... I have nothing against snuggling, in its proper time and place (ie, not in front of me), but during a stake out? I weep for the police force.

Tossed the bed? Now that takes some strength. And... is rather pointless. Why not look under, or, if you think they're preparing to attack if you look down, poke around under with a broomstick?

Just who is this "Plain Jane"? At first I thought it was the victim, then the policewoman, and then the supposedly male murderer. *baffled* This is why "Don't use the same word twice in a row" syndrome is so damn annoying.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

They snuggle and discuss Archie.

Plain Jane is the name they gave the serial killer.

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

Lemme get this straight. The male serial killer is named Plain Jane.

...

I'm going to go find something nice and logical now.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

After his victims, which are plain Janes. So, that makes sense. But other than that...

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

Ah. Somewhat more logical. The rest of it still makes my head hurt.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Doesn't it. I want to smack the Profiler and say Don't be so unflappable!

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

After his victims, which are plain Janes.

Yeah, y'know. Like how they called Jack the Ripper "Whitechapel Hooker".

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Actually, when one thinks about it? That doesn't make any sense. This guy is killing random women who only have the one common trait of being plain? Isn't that... most people in the world? Wouldn't you look for a trait that was -unusual- to try and distinguish the guy? I mean, how can they be certain that this guy was the one killing these women if their only common trait is being average?

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

It's a black hole of thought, my friend. All rationale is slowly sucked into the inexorable vacuum, leaving only the stupid...

Although maybe the police are too stupid to find any connection except 'they don't have a special connection'.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Clearly these police are too damned stupid. Her entire written police force is pathetic. ;P

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

They are in awe of Profiler's skills and that's all I know about them. God he's such a Stu.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Actually there is a profile, he likes brunettes that are like 105 pounds, plain looking and have had an abortion. No I don't know how he knows how they've had an abortion. Policewoman fits the profile apparently.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

That makes a little more sense. Except that plain looking is still not really a feature that you ascribe to someone as a distinctive quality. O_o

And if they've had abortions? Why the hell aren't the police doing checks on some abortion doctors and some big-name anti-abortion people? Also, is the guy just killing them with a gun? I thought normally serial killers used a more specific method, even if they did ultimately use a gun, hence how they knew it was a serial killer? Though maybe I'm wrong about that.

And are they even trying to question the people who actually knew the girls personally? :I

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Apparently they just discovered that he was going after women who have had abortions. The Killer took the victim's uterus as a trophy.

God that sounds stupid.

But since discovering this, they haven't done any of that sort of searching. At least that's mentioned. It's all very vague.

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Like why did he dress like a slacker when obviously he had some intelligence under that over-producted hair?

Um, what? Since when does a high IQ require you to dress like a GQ cover model? Hell, the slovenly genius is a cliche in its own right.

How in the name of God had he failed again?

Well, and this is just a guess, it might have something to do with the fact that, rather than actually doing the job you yourself volunteered for, you spooned and read what would at this point be a monstrously dated Archie comic. I mean, I'm just spitballing here, talking out loud, but this seems like something that might be at least a moderately logicl explanation.

Again, there's legitimate tragedy and then there's just incompetence. Mulder's inability to save his sister, Baltar unwittingly providing the Cylons the means to destroy the Twelve Colonies, Tetsuo's sense of inferiority and runaway powers turning him into an overgrown monster, those are tragedies. Kent 'The Profiler' Harbinger letting someone get killed because he couldn't keep his hands to himself and his eyes open is just the rankest of incompetencies. I feel sorry for the dead girl, but all I feel for Kent is contempt.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Um, what? Since when does a high IQ require you to dress like a GQ cover model? Hell, the slovenly genius is a cliche in its own right.

Well, he didn't seem to be too intelligent so far. Unless he's the kind who is only good at one thing. ;P

I feel sorry for the dead girl, but all I feel for Kent is contempt.

I concur. How can he NOT know that was what made him fail? If he sincerely can't tell, then he is stupid and very much unsympathetic. I'm sorry. Wasn't he supposed to be SKILLED? If the -only- way he can fail is to do stupid, lustful things (and I am going to be SO angry with the author if it turns out that she thinks men can't control themselves in that regard), then she clearly doesn't know anything about what makes a profiler skilled and what sort of HONEST but COMPETENT mistakes one of them could make.

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Wait, who are you assuming we're talking about? Because I thought she was referring to Partner with that little 'why is he a slob' thing, who we haven't actually seen do anything one way or the other so far.

As for 'men not being able to control themselves', the author has already had Kent 'The Profiler' Harbinger restrain and sexually assault Policewoman, and Partner doesn't seem capable of getting his mind out of the bedroom, either. So far, it's not looking good for you keeping an even keel.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

You know? Reading back over the snippet, I'm not sure who she's referring to. I misread it at first as referring to Kent. I mean, she left the stake-out to get coffee. So... it could be anyone she's referring to. :P

And you're right... so far the odds are grim. :I

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Slob is a Starbucks coffee slinger.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

... How does she know he's intelligent then? :I

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*shrugs* I don't know. She just does.

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Then that makes even less sense because, really? Who can be bothered to dress up to serve four-buck coffees at the most faceless megacorp on the planet? Especially one that came out of Seattle, birth of, wait for it, the grunge movement?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

They were discussing the social dynamics in Archie comics. Not that it makes it any difference. But yes.

But yes, you're totally right. Though the girl isn't dead apparently they manage to do something which I'm not sure of because it's not clear and they interrupt the Killer. Lots of mentioning of "He could feel it" Or "Don't use your eyes! Feel it!" Which makes no sense whatsoever unless you're a Jedi.

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

The social dynamics of Archie? And Kent has officially crossed into self-parody. At least when Dwight Ewell and Jason Lee debated the sexuality of Archie characters in Chasing Amy you weren't supposed to take them seriously. It was, indeed, a sign of just what a totally horpless dork Lee's character was.

Which makes no sense whatsoever unless you're a Jedi.

I was absolutely going to make a Jedi reference. And y'know, as somebody who feels the Jedi's power has been wildly overinflated, I can't say I'm all that sanguine about a normal human having that kind of 'intuition' (read, the author whispering plot points in his ear).

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Instead of watching the house, like they should be in a stakeout they read the Archie comic book and snuggle. Yes. They snuggle.

You know what? I'm seriously wondering if the author learned all about romantic triangles, romantic tension, and character's failing from the Archie comics. Which are all based around mediocre humor, many of which are sight gags. She's not even writing humor so... that really doesn't help her. Not to mention, what about Archie makes you want to snuggle? None of it, kthanx. ;P