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Feb. 21st, 2007 01:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kippurbirdSo, Miss Formulaic has sent the group the first one hundred pages of her novel about a serial killer. Here are some choice bits. The main characters is a Serial Profiler Genius, The Policewoman who used to be his lover, the Policewoman's partner and current lover.
Attention focused on the chick’s skirt so short that you could see the two rounded crescents of her ass;
There's something amusing about that.
The profiler had known Joann was the killer’s next prize. Known it in his gut every time she tucked her hair behind her ears. Known it in his groin each time she flashed that lop-sided smile. Kent had known and still couldn’t stop her from dying.
So... he got a hard on whenever she smiled and that's how he knew that the serial killer was going to kill her next? >> And is his groin smooth and hairless? Thank you Eldest for ruining that word for me.
Even though his partner dressed in a stern pantsuit, there was no mistaking that Nicole was a woman. Her blazer was open allowing a bit of cleavage to show. And it was only a miracle how she could run in those three-inch heels. But his partner was sensitive about her height. She didn’t want to look small. Frail. How anyone could look into her eyes and think her weak, Ruben would never know.
Now something about that bothers me. I don't know what. Perhaps the insistence that you couldn't mistake her for a man.
Once again, Kent had fucked up and once again left Nicole to clean up the mess. After her difficult childhood, raising her younger sister, and then working her way through college with no family help, she deserved far better than this. Far better than a profiler who abandoned her at every turn.
That's infodumpy.
After the president’s desperate call, Harbinger had boarded a plane in Chicago completely ignorant of the facts of the case and by the time he landed in Washington, Kent had solved the crime. Yep, the prick had cracked a masterful scheme that had brought the stock market tumbling down a thousand points and dropped the meat industry to its knees while he was snacking on the peanuts in first class.
And that's just... silly.
Sure enough, a pause in her footsteps and some muffled cursing. Kent knew her too well. He knew once out of the stairwell, exactly how many steps it would take her to get to her car. He knew she was using a new shampoo, because even though she took the time and energy to shop at a beauty supply house rather than the grocery store for her hair care products, she couldn’t resist a bargain. He knew the purse she carried was a Nine West original. Once she discovered this brand had pen and business card holders sewn right into the inner pocket, she hadn’t bought any other brand.
The thought brought a grin to his troubled lips. He knew her habits. Knew her moods. Knew her body better than she did. That’s how he knew she was four days away from her period. She would be at her most emotional, but also at the height of her sexual appetite.
And this is creepy. How am I supposed to root for this guy when he has creep factor written all over him?
And then the Profiler handcuffs Policewoman to the car and starts molesting her in front of the morgue, undoing her shirt and playing with her boobs. This is her response: "It was almost painful to breath. She could scream, but did she really want someone interrupting him?"
Nicole didn’t think it was possible, but Kent leaned in even closer, bringing his lips next to her ear. A millimeter and he would be kissing her. Telling her that he loved her, just like he used to. Only heightening the romanticism of the gesture, a light rain began to fall.
I'm sorry, but I could have sworn you were getting MOLESTED in the parking lot of the MORUGE! How is this ROMANTIC?!
Attention focused on the chick’s skirt so short that you could see the two rounded crescents of her ass;
There's something amusing about that.
The profiler had known Joann was the killer’s next prize. Known it in his gut every time she tucked her hair behind her ears. Known it in his groin each time she flashed that lop-sided smile. Kent had known and still couldn’t stop her from dying.
So... he got a hard on whenever she smiled and that's how he knew that the serial killer was going to kill her next? >> And is his groin smooth and hairless? Thank you Eldest for ruining that word for me.
Even though his partner dressed in a stern pantsuit, there was no mistaking that Nicole was a woman. Her blazer was open allowing a bit of cleavage to show. And it was only a miracle how she could run in those three-inch heels. But his partner was sensitive about her height. She didn’t want to look small. Frail. How anyone could look into her eyes and think her weak, Ruben would never know.
Now something about that bothers me. I don't know what. Perhaps the insistence that you couldn't mistake her for a man.
Once again, Kent had fucked up and once again left Nicole to clean up the mess. After her difficult childhood, raising her younger sister, and then working her way through college with no family help, she deserved far better than this. Far better than a profiler who abandoned her at every turn.
That's infodumpy.
After the president’s desperate call, Harbinger had boarded a plane in Chicago completely ignorant of the facts of the case and by the time he landed in Washington, Kent had solved the crime. Yep, the prick had cracked a masterful scheme that had brought the stock market tumbling down a thousand points and dropped the meat industry to its knees while he was snacking on the peanuts in first class.
And that's just... silly.
Sure enough, a pause in her footsteps and some muffled cursing. Kent knew her too well. He knew once out of the stairwell, exactly how many steps it would take her to get to her car. He knew she was using a new shampoo, because even though she took the time and energy to shop at a beauty supply house rather than the grocery store for her hair care products, she couldn’t resist a bargain. He knew the purse she carried was a Nine West original. Once she discovered this brand had pen and business card holders sewn right into the inner pocket, she hadn’t bought any other brand.
The thought brought a grin to his troubled lips. He knew her habits. Knew her moods. Knew her body better than she did. That’s how he knew she was four days away from her period. She would be at her most emotional, but also at the height of her sexual appetite.
And this is creepy. How am I supposed to root for this guy when he has creep factor written all over him?
And then the Profiler handcuffs Policewoman to the car and starts molesting her in front of the morgue, undoing her shirt and playing with her boobs. This is her response: "It was almost painful to breath. She could scream, but did she really want someone interrupting him?"
Nicole didn’t think it was possible, but Kent leaned in even closer, bringing his lips next to her ear. A millimeter and he would be kissing her. Telling her that he loved her, just like he used to. Only heightening the romanticism of the gesture, a light rain began to fall.
I'm sorry, but I could have sworn you were getting MOLESTED in the parking lot of the MORUGE! How is this ROMANTIC?!
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no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 01:28 am (UTC)meat industry to its knees while he was snacking on the peanuts in first class
:P The sex industry has died.
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Date: 2007-02-22 02:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 02:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 03:00 am (UTC)