Alternative writings

This is getting ridiculous.

Once again my left arm has decided to devolve into pain. This seems to be a yearly occurrence and no one seems to be able to figure out what's wrong. It's just 'take Aleave/Advil for ten days and wear a brace." But there has to be a better way to deal with this.

aaaargh.

There is a "spot".

This is what was discovered in my MRI. Nothing wrong with my nerves, but there is a "spot" on one of the vertebra. As they don't know what it is, they are going to be doing a bone scan. The doctor thinks it is nothing, but as they don't know what it is, they have to make sure that it is nothing. SO! the bone scan.

This has sent me into a low grade anxiety attack because "a spot" is so very vague that it's abstract enough that I can't get a handle on what it could be. It could be nothing isn't helpful. There aren't any statistics or odds attached to it.

Waiting to hear back from the neurologist about how to go about getting the bone scan. Or at least setting up the appointment and etc.

Blargh.

Had a panic attack today.


Went to the MRI. It was all okay mostly. I mean, well I have no problems with the enclosed space. That was fine. I didn't mind it at all. I like those.

It was the noise.

I have far too sensitive hearing.

I was stuck in the tube with loud, very loud noises that I couldn't tell where it was coming from and for how long it was going to be happening. Basically I was in an uncontrolled situation with a panic trigger.

And a panic it did trigger. I barely made it out of the MRI room before it set in. Fortunately my mom was with me so she was able to calm me down enough. It lasted a good hour or so of well, jittery insanity.

Still a bit frazzled too.

Test results are tomorrow or the next day apparently.


I do not want to do that again.

Weird dream last night.

Part of it involved sitting next to Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel on a train, trying to get our lunch that we ordered. He had that really creepy "I'm going to eat you" smile on his face the entire time, but was very friendly. There were some fans of his on the train and I kept on trying to find them but I couldn't.

Other side of things, I'm really glad I have insurance. My mom and I went to fill the Licoderm patch prescription yesterday. I'd been using samples until then. The cost was a little over a hundred for three boxes (or one box apparently o_O). When we asked how much was it without our insurance it was seven hundred dollars. So, yeah.

Came up with a LOLcat macro idea when looking at Chaucer this morning with my mind drifting back to TVtropes epileptic trees. A serious looking cat with the caption of "Why so Serious Serious Cat?"

So, apparently some of the issues going on in my left arm maybe because of shingles. I'm not completely sure as I didn't quite understand what the doctor said and I'm not sure if I even had shingles.

I think I did because I distinctly remember having a conversation with a doctor (ages ago) about spots that I got which he said was like chicken pox, but non-infectious. That some people just got chicken pox a second time. Though I thought that he said something like "Sub Rosa" as the name of the disease. Though the second time as chicken pox I absolutely remember. So, that's probably the shingles.

Shingles can cause nerve or neurological issues years down the line, which may be what's happening with my left arm. I'm not sure if that's why my EMG was normal or not. It's not that the nerves were blocked or anything like that but just buggered. The doctor wants me to get an MRI just to make sure it's not a pinched nerve or something.

Currently I have some patches I'm supposed to use for if it is the shingles thing. I'm not sure what they're supposed to do either! I think help with the pain. I'm being far to vague on this, aren't I?

I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Kippur is in pain. Her arm has decided to act up again. It does so about once a year. With lots of shooting pains and other fun stuff. Shlomo has reappeared. Fortunately Kippur is going to the doctor for her stomach today.


I was also highly insulted yesterday. I went to an AGUA meeting (a social group for high functioning autistic people/aspies) yesterday and not feeling up to snuff I brought my sketch book to work on a gray scale drawing of a picture I wanted to paint. To get the shading right. At one point I got up and left my sketch book where I had been sitting, to talk to some people. One of the Parents came up to me and said that she had skimmed through my book and wanted to know if she could get a better look at it.

Yes. They went through my private things without my permission. Now the sketch book had pretty innocent drawings and sketches in it, but that's not the point. The point is that the sketch book is MINE. I did not put it in a public place. I had actually left it kinda hidden. So she had to seek it out to look at it. And she did it without my permission. Why?

Because for some reason a lot of parents haven't gotten it through their heads that autistic people have a right to privacy. And that we wouldn't mind, because we don't show emotion in the same ways they do. Also they tend to think that we're all five and so we wouldn't have anything private anyway. After all five year olds don't have any sort of secrets, now do they?

It makes me want to show them some of my more... adult works. XD

Then, later on, a pair of parents come up to me, having seen me working on the drawing and ask if they could look at the book. Seeing as how they asked, I let them.

They did the "Oh Let's Give the Autistic Person Self Esteem Strokes" bit. That's when they ooh and aww over ... whatever it is, without even really looking at it. I know they didn't look at it because they couldn't tell the difference between marker and pencil. Also they used that voice. The patronizing voice that says "We're so amazed that you can do this. Aren't you the talented little puppy."

I hate that.

Please. I'm twenty nine. I have a Master's Degree. Don't treat me like I'm five. I would like to be treated like an adult.

Gee, you're not able to tell the difference between markers and pencil. Maybe you need some educational therapy. Then you'll be able to learn how to tell the difference. Oh! You identified that this is a person. Very good! And yes, this isn't a finished drawing. Excellent!

Gee you're going into people's private property. Did you know that was wrong? I think we need to work on not going into people's things. Sometimes people don't like to share what they have. It's personal. That means it's very important to them and they may not want other people to see it. If you would like to see it you need to ask for permission. Do you think you could do that?

That's what I should have said to them.

And finally on a slightly nuttier note, the true immaculate conception.

"Mary?"

"Yes, Joseph."

"We have a problem."

"What is that dear?"

"I'm pregnant."

(After all, how else could Jesus be descended from David? You get your tribe from your father and your religion from your mother according to Judaism)