Short but not sweet
Oct. 6th, 2010 09:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kippurbirdGreaves and Bracers.
To sum up this chapter: Katrina helps Roran put his armor on. Roran doesn't die from pain of his wounds which seem to have been forgotten. I'm not really sure exactly what to make of this chapter. It's two and a quarter pages long. It doesn't advance the story in anyway (more so than usual).I think it's supposed to be sensual by the way Katrina puts on Roran's armor, but it might have worked better if she was taking it off. Though I suppose some argument could be said to the romance of her protecting him. It's full of very... odd lines.
She cupped the curve of his calf with her hand as she secured the second piece of armor, her flesh warm against his through the fabric of his trousers.
Roran held out his arms to her and stared into her eyes, even as she stared into hers.
Her waist is thickening from her pregnancy. Elain still hasn't given birth. (what? they can't cut the baby out with a healer on hand? I mean if Eragon can cure cancer, surely they can get the baby out of there). She wants to know why he has to be on the front line. Because he's the Hero, obviously. Or because someone has to.
She gives him a favor, a red kerchief which she kept in her boobs... I mean bodice and ties it to his sword belt. But not his sword. Which is sad, because I would have liked to have seen which sword she tied it to.
He then takes his spear and shield, because it's always important to have protection when going out to use your spear, and leaves.
Katrina is not at all satisfied with this.
He goes out to the battle field. The horn sounds. They charge to siege Feinster. For some reason they're having mixed ranks. In this instance I would think that would be a liablity. Each race has its own fighting styles and likely won't work well together. It'd be like mixing your cavalry with your infantry. Of course this is Paolini we're talking about. He's having his men charge into battle while the archer's are firing at them.
And there you go.
Click some dragons:
To sum up this chapter: Katrina helps Roran put his armor on. Roran doesn't die from pain of his wounds which seem to have been forgotten. I'm not really sure exactly what to make of this chapter. It's two and a quarter pages long. It doesn't advance the story in anyway (more so than usual).I think it's supposed to be sensual by the way Katrina puts on Roran's armor, but it might have worked better if she was taking it off. Though I suppose some argument could be said to the romance of her protecting him. It's full of very... odd lines.
She cupped the curve of his calf with her hand as she secured the second piece of armor, her flesh warm against his through the fabric of his trousers.
Roran held out his arms to her and stared into her eyes, even as she stared into hers.
Her waist is thickening from her pregnancy. Elain still hasn't given birth. (what? they can't cut the baby out with a healer on hand? I mean if Eragon can cure cancer, surely they can get the baby out of there). She wants to know why he has to be on the front line. Because he's the Hero, obviously. Or because someone has to.
She gives him a favor, a red kerchief which she kept in her boobs... I mean bodice and ties it to his sword belt. But not his sword. Which is sad, because I would have liked to have seen which sword she tied it to.
He then takes his spear and shield, because it's always important to have protection when going out to use your spear, and leaves.
Katrina is not at all satisfied with this.
He goes out to the battle field. The horn sounds. They charge to siege Feinster. For some reason they're having mixed ranks. In this instance I would think that would be a liablity. Each race has its own fighting styles and likely won't work well together. It'd be like mixing your cavalry with your infantry. Of course this is Paolini we're talking about. He's having his men charge into battle while the archer's are firing at them.
And there you go.
Click some dragons:
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no subject
Date: 2010-10-07 05:08 am (UTC)There are no words.
DDD:
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Date: 2010-10-07 05:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-08 02:05 pm (UTC)orcsuruksurgals might have an appropriate curse-word or two, but I wouldn't count on it.I'll like to a gif of Julie Andrews punching you in the face (http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b349/PiperWit/victoriapunch.gif), instead. Just imagine that this is the last thing Paolini ever sees.
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Date: 2010-10-07 07:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-07 08:31 am (UTC)Dude has no idea how to write the military, either. I mean, using dwarves and humans together might work if they're drilling in turtle techniques with the dwarves on bottom slashing at legs and the humans hacking away from up top. That's assuming there's enough space. I mean, you'd need pretty fucking big shields to pull that off, otherwise everyone would be getting in everyone else's way.
But even that wouldn't work unless they'd be excessively drilled on it. Roman battle techniques (which that is based off) required a hell of a lot of training and drilling in order to be anywhere near combat effective, and it would be COMPLETELY different from any other sort of combat. Using different muscles etc.
Well, at least Roran has a spear. I bet he's just going to throw it at someone (that's what javelins are for, not spears, all javelins are spears but not all spears are javelins) and then pull his sword out and act like a kid with ADHD and sociopathy.
"Following orders or staying in battle formation? What's that? CHARGE FOR KATRINA LOLOL I KILL MORE PEOPLE THAN IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE."
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Date: 2010-10-07 05:41 pm (UTC)They're only NPCs, so why does it matter?
I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.
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Date: 2010-10-07 06:59 pm (UTC)Yeah, but it's important to manage your NPCs carefully. Games give bonus experience if you save lots of them and sometimes you even get items! :p Which often led to me putting all the combat-capable NPCs at the back of the group and fighting only with my player characters because otherwise I'd lose out on XP, but that's just how it is. =p
We will! I wish you did these faster, they'd one of the most entertaining things on the internet (alongside WTF D&D? and similar entertainment). :p
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Date: 2010-10-08 05:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-08 01:35 pm (UTC)DDD:
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Date: 2010-10-08 04:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-09 04:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-09 08:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-09 08:20 pm (UTC)Probably not.
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Date: 2010-10-11 09:47 pm (UTC)I can't even remember where this book ends. I remember something so moronic that I blanked it from my memory.
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Date: 2010-10-11 10:56 pm (UTC)Epic fail, that is.
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Date: 2010-10-13 05:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-13 05:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-09 07:59 pm (UTC)Get life l-o-s-e-r
(BTW I just stopped by to see if you were still bashing the poor book. Thought you might have grown up, but it looks like I'm wrong.)
no subject
Date: 2010-10-09 08:03 pm (UTC)And I do it because it entertains me. I'm sure you must have better things to do than to tell me that I should have better things to do.
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Date: 2010-10-09 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-09 08:28 pm (UTC)If you read through them, you'll notice that when things work I do point them out. The problem is that Paolini's way of writing things constantly takes good ideas and makes them die horrible death. He knows what he wants to do with the tropes and things of a fantasy story he just doesn't have the skills needed to put them together coherently.
It's like he's trying to create a creature from the outside in. He knows there are supposed to be things inside the creature but he doesn't know how the heart interacts with the lungs so he just puts them there in random places hoping that they work. Or believing that they work.
Also he claims that he knows how to do things but simple research done on the internet proves that he only has a cursory - if that - understanding of what it is. Often times he tries to show his work but since he doesn't know how it works it just comes off poorly.
But please, do comment. As long as your polite I will not censor you.
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Date: 2010-10-09 10:22 pm (UTC)I remember when I first read Eragon and thought it was awesome. It was everything I had been looking for in a book. I had never read Lord of the Rings or seen Star Wars, so I had no clue it copied off them. I guess I'm still clinging on to what I thought of it as a kid. I might read it again and see how awful it is.
Sorry I've been rude. Been dealing with a ton of stress and seems like I hardly have antime to do anything.
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Date: 2010-10-09 10:38 pm (UTC)You made him want you, Kippur.
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Date: 2010-10-10 08:51 pm (UTC)Also, anon, there's the small fact that it is extremely entertaining to critique Paolini, because there's just so much to say. He fails at everything literary that he's tried that we have access to, and in such a deep and multifaceted way that it's almost a fractal failure. The deeper you go, you realise that it fails just as much microscopically at it does in the big picture. If nothing else, it's fascinating to see how all of these failures interact to produce a massive fail that is greater than the sum of its parts.
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Date: 2010-10-11 05:44 am (UTC)... Which is why I'm writing a stone-age fantasy. Derp. Well, pseudo-late-stone age. Certainly before agriculture, anyway.
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Date: 2010-10-11 09:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-11 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-12 12:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-13 07:38 am (UTC)I suspect it was meant to be in the far distant future.
But, yeah, they'd never really planned on realism, it was meant to be good fun. :3
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Date: 2010-10-12 12:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-16 03:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-16 03:20 am (UTC)(Also, I keep meaning to buy your books off of Amazon. I just keep forgetting to try and find them and then before I know it, I've already spent most of my free budget on something else. Also, sorry if I haven't responded to some responses in the past. I keep forgetting to check back on those and I log into my email kinda rarely.) ^_^;
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Date: 2010-10-11 04:52 pm (UTC)Lots of people have thought that Eragon was good and I'm not saying their wrong. I'm just putting out my own evidence.
You've been very mature about this. It makes me happy. ^_^
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Date: 2010-10-15 10:17 pm (UTC)