Old friends out of nowhere.

[kippurbird]

Okay. Facebook? Has just reaffirmed my opinion that it's stupid.

Because of events (which I shall relate to in a moment) I decided to look up an old friend of mine. Old friend as in I haven't seen her since second grade when she moved. So, I figure, Facebook, right? Connect with friends, right?

There are sixty four people with her name. Okay... not so bad. EXCEPT I can't look at their profiles so I have no idea which one she is, if any of them. So, how am I supposed to know which one, if any, are her? Looking at her friends won't do me any good, I haven't seen her since second grade. That's over twenty years ago. I don't even know where she lives now. I just know she's about my age. BUT as I can't see anyone's age... I can't narrow down anything.

So, yeah, really good way to hook up with old friends.

Especially since you can't find them.

Anyway. Saturday turned out to be a weird day. I get a phone call from my mom. Apparently an old school (from elementary school old) called her up and wanted to talk to me. My mom thought it was someone named Valleri. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anyone named Valleri that I know. At any point in time. She gave Valleri my phone number and Valleri called me up. It turns out it was not Valleri but Sameria. No, I don't know how my mom got Valleri from Sameria.

I went to school with her until about third grade and we were in Hebrew School together. She then moved up north to San Francisco and we've been sort of in touch over the years. About every five years she'd call up and see how we were doing and trade stories about life. Sameria has not made the best decisions in life.

She had a fiancee and was going to get married, ended up pregnant and had a baby. The marriage fell through. She didn't have a stable job, went to a couple of trade schools of sorts and well just sort of made a mess of her life. Which, I suppose, is her right to have. I don't think very much of her for it, but it's not really my place to say anything.

So, Saturday, she calls me up and wants to meet with me. I figure, why not? After all old friends haven't seen each other in ages, and maybe she's even cleaned up her act! Who knows, right? I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. However, as back up, I ask my mom to come with me. I'm afraid it'll get weird and I won't know how to handle it. A wise thing on my part.

We end up calling each other once or twice more to finalize plans and then she says her fiancee is with her.

And every hope I have drops out a ten story window and smushes. Oh sure it might be a good guy, but knowing her previous history, I seriously doubted it.

It turns out I was right.

I hate that.

She and boyfriend -sorry fiancee- and dog suddenly decided the day before that they were going to move down to Los Angeles. Did they check to see if they could find any jobs? No. Did they wait until her paycheck was deposited at the end of the month? No. Did they even see if there were any places they could afford and rent? No. They just hopped into their car, likely not even giving thirty days notice or a resignation letter, and drove down to LA with thirty dollars.

And it went down hill from there. I'm glad I brought my mom. She knew how to handle it.

Basically she insinuated that she'd like us to give her money or give her a place to stay or give her access to my parent's driveway so they'd have a safe place to sleep at night in their car. We said no.

However, we did help her with pointing out places where she could do these things herself, such as the library where she could check Craig's list for work and places to stay. Basically sort of giving her the tools but not the end. If she wanted it, she was going to have to get it herself. We don't do handouts like she wanted.

What seriously gets me is that I honestly can't understand how you can just decide to move like that and not do any planning. It boogles my mind. They basically made themselves, willingly, homeless.

And they have a dog! The boyfriend supposedly loves animals and is good with them. But if he loved them so much why in the world would they take the poor dog with them? Because, probably, they were hoping for handouts. Still. Out of the three of them it's the dog I feel the most sorry for.

She said the reasons why she left was because she felt stifled up there (never mind she's been up there since she was ten)and that she didn't like her job. Lots of people don't like their jobs but they don't spontaneously quit them if they have no other way to make a living. Especially in today's economy. She should be happy she has one! There's no way she's going to get it back now.

I haven't heard from her since Saturday. And I don't know if I will again. After all, I didn't give her what she wanted. I sincerely hope things go all right for her but this...? This I can't condone and I won't help her with it because of that.

Friend or not.

Of course a real friend probably wouldn't have asked this of me.

Comments

Some people...

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

... o_o c_c

That's ridiculous! Do those two have a brain cell between them? I mean, if they had at least ASKED in advance and tried to set things up somewhat... sure they might have been turned down BUT you'd be more inclined to help, possibly.

It also boggles my mind that she'd willingly make herself jobless and homeless. I don't get it anymore than you do. I guess she and her boyfriend are serious moochers that want lives of luxury they can't get because no one wants to take them in without rent or work. Tell her to try and marry someone with more money... if she doesn't mind being a trophy wife (if she's even trophy wife material.) I'm betting she'll breakup with the fiancee (boyfriend) sooner or later too. He clearly has the same flaws that she does and it simply won't work (or, the very least, the one who is less of a loser should get wise to the fact they're both acting like losers pretty quick.) ;P

I'm also glad your mom was there and that you had a vague idea of what to expect. You're still a nicer friend than she is. I mean, seriously, if she was having some kind of domestic issue and you were the only place to turn to... maybe it'd make sense. But this? Recklessness, pure and simple. And it's going to bite her and everyone she's close to in the ass.

Re: Some people...

[emily-goddess.livejournal.com]

No, I think they didn't ask in advance because they were counting on playing the "we have nowhere to go" card. Or maybe they really just didn't think that far ahead.

Re: Some people...

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Probably both.

Re: Some people...

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

The dog might have all the brain cells... I dunno.

My mom and dad think they were running away from something and that's the only reason why they'd pick up and move like that. As we haven't heard from them since they may have kept on moving.

She and fiancee have been together for three years. He even got her name tattooed on his neck. o_O He said that was one of his better decisions.

My mom is the best support. I wouldn't have any idea what to have said then. (Though now I know!) But yeah, if it was some sort of domestic issue we'd be more inclined to take her in of course.

[ladyphoenixia.livejournal.com]

That's... ridiculous. I don't understand how people do that. And yet.... people p and move to England or whatever all the time around my age... still, they tend to be young and unattached and able to change their minds if things don't work out, and they don't put ANIMALS through it.

Regarding facebook, sadly that's a privacy setting people can have... because a lot of people worry about privacy with facebook, it gives them the option not to have strangers staring at their profile. *shrugs*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Likely her mom is going to bail her out. It sounds like her mom does it often. Probably why she doesn't learn.

Then they shouldn't put those things up. I dunno. Or there should be two pages public and private.

[thelastmehina.livejournal.com]

I always hate people who talk about how they feel 'stifled' by their job.

Yeah. By and large, being a wage slave sucks. It's great if you're able to find a job you love and can feed yourself on... but no one is *entitled* to that kind of career/job.

That is a fairly dumb way to run one's life... you probably will never see her again, since she only came out of the woodwork in the first place to see if she could get something out of you. Which makes her, yet again, a sucky person.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I knoooow. 99% of the population feels stifled by their jobs. Even if it's a job you love, because it is still a job likely. The point of jobs, as my mom says, is to earn money, not to have fun.

And you're right, we're likely not going to see her again at least for a while until she'll try to get us to help her.

[(Anonymous)]

I think most people have a friend like that. I've a nineteen year old childhood friend who wants to get married, and have the baby, (she doesn't actually want to raise the baby, that's what grandparents are for, apparently) even though both she and her fiancee both work as min. wage grunts at the local grocery store. And she wants to get a better job but can't bother to stay in college for longer than half a month (She's almost ready to drop out for the third time). She also thought buying a brand sparkling new car on a part time job right out of high school was "a good idea."
Why is the world so stock full of stupid, aimless people?

[lccorp2.livejournal.com]

Because otherwise the economy would crash, followed shortly by civilisation and we'd have anarchy.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Well that's just lovely of her.

[authoressarktos.livejournal.com]

You did the right thing, Kippur. She's got to fix her own mistakes in this case, and as you said, the fact she asked you for money and stuff when she had alternatives doesn't make her a great friend at all.