(no subject)
Nov. 28th, 2008 11:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kippurbirdI was feeling silly.
Hrmm... I think I need to fix the second two.
Anyway, I was thinking about how it seemed like I was harping about the fact Eragon wasn't wearing any pants. And maybe I was, but it is a rather important point in regards to writing: What you put on the page is what happens. If you don't put an action on the page it doesn't happen. At least, during a scene where you're having all the actions expositated. We see everything else Eragon does, he sits, he clenches his staff... *sniggers* he eats bread, he waves away Roran, he smells things. So we clearly can see him doing stuff.
We see him do it, like it were a movie. Not a very good one but still, a movie nonetheless. There hasn't been a cut scene, so to speak. It's been completely continuous and since we never see Eragon pull his pants back up, he's still pant-less.
I know we're supposed to assume he does. I mean, that's the logical thing. People assume that if you pull your pants down, you'll pull them back up. This is obviously what Paolini assumed. However since a book is not a visual medium, we can only rely on what the words tell us. If the words don't tell us that he pulled his pants back up the he doesn't, no matter what the reader assumes.
True, most readers will just assume that his pants go back up. And they do, I'm sure, once there's a cut scene. But since in this particular scene we don't see it happen, it doesn't. It doesn't matter what the reader assumes, the text tells us otherwise. I know that 99% of the readers who read that section completely glossed over the fact that Eragon never pulled his pants up. It was just assumed. It's the 1% of us left that noticed it.
While one percent isn't bad at all, it's still there.
Writers should never assume that something happens unless they put it there. Things usually meaning events of importance or of note. When at home it's assumed that a person goes about their business eating and sleeping. Unless they're poor, then the lack of food should be of note and mentioned. Even if it's a broad over-view of "We rarely had anything more than potatoes and cabbage to eat". Then the reader can assume from that point onward that the characters don't have much to eat beyond cabbages and potatoes. And when they find something special for their diet, say meat, it should also be mentioned.
If there was a specific food scene though, where the people are sitting around eating, then again the description of food must be described. They had roasted potatoes and cabbage soup, thinned greatly with water. Their stomachs grumbled in hunger and maybe the long for the smells of richer people they know. But the food is mentioned, as it's apart of the scene.
Here the dropping of the pants is part of the scene, but Paolini never follows through with the action. We, the readers assume that Eragon pulls up his pants, because that's what people do. Even when they would, possibly, drop their pants in front of their cousins. But the text tells us other wise, and the lack of pants could be a potential plot point later in the scene.
Like they're attacked before Eragon has time to pull them up.
Or they rip.
The thing is, as well, it makes it seem like Eragon doesn't care that his pants are down, becuase he's not putting htem back up.
Hrmm... I think I need to fix the second two.
Anyway, I was thinking about how it seemed like I was harping about the fact Eragon wasn't wearing any pants. And maybe I was, but it is a rather important point in regards to writing: What you put on the page is what happens. If you don't put an action on the page it doesn't happen. At least, during a scene where you're having all the actions expositated. We see everything else Eragon does, he sits, he clenches his staff... *sniggers* he eats bread, he waves away Roran, he smells things. So we clearly can see him doing stuff.
We see him do it, like it were a movie. Not a very good one but still, a movie nonetheless. There hasn't been a cut scene, so to speak. It's been completely continuous and since we never see Eragon pull his pants back up, he's still pant-less.
I know we're supposed to assume he does. I mean, that's the logical thing. People assume that if you pull your pants down, you'll pull them back up. This is obviously what Paolini assumed. However since a book is not a visual medium, we can only rely on what the words tell us. If the words don't tell us that he pulled his pants back up the he doesn't, no matter what the reader assumes.
True, most readers will just assume that his pants go back up. And they do, I'm sure, once there's a cut scene. But since in this particular scene we don't see it happen, it doesn't. It doesn't matter what the reader assumes, the text tells us otherwise. I know that 99% of the readers who read that section completely glossed over the fact that Eragon never pulled his pants up. It was just assumed. It's the 1% of us left that noticed it.
While one percent isn't bad at all, it's still there.
Writers should never assume that something happens unless they put it there. Things usually meaning events of importance or of note. When at home it's assumed that a person goes about their business eating and sleeping. Unless they're poor, then the lack of food should be of note and mentioned. Even if it's a broad over-view of "We rarely had anything more than potatoes and cabbage to eat". Then the reader can assume from that point onward that the characters don't have much to eat beyond cabbages and potatoes. And when they find something special for their diet, say meat, it should also be mentioned.
If there was a specific food scene though, where the people are sitting around eating, then again the description of food must be described. They had roasted potatoes and cabbage soup, thinned greatly with water. Their stomachs grumbled in hunger and maybe the long for the smells of richer people they know. But the food is mentioned, as it's apart of the scene.
Here the dropping of the pants is part of the scene, but Paolini never follows through with the action. We, the readers assume that Eragon pulls up his pants, because that's what people do. Even when they would, possibly, drop their pants in front of their cousins. But the text tells us other wise, and the lack of pants could be a potential plot point later in the scene.
Like they're attacked before Eragon has time to pull them up.
Or they rip.
The thing is, as well, it makes it seem like Eragon doesn't care that his pants are down, becuase he's not putting htem back up.
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no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 09:36 am (UTC)Go or higher contrast on the fonts (straight black or white even), and maybe just go for smaller pixel fonts that can be put where legible, avoiding fancy fonts.
Also, Eragon has no pants.
Now he needs to lose the boots and shirt, and then he'll be set for Emperorhood!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 08:07 pm (UTC)If I how to tell which fonts were like that, I would.
Do we really want Eragon to be an emperor?
no subject
Date: 2008-11-30 06:06 am (UTC)Can I just say (because I'm not sure anyone else has, yet)? Woolen underpants. ow ow OW. Coarse, itchy, scratchy, and rubbing in all the wrong places. Not to mention all the sewat and rubbing will eventually turn it into felt, shrinking it in the process...
Even if it's worsted wool, it's still going to be coarse and horribly humid.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 09:54 am (UTC)When I'm writing, I take it as a matter of course that if I have a character drop his pants (and it has happened), I need to have him also pull them back up or put on different pants. I didn't think you were harping on the point unjustly at all - if Eragon pulls his pants down, they are down, and that's how the scene is set. End of story.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 07:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 08:11 pm (UTC)I do too. And this sort of thing should have been caught by the editor because writers sometimes have a blind spot for these things. As I would put, "Do you mean for his pants to stay down?"
no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 01:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 02:26 pm (UTC)Seriously, though, why was that scene necessary?
Obvious answer: it was meant to be character development. Call me weird, but I prefer to let my characters keep their daks on when I do that.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 08:14 pm (UTC)No, the scene was not necessary at all. Or at least it wasn't necessary to be that long.
...I'm seriously getting tempted to print out the novel and just mark it up and send to Paolini.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-30 05:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 06:00 pm (UTC)Like for example - in the chapter I'm writing at the moment, he had a particularly nasty fight with his parents in the street, during which they basically disowned him. The scene went from his father saying something to the car pulling away, because the MC was so stunned by what was said that he didn't notice them get into the car. I did that on purpose. Then I cut from that to him throwing up in the bathroom. Again, because he was so upset (the guy's a real woobie) that's basically the next thing he noticed himself doing.
But then again, I write in Third Person Limited. I only write the things he notices or what he's thinking or feeling. That also means any conversations that happen between people without his direct involvement need to be overheard. The result is that he's a bit of an eavesdropper, but now I'm digressing.
Do you see what I'm trying to say, though? I'm trying to capture a pyschological state. It's not just laziness on my part.
One day, Kippur, can I pay you to critique my novel for me? I want to make it the best possible story I can, unlike Paolini and Meyer. I know you will be one hundred percent honest with me, unlike my parents, who don't want to hurt my feellings.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 08:05 pm (UTC)You may give me money just on general principle.
But Yes, I'll go over your novel.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 10:56 pm (UTC)I wouldn't ask you to do it without paying you, that'd be just rude. I'm nowhere near close enough to being ready for it yet, though. I'm only about 75% finished with the rough draft. I'm not showing you that, though, because a good chunk of it is going to change.
My estimates have placed the second draft getting done around September of next year, but hopefully sooner. Depending on what you say about it, I may write a third draft before looking for a literary agent.
^__^ You make me very happy.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-29 11:04 pm (UTC)It's always important to make sure you've got every thing to what you think is ready before shoving it off to someone to be read.
And I'm glad to make you with the happiness.
Also, you're using the cut-scene technique so that's okay.
May I say...
Date: 2008-11-30 12:02 am (UTC)As a previous reader has commented, I seriously would ask you- if you'd be interested in taking on such a commission- to screen/edit my novel when I'm done with it. You have a gift for such things.
And if there is no mention of Eragon pulling up his trousers again, I'm going to be snerking about it through the rest of your reviews. Because really, someone should have caught that!
O.o
Date: 2008-11-30 05:50 am (UTC)Assuming your drinks are each worth one Standard Drink (because we're all responsible drinkers, here...), listed in Australia as being equal to 10 solid grams of alcohol, your review of Chapter 2 (Around the Campfire) is worth:
16 bottles of white wine (750mls, 12.5% Alc/Vol);
132 spirit nips (30ml shots, 40% Alc/Vol);
Or
188 glasses of light beer (285ml glass, 2.7% Alc/Vol). *jawdrop*
I'm glad you did that chapter in three sittings.