Dehumanization
Oct. 20th, 2008 12:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kippurbirdI think I'm manic. It's one in the morning and I'm writing this. I'm yawning, but I'm awake. Also, I was bouncy all day. RIGHT so, Manic Twilight.
Chapter Nineteen.
This is a semi-effective chapter. It would have been more effective I think if we had actually gotten to know Charlie better as a character. I shall explain. Emmett, Edward, Alice and Bella go to Charlie's house. Edward knows that James isn't there. Currently I'm shipping Edward/James. They know each other so well. Bella is crying because she doesn't know when she'll see Emmett again. It's odd. She feels worse about not seeing someone she just met than she does about anyone else, like say Jessica or Mike. Both of them have had serious contact with Bella, but they're not mentioned as being in possible danger. It's like they don't exist.
Not important. They get to Charlie's house and Edward tells her that she has fifteen minutes to get out. There are declarations of love. "I love you," I sad in a low, intense voice. "I will always love you, no matter what happens now." That reminds me of a bad romance novel line. She should be wearing a low cut bodice and Edward should have pale white skin that was granite har... wait, never mind.
To convince Charlie that she was leaving for real, she storms in screaming that she hates Edward. She screams about how she hates Forks and everything. And then she says something that her mother said to Charlie when she left him.
The thing is, it would have greater impact if we knew more about Bella's parent's relationship before hand. We know that there are still pictures of her mother in his house, but we don't know why. Obviously they're divorced or her mom wouldn't have gotten remarried. But he must be carrying a torch for her still. After all, he doesn't appear to be seeing anyone else and is just living by himself. In fact he seems to be and was, completely static until Bella showed up. And now he'll be completely static again.
The only relevant information he gives us is that Bella's mom might be coming back in the end of the week to Phoenix.
Then something interesting happens. James is no longer referred to as James but instead, "the Tracker". Meyers has dehumanized him. This will make it better later on in the story when there's the big fight between him and Edward. Edward won't be killing another sentient being but instead an animal that needs to be put down. He won't be a murderer this way. You can't murder a tracker, you can murder a James. If Edward murdered a James then he wouldn't be perfect anymore. Murderers aren't perfect and for Bella and his romance, Edward has to be perfect. (Or as I learned from wikipedia, it's not Edward who kills James but Jasper and Emmett, still the point stands).
James follows them. But doesn't attack them.He is tracking them. Bella wants to know why James is so interested in her.
It goes like this:
1. Bella smells yummy.
2. Edward defended Bella, which made her even more appetizing.
3. The Rest of the Cullens defended Bella, which makes her a yummy challenge.
So, they basically set Bella up as an appetizer on a plate for James because they kept her around instead of getting rid of her when they first sensed the vampires coming. Especially since Alice can see the future. I think the other vampires are trying to tell Edward something.
Just a thought.
To continue the idea of James being nothing more than an animal and Edward and the Cullens better than him, Edward says, he doesn't think he'll have any choice but to kill James and that Carlisle won't like it. He says it in such away that it sounds like he's putting down a dog.
Finally we learn what can kill a vampire: You tear it to shreds and burn it. I wonder what happens if you just burn it. Or just tear it to shreds.
While we know just about as much about Laurent as we do James and Victoria, he's the only one that they dignify with a name. Victoria becomes "the woman". She and James are both blood thirsty animals who love hunting while Laurent only joined up because he felt it was better than getting eaten by James. Since he is obviously a good person in bad circumstances, he gets a name and leaves in peace. His entire point in the story is to be all OHGMAIWD U DON NO HOW EBIL JAMEZ IZ!!!!11!!!
That function having been fulfilled, he leaves, sounding like he might convert to the Cullen way of life.
Laurent having left, they do a sort of Emergency Shut Down on the house by having all these huge metal shutters cover up the windows. An odd thing to do, because we've already seen Edward able to pull trees from their roots and stop cars and two vampires sound like thunder crashing when they run into each other. How exactly are metal shutters supposed to stop vampires, when they're likely to be able to punch through the wall?
Just a thought.
Edward tells Rosalie to change clothes with Bella and Rosalie refuses. She even gives a perfectly legitimate reason, "What is she to me? Except a menace - a danger you've chosen to inflict on all of us." Sadly this gets promptly ignored. It would have been an interesting interaction between Edward and Rosalie as Edward has to justify his actions of putting the family in danger for, as Laurent called her, a snack.
It gets dropped, and Edward tells Esme to change clothes with Bella instead. Edward is actually acting rather like the head of the coven than Carlisle. Carlisle doesn't bother to protest or say anything for or against Edward's actions. Instead he allows Edward to order his wife around.
Bella gets passed along like a football. She and Esme change clothes to confuse the scent. And Esme is able to fit into Bella's obviously much smaller clothes.
They split up with Alice and Jasper taking Bella down to Phoenix when the coast is clear. They have cell phones. Carlisle is handing them out. I would think that maybe the story is set before cell phones were numerous, but they're a "tiny silver cell phone". And when they're that size, everyone has them. People who can't afford them have them. It's a plot convenience. After all why does he need to hand out cellphones instead of everyone having them? The Cullens are obviously rich enough (see their cars and clothing) so they should have been touting the cell phones around with their cars and clothes in their trying to blend in.
Alice and Jasper take Bella off, Alice offering to carry Bella. Bella admits that this is the first time anyone has asked her permission. So they've all been tossing her around like, as before mentioned, a football. If they had seen her as an actual person, they would have said something to her about it.
Chapter Nineteen.
This is a semi-effective chapter. It would have been more effective I think if we had actually gotten to know Charlie better as a character. I shall explain. Emmett, Edward, Alice and Bella go to Charlie's house. Edward knows that James isn't there. Currently I'm shipping Edward/James. They know each other so well. Bella is crying because she doesn't know when she'll see Emmett again. It's odd. She feels worse about not seeing someone she just met than she does about anyone else, like say Jessica or Mike. Both of them have had serious contact with Bella, but they're not mentioned as being in possible danger. It's like they don't exist.
Not important. They get to Charlie's house and Edward tells her that she has fifteen minutes to get out. There are declarations of love. "I love you," I sad in a low, intense voice. "I will always love you, no matter what happens now." That reminds me of a bad romance novel line. She should be wearing a low cut bodice and Edward should have pale white skin that was granite har... wait, never mind.
To convince Charlie that she was leaving for real, she storms in screaming that she hates Edward. She screams about how she hates Forks and everything. And then she says something that her mother said to Charlie when she left him.
The thing is, it would have greater impact if we knew more about Bella's parent's relationship before hand. We know that there are still pictures of her mother in his house, but we don't know why. Obviously they're divorced or her mom wouldn't have gotten remarried. But he must be carrying a torch for her still. After all, he doesn't appear to be seeing anyone else and is just living by himself. In fact he seems to be and was, completely static until Bella showed up. And now he'll be completely static again.
The only relevant information he gives us is that Bella's mom might be coming back in the end of the week to Phoenix.
Then something interesting happens. James is no longer referred to as James but instead, "the Tracker". Meyers has dehumanized him. This will make it better later on in the story when there's the big fight between him and Edward. Edward won't be killing another sentient being but instead an animal that needs to be put down. He won't be a murderer this way. You can't murder a tracker, you can murder a James. If Edward murdered a James then he wouldn't be perfect anymore. Murderers aren't perfect and for Bella and his romance, Edward has to be perfect. (Or as I learned from wikipedia, it's not Edward who kills James but Jasper and Emmett, still the point stands).
James follows them. But doesn't attack them.He is tracking them. Bella wants to know why James is so interested in her.
It goes like this:
1. Bella smells yummy.
2. Edward defended Bella, which made her even more appetizing.
3. The Rest of the Cullens defended Bella, which makes her a yummy challenge.
So, they basically set Bella up as an appetizer on a plate for James because they kept her around instead of getting rid of her when they first sensed the vampires coming. Especially since Alice can see the future. I think the other vampires are trying to tell Edward something.
Just a thought.
To continue the idea of James being nothing more than an animal and Edward and the Cullens better than him, Edward says, he doesn't think he'll have any choice but to kill James and that Carlisle won't like it. He says it in such away that it sounds like he's putting down a dog.
Finally we learn what can kill a vampire: You tear it to shreds and burn it. I wonder what happens if you just burn it. Or just tear it to shreds.
While we know just about as much about Laurent as we do James and Victoria, he's the only one that they dignify with a name. Victoria becomes "the woman". She and James are both blood thirsty animals who love hunting while Laurent only joined up because he felt it was better than getting eaten by James. Since he is obviously a good person in bad circumstances, he gets a name and leaves in peace. His entire point in the story is to be all OHGMAIWD U DON NO HOW EBIL JAMEZ IZ!!!!11!!!
That function having been fulfilled, he leaves, sounding like he might convert to the Cullen way of life.
Laurent having left, they do a sort of Emergency Shut Down on the house by having all these huge metal shutters cover up the windows. An odd thing to do, because we've already seen Edward able to pull trees from their roots and stop cars and two vampires sound like thunder crashing when they run into each other. How exactly are metal shutters supposed to stop vampires, when they're likely to be able to punch through the wall?
Just a thought.
Edward tells Rosalie to change clothes with Bella and Rosalie refuses. She even gives a perfectly legitimate reason, "What is she to me? Except a menace - a danger you've chosen to inflict on all of us." Sadly this gets promptly ignored. It would have been an interesting interaction between Edward and Rosalie as Edward has to justify his actions of putting the family in danger for, as Laurent called her, a snack.
It gets dropped, and Edward tells Esme to change clothes with Bella instead. Edward is actually acting rather like the head of the coven than Carlisle. Carlisle doesn't bother to protest or say anything for or against Edward's actions. Instead he allows Edward to order his wife around.
Bella gets passed along like a football. She and Esme change clothes to confuse the scent. And Esme is able to fit into Bella's obviously much smaller clothes.
They split up with Alice and Jasper taking Bella down to Phoenix when the coast is clear. They have cell phones. Carlisle is handing them out. I would think that maybe the story is set before cell phones were numerous, but they're a "tiny silver cell phone". And when they're that size, everyone has them. People who can't afford them have them. It's a plot convenience. After all why does he need to hand out cellphones instead of everyone having them? The Cullens are obviously rich enough (see their cars and clothing) so they should have been touting the cell phones around with their cars and clothes in their trying to blend in.
Alice and Jasper take Bella off, Alice offering to carry Bella. Bella admits that this is the first time anyone has asked her permission. So they've all been tossing her around like, as before mentioned, a football. If they had seen her as an actual person, they would have said something to her about it.
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no subject
Date: 2008-10-20 09:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-20 09:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-21 03:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-21 12:57 pm (UTC)...
Or did I read too much into it?
no subject
Date: 2008-10-20 10:12 pm (UTC)It just gets dumber and dumber. She wants certain things to happen but she doesn't really set the story up for them properly. And... yeah. None of these characters have much personality to them. ;P
no subject
Date: 2008-10-21 04:03 am (UTC)It feels like this was a NaNo project where she just threw herself forward and never looked back.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-21 06:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-20 11:31 pm (UTC)Both of my main characters don't own cell phones because one can barely afford to pay her electricity bill, and the other guy's parents believe they cause cancer. All my secondary characters own cell phones, though. And at least I have stated my reasons (more or less) within the story itself.
Also, a while back on the Gaia thread, I tried to convence Lillewyn that the only reason James was interested in Bella was that Edward acted like she was his possession. I didn't succeed at that task, but at least I used quotes from the book and everything. James was all like, "I don't care about you, you puny human, I want Edward to chase me and hunt me down like an animal."
...
You know, I think I'm with you on that James/Edward ship.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-21 07:27 pm (UTC)I remember beepers! There was the beeper king in our city. He had all sorts of styles and colors.
Edward/James is SOOO there.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-22 09:12 pm (UTC)That said... would you mind writing some double entendre Edward/James slash for us? I'm sure it would be fun if you wrote it. XD