Things that irk Kippur

[kippurbird]

Actual content!



The train crash in Chatsworth, they're saying, might have been caused because the engineer was texting at the time. TEXTING! He's driving a lethal weapon for all intents and purposes with no ability to steer out of the way of any dangers because he's on a track and he might have been busy texting. What sort of society have we come to that people can't put down their phones and need to talk to people about trivial things in situations that require their complete attention? I think we might have been better off before all of this great leaps of technology.

This really bothers me a lot, beyond the death toll (being the deadliest crash in the United States in fifteen years). See, the train was on the same tracks that my brother takes to come home and go back to Santa Barbra. And I can't help thinking, well what if it was his train? How am I supposed to be assured of his safety if the damn driver can't pay attention to what he's doing?

And this goes to everyone really. I mean California had to pass a law that forbids people from talking on the cell phone while driving. Now I admit to this folly myself and I was definitely stupid for doing so. But it's just so easy, isn't it?

You pick up the phone and you can double check what time your doctor's appointment is, get that phone interview done or just talk to friends. My mom despises her cell phone and doesn't give out her number to anyone. She has it set on private. She also doesn't hear it ring about 80% of the time, no matter how high the volume is. Her hearing just doesn't pick up those sounds.

Still, I think she has a bit of a point. I see people walking around all the time on their phones. Sometimes there are two people walking with each other talking to two different people, other times one is on the phone and one isn't. Which is rude. After all you're with someone, so you should be paying attention them. Before we had such easy access to cellphones we just had our answering machines. I actually remember when we first got ours. It was a marvelous invention for us. People could call us and still give us their message even if we weren't home! And then when we got home we could see who called us and return their message.

We weren't too busy then, or caught up in our need to communicate. We were more in the world. I go on vacation to places and see bored looking kids walking right pass things as they talk on their phones, not even bothering to stop and look. They might as well just stay in their rooms as they don't seem to have any need for human contact.

Oh dear, this turned out to be a bit rantier and longer than I expected. I guess this is an issue that has been bothering me.


---



Another thing.

Listening to NPR last week -Friday I think it was - and they were interviewing this kid with aspergers, but for once weren't focusing on the aspergers but instead on his clinical depression. The subject was about how he was getting ready to go to college and how he'll deal with things that come up because of his mental illnesses (his words, not mine).

One of the things he said was that he'd tell teachers that he'd have some weird behaviors and they shouldn't worry about it. These included hand flapping and getting up to pace. The thing is, in my opinion, he shouldn't do those behaviors in the first place. They're not socially appropriate things to do in a classroom. He needs to learn how not to do them.

Yeah it's hard, Lord knows I have problems with sitting still, but I can't get up and pace when I'm at work. It's not appropriate. Nor is the hand flapping. It marks me as different and people will be nervous about dealing with me. Especially when I'm working up front.

I mean, how would you feel if you came up to the front desk of a library and there was this person hand flapping? Likely you wouldn't think they worked there. I don't think I would. I would probably think that they were someone who worked there's kid. You don't get any respect like that.

Instead of telling the teachers that he is going to indulge in odd behavior, he should instead learn how to control it. It'll make it that much easier when he goes into the work place and not get him fired.

Finally, on a more humorous note, my roommate is calling the day before the election bikini wax day. Because who ever wins, we'll be getting rid of our Bush.

Comments

[subieko.livejournal.com]

Re: cell phones--I'm in complete agreement.

Re: the interview with the kid--I don't know. While I do think that a person's got to do the best they can, I also think it's unrealistic to assume everyone is going to be able to appear 'normal' all the time. As a Touretter, although I've gone through CBT therapy and psychoeducational therapy, I still tic, tic, tic...I can't NOT do it. It is simply not something I can control. So, all I can do is make sure I'm not causing a disturbance and explain what's going on to people so that they aren't alarmed.

On the clinical depression--well, I have bipolar disorder, but the depression is the most severe part of that for me. I'm on medication for it, though, and it works well. Depression is something that needs appropriate treatment, because it really is life-threatening. And it really IS nigh-impossible to do the most ordinary things during a severe depressive episode. I mean it's like being dead. Just...dead.

So, I kinda disagree with you there. There are things that people will never be able to control, and there are things they can control. And frankly, I have no desire to use up all of my mental and physical resources trying to appear more normal when I could be doing useful work with them instead. For me, it's a choice--either I stay away from other people all the time, because I tic and I can't stop it, or I try to live my life as best I can. There is simply no option to act 'normal'. Nor do I particularly wish to live feeling ashamed and guilty for something I was born with and cannot control despite my best efforts. I have enough things to feel badly about without adding to it unnecessarily.

Re: Bush--*snickers*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I have no issues with the clinical depression. Or the bi-polarness, being bi-polar myself. However the things he was talking about in the classroom were autistic/aspergers things that he can learn how to control. It takes a hellova lot of work and patience, but it can be learned. I know I learned and my mother learned, and by brother learned, and every aspergers' person I know have learned.

After a while it becomes second nature not to flap or get up and walk around etc. And if you really have a pressing need you can excuse yourself and go somewhere private. For example my mom used to go to the ladies room and flap in a stall.

As for tics and things like that, I honestly couldn't make a comment because I don't know anything about them. I can just speak about my experience with the aspergers.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Cell phone idiocy: Yes, yes, yes, holy gods yes. Gah. I don't blame my mother for holding out until she decided to get a prepaid phone. She only uses it in emergencies, like when the house phone isn't working. She rarely goes out with it. She and my dad work in the same area. Also, they have phones where they work.
I almost always have my phone set to vibrate. My standard ring tone is a particular Enya song, so when it rings I always know it's my phone and no one else's around me. But even when it rings, I don't always answer. It can go to voicemail. Nothing on my cell phone is so damn important that I must drop everything else. Also, I hate text messaging, so I rarely ever do that unless specifically asked to.
One time, Mom was in line at the supermarket, and the young woman in front of her was yakking away on a cell phone while the cashier was ringing up her purchases. The girl wasn't paying any attention to the cashier and her voice was getting louder and louder. Finally, my mother tapped her on the shoulder and said forcefully, "Excuse me, could you please pay attention and get off your phone for a minute? There's a line behind you. Thank you." The girl stared open-mouthed, then went right back to talking loudly, except now she was complaining about "this bitchy lady in line behind me who wanted me to get off my phone, can you believe that, how rude."

The asperger's thing: Agreed completely. I never ask people to make exceptions for my disabilities and the quirks that might come with. I learn to control and handle my symptoms. I'll tell them exactly what my problems are, what my symptoms are, and then I'll say, "I'm working on controlling them. If you see me doing XYZ, please remind me, because I might not realize it."

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I only answer my phone when it's appropriate for me to do so. When I get calls and I'm working up at the front desk, I don't answer it.

I had the reverse problem with the lady on her phone. My checker was on the phone while she was ringing me up. I honestly didn't know what to say to that beyond thinking, "Your job is customer service, not talk to person on the phone".

Yes. Exactly. My mom always says that Autism is a Reason not an excuse. I used to babble constantly without realizing it and my mom would say, "You're babbling". After a while I learned to notice when I was babbling and could stop it.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

When I was little, I'd lean heavily on my right leg, because my left leg was affected with the cerebral palsy, and I rarely acknowledged my left side -- my parents would have to give me toys approaching from my left side, make me see out of my left eye, etc. Mom got into this habit of nudging my right hip and saying, "Weight shift, Joanna. Joanna, weight shift!" so I'd be conscious of my left side, so I'd start putting weight on that leg. She would gently lower my left arm if it was hanging awkwardly and make me swing my arm while walking. She would constantly be telling me to be aware of my left side. If that hadn't happened, I'm sure my left side would be somewhat useless, even with all the physical therapy. I had to want to use my left leg and arm.
When Adam and I got married, Adam stood on my left side because he knew how much it helped my brain.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I had twisted bones in my legs when I was a baby and had to wear leg braces to straighten them out. I think they mostly worked knees to feet are a bit funny when I stand.

But my parents did the same thing for me. Put down my hands when I raised them, helped me so I didn't walk funny.

I owe a lot to my parents. And your husband sounds awesome.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

I was in a leg brace for the first eight years of my life. I hated it back then. These days, I wish i hadn't fought it so much!

Adam is an amazing supporter. His younger brother, Michael, has severe cerebral palsy, autism, and mental retardation, and was born completely blind. Adam was constantly caring for Mikey as they were both growing up, so there is a lot of intense compassion and encouragement in his love for me.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I wore it when I was a baby. I don't remember until how old. In fact I didn't know I wore one until I was in my late teens early twenties.

I'm glad then! My mom needs a lot of emotional support and my dad's there to give it to her. They've been married for just about thirty four years now. I hope your marriage lasts as long, at least.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I think it will. :)

[yetanotherbob.livejournal.com]

Oh, I used to be horrible while driving the tow truck... Scary, I know.

re: Darfur Aspergers. Walking about to help thinking I can understand. Perhaps, if asked about the hand flapping, he could say he's studying the zen koan.

I had something insightful here, but it didn't come through too well.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Walking about to help thinking I can understand.

Yes, but in classrooms you're supposed to sit and listen to the teacher. Not think.

[falconwhitaker.livejournal.com]

Re. the train crash: How the fuck did somebody that stupid get a job like that?! O_O Jesus Christ.

Re. Asperger's kid: I agree with you there. I've got Asperger's myself (only recently diagnosed) and one has to put up with the fact that people in the real world are not going to indulge us when we enter it. We need to adapt to the world because it isn't going to adapt to us. So while he should be given extra support in order to learn how to control odd behaviour and cope with the real world, he shouldn't be indulged unnecessarily. It's a fine line to tread.

... I'm wittering. I apologise ^^;;

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Re: the train crash: He actually had been working as an engineer for twelve years iirc, I think it's really today's focus on things like texting that puts people in their own little bubble and they forget.

Re:Asperger's Kid: exactly. Aspergers folks are in the minority and so, much to our annoyance, we have to fit in. Adapt, as you say. Especially if you want to make a living.

Extra support comes during therapy and from family. Indulging in such behavior is only appropriate when in a non-social environment, like your own home.

[falconwhitaker.livejournal.com]

Extra support comes during therapy and from family. Indulging in such behavior is only appropriate when in a non-social environment, like your own home.

Exactly! <3

[acdragonmaster.livejournal.com]

See... the thing with cell phones is, they aren't bad in and of THEMSELVES, it's just how people USE them. If someone can talk to a passenger while driving without being unduly distracted, then a phone is probably no different, and there isn't a problem. On the other hand, if someone IS distractable, then they shouldn't be doing things that will distract them while driving in general, including using a phone.

And to be fair here, I didn't even OWN a cellphone until a few months ago, when I needed one in order to be able to quickly contact people I was meeting up with after flying to another state. This largely because I've never liked using phones in the first place, but there is some usefulness to them. It's really just a matter of responsibility.


And also I totally know what you mean about the appropriate behavior thing. It's one thing to ask teachers to be understanding about, say, needing instructions written out to understand them or having to ask for some extra assistance on an assignment that the rest the class has no problem with, and another entirely to ask them to accept behaviors that are unusual and disruptive. Learning to control it can be difficult, but I imagine it was just as difficult for the wheelchair-bound fellow who works on another floor of the office building to learn to get around on his own without always having convenient door-openers and things, but I've never heard him complaining. You can't necessarily help having a condition like that that differs from the norm, but you can help how you deal with it and whether you make it an explanation rather than an excuse.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Actually, they've done studies where they've shown that driving while on the cell phone is more dangerous than talking to a passenger. They even did a Mythbusters on it. Apparently -if I remember correctly - it's because the passenger can act as a second pair of eyes. But I could be wrong in my remembering.

It's one thing to ask teachers to be understanding about, say, needing instructions written out to understand them or having to ask for some extra assistance on an assignment that the rest the class has no problem with, and another entirely to ask them to accept behaviors that are unusual and disruptive.

Especially since it'll be disruptive to the rest of the class and it's not fair for them to have to accommodate his behaviors.

[acdragonmaster.livejournal.com]

Huh, go figure. I'm more likely to ignore someone on the phone to pay attention to other things than a person I'm talking to in person though, myself. XD


And yeah, exactly. Plus, I would bet a lot of other students ALSO have varying degrees of problems they have to deal with in one area or another, so it's not like this one unique case. Anyone can get restless or fidgety or so on, there's ways to cope.

[spoofmaster]

I totally agree about cell phones. What really gets to me about the way people use them is usually when it's disruptive - like in film intro (and even film history, by which time these idiots should have already been weeded out), when some of my classmates would text on their phones throughout entire movie screenings. It's next to impossible to let yourself get absorbed in a film when the person in front of you has their ridiculously bright cell phone screen out.

Also, I really hate how the freshmen in my dorm will get in the elevator while talking on the phone, and practically shout into it the entire time even though they're in a tiny little room with several strangers trapped in there with them. That sort of ties in with my general dislike of people talking loudly, though.

I can't say that I know personally how hard it is or isn't to learn to control those behaviors, but I know my brother came back from boot camp a lot better at it than before he went in. It was actually really weird to talk to him and not have him repeat the last part of my sentences back at me. I kind of feel bad for how rough they probably were on him to get him to stop that stuff, but that's what he chose to do, so whatever.

[authoressarktos.livejournal.com]

AGREED ON THE CELLPHONE THING. I mean, I know I'm not really one to talk since I glue myself to the computer so much, but you'd think people would learn. I also agree about the kid with autism. If it's a controllable behaviour (which it sounds like it is), he should learn to stop doing it in public.

On Bush...>>

[j-ninjacat.livejournal.com]

Hard as it can be when I'm stressed, I'm not allowed to pace. If I need to walk about, I go to the bathroom--walking there and back helps clear my mind. Other than that...he's not doing himself any favors. People pick on you more if you exhibit stuff like that. This makes you more isolated and feel the aspieness more...In my opinion (I'm not an expert or anything, but I do have my own experiences to draw from).

[j-ninjacat.livejournal.com]

*re: I'm not allowed to pace--I mean in class. At home it's not as big of a deal.

[emily-goddess.livejournal.com]

I'm a habitual pedestrian. Of people who don't signal, don't stop, don't look for oncoming traffic/pedestrians, or otherwise put me in danger, 90% are on their phone when it happens. Pisses me off to no end.

Text Messaging bothers me, too. Why not just pick up the phone and call them? I have co-workers who can't be parted from their phones for the eight whole hours of their shift, and will leave the front to go text people (or just text in front of the customers). It's kind of sad, really. Plus, now there are chain texts (send to 80 ppl or ull hav bad luck 4ever!).