Good writing, bad writing.
Jul. 30th, 2008 08:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kippurbird I got published again! Yay me!
Still not paid though. D:
Twilight, chapter 7 Nightmare pt.2
Bella goes to sleep. She doesn't dream because she's very very tired. She wakes up happy. Yay. She talks to her dad thinking about how she can see what attracted her mother to him. Yay. Whoopie. She eats breakfast and watches the dust motes. Seriously. "I ate breakfast cheerily, watching the dust moats stirring in the sunlight that streamed in the back window." My cat does that. Though he watches motes and not moats. I don't have a moat in my apartment. But really, Meyer's has been trying to present Bella as an intelligent young woman, but what does she do at breakfast? She watches the dust motes. Not read a book or the newspaper, but stare out into space like a cat. It makes her look rather air-headed as she's perfectly entertained watching the dust motes.
She goes to school early and works on some Trig problems, even though she said she finished her homework earlier. She ends up doodling dark eyes though. Edward has dark eyes. Do you think there could be a connection? Mike shows up and is friendly with her, tucking a strand of hair that's got red in it (only in the sun) and it makes Bella uncomfortable. Mike asks Bella out on a date and Bella doesn't want to because of Edward, but instead she says that it's because Jessica likes him and they're going to the dance. Mike acts like he's never realized this before. I'm not to worried though, as Edward and Bella are fated to be together, it's likely that Mike and Jessica will end up together too. Though it won't be as good as Bella and Edward.
Jessica wants Bella to go with her to Port Angeles to go shopping. Lauren and Angela are going too. Since Lauren is going Bella is undecided. She does want to go to get out of Forks.
At lunch however the Cullens aren't there.
She's getting a wee bit too obsessed here. She shouldn't be emotionally crippled because someone isn't there. Especially someone she barely knows. Curious or afraid maybe, especially if she wants to know if the Cullens are vampires, but not desolate with dwindling hope. The emotions are too strong here. There's no way she could have time to form such a strong attachment. It feels like a crush. A very desperate crush, but expanded out into almost creepy/stalkery proportions.
It's not a natural reaction and seems forced. Almost as if Meyers is forcing Bella to feel so desolate and empty by not letting her form any other interests or attachments. With no personality she can be shifted to what Meyers thinks is important and given the emotions, not letting them develop over time or naturally. There's no questioning for Bella over Edward. She's happy with him and so miserable without him that she'd do anything to be with him. In a way that reminds me of an abusive relationship. Sometimes, even if the relationship is highly abusive, the person will stay in it because they don't have anything else. Bella doesn't have the chance to have anything else so she clings to Edward and his non-existence.
In fact the rest of the chapter is immaterial because all Bella does is mope about the lack of Edward and the Cullens. Nothing else important happens. I could mention Mike taking Jessica out to dinner but Bella doesn't see it as important. Just the lack of Edwardness. Everything else is just air filler.
Still not paid though. D:
Twilight, chapter 7 Nightmare pt.2
Bella goes to sleep. She doesn't dream because she's very very tired. She wakes up happy. Yay. She talks to her dad thinking about how she can see what attracted her mother to him. Yay. Whoopie. She eats breakfast and watches the dust motes. Seriously. "I ate breakfast cheerily, watching the dust moats stirring in the sunlight that streamed in the back window." My cat does that. Though he watches motes and not moats. I don't have a moat in my apartment. But really, Meyer's has been trying to present Bella as an intelligent young woman, but what does she do at breakfast? She watches the dust motes. Not read a book or the newspaper, but stare out into space like a cat. It makes her look rather air-headed as she's perfectly entertained watching the dust motes.
She goes to school early and works on some Trig problems, even though she said she finished her homework earlier. She ends up doodling dark eyes though. Edward has dark eyes. Do you think there could be a connection? Mike shows up and is friendly with her, tucking a strand of hair that's got red in it (only in the sun) and it makes Bella uncomfortable. Mike asks Bella out on a date and Bella doesn't want to because of Edward, but instead she says that it's because Jessica likes him and they're going to the dance. Mike acts like he's never realized this before. I'm not to worried though, as Edward and Bella are fated to be together, it's likely that Mike and Jessica will end up together too. Though it won't be as good as Bella and Edward.
Jessica wants Bella to go with her to Port Angeles to go shopping. Lauren and Angela are going too. Since Lauren is going Bella is undecided. She does want to go to get out of Forks.
At lunch however the Cullens aren't there.
lost in my own frenzy of anticipation to notice much of what she said. I was painfully eager to see not just him but all the Cullens — to compare them with the new
suspicions that plagued my mind. As I crossed the threshold of the cafeteria, I felt the first true tingle of fear slither down my spine and settle in my stomach. Would they be able to know what I was thinking? And then a different feeling jolted through me — would Edward be waiting to
sit with me again?
As was my routine, I glanced first toward the Cullens' table. A shiver of panic trembled in my stomach as I realized it was empty. With dwindling hope, my eyes scoured the rest of the cafeteria, hoping to find him alone, waiting for me. The place was nearly filled — Spanish had made us late — but there was no sign of Edward or any of his family. Desolation
hit me with crippling strength.
She's getting a wee bit too obsessed here. She shouldn't be emotionally crippled because someone isn't there. Especially someone she barely knows. Curious or afraid maybe, especially if she wants to know if the Cullens are vampires, but not desolate with dwindling hope. The emotions are too strong here. There's no way she could have time to form such a strong attachment. It feels like a crush. A very desperate crush, but expanded out into almost creepy/stalkery proportions.
It's not a natural reaction and seems forced. Almost as if Meyers is forcing Bella to feel so desolate and empty by not letting her form any other interests or attachments. With no personality she can be shifted to what Meyers thinks is important and given the emotions, not letting them develop over time or naturally. There's no questioning for Bella over Edward. She's happy with him and so miserable without him that she'd do anything to be with him. In a way that reminds me of an abusive relationship. Sometimes, even if the relationship is highly abusive, the person will stay in it because they don't have anything else. Bella doesn't have the chance to have anything else so she clings to Edward and his non-existence.
In fact the rest of the chapter is immaterial because all Bella does is mope about the lack of Edward and the Cullens. Nothing else important happens. I could mention Mike taking Jessica out to dinner but Bella doesn't see it as important. Just the lack of Edwardness. Everything else is just air filler.
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no subject
Date: 2008-07-31 04:13 pm (UTC)It's also suggesting the idolization and removal of actual human interaction of someone you like is a good thing. After all, Bella only pines after Edward never actively doing anything to interact with him. She only waits for him to beckon her and she is utterly passive until this happens.
I suppose this is consistent with a teenager's crush however. The longing and wide eyed mooning, but there's not been any sharing between Bella and her friends. None of them have been shown crushing on Edward and none of them have been shown crushing on anyone to such a devastating degree.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-31 05:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-01 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-01 05:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-01 06:43 pm (UTC)Edward is taking advantage of her by her attraction to her and emotionally manipulating her, even if it isn't supposed to be like that.