kippurbird: (Hippie elves)
[personal profile] kippurbird
Got comments back on the story. More comments. From Mr. Formulaic, who is the one with the agent. And really isn't formulaic so much as purple.

Anyway, continuing on the people not getting that just because it's fantasy doesn't mean he's a hero line of thought. For fun/boredom I've decided to answer his comments here.


Got right into the story and it flowed right along, especially the
part at the end!


I have no qualms with that one. ^_^

Don't know if we'll ever agree about using earthly historical names
for fantasy characters, but you might have fun with this page...
http://www.rinkworks.com/namegen/ I know I do!


Now, I have a two fold reason for this one. (Using names like Alexander, Rufus, Orion etc.) One being that Alec (Alexander) and Orion had that name before I "transplanted" them into the story. The second being, well, why wouldn't such names show up? I mean, it's not like I'm doing a Paolini naming convention where all the NPCs have normal names and the heroes have "fantasy" names. I've interspersed it fairly evenly through out the story. Names are, when you get down to it, a combination of letters and sounds. And eventually you're going to get overlap. In Hebrew, for example לו
sounds like "low". Two different languages, two different alphabets, but still the same sounding word. My characters don't speak English, except for the fact that I'm writing what they say in English. So, it's logical to suppose that eventually, similar sounding names will show up.

Name generators are addictive. (especially the bad name one: Phstfrd)


I know characters are the most important thing in fiction, but I really want to see more texture about the world. More stuff like "Selina's eyes"... which melikes...

Eh, I suppose. It's a hard balance for me. I mean, Selina's eyes refer to the two moons. And most of the time when you look up at the moon you don't think, "Luna, named after the Roman Goddess of the moon", you just go "moon". In being in a third person limited POV, most of the times the characters are going to go "moons". In this particular case, Orion was feeling rather introspective at the time, and so it felt more appropriate to call the moons "Selina's eyes". Alec, the main POV character, is not at all a introspective sort. He's kinda shallow that way. He's a teenager. Teenagers aren't given to introspection unless they're being emo and writing goth poetry. So, it's hard to give texture to the world when you have a character who looks at the world superficially.

Characters maybe be more tough?

... Why? Honestly speaking, the only tough character that I have would be Orion. Alex (Orion's slave) would be second, but only because he's utterly insane. Orion is a seasoned fighter and has rightly earned the title of General. He's been in several wars and fought a lot of battles. Alex has been driven insane in such a way that he's a down right little sadist. (Orion likes him that way). On the other hand, Alec is new to the adventuring gig. He's never killed anyone. The only fights he's been in are school boy scraps with his sister and other kids, and he hasn't done that in ages. He grew up in the city in comfort and has never faced a real challenge in his life. He's never had a reason to be "tough".


Alec at the moment is very changeable - going from having his butt
kicked by Orion to sticking his tongue out at his sister... be more of
a single-minded hero, Alec!


I fail to see how one has anything to do with the other. You tend to act differently with family than you do with people you don't like. Usually with siblings you tend to act younger or less mature than you do with others. Alec and Laruna have known each other their entire life. They're twins. They've developed their own idiosyncrasies in how they act and respond to each other. Of course Alec isn't going to stick his tongue out at Orion, that would be childish and immature, which would make Orion take him less seriously. He doesn't want Orion to treat him like a child, but an adult. Thus he acts like an adult with him. He doesn't have to worry about such things with his sister. He knows his sister has a set opinion about him and can be how he wants.

Also, Alec is not a hero. He's a protagonist.

If Orion is trying to grab power, I saw him thinking about it, but not
actively doing anything except hanging out with Alixx... Then again,
this is only 2 chapters -- so maybe it is a lull in his plotting?...


Um... long term planning anyone? If he actively tries to grab power, people are going to notice it. His trick is to do it slowly until people suddenly realize "Well fuck, how did that happen?" He's three hundred years old. He's got plenty of time to work his wiles. Hell, he could even wait until Phelps is no longer on the throne. Plus, he likes Alex. Good sex.

----

Also, Twilight for my next venture?

----

I took kitty to the vet yesterday. It took three people to get him from under the bed and that included lifting up the mattress. He scratched mom so badly that her hand's swollen up. She's going to the doctor later today. Kitty is fine. He just had a really nasty scratch under his chin from where his nails were to long and cut him. Got his nails trimmed too.

Date: 2008-06-30 06:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-norseman.livejournal.com
[i]Twillight[/i]?

Date: 2008-06-30 08:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com
Yes Twilight. You must do it, Kippur. Do it for great justice .

Date: 2008-06-30 08:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
It's got vampires that sparkle in the sun.

Date: 2008-07-03 03:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brainchild129.livejournal.com
And it'll be a sort of funny contrast from the last book. You'll go from a vampire story where plot is sacrificed for sex to one where there is no sex, but the plot is forgotten for most of the book to instead celebrate an utterly psychotic relationhip. Just beware - the Twilight fangirls may wander here to criticize you for criticizing their beloved books (usually with the "If you don't like it, why are you reading it?" defense). You'll have lots of Eragon-esque fun tearing apart the awful characters, strange subtexts, and the general air of Mary Suedom.

Sorry for the double post but....

Date: 2008-07-03 03:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brainchild129.livejournal.com
Also, I could get you an e-book copy so you wouldn't even have to worry about returning things to the library (or worse, actually paying for the book).

Re: Sorry for the double post but....

Date: 2008-07-04 04:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Oooooooo

Can I copy paste from it?

Date: 2008-06-30 09:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] christinaathena.livejournal.com
I'm not big on "English"-type names being used in fantasy myself. It just feels out of place for a society that has nothing to do with ours to use the same names. Sure, you might happen to have a few names that sound similar, like the Japanese name Eimi sounds rather like "Amy", but those are uncommon. Most Japanese names sound nothing like European names.

Europeans have been borrowing names from each other, and from the Hebrew Bible, for so long that there's a lot of similarities in Europe, but even there, there's usually variations in different languages. Peter/Pedro/Pierre/Pyotr, etc.

Date: 2008-07-01 12:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
I see your point. And then pitch a fit at you because you disagree with me. But this culture is being rendered into English terms. So, you never know. It could happen.

Date: 2008-07-01 03:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] detritius.livejournal.com
I say go for Twilight. There's so much to laugh at. And there's no bad sex. There's even a plot that shows up... about seven eighths through the book. I suggest a drinking game for this one. Take a shot whenever the author mentions Edward's "velvet voice" or "perfect marble features." You'll be sloshed in no time.

Date: 2008-07-01 07:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Are we trying to kill me with the drinking? =D

Date: 2008-07-03 08:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kunenk.livejournal.com
You could alternate between killing your liver and killing your teeth?

Date: 2008-07-01 12:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cazrolime.livejournal.com
I quite like the idea of refreshing the name generator until you find some you like, and then building up a naming tradition around them. :D If I use English names in a fantasy setting, they'll be old ones that have gone out of fashion, like Adela. That, or I'll pick a culture whose language I happen to like and then steal names from it. Or butcher its words. xD I'm not sure if it's an approved practice, but if it helps me keep a language sounding like a language and not like a bunch of utterly unconnected words, then I'll defend it to the death. :P

Hey, us teenagers can be introspective without being angsty. :P That's not to say that Alec has to be, but it's not a hard-and-fast rule that he can't be, either.

Hear hear about interacting with different people in different ways. :D That's something I always try to bear in mind when I'm writing.

I adore long-term, under-the-radar plans to take over the world. \o/ Bashing in there with a billion-strong Dark Army is fun and all, but after the first twenty pages of solid hack-and-slash it's gotten old. Much better to be all subtle and twisty and character-interacty, in my opinion. :D
Edited Date: 2008-07-01 12:07 pm (UTC)

Date: 2008-07-01 07:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Hey, us teenagers can be introspective without being angsty. :P That's not to say that Alec has to be, but it's not a hard-and-fast rule that he can't be, either.

This is true. Alec just happens to be rather shallow in how he sees the world. He's never needed to see it any deeper. He's never needed to have deeper emotions.

Hear hear about interacting with different people in different ways. :D That's something I always try to bear in mind when I'm writing.

It's hard. But realistic. And not at all schizophrenic.

I adore long-term, under-the-radar plans to take over the world. \o/ Bashing in there with a billion-strong Dark Army is fun and all, but after the first twenty pages of solid hack-and-slash it's gotten old. Much better to be all subtle and twisty and character-interacty, in my opinion. :D

If you notice those who bash tend to die quickly. And it's so very cliche. Just so cliche. Orion is patient. And that'll get him what he wants.

Date: 2008-07-01 08:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] authoressarktos.livejournal.com
Alec at the moment is very changeable - going from having his butt
kicked by Orion to sticking his tongue out at his sister... be more of
a single-minded hero, Alec!


WTF? You mean, less depth + single-mindedness = automatic hero? Personally, that sounds like the oldest formula in the book. Not to mention a stupid one. I like the fact Alec has different faucets to his personality, makes him more believable and sympathetic.

Also, go for Twillight! Then you can spork the movie! :D

Date: 2008-07-01 09:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Yeah, I didn't get that one either. No person is single minded. Everyone changes in different situations.

Date: 2008-07-03 10:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wariena.livejournal.com
Speaking of criticism, I have a question about this kind of situation: how do you answer criticism that you know isn't quite right (like above) without sounding like a whiny, "my story is PERFECT!" suethor? If I'm not making myself very clear it's because I have a headache. XD

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