Things I'm not allowed to do at the library any more.

[kippurbird]

Things I'm not allowed to do at the library any more

• I will not answer the phone saying, "Bobo's Information Hotline, if we don't know it, it can't be known!"
  
• Telling patrons that they can check out books and not look at them is mean.
  
• LC stands for Library of Congress not Literary Confusion.
  
• The tip jar must go.
• Copies cost ten cents. Not fifteen. I will not pocket the extra five cents.
  
• There is no charge for looking up books.
• or finding them.
• or checking them out.
• or returning them.
  
• unless they're late, and then I'm only allowed to charge the designated fee and not a service charger
• There are no service charges at all.
  
• In ANY circumstances.
  
• Potato sack races with the Airline shipment bags around the reading room is not allowed.
  
• Clothing is mandatory at all times.
  
• Yes, Even then.
  
• And then too.
• I will not lock the keyboards into Arabic.
  
• Or Russian
• Greek
• Japanese
• Chinese
• or any other non-English language
• The only exception to this rule is when the patron wants to be able to type in Hebrew.
  
• Afterwards I will change it back.
• I will not stamp "Withdrawn" on the patron's hands when they check out the books.
  
• "Look it up yourself you old batty" Is not an acceptable response to "Can you help me find something"
• Nerf guns are not an acceptable way to enforce the quiet rule.
  
• I will not gather up a stack of books, giggle madly and wave around a gas can declaring, "We're going to reenact Ray Bradbury's : Fahrenheit 451"
• Bringing in a jar of jelly and making a very messy sandwich near the books is right out.
  
• No more silly string.
  
• or bubbles.
  
• There will be no wearing of tin foil hats and saying, "The books... they can read your  minds!"
  
• I will not randomly rearrange people's belongings when they step outside for a phone call.
  
• I will not demand a duel using the newspaper sticks as a sword.
  
• There is no "Look but don't touch" rule in the stacks.
  
• There is no happy hour.
  
• I will not put weird signs upon the head librarian's door.
  
• There is no, "After Three weeks you can keep it" policy.
• Big Al will not come after people who don't return their books on time.
• BS does not stand for "Bull Shit" and is not the US government's position on the importance of the Bible.
  
• I will not proselytize for the Church of Scientology even though we have two boxes of L.Ron. Hubbard's books.
• There will be no readings of Ann Rices' "Sleeping Beauty: an Erotic Fairy tale" for the Rabbinical students
• Or the Undergrads
• Or the Grads
• Especially not for the Department of Continuing Education students. They'd probably have a heart attack.
  
• I will not try and exorcise the copy machine when it breaks down
  
• or the printers
• or the computers. 
• Shouting "Captain on Deck" when the librarian comes in is not acceptable.
  
• I will not put people on hold for simple questions like "when are you open".
• The barcode scanner is not a toy.
  
• The label protectors are not to be used to hang things on the walls.
• I will not put the oldest periodical on the current shelf.
  
• Giggling hysterically when someone asks me a question is wrong and confuses people.

Comments

[pandoras-closet.livejournal.com]

I LOL'd.

A++ would read again.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

:D Yay!

[liritarofrohan.livejournal.com]

*Falls down laughing* That? Is good. *Grins*

And I'm sure I've said this before, but that icon is amazing. Gotta love being able to recognize random MST quotes.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

This is what happens when I have far too much time at work. :D

[liritarofrohan.livejournal.com]

*Laughs* What happens when I have too much time at work is I start getting weird fic ideas. *Headdesk*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Oh, I get those too. But today... was the list!

[liritarofrohan.livejournal.com]

*Laughs* Sunday... Underage Heroes slash.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

It's not one of those "Such and such characters as kids" fics, is it?

[liritarofrohan.livejournal.com]

Nope. Just takes two of the, what, three teenage boys in Heroes and slashes them. When I have sooo many actual legal and slashy people to write about...

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*giggles* That should be a fun read. :D

[liritarofrohan.livejournal.com]

Uh huh. *Rolls eyes* Especially the part where Claire finds out her best friend shagged her brother while she was trying to save the world.

[christinaathena.livejournal.com]

Clothing is mandatory? Well, that's no fun!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I KNOW! D:

[syderia]

LOL

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

:D

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

"There is no happy hour."

Lies!

XD Two thumbs up.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

TRUTH! And there will only be drinks with covers allowed in the library. Little paper umbrellas do not count as covers.

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

Truly, yours is a cold and unhappy world.

What about larger paper umbrellas?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Nor those either. Coconuts are also not acceptable drink containers.

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

"There will be no readings of Ann Rices' "Sleeping Beauty: an Erotic Fairy tale" for the Rabbinical students"


On behalf of Rabbinical students, I offer a huge chuckle!

Great list!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I actuall cataloged that book. I think... maybe I put it up for donation. In any case, it came across my desk.

Are you a Rabbinical student?

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

I'm definitely considering it! My parents are Orthodox so they would freak, but I'm reform Jew.

You?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I went to/work at the University of Judaism, now known as the American Jewish University. Got my bachelor's there. I'm Conservadox.

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

I should have figured with the "kipper" part of the name. Glad to meet a fellow Jew, I'm in England now and kosher food is a nightmare. (My parents made me promise) And wow, conservadox, that's fairly frum. Planning to get smicha as well?

Question: I have noticed a really large amount of Autistics in the tribe. Do you think there is a genetic component? I know other "clusters" of traits exist, such as Tay-Sachs and breast cancer. I've been mulling that over as my Chabad host has an austistic son as well.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I couldn't not eat Kosher food. I wouldn't call conservadox frum. At least my version of it. I mean I don't go to shul almost at all, but I'm more Orthodox in my belief systems than say conservative. Definitely not reformed. I think it's more their value system than anything else.

Seeing as how my mom, brother, my mom's cousin and I are autistic I definitely think there is a genetic component. :D But it seems to be fairly evenly spread across the board. I think the thing is that perhaps other minority groups don't have the resources to get their children diagnosed and so their numbers are uncounted for.

I do know that it runs in my mother's family. (Though as to how badly we'll never really know as all the records and family were lost. etc.)

[indescane.livejournal.com]

As a fellow library assistant, I can safely say that you have now given me loads of ideas.

A+++

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Shhhhh... >.>

[emily-goddess.livejournal.com]

I think Nerf guns are the best way to enforce the quiet rule. If you ask students to be quiet, they'll wait until you leave, then start talking again. The thread of a dart to the face is a much more effective deterrent, IMO.

You could always make that joke to patrons, with a wink and a nudge, then look the other way when people start firing at those who are disrupting their studies.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

The Rabbincial students are quite effective with the enforcing of the quiet rules. Like the Mafia.

[dryaunda.livejournal.com]

Big Al will not come after people who don't return their books on time.

How about ninja-types coming for the books marked "MISSING"?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Nope. :D

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Have you actually done all of that? I've gotta say, you have guts. I wouldn't be able to do half of it with a good conscience... but the other half, I'd love to do. Or at least, something similar.

I wish I could sneak around my store with a nerf gun and shoot at people who don't put the books back on the shelf. I don't care if they aren't entirely certain where it went. I don't want them leaving those books RIGHT on top of the shelf, when they could have at least took an educated guess on a shelf and put it in. (The only instance where I deem this okay is if who-ever was shelving was dumb enough to make the books too tight to put it back. But this is normally not the case.)

I'm sure that sounds weird but considering all of the piles of books left around, on tables and displays, that we have to deal with in my bookstore, finding a few stray books left right on top of the shelf where they WENT in the first place drives me nuts. It would've taken almost no effort for that person to put them back more or less where they were supposed to go. But instead, I now have to stop whatever I'm doing (usually hauling around a pile of books left elsewhere) and put those other books in first or drag them with me and come back later.

People also don't realize that this cuts into my time for being at the customer service desk (I can't be there to help them find things and reshelve at the same time, though I try to come back after a few minutes) and that sometimes these books don't even get noticed for awhile, depending on how traversed that section is. It makes our store look sloppy and it's a waste of our time, considering people do this ALL over the entire store, particularly in the kids section. ;P

Sorry about the mini-rant... ^_^;

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Nope. I've only done ONE thing on this list. Guess you can't pick which. :D

In the library we have Desginated Places for books that have been taken off the shelves and need to be reshelved. It's easier that way then having someone finding a PJ in a PS section etc. Though sometimes even the shelvers aren't that good either.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Well, this is why I technically don't mind as much if they leave their books on a table or in the cafe. It's still annoying and I become distressed upon seeing a huge pile there... but it makes me resent them less, sometimes, than if I see books lying on top of a shelf of books. (Particularly since, if it has a very low-set shelf above it, this can sometimes injure the books.) But don't mind me... I've had one paper-cut too many from an angry book, that's all. XD

Also, I vote for the barcode scanner... just because. :D