Things you'll never wish you've read. I warned you.

[kippurbird]

Some Choice Bits from Chapter Twenty.

Nothing here is analyzed because I know nothing about sex except for what my mother told me and usually when she did that I'd put my hands over my ears and go "Lalalalalala"

Also, there's nothing to analyze.



I held them both in my hands. When I'd first tried to play with them both at the same time, I'd found that I couldn't do it. I couldn't concentrate on both hands equally, and when you've got a handful of the most delicate bits on a man's body, you want to be able to concentrate. But practice makes perfect, and I could do it now. I could hold each of them in my hand and stroke and play with them. I'd finally found something I was ambidextrous at.

--------


I wrapped my hands around them, and raised my mouth up to slide over Jean-Claude's body. He was as small as he got, loose and delicate. It always amazed me how something so small could become so large. Nothing on my body could change so much- maybe that's why it fascinated me. I loved the texture when a man was totally soft. Until we shared blood, I could roll that soft, soft flesh around my mouth, suck on it all. Normally I would have tried to draw his testicles into my mouth, too, but with both my hands busy, I didn't dare. Too delicate a work to risk, when I wasn't sure I could concentrate on it all. I rolled my hands up and down Micah and Nathaniel's bodies while I sucked on Jean-Claude, drawing him harder and faster, over and over, glorying in the fact that I could take all of him without a struggle. Like this, it was all sensation. I could roll and flick and suck with my mouth and tongue, able to do things with his body that I could never have done wit him erect.

*coughs* Floppy Penis! Floppy Penis! Floppy, floppy, floppy penis! >.>

------------

He crawled until I could see him. He just looked at me with those chartreuse eyes. His face mad no demands, but his body spoke for him, so hard, so eager. "You, inside me."

"We've never done this without the ardeur," he said.

"I know," I said.

He gave me a look, then he smiled, and crawled back down along the bed.

"Suck me while he does it." It was more a command than a request, but I'd work so long and hard to have Nathaniel that commanding anywhere in his life. Hard to bitch about it now. Besides, he was so temptingly close, so hard, so ready. I had to mound pillows up, a little higher, to get the angle we needed.

I felt the bed adjust, a moment before fingers slipped inside me. Two searching, slender fingers. Those fingers found that certain spot, and began to flick back and fourth, back and forth, faster and faster, until the feeling threw my head back, and tore a scream from me. There were other men who could do that to me, but no one else was that quick at it. I knew who it was, before I looked past Nathaniel's body to seen Jean-Claude kneeling between my thighs. His eyes had bled to solid blue light.

First, it sounds like Jean-Claude is hitting her prostate gland (even though it's probably her G-Spot) but that's probably because I've been reading too much slash. Second eyes that bleed to solid blue light can't be healthy at all.

------------


He shoved more of his hand inside me in one quick motion, and that brought me, too. He'd work me until my body would give orgasms like a gift, so wet, so excited, so thick, so tight, swollen with pleasure.

-------


Jean-Claude raised his mouth off me. His mouth was smeared with my blood, and his body was hard and ready, full of my blood, so he could pleasure my body, and his. He usually started out slow for intercourse, but tonight he,like Micah, had done his slow. He was suddenly above me, he up on his arms like a push-up, but his lower body didn't stay up. He thrust into me as hard and fast as I'd ever felt him, and I could watch every thrust as he moved in and out of me. Three strokes, five, and he brought me. I thrust my hips up to meet his, writhing underneath him. He brought me twice more, before I felt him begin to lose the rhythm of it, and with one last thrust he spilled himself inside of me. He stayed above me, holding himself on his shaking arms, while he gazed down at me, lips open, fighting for breath. He normally collapsed on top of me afterward, but my chest was covered in Micah's juice. It was already growing thinner, beginning to trickle down my sides like icing melting in the heat.

-----------

I came to myself panting, double-visioned, and found [Nathaniel's] body back in the same rhythm. He kept going in and out of me, as if he could do it all night. He damn near could. He brought me again, and this time I would my upper body him, pressed our chests together, dug claws into his back. He pressed his upper body against me, putting his upper chest against my mouth, while his body kept pumping away. I knew what he wanted, and I gave it to him. I bit him, bit him until I tasted blood. I held his upper body against mine, so that he wouldn't jerk away and cause me to hurt him more than I planned. My mouth filled with blood, and his rhythm faltered, pleasure he could fight off all night, but pain, pain would bring him faster.

But he brought me again first, and I tore my mouth away from his body, so I didn't bite him too much. I turned my face to the side, and screamed. I wrapped my legs around his body, locked my heels at the top of his ass, and pinned him to me, so he couldn't get the rhythm he wanted.

He raised himself up on hands and knees, with me clinging to the front of his body, He crawled us both to the head of the bed, and used one hand on my ass, and the other on the head board, to lift me up, and put my back against the headboard. His voice came in a strangled whisper. "I want to move more." And he did, he moved in and out of me, over and over and over while I clung to him with my arms and legs. He brought me again, and again, and finally one more time, and then he asked, "Please, please."

Some nights he liked to beg before I said yes, but tonight I didn't think either of us could stand much more. I whispered it against the sweet smell of his neck, "Yes, go, go, go inside more. God, go, please!"

He stopped trying for rhythm and thrust inside me as hard and fast as he could. Be brought me again; I dug my nails into his shoulders and back, and he finally thrust up inside me. Thrust as far and hard as he could. He stayed like that for a heartbeat, forever, then he slumped lower on his knees, while I still clung to him.

For count, in the chapter, she's orgasmed at least, at least thirteen times and the guys about three.

Comments

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

Jean-Claude raised his mouth off me. His mouth was smeared with my blood, and his body was hard and ready, full of my blood, so he could pleasure my body, and his.

First thought: She's having her period? Damn, Hamilton, I thought you would've found that squicky.

And, uh... thirteen times. Wow.

[reverie-shadow.livejournal.com]

I wondered that, too. But then again, if she was having her period then she couldn't possibly be pregnant. Which she's not. So yeah.

So weird how LKH avoids naming any body parts at all.

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

Didn't she start out writing erotica for women? And isn't that stuff very...

"His mighty love lance plunged into her embracing velvety deeps, piercing that shield of innocence that she had defended for so long! She let out a passionate cry as Roderik finally made her a woman."

You know... that?

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

That would explain so much.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

No, He drank blood from her thigh.

And it's at least thirteen times.

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

But... but...

I understand its fun and all, but why on earth would you want to do it that many times in a row? D:

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Orgasms =Good

[smurasaki.livejournal.com]

You've got to be kidding me - pages of sex and she manages never to write "penis" or even a euphemism for it? I'm amazed. And not sure a grown woman who can't type "penis" should be writing sex. Oh, wait, she doesn't mention any sex organs. That's even worse. *headdesk*

That is also the least sexy sex I've ever read. Which has to be a special kind of fail.

Oh, Kippur, you deserve a very, very good book after slogging through this. And a plate of cookies.

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

I believe that means Anita Blake rates a 4 on the Agony in Pink scale.

[smurasaki.livejournal.com]

The what? Or am I going to be sorry I asked. *worries*

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

Well you asked for it.

The scale goes as follow.

1: Normal sex scene, is a little afraid to say 'penis' and 'vagina'. Uses words like 'woman sex' and 'member' on occasion. Still wankable.

2: Meh sex scene, is very afraid to say 'penis' and 'vagina', uses words like 'dripping sex' and 'stiff rod'. Tries to hard not to be graphic but still is. Wankable if desperate.

3: Author must be a virgin. Flowery sex with 'cock', 'prick' used as well as 'member' and 'stiff rod', but no mentions of the word 'vagina' at all, only 'dripping sex' and 'velvet folds'. Desperate wank if your brain farted.

4: Very graphic sex. The word 'cock' and 'pussy' is thrown about all over the place. Not flowery in any way. The author is not afraid of sex, but still might be a virgin. Is not wankable at all. May contain BDSM.

5: HOLY SHIT, THAT'S GROSS! WHY THE FUCK WOULD *ANYONE* WOULD WRITE THIS? Only wankable to a special group.

I sort of forgot the rules to my own scale, since Anita Blake falls more into a 2 rating, but it's still disgusting instead of being written virginal. I shall revisited my scale in the near future.

[prototypical]

Do you know if anyone with a brave enough mind and stomach has sporked Agony in Pink? I would almost brave that monstronsity again if there was humor attached.

*almost said "torn it apart" instead of sporked, realized that it would be a terrible choice of words, given the story in question*

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

I don't think anyone has ever sporked Agony in Pink. A sporking might exist in a Usenet archive somewhere, but I don't know.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Nope. Not kidding. Half the time I'm not sure what body part she's talking about, except for the fact that I know that she's having sex, so I make educated guesses.

Yay! Cookies!

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

He shoved more of his hand inside me in one quick motion, and that brought me, too. He'd work me until my body would give orgasms like a gift, so wet, so excited, so thick, so tight, swollen with pleasure.

Anita got fisted? D=

Also, limp penises are not arousing. They are funny, and cute. Really. It's fun to play with them, but all guys find it embarassing, obiviously.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yes. Anita got fisted.

They look kinda like an elephant's trunk to me. At least from what I've seen in the life drawing class.

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

Fisting is not sexy. Owie. It's bad enough that a baby has to pass through there.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't know...

[detritius.livejournal.com]

That has to be one of the least sexy sex scenes I've read lately, after the one where someone's hand inexplicably fell off. It's so... weirdly vague. What does she have against naming people's body parts, anyway? Not only will she not say penis, but she kept saying upper body, and I was like, "What do you mean? His chest? His shoulder? His neck?" Nope, upper body.

I've been reading and enjoying these for a while, by the way, but this is my first time commenting. *waves hello*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I guess she doesn't want to get herself bogged down in details... or... something...

I have no idea. There.

*waves back*

[dryaunda.livejournal.com]

Even in well-written lemon fanfiction, like here, I tend to skip over the sex scenes because I'm focusing on the actual plot.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately there is no plot.

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

Thus dies any desire I might have had to write erotica. My erotica-writing body is small and loose. And rapidly retreating further. It is uncomfortable.

Also, after all the times she used 'body' for penis, 'clinging to the front of his body' has a really wierd image.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I've never had the desire to write erotica. My mom crushed that out of me years ago.

Also, after all the times she used 'body' for penis, 'clinging to the front of his body' has a really wierd image.

Well... they're supposed to be Really Really Big.

[subieko.livejournal.com]

Why does she keep using 'body' instead of 'penis'? It's very confusing! It's nigh-impossible to figure out where everyone is and what-all they're doing. And also: this sex scene was kinda boring. And weird.

I'm not expert, but I thought it was more difficult for women to orgasm than men? Especially without clitoral stimulation? These men must have some severe inability to ejaculate if they could have a handjob, a blowjob, and vaginal intercourse at least once EACH before coming.

Unless Anita is just really bad in bed.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

I think LKH is trying to say that they can last a really really long time because they are awesome sex gods. She's failing.

My husband, who studied tantric sex and the Kama Sutra, can hold off orgasm for a long time, but if I get him just right, he's done for. Most men will orgasm with the right stimulation, plain and simple, barring dysfunction.
Anita sucks. In a bad way. Yes, like that too. LKH, you fail miserably.

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

My ex could hold it off for nearly an hour. It was boring something and I just end up watching TV, or playing video games. I don't think it help him very much.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Yeah, despite what magazines and such want you to think, being able to stave off orgasm for a long time isn't so great. You can do as many positions as you like, but sooner or later it gets painful.

A friend of mine back in college once bragged that the longest sex session she'd ever had was four hours. In missionary position. Nothing else. Just on her back in the same position. For four hours. She later admitted that she generally had trouble orgasming. And while she claimed to give the best head around, our mutual guy friends who'd been her lovers said otherwise. In fact, the guy I gave my first BJ to, her former lover, said that I did it better, and I'd never even had sex at that point. Yow.

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

I really flet sorry for him too since it seemed like he never came afterwards. He feared of getting me pregnant and always headed for the bathroom to finish up. We were young and stupid, so all is forgiven.

That actually really hilarious.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

It was pretty funny.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Yeah, when she opened her mouth and slid it over his body, I thought, Wait, is she eating him?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

And also: this sex scene was kinda boring. And weird.

Those were only snippets. It was a lot worse, trust me.

Actually I think Micah and Nathaniel got off twice. Once buy handjob/blowjob and one by vaginal intercourse. There was several lines about how about how they wanted to be in her mouth when they came.

Unless Anita is just really bad in bed

Of course she isn't! Don't you know anything?!

[authoressarktos.livejournal.com]

...

I'm bored. LKH, could you stop writing bad porn and get back to the plot Richard? At least he was interesting. C*l*brien had better-written sex.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I'm bored too. It won't stop. D:

Isn't it sad that C*l*brien had better written sex? Warty cocks and all?

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

I think Tom Clancy wrote better sex scenes in "The Bear and the Dragon," and that's a ... Tom Clancy Sexscene.

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

I don't read Tom Clancy, but the that's stil funy. Kind of like if Tolkien wrote a sex scene.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I'll take your word for it.

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

Don't you want some Japanese sausage? (Yes that was used for exactly what you think it was).

[oneinnabun.livejournal.com]

I sucked on Jean-Claude, drawing him harder and faster, over and over, glorying in the fact that I could take all of him without a struggle. Like this, it was all sensation. I could roll and flick and suck with my mouth and tongue, able to do things with his body that I could never have done wit him erect.
I may be asexual, but I'm 95% sure that flaccid penes aren't very sexy. Yuck.

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

They aren't. They're funny and cute.

[dolfairy173.livejournal.com]

They're not necessarily sexy, but they can be very fun to play with... I kinda agree with Anita liking being able to fit all of JC in her mouth without much trouble.

The only issue I find when I try to do that is that my fiance isn't a vampire... cuz if he was, all my fantasies would be complete and we just can't have that :-P

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure they're sexy one way or another. But that's just me.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Okay... Micah's juice? Really? What flavor? I guess LKH doesn't mean semen. And the sentence after that, about it melting like ice in heat, is one of the grossest sentences I have ever read in a sex scene.

Laurell, for the love of Aphrodite, say semen. Say it with me. Seeeemen.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Even worse than the paint one?

Semen!

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Well, almost worse than the paint one.

My gods, this woman. This woman. I want to throttle her and break her fingers so she can't write any more of these godawful books.

[emily-goddess.livejournal.com]

When I'd first tried to play with them both at the same time, I'd found that I couldn't do it...But practice makes perfect, and I could do it now.

She practiced at something and eventually got better at it. Is she surprised that this applies as much to ball-fondling as it does to anything else?

[kellicat.livejournal.com]

Are you sure that this book's supposed to be called Danse Macabre? It sounds as though it should be called Meretrix* Macabre.

*A meretirx was the ancient Roman version of a courtesan. Their job was basically to give great sex to their male clients.