(no subject)

[kippurbird]

Okay, so this is a weird one.

My parents and I have come to the conclusion that I will never be able to explain to them the gender thing, and they will never understand it completely. We're just sort of spinning our wheels. In an effort to honor my parents wishes, I have not gone forward with expressing myself in a masculine manner. At least.. well, I dress like a guy, but I want to get rid of the boobs.

I have been thinking about getting one of those breast binding things behind their back, but that just feels, uncomfortable. Or at least morally wrong. It's the whole "Honor thy mother and father" bit.

So I started to wonder, well what if someone bought one for me, would that be the same thing? I think it would be, because asking someone is just the same as buying it, but with a middleman.

It's really come down to a matter of what do I want and what is right. Is expressing myself worth "disobeying" my parent's wishes? It would make me happy, but I don't want to cause all the tulmoult that I know will follow.

I feel like I'm in a bit of a bind here, and not really sure what to do.

It's very odd.

Comments

[last-servant.livejournal.com]

Really, I thought you wanted to be in a bind.

My advice is vague and contradictory:

1) If I'm hesitant, I make the choice that leaves the most options open.

2) "Honor your father and mother" means being able to make your own choices.

3) I'm a guy, and had gynocomastia (medical manboobs). Yes, it's kinda like that guy in Fight Club, though not really. I got them surgically removed, and it's been great.

Anyway, just remember to have no regrets.

[christinaathena.livejournal.com]

I should've known someone would beat me to that pun ... ;-)

Really, though, what business is it of theirs? They may not be able to understand why you want to do this, but do they understand how important it is to you?

[silver-chipmunk.livejournal.com]

Well, on the one hand, I don't think that it's dishonoring your parents if you go that route. But on the other hand, if you think it is, than I think it'd be equally much so getting a friend to buy it for you.

Just my 2 cents worth.

[smurasaki.livejournal.com]

That is tough. It's too bad you can't get them to understand enough to at least accept non-permanent things, like breast binding, but a lot of people don't understand the gender thing (unfortunately). I guess you should decide which option has the most positive going for it. Will your parents be as unhappy if you bind your breasts as you will be if you don't?

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

http://www.ftmguide.org/binding.html

A do it yourself home kit!

[subieko.livejournal.com]

Hmm...it's a tricky question. On the one hand, I feel that as an adult, you have the right to live your life as you wish. On the other hand, however, it IS important to maintain the relationship's in one's life.

But I don't know about giving up on ever being able to explain stuff to your parents. That's how I felt about my dad, and it did take several years, but he's finally started to understand. It can be frustrating and take time, but I think it's worth it to keep talking, and keep trying to explain...

But in the end, I think that you have to make the decision that you can live comfortably with. My personal opinion is that if you want to express yourself in a masculine manner, as you put it, then you should. But if doing so would make you uneasy because of your parents, then maybe it wouldn't be the best choice. Basically, I think you should make the choice that feels comfortable to you, and that you can live with.

...that advice wasn't very helpful, was it...but, well, if it was an easy situation, no advice would be necessary.

*hugs* I hope it works out well for you, in the end.

[sonic-sues.livejournal.com]

So I started to wonder, well what if someone bought one for me, would that be the same thing?

I would think so. And then you'd have the added trouble of possibly involving that person into the trouble it would cause between you and your parents.

It's really come down to a matter of what do I want and what is right. Is expressing myself worth "disobeying" my parent's wishes? It would make me happy, but I don't want to cause all the tulmoult that I know will follow.

I don't know anything about your parents or how they would react to you binding your breasts despite their wishes, so it's hard to tell you anything. Maybe you should give it more time?

[canadianevil.livejournal.com]

You are a grown person. You could compromise wear a breast binder while at work or places your parents are not and then not wear it when you're around them.

[oceans-heart.livejournal.com]

It's one thing to love and honor your parents, it's another to deny who you are. There's always going to be tumult when someone deviates from the path that their parents want from them. IMHO, you are a grown woman and you are not doing anything that harms other people. It is your life and as much as your parents opinion should mean something to you, it shouldn't stop you from being happy.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Can't you write off getting rid of your breasts as a medical reason? Like, bad back pain or something? I have huge breasts (it runs in my family) and I'm just waiting until I can get them taken down a few sizes (I want to lose weight first, so I'm not stuck with small breasts and a huge belly). Most health insurances will pay for a breast reduction if it's for medical reasons. I don't know if that helps any.

[dryaunda.livejournal.com]

My suggestion would be to use a sports bra just small enough to smoosh your breasts wider than they are deep, then they'll look like meaty pecs.

Also, what do you mean by "expressing [yourself] in a masculine manner?"

[emily-goddess.livejournal.com]

Maybe you could try baby steps, like starting with your clothing: wear more masculine styles, loose-fitting so they hide your girly curves. Wear your hear in a masculine cut. Your parents might not "get" the gender thing, but surely they can't object to what looks like a daughter who's rather tomboy-ish? From there, over time, maybe you can ease them into the idea of you actually being a boy.

Meantime, there are transgender comms aplenty on LJ and elsewhere, no doubt full of people who've been where you are. I suggest asking them.

[trinadi.livejournal.com]

I would say get one and use it on 'special occasions.' I myself hate my boobs, so since I love to cosplay, I crossplay and dress up as a guy, complete with binding. That way, I get to loose my boobs a few times, but my mother doesn't get on my case.

You could find/create special days and situations that you can bind for, while leaving yourself 'natural' for things such as holidays and times for which it would be viewed inappropriate.

It isn't great for you to go against your parents, but it is worse that they want to prevent you from doing something that would make you feel more comfortable.

[(Anonymous)]

Is expressing myself worth "disobeying" my parent's wishes?

You are an adult, not a child anymore. Your parent's "wishes" have no bearing on how you choose to live. Do what you want.