Lip locking and liver lunching.

[kippurbird]

Chapter Seven pt. 1

Again we begin with Thea kissing Anita. "I let my body melt into hers, let her feed at my mouth". This reminds me of a mother bird up-chucking dinner for her chicks. Like in March of the Penguins. The word "kissed" is used seven times in the first paragraph. Three times in one sentence. \~/. Anita tastes Thea's power by licking some sort of white film off her lips. Isn't foaming at the mouth usually a sign of rabies? And wouldn't licking it be a bad thing? I think it's supposed to be sexy though."I licked her lip, and found that there was a whitish film on the fullness of her mouth" But I just get this imagine of Thea drooling like a dog. \~/



Doing this causes everyone to react. Actually only the merpeople. I have to type this in so you can see what I mean.

I heard the ocean whispering against the shore. I could hear it like music. I looked around the room. I wanted to ask someone else if they could hear it. I meant to look for Micah, or Nathaniel, but that wasn't who caught my gaze. Thomas was staring at me with wide eager eyes. His brother had collapsed on the love seat and was covering his ears with his hands, rocking back and forth. Cristos was fighting it, whatever it was, but Thomas wasn't. Sampson had a death grip on the love seat, but his eyes had drowned to black so that he looked blind. The other man and woman that they'd brought with them turned black eyes on me. The woman was hugging herself, as if cold, or afraid. The man had a death grip on his own wrist, the typical jock pose turned into something harsh and struggling, as if, if he let go of his wrist, would do something unfortunate. Last I found Samuel's eyes. His eyes had bled to vampire fire, the glowing brown with flecks of green flame in their depths. They could all hear it, that whisper, seductive sound. The ocean was calling, and I didn't know how to answer it.

It's like she's... well, I don't know exactly how to put it. Hamilton is trying to get absolutely ever person possible to be interested in Anita. The paragraph feels like everyone wants to jump her but they're trying to control themselves. Which means we just missed out on an orgy. Of course this may be a good thing. I'm not sure. I think the woman is looking frightened because orgy with a woman involved is a bad thing. Or something. \~/

Then there's the bit with the vampire eyes. I'm sorry, the vampire fire. I stopped describing things like that about ten years ago. Beyond that it's another image that doesn't really make much sense. \~/ While I'm at it, if this thing is supposed to be only effecting mermaids, why is it effecting Samuel, who is a vampire? \~/

Thea passes Anita off to Thomas and they start trying to go at it. Exhibitionists aren't they? Before it can really get, for lack of a better term, good Thomas encounters the gun in the small of Anita's back. Which confuses Thomas and he stops. Anita also has a knife as long as her forearm on her back which makes me wonder how she bends over without it ruining her shirt or how she reaches it. \~/\~/ Anita is shaken out of the lust by this and realizes that Thomas is very young because he doesn't have worldly experience like she does and she wouldn't want to drag him down into her dark and desperate world.

There's a weird sort of sentence that follows this, "The black was beginning to drain away, showing the hazel of his human eyes. He was the son of a master vampire and a siren..." Vampires and siren's aren't human but she uses the term human eyes. I know why and things like that, it was just an odd conjunction. \~/

Anita wants to greet Auggie (remember him)'s people next to be fair which pisses off Thea because Anita hasn't kissed her other two sons. As she says, "They are only his henchmen and his mistress. We have brought you our flesh and blood, the fruit of our lives." Which you're pimping out to a complete and total stranger to see if they have enough power to become a siren. Personally I don't see the difference between the two, except for the fact that at least Auggie isn't demeaning his family by doing that to his kids (if he has any). \~/\~/\~/\~/

There's some bitch-snipping and we get to meet Auggie's people. Before I get to that, Hamilton seems to have trouble getting the difference between "yay" and "yea". She uses "yea" instead of "yay" \~/.

Right. Auggies' party. Auggie has a girlfriend/mistress who is a paragraph long of description including the fact that she's wearing a dress that is so short that you can tell she's not wearing anything else underneath it. Anita comments this with an "Oh my". Pot, Kettle anyone? \~/Sorry, it's two paragraphs of description to indicate that she's had "work done". The mistress's name is Bunny.

No. I'm not shitting you.

Bunny.

What makes this really bad is that I know this woman who is called "Bunny" and she's a sort of dowdy motherly woman and nothing at all like this Bunny. The images are interesting. \~/

Bunny bitches at Anita saying, "At least I'm whoring for one man, not a dozen". Of course, since she is the voice of reason, she immediately gets tossed out. \~/ And is getting sent back to Chicago.

Auggie apologizes for her saying that she's jealous. Of what? As Auggie puts it:

"You are a natural beauty," Auggie said. "Artifice gave Bunny her face, her figure, most of her best figures were found under a surgeon's blade. In you walk, all natural equipment, wearing more clothes, and still getting more attention from the men in the room than she did. When you were with Thea and Thomas, every man in the room was riveted. We wanted you. Wanted to touch you in a way that is rare.

I did not realize wanting to fuck her senseless was touching her in a way that was rare. \~/

But really is everyone so shal... wait, let me restate that. Everyone is so shallow here that it's obvious that the reason why Bunny is disliking of Anita because she's "better looking" than her as opposed to, perhaps, Anita supposedly being better than her even if she's a worse whore than her. \~/\~/\~/

... I think I will now call Anita Whornita. It has a nice ring to it, I think.

In any case, Anita is so humble that she does does not realize this is why Bunny was so upset. It being "She out vamped the sirens." \~/

Auggie's two offerings are were-lions. They're too dominant for her. Because she has to be on top all the time and dominant... or something. \~/ The two were-lions are Haven and Pierce. Auggie does something to the lions when he touches the back of their necks. It's just... something. \~/ For some reason the lions only having one name is of interest. As opposed to them just wanting to give one name. \~/

Whornita wants to know where Jean-Claude is and she gets a mental flash of him and Asher fighting Meng Ding. Whornita sends him a mental text message that Jean should get back up. And he's no. And she's well it's good management. I'm yawning over here.\~/

Then a really head banging part hits. Whornita asks one of the guards to send Jean some wererats and wants to know if she could telepathically contact the wererat guards. Said guard pulls out a CELL PHONE! Yes, dear pigeons, a CELL PHONE. The device that I had said would have saved so much trouble earlier, but then gave Hamilton the benefit of the doubt because the time line had not been given a year. But Claudia, the guard in question, has a cellphone. And she uses it. And it's obvious that others have one because she can talk to someone with another one.

So? WHY DOESN'T ANITA HAVE ONE?! I will tell you why. Because if she had a cell phone, Jean could have called her up.

Jean: Hey, Anita, I'm having a slight problem with Meng ding and I have Asher with me. Would you mind playing host?

Anita: Oh, I guess so, be careful and I hope to see you soon.

Jean: Kiss Kiss Mah Petite

Anita: Bye

Noooo... instead we got.

People: Long convoluted conversation about various people's sex lives that make young and the restless look prudish.

Yes, so the cellphone wasn't used for plot convenience. For infodumping. Why doesn't Whornita even have a cellphone? She seems to be the sort of person who would need one. After all she supposedly has a job that requires her to be on call 24/7 and a cellphone would make it so much easier to get those calls. In fact she doesn't even think it's strange that Claudia has a cell so obviously they're everyday things now. In fact it's a small cellphone which means that's even more recent. \~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/

Please... there are other ways to get information across than plot contrivance. Please, think about them and save my liver. I need my liver. Won't you think of the poor liver? It deserves your help. Please, help this liver out by thinking about what you're writing. Please, if not for me, for all the other livers who are getting ruined in this drinking game.

We need your help.

Drinks: 30


----

Pt. 2 Anita blows up, next time on My Favorite Spork.

Comments

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

Rabies wasn't the first thing I thought of when there was "whiteness" on Thea's mouth, and milk was only a slow second. :P

Wow. I hope Auggie isn't planning on getting laid for a good while. "Hurr, my girlfriend is jealous and artificial while you're super-hot" isn't really the best of ways to keep on your girlfriend's good side. Did she even look offended at that?

[authoressarktos.livejournal.com]

I like 'Whornita'. Meaning the nickname, of course. It suits her.

And that's all I can manage to type coherently today...although, for your next spork, I'd recommend 'Lord of Snow and Shadows' by Sarah Ash. Trust me, once you read it, you'll understand.

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

"White film" eh?
JIZZ
Rabies
Milk
Barium?

It's like Whorenita is trying to be in the next Sin City story, whic basically all translates in to WHORESWHORESWHORESWHORESWHORESWHORES! ANYway...

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Ahhhh, Bunny. We all miss Bunny. She only existed to give the audience another infodump on why Whorenita is God(dess)over all of us mere, pathetic mortals. I liked Bunny! She needs her own series.

Seriously! Get Bunny her own series. Viva la Bunny!

I think Bunny is a blond, which means (according to anyone who is familiar with LKH and her prejudices) she's evil and must be destroyed. Honestly, all blonds (blond women, sorry) by this point in time have been evil, or turned evil, or are just minor characters who exist to help Anita and then fade in the background. Blond women are evil.

[trinadi.livejournal.com]

This crap really makes one's brain melt. How do these... stories... ever get to see the light of day?

Whore needs to be killed, but she doesn't get to come back like Harry Potter.

[prototypical]

I had somehow erased Bunny's existence from my mind. And if you want to continue the trend of LKH's issues being projected onto Anita, the woman is a technophobe, which justifies Anita having no cell phone. I'll dig up quotes from her blog later to show how much computers confuse her.

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

All Miller can write is WHORESWHORESWHORESWHORESWHORESWHORES! and the Goddamn Batman.

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

Blond women are evil.

Obviously, Paris Hilton and Barbie are spawns of the devil, and you know it.

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

... Meng Ding.

Which is totally not a stereotypical Asian name at all. I don't know if it's LHK trying to hard, and trying to little. Jesus, that name is bad.

[veriun.livejournal.com]

So...

What's the plot again?

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

See, I wasn't thinking at all about what the "whitish film" is. I was more concerned with how, if Anita is discovering it by tasting it, she knows it's "whitish" in the first place.

[x-trickster-x.livejournal.com]

Because he's THE Goddamn Batman, OKAY?! He can call his Goddamn car whatever he wants.

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

It's still a queer name.

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

Whorenita fucks everything.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Of course. Barbie is the spawn of the devil and Paris Hilton is the anti-christ in training. Together, they will rid the world of spunky short brunnette women. It's a conspiracy. :-P

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

That's also a great name for a porn film.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Because Laurell K. Hamilton has a large group of people fawning at her feet and telling her she can have anything she wants?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Obviously I'm falling down on my job for making sexual inuedo.

Dear Bunny got kicked out before she could hear all of that. Auggie was merely explaining why she was so bitchy. Besides, he only has her for sex and not brains.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I'm not taking any spork recomendations until after this is done, but thank you for the offering.

Doesn't it? It's so true. So, so true.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

All of the above? =D

Or maybe the next Sin City is trying to be like Whornita.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Bunny was a refreshing breath of air. Which is why she's gotten shipped back to Chicago.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I have voices in my head too, but generally I don't listen to them.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

It's a phone. It's not that different than a regular phone... except you can take it with you. I've seen little old ladies wandering around with bluetooths. And I'm surprised her work hasn't made her get one.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I'm not even sure that's how it's spelled. I think I'll just call her Ding-ding to make it easier.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, were you expecting logic?

[prototypical]

You're using Earth Logic again. In Anita-land, any of LKH's loves and hates don't have to make sense as long as they're there.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Okay, so... okay. So, I was reading either Incubus Dreams or Narcissus In Chains, or maybe one of the later ones. And there was this scene where Anita was actually at work at the Animators Inc place. There was a husband and wife who wanted Anita to raise their son, I think. And she refuses, I forget why. And the lady gets so enraged that she lunges forward and scratches Anita's cheek, like deep gashes. LKH spends about half a page describing this in great detail. The woman is insane and hysterical, beating up on Anita, yelling at her etc. Anita is getting mad. She feels the whatchamacallit, ardeur, rising. Oh, and Nathaniel is there. And they realize that Anita might kill the client. So Nathaniel drags Anita into her office and shuts the door, and her boss ushers the clients away, and Anita and Nathaniel proceed to have violent, screaming, bloody, squicky, weird sex in several positions on the carpet. And LKH uses a few pages to describe this in excruciating detail. And afterwards, Anita pulls herself together and goes out and apologizes, and everyone assumes she was, like, practicing karate or something.
And all I kept thinking was that she probably stinks of sex, and wow, it's gonna be messy, and they didn't use a condom, and why doesn't LKH seem to understand this? Because in another scene possibly in the same book, Anita has violent screaming sex with a random bodyguard in a nightclub to feed the ardeur (although she hesitates, haha) and her panties get ripped off and all she's wearing is nightclub clothes with a miniskirt, and she has to run off and inspect dead bodies in a pit, and her coworkers are snarking about her lack of underwear, and why is it taking pages and pages to talk about this?
When you were trying to describe Anita and Thea's kissing, those scenes kept running through my head. I don't even remember what books they were in, they were so WTF.

This is why LKH never wraps up plot lines. She's too busy describing sex and violence and violent sex and why Anita is running around without panties after messy sex that miraculously doesn't seem messy afterwards.

Okay, done.
*breathes*

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Laurell spent way too much time listening to hers. Now she can't stop.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

And she was all condemning Bunny not wearing anything underneath her dress....

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

I know, right?! Yet further proof of the walking hypocrisy that is Queen Anita of AnitaLand.

When Anita was being made fun of for being without panties, she was all defensive and righteous and everything. Because only she has the right to do that.

[dryaunda.livejournal.com]

Technophobe, huh? Well now LKH is my enemy as well.

[prototypical]

...that was Incubus Dreams. I only know that because it was my dive back into Anita-land after not reading a lot of books and it really, really confused me.

[prototypical]

I come bearing LKH quotes!

First, from February 17, 2008, her thoughts on casual sex:

Why would I want to be with someone if I didn't feel they were my friend first? The fact that I don't understand casual dating, and feel that sex is very emotional and a commitment of sorts, is probably why Merry and Anita have collected so many men. If I could understand casual sex then they could, too. But I don't, understand it. I was raised that my body was important, and a gift to be shared. Your body and your mind are who you are. So, why would you share your body with someone who doesn't want your mind, too? If you can't talk to someone, and enjoy each other's company, then why have sex? Good sex, no, great sex, is about communication and being able to ask for what you want in bed, and have your partner be able to ask the same.

Great sex is often messy, awkward, and would not film well. It's about being comfortable enough to try a position that may not work at all, but you've got to have a level of comfort and trust to risk looking silly in bed. The best love making often ends in shared laughter. Can you share laughter with a stranger? Can you be yourself with someone you don't know? The answer for me has always been, no. But then, as more than one man over the years has said, "You're serious as a heart attack about everything."

February 28, 2008 on having the computer at her house changed a little:

"...there was no afternoon session on Anita, because of the surprisingly slow process, and my total freak about the tech. I'm better than I used to be about it, but . . . New tech, aaah!

I know it sounds silly, but I swear I can tell. It's like one of those science fiction movies where your best friend comes in the door and you begin to suspect that they are not who they were, but some alien substitution."

January 28, 2008. Another shared LKH/Anita phobia, airplanes:

"Frankly, on a long flight there comes a moment of panic, if I've managed to avoid it before hand. A moment of gut wrenching, skin crawling, breath stopping, pulse thudding; panic. Once that level of panic is reached, you are cooked. The fear has you. Music becomes very important to me to keep me from running up and down the aisles screaming. (They really frown on that since 9/11. Though frankly, they weren't too fond of it before. Okay, I never did that, but I did wander back and forth in the aisles once crying hysterically.)"

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Sampson had a death grip on the love seat, but his eyes had drowned to black so that he looked blind.

Uh, how about, no? White eyes mean you're blind; black eyes mean you're possessed by a demon or the black oil from the X-Files or you're EvilWillow or something. It would look weird, certainly, but certainly the first thought to run through one's mind wouldn't be 'OMG, he's blindzorz!'

His eyes had bled to vampire fire, the glowing brown with flecks of green flame in their depths.

This... sentence makes no sense. Is vampire fire brown? Is the green part of the vampire fire, or is that just natural eye colouring? Since when does anything 'bleed to' fire, instead of, say, bursting into, or going up in? What... what's happening here!

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

The fact that I don't understand casual dating, and feel that sex is very emotional and a commitment of sorts, is probably why Merry and Anita have collected so many men. [...] I was raised that my body was important, and a gift to be shared.

Y'know, if you were really raised to believe that your body is important and sex is a major committment and so on and so forth... odds are you weren't raised to believe that you could just collect an infinite number of partners simultaneously.

Unless... say, Hamilton's not from the Salt Lake City, Utah area, is she?

[prototypical]

St. Louis area. If she were Mormon, or grew up around them, it would almost be explainable.

...almost.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Ah, now I remember. It had that weird cover. With the breasts, and the blindfold. Did Hamilton take a picture of herself as Anita? Because that sure looks like her...
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51KAYSB8K0L._SS500_.jpg

[sonic-sues.livejournal.com]

What? I don't get it. What's happening? Is this the sex contest thing? Is that why people are "offering" their children up to her?

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

Because you should always start pimping out family members?

[emily-goddess.livejournal.com]

I need some kind of flow chart to keep track of all these people.

Also? I can most emphatically swear that I would never, ever kiss someone who had just made out with my mom. Nor would I be turned on by watching said making-out. That's just...ew.

[emily-goddess.livejournal.com]

Oh, and the white film on the lips? Makes me think of the crusted drool I've seen on some people's mouths when they first wake up. Blech.

[emily-goddess.livejournal.com]

This comment made me LOL.

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

More importantly, why are people pimping out their childern to her?

[kellicat.livejournal.com]

"You are a natural beauty," Auggie said. "Artifice gave Bunny her face, her figure, most of her best figures were found under a surgeon's blade. In you walk, all natural equipment, wearing more clothes, and still getting more attention from the men in the room than she did. When you were with Thea and Thomas, every man in the room was riveted. We wanted you. Wanted to touch you in a way that is rare.

Kill the Sue!

[lemon-m.livejournal.com]

But she doesn't need to try to be in Sin City; she already has her own comic: http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/Comic/AnitaBlakeHandbook.html in all its tight-panted men glory.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Bunny was a refreshing breath of air. Which is why she's gotten shipped back to Chicago.

In all fairness, I'm sure that Bunny would enjoy Harry Dresden's company a lot more than she did Whornita's. For one thing, Harry manages to be interesting without fucking everyone in the city. Or, for the past four years (barring a single one-night stand in the last book), without fucking anyone at ALL.