Some shredding.

[kippurbird]

Stolen from antishurtugal It's the supposed book jacket information for Brisingr, or however you damn well spell it.


"Forces collide in Book III of the phenomenally successful Inheritance Cycle.

I thought it said Episode Three here for a moment and wondered why they were talking about Star Wars. That's never a good thing.

Eragon represents the greatest hope for a better Alagaesia. Can this once simple farm boy rise to become a leader who can unite the rebel forces and defeat the King?

Why does he need to be the leader? I'm just curious. Every one always seems to be the leader in these things. I would think being the leader would be detrimental to being the hero because the leader needs to lead people not run off on side quests. Leaders are supposed to lead, which means all that boring shit that comes around like making sure people aren't fighting, there's enough food for the forces, things like that. Eragon is definitely not the leader. He's more like the face of the rebellion, not the leader.

Following the colossal battle against the Empire's warriors on the Burning Plains, Eragon and his dragon, Saphira, have narrowly escaped with their lives.

*snorts* They weren't even really injured. They fought like morons, but they weren't really injured in any life threatening manner. Just exhausted

Still there is more at hand for the Rider and his dragon, as Eragon finds himself bound by a tangle of promises he may not be able to keep, including Eragon's oath to his cousin Roran to help rescue Roran's beloved, Katrina, from King Galbatorix's clutches.

What promises? I dun remember any promises.

But Eragon owes his loyalty to others, too. The Varden are in desperate need of his talents and strength, as are the elves and dwarves.

Varden = Dwarves and Elves.

When unrest claims the rebels and danger strikes from every corner, Eragon must make choices - choices that take him across the Empire and beyond, choices that may lead to unimagined sacrifice. Conflict, action, adventure and one devastating death await readers as Eragon battles on behalf of the Varden while Galbatorix ruthlessly attempts to crush and twist him to his own purposes.

may lead to unimagined sacrifice and one devastating death awaits. I would think that neither of these things should be spoiled. However I would say if I had to spoil one, it would be the sacrifice and not the death. If you do, you keep on wondering who's going to die and not focus on the story or let it be a shock. Death works better when you don't know it's coming.

Rich with a thoughtful examination of Eragon's maturing psyche, "Brisinger" explores how Eragon must come to terms with his role as a leader and the moral obligations that weigh heavily upon his young shoulders as a Dragon Rider."

As we all know that Eragon is a psychotic mass murderer with the inverse morality of a tribble's birthrate, I'd hate to see what his maturing psyche has in store for us.

Comments

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

First, yay! Spork!

Secondly, I'm amused it's become Brisinger. I envision someone singing to a lovely wheel of brie.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

^_^

It's a bad thing when no one knows how to spell the title of your book.

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

It's worse when there's no possible way to understand it for itself.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yup.

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

Death works better when you don't know it's coming.

Not in Eragon-Land! 8D

As we all know that Eragon is a psychotic mass murderer with the inverse morality of a tribble's birthrate, I'd hate to see what his maturing psyche has in store for us.

This made me giggle. Well, the whole summary-sporking made me giggle, but this made me giggle hardest.

Also, who the hell has a "maturing psyche"? The way that's worded makes it sound like he has a tumor or something.

...Wait! Wait! Theory! 8D Character death = Eragon, because he has a terrible, incurable brain tumor! They don't know what tumors are in Angleksajdkfljdaklswhatever, so they call them psyches. Mmmyes....*pleased with her explanation*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

But how would they know he has the tumor in the first place?

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

Via deus-ex-machina Saphira, of course. She can manifest the ability to locate and determine illness and cancer in people. :)

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Ooooh! Right. Right. Right.

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

You can't expect a rational summation from the guy who wrote this drek, or the morons that publish and market it.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

It's supposed to be the book jacket information.

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

I know, but like I said, you can't expect people with the collective iq of mangy fur to know they're talkin' crap.

[wariena.livejournal.com]

I got to this:

Eragon represents the greatest hope for a better Alagaesia.

and then I had to stop because I was laughing so hard. =3

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

You didn't get very far at all, did you! :3

[authoressarktos.livejournal.com]

Forces collide in Book III of the phenomenally successful Inheritance Cycle.

If this is Pao-Pao writing this, he sure is arrogrant. Since when could he declare the Inheritance Cycle 'phenomenally successful' anyways? I mean, 'reasonaly popular' sounds closer to the truth in my opinion.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Authors generally don't write their own book covers. And really would you buy a book that says it's "reasonably popular" or "phenomenally successful". It's all liiiiiiies.

[authoressarktos.livejournal.com]

Upon seeing the front picture, I wouldn't even bother reading the summary. That's how it was with Eragon, at least XD

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I kinda stared at the dragon and went... hrmm dragon. I like dragons. I read the back and was like... eh... no.

[authoressarktos.livejournal.com]

I like dragons as well, but upon realizing that 'Eragon' was one letter away from 'dragon', I knew it wouldn't be a good read.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

See, I never noticed that I went on the "Eragon" "Aragorn" line of thought.

[authoressarktos.livejournal.com]

Really? That only came to me when I realized halfway through the book he was trying to rip off LotR...

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

That was just looking at the title. They sounded alike in my head, which didn't really turn me on.

That sounded wrong.

[eddiesteddy4711.livejournal.com]

When I get published, I want to be advertised as "reasonably popular". That is all.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

"narrowly escaped with their lives" is a major pet peeve of mine. What if they didn't escape with their lives? Huh? Huh? Then they'd not have lives!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

ZOMBIES!!

zombies will now be my answer to everything.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Excellent. *steeples fingers*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

ZOMBIES

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

It works!

[trinadi.livejournal.com]

This makes me laugh XD I love your input on everything.

Now, on one hand I'm feeling like strangling something cause of this book's soon to be existence, on the other you'll rip it into tiny pieces and feed it to us pigeons. Difficult decision for emotions here.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I do try to be reasonable on my examination of things.

You could do both!

[berseker.livejournal.com]

If you do, you keep on wondering who's going to die and not focus on the story or let it be a shock.

I'm doing it now. My guess is on Murtagh, because he´s actually cool and we can´t have anyone out-shining Eragon. I´d say Rohan, but I kinda think he´ll become king.

And then there´s Arya. I´m still undecided about her. Oh, the suspence.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

It'll probably be, knowing Paolini, some minor character that he's not so invested in.

Arya can't die, she's the love interest. Of course if she did, Murtagh could comfort Eragon and there'd be horribly slashy/incesty stuff. :D

[b2wm.livejournal.com]

Nasauda* or Angela seem like the likeliest choices to me, then. Or perhaps Old Whole Cripple Yoda Elf Dude... unless he already died and I just don't remember it because I was busy confusing him for a likeable mentor again. That is his dragon on the cover, innit?

*Probably not how you spell it, but I can't be arsed to look it up.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

It's gonna be the Yoda Elf. Count on it.

How do I know this? I've seen Return of the Jedi, that's how. Darth Murtagh isn't slated for death until the very end.

[b2wm.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know the Boromir figure might possibly apply, but Murtagh, my dear, you are no Boromir. (Possibly the Twins may kick it too, but no one cares about them. This isn't a huge difference, except that when I say no one, I'm including Paolini, too.)

Besides, at least one major authority/mentor-type per book kicking it is the neo-Potter method, too, no?

[berseker.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know, but I´ve been having this feeling that... wel. We all know that Arya/Eragon is contrite and forced and she acts like she can´t stand his guts. It ocurred to me that maybe Paolini knows it too. I know I´m probably giving him way to much credit, but still. If she dies, he can hook up with, say, Nasuada, or the purple-eyes one whose name I forgot.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Oh, look, it's a patchwork book jacket! Do you think the guy was paid by the cliché?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

... I could do that. I so could totally do that.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Dare ya.

[emily-goddess.livejournal.com]

However I would say if I had to spoil one, it would be the sacrifice and not the death. If you do, you keep on wondering who's going to die and not focus on the story or let it be a shock. Death works better when you don't know it's coming.

Yeah, but the whole "who will die this time?" thing worked so well for Rowling after GoF, and was even part of the marketing for Deathly Hallows. In fact, that may be why Paolini is killing someone off: to increase sales (I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say maybe the publisher told him to do it, but still...)

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

It's one thing for the marketing, it's another thing for the book jacket. I certainly admit that the buzz created by the 'who will die' rumors was a big draw and caused much to talk about. But I don't think it's something to put on the book jacket.

[emily-goddess.livejournal.com]

Good point. Spoilers like that are massively annoying, and if I cared about the series at all (aside from mocking it) I'd be pissed at reading that anywhere, let alone on the book as I was about to read it.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Because as long as it's rumor speculation, you don't know if it's true or not, which makes it all the more fun. I remember for HP OotP there was talk about one to three people dying. Ron came up a lot.

[(Anonymous)]

You know, maybe Arya WILL die.
Maybe she isn't the love interest.
Maybe Eragon will fall in love with a dwarf princess instead.
...
HA HA, NO, DWARF WOMEN HAVE VEILS AND DON'T WEAR SEXY LEATHER UNDERWEAR, SILLY ME.