Slowly creeping towards the climax.
Dec. 30th, 2007 10:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kippurbirdI bought a Gargantuan Blue Dragon today. It shall live on my microwave and terrorize all the little minis there. I also bought six devil duckies to add to my bathroom collection of rubber duckies. Soon they will over run the place and I will not have a bathroom but a ducky sanctuary.
Triscuit and Earwig cool their heels waiting for Dwarf to show them to the Evil Sorceresses' lair. Instead of you know... actually doing something because you know... they're on a time crunch or anything. But what do I know.
Dwarf shows up, and apparently he and Ian never developed some sort of code to let the other know that it's them. Ian just opens the door hoping that it's Dwarf. Fortunately, it is Dwarf and not a trap. Dwarf tells them that Sister is now one of Them and Triscuit reacts badly to this saying that Dwarf is lying. Earwig thinks they should hear Dwarf out. Because you know, he might not be lying. Dwarf tells them everything he knows about the Coven and then tells them that they're going to walk in through the front gate.
Triscuit has an overinflated opinion of himself and Earwig saying that they'll be recognized if they go in, because you know, everyone knows what they look like. But they'll be wearing dark cloaks that will disguise them, because there's nothing suspicious about that at all. Nope.
And then we have a strange moment that makes it look like Triscuit is hearing things that aren't there.
This would have been far more effective if someone had actually said Mistress Shailiha. But there had been no mention of her at all for three pages. I think something got cut or misplaced. But in any case it's bad editing.
We learned last time that Earwig using his magic = bad because it'll let the Sorceresses know that they're there, but apparently they need to use magic to get out. Why do they need to use magic? Because they need to widen an old rusty grate. Triscuit is a Strong Manly Man. Surely he could open it without using magic or much effort. I mean isn't that the point of having Strong Manly Men? To open things like that? Nope! Instead they need to risk everything by having Earwig open the grate.
Which is exactly the point. Because our very next scene is Failee going "My Spider Sense is tingling" ... or "My Male Endowed Blood Sense is tingling."
I wonder if the endowed blood have some sort of instant messenger service and whenever someone has endowed blood they send a message to all the people around them who also have endowed blood.
She's not at all concerned that Somehow Earwig survived all the nasty stuff thrown at him or how he managed to get across the Sea of Whispers. No, instead she's glad that he's there so that, "when she at last had him in her grasp, she would make him watch as she fulfilled the Coven's rightful destiny, and female endowed blood finally ruled the world". See none of this would have happened if they had taught the females just the same as the males. But Noooo... women are Evil so they have to try and Rule the World by turning everyone in to CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF REAL PEOPLE.
Wait... never mind. They already are.
Why do I care what happens again?
Failee tells Sushi and Sludge that the Chosen One and Earwig are on their way and they should double the guard and put the very best assassins around Sister. Failee then says that she wants Sushi and Sludge to stop having sex. Sludge gives us ANOTHER dire proclamation this time in regards to his feelings for Sushi. "If she cannot be mind, then I will see to it that the Chosen One, the man Succiu seems so interested in dies slowly, indeed."
With all the dire proclamations flying around they've be come funny rather than threatening. I keep on imagining people standing around with their fists on their hips as they think or say these things. Sludge sulks off vowing to kill the Chosen One.
Speaking of the Chosen One, he starts to drown in a sea of poo because his sword gets stuck in the grate. The thing is, I'm not at all afraid for Triscuit's life because he's the Chosen One and there are Prophecies written about him, so I know he has to survive. There's no fear of danger. He's the Chosen One, so he has to win. And this is the reason why Chosen Ones are no fun. They're Chosen. They have to win. It's as easy as that.
A very appropriate thing, I think.
Triscuit and Earwig cool their heels waiting for Dwarf to show them to the Evil Sorceresses' lair. Instead of you know... actually doing something because you know... they're on a time crunch or anything. But what do I know.
Dwarf shows up, and apparently he and Ian never developed some sort of code to let the other know that it's them. Ian just opens the door hoping that it's Dwarf. Fortunately, it is Dwarf and not a trap. Dwarf tells them that Sister is now one of Them and Triscuit reacts badly to this saying that Dwarf is lying. Earwig thinks they should hear Dwarf out. Because you know, he might not be lying. Dwarf tells them everything he knows about the Coven and then tells them that they're going to walk in through the front gate.
Triscuit has an overinflated opinion of himself and Earwig saying that they'll be recognized if they go in, because you know, everyone knows what they look like. But they'll be wearing dark cloaks that will disguise them, because there's nothing suspicious about that at all. Nope.
And then we have a strange moment that makes it look like Triscuit is hearing things that aren't there.
Wigg sighed and rubbed his chin with one hand. "Why would they want slaves from the Ghetto," he asked "When they can have healthier, more well-subdued citizens from the towns?"
"Not they," Geldon replied. "Only Succiu. It was here, in this place, that Succiu first found me."
Mistress Shailiha. The pain stabbed through Tristan's being as surely as if he had been physically wound in battle. This is the first time I have ever heard her referred to as mistress. He closed his eyes as he felt his heart tear.
This would have been far more effective if someone had actually said Mistress Shailiha. But there had been no mention of her at all for three pages. I think something got cut or misplaced. But in any case it's bad editing.
We learned last time that Earwig using his magic = bad because it'll let the Sorceresses know that they're there, but apparently they need to use magic to get out. Why do they need to use magic? Because they need to widen an old rusty grate. Triscuit is a Strong Manly Man. Surely he could open it without using magic or much effort. I mean isn't that the point of having Strong Manly Men? To open things like that? Nope! Instead they need to risk everything by having Earwig open the grate.
Which is exactly the point. Because our very next scene is Failee going "My Spider Sense is tingling" ... or "My Male Endowed Blood Sense is tingling."
I wonder if the endowed blood have some sort of instant messenger service and whenever someone has endowed blood they send a message to all the people around them who also have endowed blood.
She's not at all concerned that Somehow Earwig survived all the nasty stuff thrown at him or how he managed to get across the Sea of Whispers. No, instead she's glad that he's there so that, "when she at last had him in her grasp, she would make him watch as she fulfilled the Coven's rightful destiny, and female endowed blood finally ruled the world". See none of this would have happened if they had taught the females just the same as the males. But Noooo... women are Evil so they have to try and Rule the World by turning everyone in to CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF REAL PEOPLE.
Wait... never mind. They already are.
Why do I care what happens again?
Failee tells Sushi and Sludge that the Chosen One and Earwig are on their way and they should double the guard and put the very best assassins around Sister. Failee then says that she wants Sushi and Sludge to stop having sex. Sludge gives us ANOTHER dire proclamation this time in regards to his feelings for Sushi. "If she cannot be mind, then I will see to it that the Chosen One, the man Succiu seems so interested in dies slowly, indeed."
With all the dire proclamations flying around they've be come funny rather than threatening. I keep on imagining people standing around with their fists on their hips as they think or say these things. Sludge sulks off vowing to kill the Chosen One.
Speaking of the Chosen One, he starts to drown in a sea of poo because his sword gets stuck in the grate. The thing is, I'm not at all afraid for Triscuit's life because he's the Chosen One and there are Prophecies written about him, so I know he has to survive. There's no fear of danger. He's the Chosen One, so he has to win. And this is the reason why Chosen Ones are no fun. They're Chosen. They have to win. It's as easy as that.
A very appropriate thing, I think.
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no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 07:42 am (UTC)It's conceivable that it was also a very clumsily-written attempt to show some kind of "telepathic bond" between Prince Oedipus and Sister.
He's the Chosen One, so he has to win. And this is the reason why Chosen Ones are no fun. They're Chosen. They have to win. Not all Chosen Ones. Buffy was the Chosen One, but she was never guaranteed to win. Indeed, she was killed twice!
no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 09:47 am (UTC)Better yet : Faith or Kendra. One Chosen One who turned to the Dark Side and lost, the other who died and lost her battle - because Buffy dying in The Gift is a victory, in a way.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 04:48 pm (UTC)She got two free tickets back to life though. ;)
no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 05:21 pm (UTC)I think that would have been mentioned before and there was nothing before or after it brought up again to put it in context.
Buffy was the Chosen One, but she was never guaranteed to win. Indeed, she was killed twice!
The difference between Buffy and Triscuit is that Buffy was one in a pool of potential candidates while Triscuit is The Only One. Since Buffy is in theory expendable (which she was) then there's more tension on her half. However there is no other Chosen One besides Triscuit, so of course he can't die.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-01 01:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 09:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 05:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 09:49 am (UTC)Yes! Exactly! There's no sense of urgency, at all!
I think something got cut or misplaced.
Crazy theory of the day: the editor made a mistake and gave the printers a compilation of all the cuts bits. The missing parts are the ones that make sense and a tolerable story.
Of course, this suppose that Newcomb could write a good story.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 04:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 05:24 pm (UTC)If anything Triscuit should have said "fuck waiting" and gone off on his own. I mean that's the sort of character he's supposed to be, isn't it? Rash and temperamental.
Crazy theory of the day: the editor made a mistake and gave the printers a compilation of all the cuts bits. The missing parts are the ones that make sense and a tolerable story.
LOL
no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 09:53 am (UTC)It's a damn shame he IS the Chosen One. If he wasn't they'd have died back in the raid and I'd have been a whole lot saner than I am now.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 05:31 pm (UTC)The book would have been a lot shorter too. :D
no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 06:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 04:44 pm (UTC)The only reason Sludge is being told not to is just to cause "dramatic tension" and because womens is evil. Pfui.
I really hate every single character in this story. I do.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 05:58 pm (UTC)You me and everyone else.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 06:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 08:10 pm (UTC)Speaking of the Chosen One, he starts to drown in a sea of poo because his sword gets stuck in the grate. It would be so awesome if he actually did drown. In a sea of poo. Bwahahahaha! :D