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Dec. 26th, 2007 10:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kippurbirdI do not need to write a short story involving the first five Fey Champions.
Okay, maybe I do.
But I'm trying to convince myself I don't.
But I really want to...
Gah.
Okay. So, we just learned that the Evil Sorceresses are planning to cast a spell that gives them Complete Control Over Everything. However, Gimpy managed to hold some information back.
Notice that this is the same five year old daughter he's talking about, the one that he said go ahead and kill. The one he didn't try to rescue. Yes. That one. Also notice he says that he withheld most of the Tome from Failee. This is important.
See, he didn't give her the full spell for the Reckoning. This is a bad thing because if formed incorrectly bad things happen. How bad? Really bad.
If you're going to give someone a spell and you know it's going to cause the end of life the universe and everything if it's not performed correctly, don't give them only half the damn thing. Because you know they're going to try to use it. You know it. Either don't give them the spell or give them all of it. If you give them all of it you the conditions that need to happen for the spell to be cast and you can stop it. Or you could not give it to them at all. But while you can stop them if they have half the spell, you're also going to risk ending life the universe and everything. So, better not to do that. Also why is it only the Chosen One can safely use both sides of the Force? Where's the fun and drama in that? Beyond making Triscuit even more powerful than before.
Ooooh.... I just got the complete Otherland Series in the mail.... ooooh... more good books! Yay!
Oh, and apparently the reason why the women are all evil sex fiends is because Gimpy didn't give them the entire contents of the book. They've mistaken the Magical Feeling that they get when practicing magic (you know like with the horny water) with an actual orgasm. It's also the reason why they're crazy. "Demented"
So basically these women aren't evil because they're EVIL, they're Evil because they fucked up the magic. So, they're really misguided. So Triscuit is going to be able to over come them easily not because he's more learned in the craft than they are or cleverer or anything, but because they don't really know what they're doing. They're incompetent. Also, did you notice that Gimpy too felt the pull of the Vagaries but he was too strong and manly to fall victim to them. Unlike the weak-willed good for nothing but babies and serving food women. Yes.
And Sister is going to become just like them! Because she's weak and can't fight the Tortures. Cause she's a woman. It would have been NICE to have seen her playing along or something, trying to outwit the Evil Sorceresses and make them pay for having killed her husband. In fact if she had fallen into their Evil Magics because she was trying to avenge her dead husband and family and try to get home to rebuild and not let her daughter be born in such a place, that would have been interesting. Instead she just did nothing but cry and scream and believed everything that they told her.
Gimpy angsts about having a perfect memory and not having been able to introduce Emily to them.
Triscuit then tells Gimpy what happened to his beloved daughter. He cries a single tear. That's four. He doesn't sob his little gimpy heart out. He just cries a single damn tear.
And then moves on.
Like it never happened. Instead he gets more interested in the sword that Triscuit carries. See apparently there's this prophecy (again) where the Chosen One will have three Chosen Weapons which he'll kill lots of people with. One of them is the sword he's carrying around that he got from Sludge. No wait, he didn't get from Sludge. He didn't win it from Sludge or anything. He just picked it up because Sludge had tossed it away like garbage, not even needing it any more. Sludge has probably even forgotten about... no wait... never mind. Sludge probably remembers the weapon because he's so obsessed about Triscuit.
Right. So, three weapons. The Sword, the Daggers and Mr. Pointy, the stake. I mean, and the unknown third weapon. Which the Vagaries make mention of, but only when Triscuit has read the prophecies will Triscuit know what he has to do. No wait, "But only the Prophecies will tell Tristan the course of action he is to take. And only he is to read them"
He's not allowed to make choices, if you notice from the wording. He has to do what the book says. He has no free will. He's a SOULLESS PIECE OF CARDBOARD... .. I mean, beyond being a flat character.
And finally, Gimpy forgives Earwig and Triscuit for the hand that they had in his daughter's death, because you see, Natasha really wasn't Emily. She died all those years ago.
Okay, maybe I do.
But I'm trying to convince myself I don't.
But I really want to...
Gah.
Okay. So, we just learned that the Evil Sorceresses are planning to cast a spell that gives them Complete Control Over Everything. However, Gimpy managed to hold some information back.
"I was able to shield part of my mind from here through a supreme effort of will. To this day I am not sure how I accomplished it. My family was dead, and at that point in my life I had nothing more to lose. It ultimately came down to who could last the longest. The Chimeran Agonies worked on me, but not to the extent that Failee believes. Her knowledge of the spell was only fragmentary, and when applied to me it was only partially effective and I was able to withhold much of the Tome from her. There is a good chance that to this day she still does not realize it."
Notice that this is the same five year old daughter he's talking about, the one that he said go ahead and kill. The one he didn't try to rescue. Yes. That one. Also notice he says that he withheld most of the Tome from Failee. This is important.
See, he didn't give her the full spell for the Reckoning. This is a bad thing because if formed incorrectly bad things happen. How bad? Really bad.
"And if the Reckoning is not performed perfectly?" [Tristan] asked tentatively. "What happens then?"
"Then the world as we know it will cease to exist. Completely and irreversibly. The incorrect application of the Reckoning, due to the combination of the Vigors and Vagaries, will result in the complete and total destruction of the entire world, and everything and everyone in it. This is why the Vigors and the Vagaries are housed in separate volumes of the Tomb. The combination of their knowledge and their use was only to reside in the mind and heart of one person, the Chosen One. You, Tristan. As the Ones Who Came Before intended it to be. But if the Vigors and the Vagaries clash in combined or even simultaneous use by anyone but you, the result is cataclysmic. And she will doubtless attempt to combine them, because her knowledge is limited...."
If you're going to give someone a spell and you know it's going to cause the end of life the universe and everything if it's not performed correctly, don't give them only half the damn thing. Because you know they're going to try to use it. You know it. Either don't give them the spell or give them all of it. If you give them all of it you the conditions that need to happen for the spell to be cast and you can stop it. Or you could not give it to them at all. But while you can stop them if they have half the spell, you're also going to risk ending life the universe and everything. So, better not to do that. Also why is it only the Chosen One can safely use both sides of the Force? Where's the fun and drama in that? Beyond making Triscuit even more powerful than before.
Ooooh.... I just got the complete Otherland Series in the mail.... ooooh... more good books! Yay!
Oh, and apparently the reason why the women are all evil sex fiends is because Gimpy didn't give them the entire contents of the book. They've mistaken the Magical Feeling that they get when practicing magic (you know like with the horny water) with an actual orgasm. It's also the reason why they're crazy. "Demented"
"...They are most probably not aware that of the fact that she will be forced to combine the two sides of the craft. In addition, their own, lesser practice of the Vagaries has
started to lead them down the road to dementia as well, which to a certain degree makes them more willing followers." [Faegan] paused for a moment, as if lost in thought. "A true case of the blind leading the blind," he whispered, almost to himself. "It is also the reason for their bizzare sexual needs."
"Their dementia has tricked them into believing that those sexual acts of depravity they are so well known for actually increase their power - that the craft itself is calling them to do these things. During the use of some arcane teaching of the Vagaries, Failee may have felt something akin to this sexual enhancement of her power, as may have the others. For the Vagaries can, when strong enough, actually feel that way in some respects - a sense of total ecstasy. I know, for I have felt it myself...."
So basically these women aren't evil because they're EVIL, they're Evil because they fucked up the magic. So, they're really misguided. So Triscuit is going to be able to over come them easily not because he's more learned in the craft than they are or cleverer or anything, but because they don't really know what they're doing. They're incompetent. Also, did you notice that Gimpy too felt the pull of the Vagaries but he was too strong and manly to fall victim to them. Unlike the weak-willed good for nothing but babies and serving food women. Yes.
And Sister is going to become just like them! Because she's weak and can't fight the Tortures. Cause she's a woman. It would have been NICE to have seen her playing along or something, trying to outwit the Evil Sorceresses and make them pay for having killed her husband. In fact if she had fallen into their Evil Magics because she was trying to avenge her dead husband and family and try to get home to rebuild and not let her daughter be born in such a place, that would have been interesting. Instead she just did nothing but cry and scream and believed everything that they told her.
Gimpy angsts about having a perfect memory and not having been able to introduce Emily to them.
Triscuit then tells Gimpy what happened to his beloved daughter. He cries a single tear. That's four. He doesn't sob his little gimpy heart out. He just cries a single damn tear.
And then moves on.
Like it never happened. Instead he gets more interested in the sword that Triscuit carries. See apparently there's this prophecy (again) where the Chosen One will have three Chosen Weapons which he'll kill lots of people with. One of them is the sword he's carrying around that he got from Sludge. No wait, he didn't get from Sludge. He didn't win it from Sludge or anything. He just picked it up because Sludge had tossed it away like garbage, not even needing it any more. Sludge has probably even forgotten about... no wait... never mind. Sludge probably remembers the weapon because he's so obsessed about Triscuit.
Right. So, three weapons. The Sword, the Daggers and Mr. Pointy, the stake. I mean, and the unknown third weapon. Which the Vagaries make mention of, but only when Triscuit has read the prophecies will Triscuit know what he has to do. No wait, "But only the Prophecies will tell Tristan the course of action he is to take. And only he is to read them"
He's not allowed to make choices, if you notice from the wording. He has to do what the book says. He has no free will. He's a SOULLESS PIECE OF CARDBOARD... .. I mean, beyond being a flat character.
And finally, Gimpy forgives Earwig and Triscuit for the hand that they had in his daughter's death, because you see, Natasha really wasn't Emily. She died all those years ago.
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no subject
Date: 2007-12-27 06:49 am (UTC)...Sorry. Real life has not been kind recently. But DAY-UM! Don wimmin count? Fuck.
And lesbianism is induced by magic? Good to know. I'm sure men will encourage far more usage of the Vaginaries now.
...Saaaaaaaaaaay, does that mean that the Vigors make men gay? Oh goodie. :D Wait, it also makes them dumb bastards. Daaaaaang.
Well, why should Gimpy care? She was just going to end up marrying some guy and having a passel of kids, right? :P Isn' tha' all wimmins is good for?
Bleh. Why blame Sister? Methinks she's taking the smarter route. At least she's getting an education this way.
...
...
...
METHINKS SOMEONE NEEDS TO GO AFTER GIMPY WITH A HOT POKER. And then... did you know that an English king died from having a hot poker shoved up 'there' by an assassin while he was sitting on the privy? Methinks it's an excellent way to kill a king. I mean, Prince Garlic-flavored Triscuit.
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Date: 2007-12-27 07:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-27 09:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-27 09:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-28 02:57 am (UTC)And then there's the king who died from falling off the toilet.
I am still amazed
Date: 2007-12-27 08:02 am (UTC)Okay, that could have been interesting. I think the idea of magic feeling something like an orgasm, when it is used, and characters doing unusual things because of this (good or bad ones) has a lot of potential. Hell, it's sort of already out there. Wouldn't most people assume there is at least some sense of euphoria, if only because of the sense of power and skill magic might give them? I imagine magic is a bit like an art form in that regard.
And I'm not the sort who goes digging for misogyny in everything, to the point where I'm bitter as hell, but DAMN. What the hell was Newcomb's inspiration for this? I mean, OTHER than his sexual fantasies? Why is he so determined to make women useless and intended to be reviled (but not human) because of their flaws? I realize some of the over-the-top feminism fantasy can be unappealing too but this book just goes non-stop with it. ;P
Also, what the fuck was the original point of the spell that Dickwad-the-Daughter-Hater only gave part of the information to?
Re: I am still amazed
Date: 2007-12-27 11:42 am (UTC)There is a book like that - The Compass Rose, I think it's called, by Gail Dayton. It has a lot of badly written sex, but if Newcomb is the so-called best fantasy novelist of the year, then Gail Dayton is George R. R. Martin.
Re: I am still amazed
Date: 2007-12-28 08:15 pm (UTC)You don't really need to go digging here, do you? XD
Also, what the fuck was the original point of the spell that Dickwad-the-Daughter-Hater only gave part of the information to?
Complete control over life, the universe, and everything.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-27 08:44 am (UTC)Considering the world we're talking about, would that really be a bad thing?
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Date: 2007-12-27 10:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-27 11:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-28 08:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-29 10:19 am (UTC)I don't even want to imagine them.
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Date: 2007-12-27 09:22 am (UTC)I'm normally against this kind of thing but can we please burn this book? I haven't cried this much since Jason Goes To Hell
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Date: 2007-12-27 09:39 am (UTC)260 000 words and he's a first time writer... who wrote this, and he got paid the biggest advance in years since his book triggered a bidding auction.
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Date: 2007-12-27 11:44 am (UTC)HOW
...WHAT
Bidding auction? I am praying that you're lying.
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Date: 2007-12-27 02:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-28 08:49 am (UTC)*wipes single, silvery tear away*
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Date: 2007-12-28 08:19 pm (UTC)My point exactly. My point exactly.
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Date: 2007-12-27 02:13 pm (UTC)That series rocks my world.
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Date: 2007-12-28 08:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-27 02:36 pm (UTC)But yay! You has "Otherland" books! Let me know what you think of them. : D
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Date: 2007-12-28 08:21 pm (UTC)But yay! You has "Otherland" books! Let me know what you think of them. : D
I will!
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Date: 2007-12-27 02:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-27 03:21 pm (UTC)I just got the "His Dark Materials" trilogy as a Christmas gift. It's pretty good, and at least Pullman seems to understand these principles.
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Date: 2007-12-28 12:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-28 02:21 am (UTC)Silly Christians!
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Date: 2007-12-28 03:22 am (UTC)Anyway, w00t to Pullman.
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Date: 2007-12-28 03:35 am (UTC)Yule is a Norse/Germanic celebration, and somehow I doubt that 1st to 4th Century Church Fathers cared what went on in the frozen north. It's been postulated that the reason they picked 25 December is that this was already a big celebration, it also happened to be Mithras birthday (and if you bring up any of the moronic theories about Mithras being a Christ figure I'll smote thee hip and thigh with the facts).
Easter has no pagan background whatsoever, it originates from the Jewish Passover, the last supper was a passover meal for crying out loud!
Okay that was my rant for the day, I hope I was not too offensive, but this is a major, major pet peeve.
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Date: 2007-12-28 06:17 am (UTC)Maybe you're thinking more along the lines of Samhain and All Saints' Day?
And nope, Easter is Jesus all the way. They're also marked on different calendars; Easter is lunar, Beltane is solar.
Politically astute Christians, perhaps. ;)
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Date: 2007-12-28 05:44 am (UTC)The irony is doubled by the fact that I'm visiting my highly conservative grandparents with the rest of my family. The ones who read "Conservative Chronicle" and "World Net Daily". We try to avoid political discussions.
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Date: 2007-12-28 08:35 pm (UTC)And no matter what the man does, he's still good because he's a man.
just got the "His Dark Materials" trilogy as a Christmas gift. It's pretty good, and at least Pullman seems to understand these principles.
Lots of people seem to be getting it. I rather enjoyed it.