Blood bath!
Dec. 12th, 2007 01:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kippurbirdSo, more work news stuff. Apparently a guy the Boss Man hired came to work yesterday for three hours. Today he quit without even coming in.
Bad things.
Bad book we are back with.
Triscuit (instead of He for once) is waiting to become King. He smells potpourri, fresh cut flowers and anticipation. I never realized that anticipation smelled. It probably smells like sweet rotten eggs, because that makes just the same amount of sense. Yummy. I just love his word choices. They make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Triscuit continues to act like a spoiled brat by wearing his usual outfit with the quiver of dirks. He doesn't want to be king so he's going to eschew proper protocol and wear inappropriate clothes. He's going to be such a wonderful king, isn't he? He's more interested his own personal issues than proving to the people that he will be a good king. Though he thinks, "If it is a king I must be, then it is a king of the common people that I shall strive to remain." How does acting like a spoiled child mean that he's acting like a king for the common people? It should be his actions and not how he looks that proves that he's the king of the common people.
However, this is merely a plot device. See when the Evil Minions of Evil attack, he will have his weapons and thus be able to fight back. And then he'll be justified in wearing his weapons and dressing like he does. Because he's just that special.
Side note: Apparently the magical stone that the king can't take off when it's put in the water from the magical blood pool in a magical chalice (again that's not helping) renders all magic users magically sterile. Sorceresses and Wizards alike. Once the magical stone is magically cleaned it can be magically placed on Magical Triscuit. I've never heard of anything so stupid. What sort of the magic system becomes completely impotent when you dip a rock in water? I guess it's a good thing it only happens once every thirty years or so. But really, that's a stupid flaw... and kind of stretching believability. All magic can't be connected to a stone like that. It's highly impractical... wait, sorry. Never mind. Trying to apply logic here. Like trying to hear sound in a void. Utterly useless.
Moving on.
There is a pretty speech by Earwig and Triscuit marvels at the fact people are cheering him on as king. I would be too, if I acted like a complete and total ass. Earwig pours the bloody water into the sacred chalice and Triscuit gets horny for magic. "At the sight of the water, his blood surged with the desire with desire for the craft" That is some magical water.
Or a really bad pick up line.
"Hey babe, you want to help me practice my craft?"
Maybe that's how he gets all those girls into bed with him.
Heh.
So, stone goes into chalice and is supposed to sit around for two hours until it's purified. BUT that doesn't happen. Instead the author takes the time to step out of the story and Triscuit's POV to say this.
There are no words to express how I feel at this moment. But I shall try.
Thank you for completely stalling and pointing out the obvious Mr. Newcomb. Would you like to tell us that sun is hot, that water is wet, that cats do strange things as well? Isn't the point of this novel the fact that Triscuit's life is never going to be the same? After all he's the hero and it would defeat the purpose of the story for nothing to change. This is, after all, what a story is supposed to do, show character growth (and not down there) and change. If his world was not about to change forever, then we wouldn't have a story (or even less of one than we have now, strange but true). By taking the time to point this out you've proven that you think your readers are idiots and/or you're just trying to be pretentious. After all it does sound dramatic, even though it completely contradicts your previous style. It sure does sound special. Like you Mr. Newcomb. Like you.
Right. Begin Blood Bath Now.
Fredrick (Sister's husband) loses his head. Didn't someone say he was going to die? Cookies for you.
Triscuit uses his knives that thankfully and coincidentally he was wearing. *GASP*
Lots of guards die.
Triscuit is ordered to stay on the dais with Earwig.
The five other wizards die horribly.
Triscuit tries to take the stone out of the water but SOMETHING tells him that he shouldn't.
More bloodshed.
Triscuit tries to kill leader (What was his name? Sludge? I don't remember) with his knives but they're blocked.
Triscuit charges Sludge and they fight, Triscuit thinking that everything he's doing is to avenge Fredrick. As opposed to, you know, protect his kingdom.
The cat runs off with my shoe. Dunno why. He's a strange cat.
Sludge calls him a boy (again, not surprising since he's acting like a teenager) and drags him off to the dais again where the family is being held hostage.
Lots of people die messily.
Chick that Triscuit did is dead.
Dire Proclamation number five "I will kill this creature one day. In the name of everything I am, and all that I hold dear, I will kill him."
End Blood Bath. Hrm... right. So. Sludge has them all sit down and introduces himself. It's Kluge not Sludge. Whatever. Sludge is threatening, including with the I'm going to rape your Queen bit. And then Sushi shows up and there's a long descriptive passage about what she looks like. Because yes, this is something that you would pay attention to when a whole bunch of people just got slaughtered around you and your family's lives are at stake. Oogling the pretty girl.
You know, he keeps on describing Sushi as exotic... but exotic from what? Where is it that she's supposed to come from that makes her looks exotic? Is she just exotic? Is that even possible?
She takes the magical stone and then monologues for fivish pages. Obviously she's never read the Evil Overlord's List.
#6 I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
#7 When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No.
And that's all I can handle for today. Good night pigeons.
Bad things.
Bad book we are back with.
Triscuit (instead of He for once) is waiting to become King. He smells potpourri, fresh cut flowers and anticipation. I never realized that anticipation smelled. It probably smells like sweet rotten eggs, because that makes just the same amount of sense. Yummy. I just love his word choices. They make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Triscuit continues to act like a spoiled brat by wearing his usual outfit with the quiver of dirks. He doesn't want to be king so he's going to eschew proper protocol and wear inappropriate clothes. He's going to be such a wonderful king, isn't he? He's more interested his own personal issues than proving to the people that he will be a good king. Though he thinks, "If it is a king I must be, then it is a king of the common people that I shall strive to remain." How does acting like a spoiled child mean that he's acting like a king for the common people? It should be his actions and not how he looks that proves that he's the king of the common people.
However, this is merely a plot device. See when the Evil Minions of Evil attack, he will have his weapons and thus be able to fight back. And then he'll be justified in wearing his weapons and dressing like he does. Because he's just that special.
Side note: Apparently the magical stone that the king can't take off when it's put in the water from the magical blood pool in a magical chalice (again that's not helping) renders all magic users magically sterile. Sorceresses and Wizards alike. Once the magical stone is magically cleaned it can be magically placed on Magical Triscuit. I've never heard of anything so stupid. What sort of the magic system becomes completely impotent when you dip a rock in water? I guess it's a good thing it only happens once every thirty years or so. But really, that's a stupid flaw... and kind of stretching believability. All magic can't be connected to a stone like that. It's highly impractical... wait, sorry. Never mind. Trying to apply logic here. Like trying to hear sound in a void. Utterly useless.
Moving on.
There is a pretty speech by Earwig and Triscuit marvels at the fact people are cheering him on as king. I would be too, if I acted like a complete and total ass. Earwig pours the bloody water into the sacred chalice and Triscuit gets horny for magic. "At the sight of the water, his blood surged with the desire with desire for the craft" That is some magical water.
Or a really bad pick up line.
"Hey babe, you want to help me practice my craft?"
Maybe that's how he gets all those girls into bed with him.
Heh.
So, stone goes into chalice and is supposed to sit around for two hours until it's purified. BUT that doesn't happen. Instead the author takes the time to step out of the story and Triscuit's POV to say this.
Just as the executioner's ax falls, just as the horse trips and the rider knows he is going down, just as the archer's fingers loose the arrow -- whenever the portent of disaster arrives and the entire world begins to spin in a terrifying kind of slow motion, the words that one hears at that precise moment can go on almost forever in one's head, a sickening, unforgettable prelude to disaster.
Tristan did not know it, but his world was about to change forever.
There are no words to express how I feel at this moment. But I shall try.
Thank you for completely stalling and pointing out the obvious Mr. Newcomb. Would you like to tell us that sun is hot, that water is wet, that cats do strange things as well? Isn't the point of this novel the fact that Triscuit's life is never going to be the same? After all he's the hero and it would defeat the purpose of the story for nothing to change. This is, after all, what a story is supposed to do, show character growth (and not down there) and change. If his world was not about to change forever, then we wouldn't have a story (or even less of one than we have now, strange but true). By taking the time to point this out you've proven that you think your readers are idiots and/or you're just trying to be pretentious. After all it does sound dramatic, even though it completely contradicts your previous style. It sure does sound special. Like you Mr. Newcomb. Like you.
Right. Begin Blood Bath Now.
Fredrick (Sister's husband) loses his head. Didn't someone say he was going to die? Cookies for you.
Triscuit uses his knives that thankfully and coincidentally he was wearing. *GASP*
Lots of guards die.
Triscuit is ordered to stay on the dais with Earwig.
The five other wizards die horribly.
Triscuit tries to take the stone out of the water but SOMETHING tells him that he shouldn't.
More bloodshed.
Triscuit tries to kill leader (What was his name? Sludge? I don't remember) with his knives but they're blocked.
Triscuit charges Sludge and they fight, Triscuit thinking that everything he's doing is to avenge Fredrick. As opposed to, you know, protect his kingdom.
The cat runs off with my shoe. Dunno why. He's a strange cat.
Sludge calls him a boy (again, not surprising since he's acting like a teenager) and drags him off to the dais again where the family is being held hostage.
Lots of people die messily.
Chick that Triscuit did is dead.
Dire Proclamation number five "I will kill this creature one day. In the name of everything I am, and all that I hold dear, I will kill him."
End Blood Bath. Hrm... right. So. Sludge has them all sit down and introduces himself. It's Kluge not Sludge. Whatever. Sludge is threatening, including with the I'm going to rape your Queen bit. And then Sushi shows up and there's a long descriptive passage about what she looks like. Because yes, this is something that you would pay attention to when a whole bunch of people just got slaughtered around you and your family's lives are at stake. Oogling the pretty girl.
Tristan now had the opportunity to look directly into her face, and despite the severity of the circumstances, what he saw almost took his breath away. Her dark, exotic, almond shaped eyes seemed to give silent commands all of their own, and whenever the full, inviting red lips parted, they revealed perfect, white teeth. He had never seen a woman's hair this long, or with such a luminous texture. It hung down her back like strands of the best black silk, ending just above her waist.
You know, he keeps on describing Sushi as exotic... but exotic from what? Where is it that she's supposed to come from that makes her looks exotic? Is she just exotic? Is that even possible?
She takes the magical stone and then monologues for fivish pages. Obviously she's never read the Evil Overlord's List.
#6 I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
#7 When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No.
And that's all I can handle for today. Good night pigeons.
