Vaguries of magic
Dec. 5th, 2007 01:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kippurbirdEarwig is sitting around doing nothing. He has his eyes closed as he thinks about what happened and searches "his mind for Triscuit's presence". I'm not really sure what searching your mind for someone is going to do. Is that like trying to remember them? I mean if he had said, "trying to sense Triscuit with his magical connection to those with endowed blood." *sniggers endowed* then it would make more sense. He senses with his mind that Triscuit's presence "had been altered. Irrevocably. Which meant that something major had happened to Tristan that had changed him in a profound way." He became a woman. But really, "profound way" can we be any more vague or mysterious? The Hero is no longer an ordinary man but how he's changed we don't know. It's just strange and mysterious. That he's a woman.
Earwig is worried. He knows about Hartwick Woods and there is something in there that he doesn't want to think about. "But the old one's mind sheered away from that possibility." Which of course means that is what Triscuit ran into that thing that Earwig wanted not to think about. As he thinks about things he doesn't want to think about he also ogles Sister.
First of all is an impending pregnancy like a preannouncement? Especially if she's already five months pregnant. Did they preannounce the impending pregnancy? Second of all, really old wizards who have known someone since they were born shouldn't be thinking such things about that woman. It's kinda creepy.
Apparently the twins have an "Ultimate Potential" which Earwig can't tell them and he's sad, sad sad about not being able to tell them. Good forbid they know how powerful they are, so they won't accidentally you know, blow something up or something. Something always triggers off powers and things always go boom. Things that wouldn't go boom if they knew how powerful they were and how to control their powers. I'm sorry... wait... how are they supposed to be surprised at how powerful they are and surprise the enemies if they knew how powerful they were?
We learn that there was no written history pre-three hundred years ago and the end of the Sorceresses' War.
Because people never record history unless they were told to. I mean, no one told the cavemen to paint on the caves to record their history. But of course the Evil Women Sorceresses were preventing people from recording history. And once the Men came into power, civilization happened. Because women just can't do civilization. Only Men can. Women are just too evil to allow civilization. Instead they destroy it.
And we find out that the caves that Triscuit are called "The Caves of Paragon" which is horrifying. I dunno why. He has red stains on his pants from the red water of the Caves. I have absolutely no idea what to say to that... except that they have pads for that. And tampons. He has been changed into a woman. He has, he has, he has.
There's another mention of the azure light around the twins which completely kills any suspense as to who the Chosen Ones are. Oh and Triscuit is glowing blue. He's a shining example of womanhood.
There's a POV shift.
And I'm starting wonder why the sister was even there. She's done nothing. Except to ogle Earwig.
The mysterious red water has made Triscuit hungry for knowledge about magic. Red Bull?
Oh! And we're having one of those misunderstanding conversations. Those are the ones where one person knows something but won't tell the other person, but if they told a lot of problems wouldn't happen later. But this is supposed to cause Tension.
Earwig tells Triscuit about magic. Yay infodump!
Magic is genetic. There are two schools of thought,
I was wrong. The previous statement wasn't sexist. THIS is sexist.
Moving on.
We learn that the only difference between wizards and sorceresses are their gender. But it doesn't say that only women can practice the Vagaries and the men Vigors. It sort of implies that though. Finally we get our Dues Ex Machina. No. Really.
It slices! It Dices! It even makes Julian fries! As well as making people incredibly horny... again with the endowed blood. Couldn't he have picked a better word than endowed. My mind keeps on going down. And really, it spends enough time in the gutter as it is. It really doesn't need to spend more time down there.
Earwig lies to Triscuit. And there's so much he'd like to tell him too. But he doesn't tell him because.... he has no choice. Information is always better than no information. Ignorance is not bliss. It helps you not do stupid things in the future. Triscuit however is unique and has never been seen before. He's just that special.
Blah, blah, blah. Earwig shows Triscuit a shiny magical ball of light which is magic and Triscuit acts like he's never seen magic before. The Vigors are light and happy, the Vagaries are dark and evil. Once again magic is divided into good and evil, light and dark as opposed to the real world which is made of shades of gray. Life just isn't that easy. And apparently if you try to combine the two you cause a tear in space. EXCEPT for the CHOSEN ONE who is supposed to bring about the joining of the two without causing the End of Life as We Know It.
Women practicing magic had been outlawed but Earwig wants Triscuit to make it so they're not outlawed. This will allow Sister to be trained in magic (Though they don't actually say that) Then Earwig says that the magic does have limits... but they're self imposed pretty much.
In a stunning turn of events, Newcomb has a sucky editor. While talking about women practicing again, Triscuit goes, "Perhaps if the women were to be trained, and I think they should, then as a prerequisite we could ask them also to submit to the death enchantments." A page later he thinks to himself, "Tristan was stunned, his mind full of questions. Death enchantments?"
He knew about the death enchantments a page ago, why not now? So that he could sound good and wise and intelligent. And then he is stupid again so that we can have explained to us. Basically if the wizards do Vagaries they die. Poof.
Triscuit thinks "Deep Thoughts". And then brings up something we never heard of before, the "Paragon". Gee, do you think this blood red stone has anything to do with the menstruation pool in the Paragon Cave? Oh and there's a Paragon Tome. Obviously we need better names.
Cave shall now be known as "The Menstruation Pool."
Stone is now "Blood Clot"
Tome is now "Sex Ed Book"
Back to the blood clot. It apparently is a magical stone that can do something that they don't know what to a person who has endowed blood. But Triscuit is apparently going to be able to use the stone for some reason because he's just that special. The blood clot is only useful with the sex ed book.
Earwig then tests Triscuit by asking him if he knew where the two were found. Which is an idiotic question, because how would Triscuit know where they were found? He doesn't know that the menstruation pools are called the Paragon Caves why would he make the connection? But somehow Earwig expects him to make such a connection. Triscuit says no he doesn't know where they were found, which is true. Of course it's obvious to us because of the over use of the word Paragon.
Suddenly the sister is remembered (why was she here again?) and they decide to go.
Remember how Earwig was dropping that powder and I said it was a trail like for Hansel and Gretal? I was right.
The chapter ends with this lovely exchange:
I hate that "it's magic." It's magic is NOT a proper excuse for something. Explain it and stop acting all mysterious about it. No on cares.
Earwig is worried. He knows about Hartwick Woods and there is something in there that he doesn't want to think about. "But the old one's mind sheered away from that possibility." Which of course means that is what Triscuit ran into that thing that Earwig wanted not to think about. As he thinks about things he doesn't want to think about he also ogles Sister.
He turned to check on Shailiha as she lay sleeping. Her impending pregnancy did little to disturb her great beauty. Her long, golden blond hair and her tall, exquisite form had come directly from her mother, Queen Morganna. But her hazel eyes, sensuous mouth, and happy, compassionate nature were all her own.
First of all is an impending pregnancy like a preannouncement? Especially if she's already five months pregnant. Did they preannounce the impending pregnancy? Second of all, really old wizards who have known someone since they were born shouldn't be thinking such things about that woman. It's kinda creepy.
Apparently the twins have an "Ultimate Potential" which Earwig can't tell them and he's sad, sad sad about not being able to tell them. Good forbid they know how powerful they are, so they won't accidentally you know, blow something up or something. Something always triggers off powers and things always go boom. Things that wouldn't go boom if they knew how powerful they were and how to control their powers. I'm sorry... wait... how are they supposed to be surprised at how powerful they are and surprise the enemies if they knew how powerful they were?
We learn that there was no written history pre-three hundred years ago and the end of the Sorceresses' War.
Sadly, he reminded himself, there was no written history before their victory in the Sorceresses' War. So little was known about those times. It was only upon the wizard's triumph in that awful conflict that the scribes had been ordered to begin to record public events.
Because people never record history unless they were told to. I mean, no one told the cavemen to paint on the caves to record their history. But of course the Evil Women Sorceresses were preventing people from recording history. And once the Men came into power, civilization happened. Because women just can't do civilization. Only Men can. Women are just too evil to allow civilization. Instead they destroy it.
And we find out that the caves that Triscuit are called "The Caves of Paragon" which is horrifying. I dunno why. He has red stains on his pants from the red water of the Caves. I have absolutely no idea what to say to that... except that they have pads for that. And tampons. He has been changed into a woman. He has, he has, he has.
There's another mention of the azure light around the twins which completely kills any suspense as to who the Chosen Ones are. Oh and Triscuit is glowing blue. He's a shining example of womanhood.
There's a POV shift.
And I'm starting wonder why the sister was even there. She's done nothing. Except to ogle Earwig.
The mysterious red water has made Triscuit hungry for knowledge about magic. Red Bull?
Oh! And we're having one of those misunderstanding conversations. Those are the ones where one person knows something but won't tell the other person, but if they told a lot of problems wouldn't happen later. But this is supposed to cause Tension.
Earwig tells Triscuit about magic. Yay infodump!
Magic is genetic. There are two schools of thought,
Vigors which is the beneficent side of the craft and requires great selflessness and sacrifice. It is the school of magic to which each of the wizards of the Directorate have taken their vows. Simply put, the Vigors teach those facets of the craft that produce charity, kindness, and deeds for others. It is the only type of magic practiced by wizards.
The other side of the craft is called the Vagaries. It is practiced for power and greed, and the depravities of it's execution knows no bounds. It is said that complete mastery of the the vagaries always result in madness. During the war, the sorceresses practiced only the Cagaries, the wizards only the Vigors. ... The Vagaries are the most dangerous of all aspects of the craft - not more powerful than the Vigors, but far more destructive. And destruction was the tool needed by most sorceresses to accomplish their goals."
I was wrong. The previous statement wasn't sexist. THIS is sexist.
Moving on.
We learn that the only difference between wizards and sorceresses are their gender. But it doesn't say that only women can practice the Vagaries and the men Vigors. It sort of implies that though. Finally we get our Dues Ex Machina. No. Really.
The various aspects of the craft are infinite, Tristan. For both the Vigors and the Vagaries. Spells, enchantments, incantations, transformations, potions, divinations, symbols - the list goes on and on. And each thing in nature has its own place in the craft. Thus the study of the craft is infinite and, for those of us with endowed blood, irresistibly compelling.
It slices! It Dices! It even makes Julian fries! As well as making people incredibly horny... again with the endowed blood. Couldn't he have picked a better word than endowed. My mind keeps on going down. And really, it spends enough time in the gutter as it is. It really doesn't need to spend more time down there.
Earwig lies to Triscuit. And there's so much he'd like to tell him too. But he doesn't tell him because.... he has no choice. Information is always better than no information. Ignorance is not bliss. It helps you not do stupid things in the future. Triscuit however is unique and has never been seen before. He's just that special.
Blah, blah, blah. Earwig shows Triscuit a shiny magical ball of light which is magic and Triscuit acts like he's never seen magic before. The Vigors are light and happy, the Vagaries are dark and evil. Once again magic is divided into good and evil, light and dark as opposed to the real world which is made of shades of gray. Life just isn't that easy. And apparently if you try to combine the two you cause a tear in space. EXCEPT for the CHOSEN ONE who is supposed to bring about the joining of the two without causing the End of Life as We Know It.
Women practicing magic had been outlawed but Earwig wants Triscuit to make it so they're not outlawed. This will allow Sister to be trained in magic (Though they don't actually say that) Then Earwig says that the magic does have limits... but they're self imposed pretty much.
In a stunning turn of events, Newcomb has a sucky editor. While talking about women practicing again, Triscuit goes, "Perhaps if the women were to be trained, and I think they should, then as a prerequisite we could ask them also to submit to the death enchantments." A page later he thinks to himself, "Tristan was stunned, his mind full of questions. Death enchantments?"
He knew about the death enchantments a page ago, why not now? So that he could sound good and wise and intelligent. And then he is stupid again so that we can have explained to us. Basically if the wizards do Vagaries they die. Poof.
Triscuit thinks "Deep Thoughts". And then brings up something we never heard of before, the "Paragon". Gee, do you think this blood red stone has anything to do with the menstruation pool in the Paragon Cave? Oh and there's a Paragon Tome. Obviously we need better names.
Cave shall now be known as "The Menstruation Pool."
Stone is now "Blood Clot"
Tome is now "Sex Ed Book"
Back to the blood clot. It apparently is a magical stone that can do something that they don't know what to a person who has endowed blood. But Triscuit is apparently going to be able to use the stone for some reason because he's just that special. The blood clot is only useful with the sex ed book.
Earwig then tests Triscuit by asking him if he knew where the two were found. Which is an idiotic question, because how would Triscuit know where they were found? He doesn't know that the menstruation pools are called the Paragon Caves why would he make the connection? But somehow Earwig expects him to make such a connection. Triscuit says no he doesn't know where they were found, which is true. Of course it's obvious to us because of the over use of the word Paragon.
Suddenly the sister is remembered (why was she here again?) and they decide to go.
Remember how Earwig was dropping that powder and I said it was a trail like for Hansel and Gretal? I was right.
The chapter ends with this lovely exchange:
Tristan was stunned. Looking into the old one's eyes, he whispered, "Wigg, how is such a thing possible?"
Wigg gazed calmly at Tristan and Shailiha.
"I thought by now you both knew," he said, raising the familiar eyebrow. "It's magic."
I hate that "it's magic." It's magic is NOT a proper excuse for something. Explain it and stop acting all mysterious about it. No on cares.
