Kippur was obviously bored today.

[kippurbird]

Now, these are going to be weird because there's not chapter breaks, just parts, so I'm going to try and break at what seems like a reasonable interval.

We begin in the Kingdom of Eutracia 327 years later. From such a odd number, I'm guessing that the Hero was born 27 years ago and that the prophecy deals with some born three hundred years after the exile and etc. We shall have to see if I'm right nor not.

And then I wanted to throw the book into the litter box (but that would have been cruel to the cat).

Tbe Tome shall be read first by a seed of the victors who, years later, shall become the sworn enemy of those same victorious ones. The sire of this seed shall, having abandoned the victor's cause, live as an outcast. The six of the craft who remain shall select one from their midst to lead them in peace for sixteen score and seven years, choosing in turn, many who shall wear the stone. From the seed of the one of the those who wear the stone shall come the Chosen One, first proceeded by another.

The azure light that accompanies the births of the Chosen Ones shall be the proof of the quality of their blood.

~Page 478 Chapter One of the Vigors of the Tome.

First of all. I was right. Sixteen score plus seven is 327. Thus it means that it's time for the Chosen One to Appear. Second. CHOSEN ONE!! It actually says CHOSEN ONE! How much more cliched can you get than with Chosen One. And not just chosen one, but Chosen One, note the capitals thank you very much. And they're twins. Note that the chosen one is first proceeded by another one and not only that! But you know they're the chosen one because there is going to be some Special Effects that announces their Chosen Status. And they aren't going to be a Chosen One because of anything they're going to accomplish, but because they were born Just That Special. So that means anything they do is going to be right because they're the Chosen One and they were born that way so they automatically will succeed. Because they're the Chosen One. If they weren't meant to be succeed then they wouldn't be the Chosen One.

Now, see, in Harry Potter we had a Chosen One, but we didn't know about it until Book Five when Harry found the prophecy for Voldemort. Until the we only knew he was getting through things through luck and skill. And even then it doesn't call Harry the Chosen One, it just says that he has the power to do it, not that he'll actually be able to do it.

Not only that but there are two chosen ones. I mean Chosen Ones. How can you have Two Chosen Ones? Shouldn't it be Chosen Two? It's like all those Mary Sue stories where the Sue is the Chosen one too. One implies that there can be only one individual or thing, two is not one. I may have issues with math, but even I know that 2=/=1

And that is why I wanted to throw the book into the litter box.

Moving on.

We meet He. He is alone in the Hartwick woods throwing knives and trying to get some succession oath out of his head. He knows that he'll always hit his mark when he throws his knives, because He is just that good. He has longish black hair. He is wearing black leather. He suddenly vanishes.

A Prince Tristan of the First of the House of Galland, heir apparent to his father, King Nicholas the First of the kingdom of Eutracia appears in He's place. I miss He. He seemed much more interesting. Tristan appears to be thinking about the same exact things He was thinking a page ago. In fact the first page could have been cut and started with Tristain. Again, we have this order of information problem. I'm not sure what Newcomb is trying to do with withholding the main character's name. It doesn't add anything to it. Instead it just confuses the reader when the name shows up. Again we need to know who we're dealing with so we can connect with the character. "He" is just an abstract concept. "He" could be anything. Prince Tristan is a someone.

Tristan is a sad, sad man. See he has to take the throne when he's thirty and required to produce an heir. But he doesn't have a wife or sons. And he doesn't want to be king. Isn't that horrible? Don't you just feel for this poor guy who doesn't want to take the responsibility of helping his people as their ruler? This thirty year old man is acting like he's nineteen. I could understand this attitude if he was nineteen, being king is a scary prospect for a nineteen year old. But at thirty? He's a full grown adult. He should be more than ready for this responsibility that he was trained for his entire life. The fact that he doesn't want to do it, makes him look like a selfish prick. I have absolutely no sympathy for him. Call the wambulance, he doesn't want to be responsible.

He muses for a minute on the landscape and then the fact that he has to go and eat dinner with his family. His parents, his TWIN SISTER and his brother and law. They'll be mad at him for not being around... so... he's going to skip out on them.... yes. But did you notice the TWIN sister. And the Chosen One is born after the Chosen One. Could this be him then?! I don't know! I must read to find out!

Then we get that lovely bit about his knife throwing that I mentioned earlier. About how knife throwing is all his and how awesome he is because he knows how to do it and no one knows this. It's his own little precious secret that he keeps in a box next to his porn.

Speaking of porn, it's interesting that he's not using a sword like traditional Fantasy Heroes. His phallic object is much smaller than normal and one that he keeps on throwing away. Since this book has such a sexist tone to it, one has to wonder has to wonder what this mean. Perhpaps he's not as manly as we think he is, which is why he won't be foiled by the sex sorceresses charms? Something to keep in mind.

And I'm going to stop now before the info dump of doom. It'll take me a while to sort through that one.

Comments

[christinaathena.livejournal.com]

"Chosen Ones", while, perhaps, a little odd, is a perfectly acceptable form, simply referring to more than one person who is chosen. Adjective + Ones is a perfectly gramatical form in English to mean "Individuals characterized by the adjective".

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Oh. Well. Shows you how much I know. XD

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

The idea that he doesn't want to get married and produce an heir leads me to believe he is In The Closet. Which might account for the Women = Evil thing the author's got going so far; perhaps this is a story about male homosexual empowerment? That could actually be okay! It's either that or the author is channeling a thirteen-year-old yaoi fangirl who thinks women are Icky and that the only proper kind of secks is male/male Buttsecks. Which could, potentially, also be okay, as long as there actually is buttsecks, and as long as it's well written.

=P

Also, He has a TWIN sister. Or a twin SISTER. Maybe she's ebil! Er...evil. Hey, I'd read to find out! :D

This, my friend, is going to be fun! ^_^

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

and as long as it's well written.

From the sample so far, I think you're going to have a long wait for that to happen.

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

Aww...drats.

The blatant sexism probably doesn't allude to anything as interesting as a homosexual main character either, does it?

I...I was trying to be hopeful. Y'know, give it the benefit of the doubt. Guess it was a wasted effort. >.>

At least I'll always have the internets...I can always find good smut on the internets...muahahahaa....hee. X3

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*laughs* You think our Manly Hero would be GAY?! How is he supposed to sex up the Evil Sorceress if he's Gay!?


The internet is for p0rn!

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

He doesn't have to sex up the Evil Sorceress! They can go shopping together, maybe do a bit of clubbing, and have a fabulous, non-sexual time!

I wonder, do you think when he sexes the Evil Sorceress, she'll see the error of her ways and repent so that she can have his babies? I bet she will.

[authoressarktos.livejournal.com]

Oh boy. We've only just started the books and already we've been smacked with a ton of innuendos and sexuality. This does not bode well :P

I dunno, I think the 'Chosen One' thing, in reference to two people, sounds a bit strange. Maybe he was trying to follow that copy of the 'Hero's Journey' he printed off the web?

And I think gundamkiwi has a point. Even though I'm sure there are plenty of men who reach thirty and don't get married (not that I would know), but to actively loathe the idea is a bit odd. Furthermore, if you add in his phallic object, I'd say someone needs to think about their sexual orientation :3

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I certainly will be thinking about his sexual orientation through out the book. I mean, how can I not. XD

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

Sword, you see, are so very old fashioned. The knife throwing is much cool! Obviously Newcomb was aware of how phallic the sword was and thought he'd fix the problem with knives. Although he could be getting an extra special magic sword later on.

Prince's active worry about marriage is strange to me. He's 30 so by now he should have figured out that royalty marries for politics before love and one would think that a 30 year old could have reconciled himself to this concept. He's obviously not pining for True Love (unless you count the marvelous totally not phallic knives).

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

That and the Knife Throwing will become a Plot Point later on.

Yeah. I mean it's not like he's nineteen or something. Nineteen I could understand, they don't know how the world works. But thirty? No. That's too old. I'm sorry.

[indescane.livejournal.com]

I think a 'I like my phallic emblem LARGE' icon might be appropriate for this story.

In any case, that prophecy makes me want to bleed from several places. The Vigors of the Tome? Does it do aerobics while awaiting the Chosen One?

Also, I can't actually read the damn thing. It doesn't make sense.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I know. I had to read it several times to try and figure out what it said too. -_-

[smurasaki.livejournal.com]

Perhaps it should have been "the Vapors of the Tome."