In which Kippur cliche's her fantasy world.

[kippurbird]

I'm starting to think that I'm doing my fantasy series all wrong. I mean... I don't have any age old prophecies that need to be full filled. Or single individuals that are the only hope to destroy the big evil. I don't even have a big evil. Sure, there's Lorac but he's not really evil so much as insane.



My hero is a bit reluctant, but that's because he's got all the self confidence in his abilities as a gnat, though he's working on that. Speaking of the Hero, he's not an uber-mad fighter. He's certainly not able to throw knives and always hit their target. He also has a horrible mental block when it comes to using his magical powers and will not ever get over that block, which is a liability, which heroes aren't supposed to have apparently. And yes, he is descended from royalty but it doesn't do him a damn good because he's human and the throne is for Fey only. So, there's a greater chance of snow surviving in Hell than him ever even becoming king.

Oh and there's no clearly defined good or evil. Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do and none of it is Because I'm Evil. There aren't even any evil gods to sacrifice and be evil to.

My witches and wizards do not get along but it's not because one group is better than the other or one is evil and the other good, they just have different conflicting philosophies. And my witches and wizards can be both male and female. There is no gender divide between magic users.

There are no sex rites. There's a wine that if you drink you'll get incredibly horny and then not remember a damn thing when it wears off of what you did while drunk. But it's the Fey's idea of a practical joke. And not a sex rite.

Speaking of the Fey. They're not nice people. They can act nice and sometimes are nice, but if you piss them off they will do horrible things to you. They're kinda like Pratchett's elves in that respect. You're not likely to find one of them waxing poetical about trees and nature. More like manipulating humans so that their technological growth is stunted so that iron doesn't become prolific and hurt them. But the humans are oppressed by them, most never even see one. Which is a good thing.

My dragons, however, are kinda nice. At least, they're only likely to eat someone if they get angry at them as opposed to doing something Horrible to them. They're also excellent magical craftsmen...dragons? They don't actually tend to horde stuff and are generally pretty good about confining their eating habits to wild animals or asking for food in payment of services rendered.

And finally, Alec's True Love/soul mate/what not is utterly batshit insane as he's Lorac. =D



See, I'm doing everything wrong. Obviously this is what I need to do.



*Make Lorac Evil. He killed all those people because he is Evil. And he sacrificed them to an Evil God because he is Evil.

*Give Alec a Real True Love. A girl at that. Their love should be perfect and not involve any such problems like personality conflict or any of that "um... you're a deranged loony..." stuff.

*Make Alec the most wonderful swordsman and magic user there ever was.

*There needs to be a prophecy of some sort. An ancient prophecy of DOOOM. Of which Alec is the only one who can full fill it.

*Sex rites.

*Unicorns instead of horses with horns on their heads. Normal people ride "regular" horses. Alec rides a unicorn which he tamed as a colt and is a stallion.

*The fey need to become tree loving elves. The dragons evil monsters.

*Add gender differences between magic users. Decide which one is "Good" and which one is "Evil". Have Alec and True Love be exception to those rules.

* Add an Armageddon. Those are important. (I'm not sure why, but apparently they are.)

*Witches and wizards do not get along because one is Good and the other Evil. There is no apparent reason for this. Because witches can use life magic they're all hippie druids. Wizards must spend all their time reading books. Alec is the exception to this rule.

*Alec must be the exception to every rule. And always right even if he's going against conventional wisdom and ideas that he grew up with.

*Slave owners are evil and treat their slaves horribly. All of them. Alec will free them all and they'll all become his willing army to defeat the Evil Lorac.

*There must be a rebel group somewhere. They're fighting against Phelps who is evil -or at least a puppet to the throne while the Evil Orion controls him. Phelps' boyfriend is now his girlfriend. Orion can keep his boy sex slave because he is Evil. Said Sex Slave is only waiting for an opportunity to be free, which will happen when Alec frees him, even though Alec only really passes by Lancoon. Sex Slave will then become Alec's willing servant. With no after effects of having been a sex slave since he was about fifteen. Orion does not care about his sex slave one bit, again, because he is Evil.

*Alec is in line for the Throne in the Fey Kingdom. He will reluctantly take the throne after a series of improbable events happen that make him the only remaining heir. Everyone will be happy about this. He will be a good king.

* While there will be angsty moments for Alec, they will quickly be erased by a pep talk from his trusty loyal sidekick.

*There needs to be a trusty loyal sidekick.

*Marlina is now an old man (Marlin) who tells Alec of the Ancient Prophecy of Woe. He then gives Alec the Magic Sword. Alec knows how to use it automatically.

* Alec will be just that special.

*Alec will come through this smelling like roses and it'll all tie up neatly at the end. There will be a Happy Ending with Alec marrying his True Love. (Which is why the True Love can't be a guy.)

Comments

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

This is called "Good Worldbuilding". Your world doesn't sound like it's going to fall into a black hole or something just because Alec isn't around, which is pretty much how the Real World (tm) works too.

And finally, Alec's True Love/soul mate/what not is utterly batshit insane as he's Lorac.

Oh, batshit insane lovers are fun. That's why I love my Mary Sue Tez so much. He's perfectly indifferent to what people think of him and gave up on the Insane Evil Warlord thingie because it just became too much like work.

Actually, you want to have an antagonist that impresses me? Write one that worries about the actual administration of his empire. Somebody there has to approve the projects to build the acqueducts and sewers that the heroes will enevitably find themselves crawling around in when they're trying to infiltrate his Fortress of Doom after all.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

This is called "Good Worldbuilding". Your world doesn't sound like it's going to fall into a black hole or something just because Alec isn't around, which is pretty much how the Real World (tm) works too.

*GASP* You mean... the world isn't supposed to fall into a black hole because Alec isn't around?! Oh NOES!!

Oh, batshit insane lovers are fun. That's why I love my Mary Sue Tez so much. He's perfectly indifferent to what people think of him and gave up on the Insane Evil Warlord thingie because it just became too much like work.

And the best part is, Alec made him bathshit insane by accident. XD Lorac has absolutely no interested in being an insane evil warlord. He just wants Alec. He's selfish like that. :D

Actually, you want to have an antagonist that impresses me? Write one that worries about the actual administration of his empire. Somebody there has to approve the projects to build the acqueducts and sewers that the heroes will enevitably find themselves crawling around in when they're trying to infiltrate his Fortress of Doom after all.

Besides the whole EVIL shit, that would be Phelps.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

nd the best part is, Alec made him bathshit insane by accident. XD Lorac has absolutely no interested in being an insane evil warlord. He just wants Alec. He's selfish like that.

Aww, that sounds like Jeremy and Dana. Jeremy hadn't exactly planned on destroying and rebuilding the whole of reality, he just wants Dana. :D
Ah, obsessive love.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yes. Nothing quite like it.

Except if they're Evil.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Right. And Jeremy's not evil, just... um, cracked.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Lorac is quite cracked. Utterly completely cracked.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

They could be friends, then.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*laughs* And have tea while being obsessive about their love interests.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Green, white, peony, rooibos, or oolong?
*has all of those*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I Just has Lipton.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

I do like Lipton!

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

You forgot to add something in there about how there needs to be more homosexual subtext between Alec and Everybody Else than you can shake a stick at, so that you can be horrified when people point it out to you.

Also, there needs to be more meat.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Oh Yes. Of course! Especially between him and Lorac. *nodsnods*

I have sex rites, does that count as more meat?

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

I don't know. Will you include meat as part of the sex rite? I think that can be safely counted, if so.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I imagine I could...

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

Maybe you could begin the rite with a ritual sharing of meat, or something, and then progress from there...

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

A ritual meal before hand?

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that sounds about right.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Right, so add ridiculously overtly complicated ritual involving the eating of meat and sex. Must be Male to Female sex because it's not much of a sex rite if it isn't. And gibberish about pleasing the gods with the release of the sacred fluids into the holy vessel.

... Did I just write that?

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

Yup.

THE MADNESS IS SPREADING! AAAAAAAUGH!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

NOOOOOO!!!!!

*Flails*

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

*flails too, then tries morningstarring for a bit*

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

Bonus points if sex with the female bestows Mad Powerz on the male recipient which allow him to defeat whatever Evil Doom is currently threatening apocalyptic destruction.

And yes, I think you did...it's right next to your icon and username, anyway, so I'm assuming you did! ^^;

[(Anonymous)]

Where have I heard that before?

*coughAnitacough*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

...It must have been something I ate.

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

...It wasn't meat, was it?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

... I had some tacos earlier.

[gundamkiwi.livejournal.com]

Well, there you go. Let's blame it on the tacos.

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

And the evils of processed meat.

[prototypical]

Making me laugh in the school library is probably not a good idea, but I don't care because laughter is awesome.

So I guess I'm doing it wrong too because anyone in Darcy's world can attempt to learn magic. Most don't have the dedication to be good at it, much less become Bound to anything, but anyone's welcome to try! And having a lesbian protagonist is bad too, right? Especially since she's neither a weak damsel in distress or just as good as the guys at everything she does?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yay! I Made you laugh! =D

And having a lesbian protagonist is bad too, right? Especially since she's neither a weak damsel in distress or just as good as the guys at everything she does?

Oh yes, how is she going to fall in love with her Tru Lub who will sweep her off her feet and rescue her when she suddenly becomes incompetent at the climatic battle if she's a lesbian and actually a normal person?

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

*Alec must be the exception to every rule. Except this rule. This is how Alec is the exception to this rule.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*sniggers*

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

*Make Lorac Evil. He killed all those people because he is Evil. And he sacrificed them to an Evil God because he is Evil.

*Give Alec a Real True Love. A girl at that. Their love should be perfect and not involve any such problems like personality conflict or any of that "um... you're a deranged loony..." stuff.

Oooh! Oooh! Alec's real True Love can be Lorac, but she was turned evil by using the wrong kind of magic, but the power of True Love redeems her at the end. *nodnod*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Lorac objects to being made a female.

Kippur adores the Icon. It was a great scene.

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

Nonsense. Everybody knows that the author doesn't need to consider the character's inherent personality--she can just shove them into any form she likes.

I loved that scene. Brilliance. Tomorrow's update should be a good one, too.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

That's right. I forgot. Silly me trying to actually you know... build character.

Yes. I liked the one where Agatha panicked when she saw Gil going out there alone.

[sonic-sues.livejournal.com]

Don't forget to put something "shocking" in there that you can use for attention whoring, like Jesus is really a woman.

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

Why don't you include something like: True Nature of Vatican's “Saints” It's published by Red China if you didn't guess.

[evewithanapple.livejournal.com]

Utterly OT, but thought you might be interested: Olympic athlete retires, and accounces his intention to change genders

*cough* I also have some writing stuff on my journal. *cough*