the Code Returns!
Nov. 1st, 2007 10:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kippurbirdHey, look! It's the Da Vinci Code! Remember that? I finally got things settled down to pick it up again.
FLEE!!
*coughs*
They are at the Templar's church, which is round, because it's pagan. Of course. Then I get a horrible image. "The threesome wound through a maze of buildings..." I did NOT need to imagine the three of them having sex thank you very much. I would have rather he have said, "The three of them wound through a maze of buildings..."
Moving on, they connive their way into the church. They pretend they're the descendants of the biggest donor of the church (whose been dead a Very Long Time)and they need to disperse the big donors ashes in the sanctuary. The altar boy believes them, reluctantly. Instead of just not letting them in. Even though he's been there for several years and he's never heard of such a tradition. He doesn't even think about calling the priest to double check it.
Get into the church, Teabag talking about how clever he was. They look around blah, blah, and we cut to Remy in the alley.
There's a bad POV shift. From Remy to Silas. Remy cuts Silas free. And Remy knows Silas's name. He wanted to free Silas earlier and he works for the Teacher. *GASP* Remy works for Teabag! Teabag must be the Teacher! Oh NOES! Langdon and Sophie are in trouble!! However, Brown tries to blindside us by making it seem like Remy is just spying for the Teacher.
And we cut to Fache (the police chief) who interrogates the pilot of Teabag's plane and actually gets information from him, as opposed to the British police who was utterly incompetent and allowed them to get away. The pilot mentions that they put a box in the safe. Fache wants them to open the safe. He then calls up Cell Phone Bishop and tells them that they're still looking for Silas. Fache says that the Bishop isn't the only one on the verge of losing everything. Dun Dun DUUUUH!!
Back at the church, they go looking around at the different knight tombs. Lots of round orbs. Lots of fleshy orbs. *coughs* No, sorry. Sophie wonders if Grandpa's sex ceremony was performed in the church. (Would there have been upside down crosses... oh wait that's Satanism... my bad) She makes it to the final tomb and notices that there is something different about it than the others. They talk about how this tenth tomb is funny because there's no body. I mean sculpture of a body.
Altar boy shows up and tells them that they're effigies not tombs and Teabag is SHOCKED! SHOCKED ! I tell you to learn this. Which is an utter fallacy on Brown's part. Teabag is supposed to be one of the leading authorities on the Templars and Priory of Scion and yet he doesn't know that there aren't any real bodies under the stone knights, something that had been discovered in 1950. Something, that Teabag should have known since it was discovered so long ago. This feels like a plot hole. But I imagine it's more like Brown wanted to show off what he knew about the church and talk about how they're pagan. Like everything else.
Altar boy wanders off and gets a gun in his forehead in his head and a hot feeling in his groin. The actual sentence is "The altar boy felt his groin grow hot and realized he had wet himself." Now having discussed this with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dergerm he says that yes, this does happen. However I'm imagining another sort of um... wetting going on here, especially from the phrasing. Once again, Dan is a master of the probably unintentional sexual phrasing. At least I hope it's unintentional. Because otherwise Dan's showing an unhealthy fixation with altar boys. And other fetishes.
And now I'm going to NaNo.
FLEE!!
*coughs*
They are at the Templar's church, which is round, because it's pagan. Of course. Then I get a horrible image. "The threesome wound through a maze of buildings..." I did NOT need to imagine the three of them having sex thank you very much. I would have rather he have said, "The three of them wound through a maze of buildings..."
Moving on, they connive their way into the church. They pretend they're the descendants of the biggest donor of the church (whose been dead a Very Long Time)and they need to disperse the big donors ashes in the sanctuary. The altar boy believes them, reluctantly. Instead of just not letting them in. Even though he's been there for several years and he's never heard of such a tradition. He doesn't even think about calling the priest to double check it.
Get into the church, Teabag talking about how clever he was. They look around blah, blah, and we cut to Remy in the alley.
There's a bad POV shift. From Remy to Silas. Remy cuts Silas free. And Remy knows Silas's name. He wanted to free Silas earlier and he works for the Teacher. *GASP* Remy works for Teabag! Teabag must be the Teacher! Oh NOES! Langdon and Sophie are in trouble!! However, Brown tries to blindside us by making it seem like Remy is just spying for the Teacher.
And we cut to Fache (the police chief) who interrogates the pilot of Teabag's plane and actually gets information from him, as opposed to the British police who was utterly incompetent and allowed them to get away. The pilot mentions that they put a box in the safe. Fache wants them to open the safe. He then calls up Cell Phone Bishop and tells them that they're still looking for Silas. Fache says that the Bishop isn't the only one on the verge of losing everything. Dun Dun DUUUUH!!
Back at the church, they go looking around at the different knight tombs. Lots of round orbs. Lots of fleshy orbs. *coughs* No, sorry. Sophie wonders if Grandpa's sex ceremony was performed in the church. (Would there have been upside down crosses... oh wait that's Satanism... my bad) She makes it to the final tomb and notices that there is something different about it than the others. They talk about how this tenth tomb is funny because there's no body. I mean sculpture of a body.
Altar boy shows up and tells them that they're effigies not tombs and Teabag is SHOCKED! SHOCKED ! I tell you to learn this. Which is an utter fallacy on Brown's part. Teabag is supposed to be one of the leading authorities on the Templars and Priory of Scion and yet he doesn't know that there aren't any real bodies under the stone knights, something that had been discovered in 1950. Something, that Teabag should have known since it was discovered so long ago. This feels like a plot hole. But I imagine it's more like Brown wanted to show off what he knew about the church and talk about how they're pagan. Like everything else.
Altar boy wanders off and gets a gun in his forehead in his head and a hot feeling in his groin. The actual sentence is "The altar boy felt his groin grow hot and realized he had wet himself." Now having discussed this with
dergerm he says that yes, this does happen. However I'm imagining another sort of um... wetting going on here, especially from the phrasing. Once again, Dan is a master of the probably unintentional sexual phrasing. At least I hope it's unintentional. Because otherwise Dan's showing an unhealthy fixation with altar boys. And other fetishes. And now I'm going to NaNo.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-11-02 05:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-02 06:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-02 06:30 am (UTC)I'm not one for seeing phallic imagery in everything, but come the fuck on--that's just effing ridiculous.
Just out of curiosity, but what would you say is worse? This crap, or the other crap known as "Inheritance"? I'm having a difficult time deciding, myself. I mean, Paolini at least had the benefit of inexperience because he's young, I guess. This is an adult man. What the crap?
no subject
Date: 2007-11-02 06:52 pm (UTC)Brown seems to be very good at making every thing full of phallic imagery. And pointing it out.
Just out of curiosity, but what would you say is worse?
Brown isn't as bad because he doesn't come off by saying this is the next best thing since -whatever-. He seems to know that his novels are pulpy, while Paolini seems to think that he's writing literature instead of crap.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-02 03:35 pm (UTC)Sorry - couldn't resist... [LOL]
Cheers,
Ted
no subject
Date: 2007-11-02 06:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-02 07:01 pm (UTC)And you're insanely good at figuring out plot "twists"... When you read enough books, do you get good at it? I know it works that way for video games.
"Ah... the mysterious girl wandering around is probably the goddess, as her name shows up in the title and the Altier is the SPECIAL sword that the hero swings around... and the hero and the heroine are going to get together DARN IT YOUR TENSION IS SO OBVIOUS JUST DO IT, and the apparent villain is taking orders from something far worse and... *sigh* I miss the days when these would have all been plot twists..."
no subject
Date: 2007-11-02 11:30 pm (UTC)