(no subject)

[kippurbird]

I got the final chunk of Plain Jane.

In it we have:

Police woman sexually harassing suspect!



The detective was working her magic, but this guy was scared. Even more scared then horny. They needed the big guns. And they needed them now. “I’m telling you, Nic. Get that breast front and center.”

Kent matched his respiratory rate to the perp’s. As Nicole’s chest glanced the guy’s shoulder, his breaths sky-rocketed. A closed mouth pant.

“Yes,” the man exhaled more than spoke.

Kent could sense that Nicole knew she had the upper hand for her tone became coy.

Her words soft in the perp’s ear. “You just wanted to be close.”

The guy nearly shook with excitement as she pressed her left breast against him. “Yes.”

Martin was theirs. He was now nothing more than clay to be molded at their will.
“Told you. That left one has magical properties, doesn’t it, Julio?”

Kent smiled as Ruben glowered. Nicole, however, had overcome her reservations and made such close contact with the perp that even Kent felt a twinge of jealousy.

Nicole’s words sounded like pillow talk. “Tell me.”

Breaking the mood that Kent and Nicole had so carefully cultivated, Torres cleared his throat loudly.

Martin’s eyes darted nervously again. “I can’t.”

“You can,” the temptress encouraged.

“I’m not saying another word.”

As the perp crossed his arms, it looked like Nicole’s breast had lost its magic. But Kent had more in his arsenal than just her mammary tissue. But it would take Nicole trusting him. Completely. Unquestioning.





Glick walked out of the room, indicating that Ruben should follow. In silence, they made their way to the Captain’s office in silence. Glick made a point to shut the door before turning back to Ruben. Still, his supervisor didn’t answer his question.

“Well?”

“Harbinger was…” The Captain couldn’t finish the sentence.

“He was right? Again?”

How could this be? Maybe the bastard was psychic after all.

“Martin told one of his friends last week that Plain Jane was nothing compared to what he was going to do.”

“The ugly and the stupid,” Ruben reflected by Kent’s words.

“Yeah, something like that…” The Captain paused long enough for Ruben search his face. What else could there be? “And we have a new problem.”

“Kent is running for president?” he asked, somewhat sarcastically, and somewhat hoping he wasn’t right.

Glick grunted as he sat down at his desk. “No, but almost as bad. The uterus from last night’s vic, Joann, it’s missing.”

Ruben stayed standing. “But I thought the coroner confirmed it was intact?” A glimmer of hope arose. Had Kent somehow been wrong about Joann? “Harbinger’s whole theory rests on that uterus.”

“Don’t get too ramped up. The uterus was intact last night. The M.E. removed, weighed it, biopsied and put it in a jar marked as evidence.”

“And now it has miraculously disappeared?”

Glick rubbed his dark circled eyes. “Yeah.”

Ruben sat down, hard on the chair. “Great. So we think the killer got his trophy after all?”

“Who else would want a cut up uterus?”




“What do they think?” Josh wasn’t about to let this travesty go. “The guy forgot to take his Ridlyn one day and just started hammering away?”

“Look, I drive just ‘em, and you load them on the slab. What do we care what they think? An autopsy is an autopsy.”

Josh sucked in a breath. Sacrilege. Just straight up sacrilege. It took him a few moments to form the words necessary to counter such blasphemy. “Oh… Oh, you are so wrong. They are like --”

“Okay, if you give me your delicate flower analogy, I’m going to hammer you.”

As Josh stood there stunned, the driver got back into his wagon and drove off. The man obviously didn’t understand that death was as important as life. He went to close the bag back up, but patted the woman’s cheek before he zipped it. “No one understands us, do they, love?”




This was all her fault. After his releases from the mental hospital, Kent had been in the psychiatric half-way house for over six months, and the doctors said he was adjusting well. Taking his medications without incident. Beginning to socially interact with the other patients. A stranger might have taken him for a normal person, but no, Nicole had to go and trash all that progress.

Over the objection of Ruben, Glick, four doctors, two social workers and an assistant district attorney, she had asked the profiler to return to work. What concern was Kent’s tentative mental status with so many women’s lives on the line? Brashly, Nicole had thought she knew the profiler better than them all.

Opening her eyes, she found hundreds more pictures taped to the ceiling, and realized just how wrong she had been. Obviously she didn’t know Kent at all.

Mainly out of a morbid curiosity, Nicole pointed her flashlight upward. Which victim had won the coveted spot above his bed? As she studied the photos, she realized these weren’t creepy stalker pictures. These were photos of her.

Sitting upright, she craned her neck for a better look. The ceiling was covered with images of her. These didn’t have the impersonal feel of surveillance photos. They were great shots. There she was with her friend, Lisa, at a movie. Another of her running the reservoir with, Monty, a detective from the two-seven. The layout looked like a huge photo spread for a glossy magazine. There was even one of her sleeping.

Taking in the scene as a whole, the width and breadth of the brilliance and dysfunction, Nicole made a realization; Kent wasn’t coming back to his room tonight.

Standing on the bed, she reached and pulled down the center photo, knowing pretty damn sure where the profiler had retreated to.



And I got bored. WHOO!

Now, I'm fairly certain that Joshua is Plain Jane. Haven't gotten there yet though.

Comments

[spoofmaster]

Gee, Kent's crazy? What a shocker!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Not to me. I haven't seen a single bit of sanity from him this entire story. *bites him*

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't do that if I were you. You might catch his crazy.

[faded-enmity.livejournal.com]

Okay, I'm confused...

How are those not creepy stalker photos?

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

My thoughts exactly.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Um.... *has no good answer to that*

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

I THINK it's supposed to mean creepy stalker photos of the dead women.

The policewoman is just egotistical.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

No. Those were creepy stalker photos of her.

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

Well, the excerpt only specifies the photos that are on the ceiling. And for some reason, they're no longer creepy stalker photos because they're of her.

So I think the policewoman is so egotistical that no photo of her, in her mind, could ever be considered a creepy stalker photo.

It's a more amusing theory than 'writer is too much of a dumbass to use the word 'just' to qualify a sentence'.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Really? I thought it was more "Writer believes that it doesn't count as stalking if she's your Twu Wuv."

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Joshua had really, really better not be Plain Jane. Didn't the author say that you weren't supposed to know until the reveal, and that was why she couldn't explain why It Actually Is Logical, Trust Me?

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Oh! I bet it's actually Rubin. Heh.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

No, she said that she couldn't change any thing and we'd understand why at the big reveal. She also said that she left a lot of red herrings in it. So either Joshua is the really big red herring or he's the killer. See it's such and obvious redherring that it mustn't be one. Or it could be that it's such an obvious red herring that it must be a red herring because other wise it would be too obvious.

Did that make sense?

I'd never make my work that complicated.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's half as complicated as it sounds when you say it. Complicated is good in mysteries. This is trying to be complicated, and ending up insipid.

Also, because it's been bugging me: why is the killer known as Plain Jane when everyone suspects it's a man?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Well it doesn't feel complicated it just sounds complicated when I try and write it out.


The killer is known as Plain Jane because all of his victims are *drumroll* Plain Janes.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. I'm sure that makes the victims' families feel all warm and fuzzy.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Doesn't it? I know I would.

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

If he's a red herring, he's the crappiest red herring ever. The only events and viewpoints that should be used in a story, especially a mystery, are the ones with relevance to the plot. You do NOT put in viewpoint like Joshua's UNLESS you are doing the same thing they do with "Law and Order: Criminal Intent", and showing the killer's POV. Throwing in a guy like Joshua, and not making him the killer, is just a waste of time, space, and the reader's energy. If he's a red herring, the only information about him should be filtered through Profiler or Policewoman.

If you want to be avant garde, you can do shit like this. People have done all sorts of crazy crap in the name of 'art' when it comes to story format. But for someone supposedly following a formula to get published? No.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Then he must be the killer. She said at one point that there was a reason for him to have a view point.

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

Hopefully, yes, but we've seen before that she does not use earth logic.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Kent smiled as Ruben glowered. Nicole, however, had overcome her reservations and made such close contact with the perp that even Kent felt a twinge of jealousy.

Yes. Breasts are just that amazing and Nicole should be rubbing them on every baddie to make the guys talk. Why do I sense that some of this crud is the author's wish fulfillment? ;P

“Don’t get too ramped up. The uterus was intact last night. The M.E. removed, weighed it, biopsied and put it in a jar marked as evidence.”

What was the point of removing and cutting up the uterus? How does it even make a difference in the lead's theory?

“No one understands us, do they, love?”

Necrophiliac! u_u

The layout looked like a huge photo spread for a glossy magazine.

That is pretty cheesy. How many people look at their ceiling more than their wall? And yes, it's still creepy. Also, Kent's possible craziness should have been noted earlier in the story. I personally didn't think he was crazy as much as I thought he was stupid.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yes. Breasts are just that amazing and Nicole should be rubbing them on every baddie to make the guys talk. Why do I sense that some of this crud is the author's wish fulfillment? ;P

She talks a lot about breasts in the book. Or at least Kent does. He seems to have a boob fetish. Perhaps it's because he's a great big boob. >>

What was the point of removing and cutting up the uterus? How does it even make a difference in the lead's theory?

I have no idea. I'm not sure how it even is evidence.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I just have to say: the DA will NOT be happy when the trial comes around, and he has to explain to the judge about the confession being elicitted through sexual appeals.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Like that's ever going to come up. They let the Profiler run around stealing things left and right. The place is as corupt as Tortuga.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Let's borrow an Earth-Logic Field generator from the PPC and make things come crashing down on their pompous, self-important asses.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Oh, Alec just giggled at that idea. Probably not a good thing.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I HATE that rule.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yes, well Alec giggling at things is generally a bad thing. At least for the people invovled.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Also, from Things I Will Not Do At the PPC:

"If it makes me giggle for more than five seconds, I am to assume I should not do it."

[elementwizard.livejournal.com]

I thought the rule was Ten seconds. >_>

*whistles innocently*

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

That reminds me of a character I used to have... I must go find him...

Nrgh....

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

1 - First off, I don't even understand the first couple of lines. How is Profiler telling Policewoman to get her breasts in there? Is he on a little earbud or something? And why is he matching his breathing to 'Martin's, whoever this Martin is?

Anyway, aside from that, just how little self-respect does Policewoman have? I mean look, I'm a feminist, I'm in favour of women taking control of their bodies, of expressing their natural sexual urges but... ugh. Between the molestation and now this, Policewoman is really coming off as something an arch-evangelist would write, some ignorant vision of 'one of those feminazi sluts'. I find the fact that it's Miss Formulaic, and not Mr Formulaic, a little unsettling.

And what's with that Torres guy? For his sake, I hope he's Martin's lawyer.

2 - So... the Captain brought in a Profiler and then really just hoped beyond hope that he was an idiot? I mean, he's been proven right repeatedly, but that's kind of beyond the point. Why are members of the police force basically rooting against someone they brought in?

3 - ...eh. It's creepy, but there's nothing wrong with it, actually. Frankly, it may be the best piece of writing you've shown us from her to date.

4 - What concern was Kent’s tentative mental status with so many women’s lives on the line? Brashly, Nicole had thought she knew the profiler better than them all.

First of all, the second sentence has nothing to do with the first. 'What concern' makes it clear that Policewoman didn't care if Profiler went nuts, just so long as he stopped the killer. And frankly, if that's the case, then that's acceptable. It's not necessarily a decision I would make, but the cold, hard numbers of X women dead versus one man insane, where X is greater than one, are compelling. But if that's the case, then don't turn around and have her say that, really, she knew that Profiler would be okay and the others were just overreacting. It's both pointless and contradictary.

As for the rest of it, her behaviour with him now makes even less sense than ever. If she knew he had a fragile and slightly skewed mental state, she should never have put herself in a position to get involved sexually or romantically with him, she shouldn't have just let pass without challenge things like his kleptomania and his dereliction of duty, and she should've called in to have him taken off of things like stakeouts. If he's six months out of an asylum she shouldn't have let him push himself the way he has.

And I agree with faded_enmity; in what way are pictures of her sleeping not creepy stalker photos?

Re: Nrgh....

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

1 - First off, I don't even understand the first couple of lines. How is Profiler telling Policewoman to get her breasts in there? Is he on a little earbud or something? And why is he matching his breathing to 'Martin's, whoever this Martin is?

Anyway, aside from that, just how little self-respect does Policewoman have? I mean look, I'm a feminist, I'm in favour of women taking control of their bodies, of expressing their natural sexual urges but... ugh. Between the molestation and now this, Policewoman is really coming off as something an arch-evangelist would write, some ignorant vision of 'one of those feminazi sluts'. I find the fact that it's Miss Formulaic, and not Mr Formulaic, a little unsettling.

And what's with that Torres guy? For his sake, I hope he's Martin's lawyer.

Profiler is talking to Policewoman on the earbud. Profiler is talking her through the interigation and making her do all the sexual stuff.

Torres is Policewoman's partner. Martin is the guy they thought was Plain Jane. He waived his right to a lawyer.

As for the rest of it, her behaviour with him now makes even less sense than ever. If she knew he had a fragile and slightly skewed mental state, she should never have put herself in a position to get involved sexually or romantically with him, she shouldn't have just let pass without challenge things like his kleptomania and his dereliction of duty, and she should've called in to have him taken off of things like stakeouts. If he's six months out of an asylum she shouldn't have let him push himself the way he has.

I asked that... she never really answered it. I'll ask it again, of course.

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Torres is Policewoman's partner.

I see. So, in the middle of a delicate interrogation he loudly clears his throat, thus totally disrupting the rapport developign between suspect and officer? Wow, way to go there, Torres. You couldn't just take a sip of coffee or something?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

But it's ohmigawd tension!

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Heh, if only. As is, there's like two lines worth of 'they had a special bond' and then it's 'aaand now they don't'. Where the hell is the discription, anyway? Please tell me you editted it out of these sections? Because if you didn't, things like the tension (both normal and sexual) in the interrogation scene are horrifically lacking.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

There is no description. I didn't cut it out. I cut out some bits before, but it's mostly more of the same.

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

The rest of the commentors have made pretty good points about the various things that suck about these excerpts... If I think of anything, I'll add it, but right now, my major thought is...

Does she know ANYTHING? She could at least watch CSI or Law and Order, you know, try to come up with a REASONABLE facsimile of police behaviour... not to mention storytelling.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

She has the formula. Why does she need anything else? /sarcasm

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

Now if only she knew how to STICK to a formula.

[(Anonymous)]

... um.

Oh, my.

ow.

Now I'm going to have to spend the next week chasing Samus vs. Big Fire-Breathing Pill out of my head.

(Ritalin< -- >Ridlyn< -- >Ridley)