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Mar. 11th, 2007 05:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kippurbirdRight, so, this is Miss Formulaic's chapter that I mentioned that has a uterus in a jar. The one that is either a really big red herring... or not.
Joshua suddenly realized he had left the door ajar behind him. Slowly, ever so slowly, he pulled the door closed.
This time panic fueled his words rather than gratitude. “Again, thank you,” he said quickly. He had to ditch the detective, like now.
Usher smiled, somewhat sadly, then nodded. “See you later.”
“Yeah, later.” Could he sound anymore unconvincing? Joshua tried to slow his pulse. Slow his breathing. This chick didn’t make detective by affirmative action. She was smart and perceptive.
Luckily Usher turned and walked towards the elevator. He stood out in the hallway, like some kind of dope, but he couldn’t risk her catching even a glance inside his apartment.
The detective pushed the button for the elevator, then glanced over. She looked quizzical. The question obvious on her face. Why was he still standing there?
But what was he supposed to do? Desperate, he gave a little wave. Like he wanted to watch her as long as he could. Which under normal circumstances might have been true, but today, well, he was just desperate.
After possibly the longest wait in recorded history, the elevator finally dinged. With an awkward half wave, Nicole disappeared into the elevator. Collapsing backwards, Joshua leaned against his door. That was a narrow escape. Too narrow for his bladder.
Checking the hall both ways as if he was getting ready to cross a New York street at rush hour, Joshua opened his door, slide his slim frame inside, then slammed it shut.
Inside his apartment, he clenched his eyes closed, and panted a few more breathes as he listened for any telltale noise that Usher or anyone else was coming down the hallway.
Satisfied that his getaway was complete, Joshua opened his eyes. What he saw, Usher never would have understood. His walls were lined with newspaper articles about Plain Jane. Each one a maze of highlighted text and cutouts. Well, except for the wall that lead to the bedroom. That one had his wall of honor. A Sigourney Weaver poster from Aliens. A Buffy wall scroll. And a pink Power Ranger just to keep things real.
But the thing he might have had to sedate the detective was sitting on the center shelf above his television. His pride and joy. But on retrospect, maybe he shouldn’t have put it in quite such plain sight. Most wouldn’t have understood. Not like he understood.
Cautiously, Joshua removed the item from the shelf and ever so gently stroked the glass jar. What it contained was beyond precious, beyond beautiful. It was perfection.
A perfect uterus.
Joshua suddenly realized he had left the door ajar behind him. Slowly, ever so slowly, he pulled the door closed.
This time panic fueled his words rather than gratitude. “Again, thank you,” he said quickly. He had to ditch the detective, like now.
Usher smiled, somewhat sadly, then nodded. “See you later.”
“Yeah, later.” Could he sound anymore unconvincing? Joshua tried to slow his pulse. Slow his breathing. This chick didn’t make detective by affirmative action. She was smart and perceptive.
Luckily Usher turned and walked towards the elevator. He stood out in the hallway, like some kind of dope, but he couldn’t risk her catching even a glance inside his apartment.
The detective pushed the button for the elevator, then glanced over. She looked quizzical. The question obvious on her face. Why was he still standing there?
But what was he supposed to do? Desperate, he gave a little wave. Like he wanted to watch her as long as he could. Which under normal circumstances might have been true, but today, well, he was just desperate.
After possibly the longest wait in recorded history, the elevator finally dinged. With an awkward half wave, Nicole disappeared into the elevator. Collapsing backwards, Joshua leaned against his door. That was a narrow escape. Too narrow for his bladder.
Checking the hall both ways as if he was getting ready to cross a New York street at rush hour, Joshua opened his door, slide his slim frame inside, then slammed it shut.
Inside his apartment, he clenched his eyes closed, and panted a few more breathes as he listened for any telltale noise that Usher or anyone else was coming down the hallway.
Satisfied that his getaway was complete, Joshua opened his eyes. What he saw, Usher never would have understood. His walls were lined with newspaper articles about Plain Jane. Each one a maze of highlighted text and cutouts. Well, except for the wall that lead to the bedroom. That one had his wall of honor. A Sigourney Weaver poster from Aliens. A Buffy wall scroll. And a pink Power Ranger just to keep things real.
But the thing he might have had to sedate the detective was sitting on the center shelf above his television. His pride and joy. But on retrospect, maybe he shouldn’t have put it in quite such plain sight. Most wouldn’t have understood. Not like he understood.
Cautiously, Joshua removed the item from the shelf and ever so gently stroked the glass jar. What it contained was beyond precious, beyond beautiful. It was perfection.
A perfect uterus.
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She blows my mind for all the wrong reasons
Date: 2007-03-12 01:02 am (UTC)This time panic fueled his words rather than gratitude. “Again, thank you,” he said quickly. He had to ditch the detective, like now.
How the hell does he know her? I mean, are they friends? Did she drop by to talk about police work? And why the fuck are we seeing his perspective anyway? Even if he's a red herring... what we have here is at least a page that could've been devoted to something more important. If he turns out to be the killer, I recommend smacking the author. u_u;
“Yeah, later.” Could he sound anymore unconvincing? Joshua tried to slow his pulse. Slow his breathing. This chick didn’t make detective by affirmative action. She was smart and perceptive.
Yeah. Except that he's clearly wrong since she noticed NOTHING about his nervousness. Then again, if she knows him somewhat well enough, maybe she thinks he's the nervous type.
Luckily Usher turned and walked towards the elevator. He stood out in the hallway, like some kind of dope, but he couldn’t risk her catching even a glance inside his apartment.
This is why she's so stupid. If she WAS looking him up for clues, she would've asked to come in. I don't care if he came out of the apartment. She still would've asked. If he'd said no, she could've gone to get a search warrant.
But what was he supposed to do? Desperate, he gave a little wave. Like he wanted to watch her as long as he could. Which under normal circumstances might have been true, but today, well, he was just desperate.
And he's standing outside his apartment WHY? He'd KNOW if she tried entering it while he was inside. He could also LOCK the door. What a concept! And at least take some TIME to hide that asinine uterus. He HAS the newspaper articles. He knows if they mentioned that in the paper. Clearly. Also, why does he have a crush on her or whatever? So he'll seem even more like the perp? Bah. He's a useless pile of words.
Satisfied that his getaway was complete, Joshua opened his eyes. What he saw, Usher never would have understood.
Yeah, no one will ever understand. Not to mention, the female cop's last name is Usher? And the profiler is Harbinger? Ugh. Just... ugh. I actually like Usher as a last name when it isn't in the same story as Harbinger (if only because I keep thinking of the house of Usher.)
And a pink Power Ranger just to keep things real.
She needs to stop making really bad geek jokes. I think this was meant as a joke and to show how truly bizarre he is. But still, it's about the same as the first Archie issue. :P
But the thing he might have had to sedate the detective was sitting on the center shelf above his television. His pride and joy. But on retrospect, maybe he shouldn’t have put it in quite such plain sight. Most wouldn’t have understood. Not like he understood.
Last sentence should be something more like: Not in the way he understood it.
As it stands, it sounds as if even he doesn't get it. Now... this also proves he doesn't get very many visitors.
Then again... how many people can identify a uterus? He could've sworn it was a pancreas and maybe she'd have believed him. Well, until she took a closer look at the crap on his walls. Honestly, why would anyone put so much effort into taping/gluing that crap to the walls? Not to mention, wouldn't that be a bitch to get off again if he moved? Newspaper tears very easily. He'd have a hard time taking it down without ruining it.
Re: She blows my mind for all the wrong reasons
Date: 2007-03-12 01:59 am (UTC)Joshua is the mogue attendent. He got a good view of Usher when she was getting handcuffed to the car and recorded it. He's a little perv. He's had one other POV chapter where we see him watching her struggle in the handcuffs.
And he's standing outside his apartment WHY? He'd KNOW if she tried entering it while he was inside. He could also LOCK the door. What a concept! And at least take some TIME to hide that asinine uterus. He HAS the newspaper articles. He knows if they mentioned that in the paper. Clearly. Also, why does he have a crush on her or whatever? So he'll seem even more like the perp? Bah. He's a useless pile of words
I don't know why he's still standing outside the door. She didn't even ever think about anything about him. She was just returning his iPod. He could have just walked back into his room and be a hell of a lot less suspicious than he is standing out there.
No. I don't get the pink Power Ranger either.
Re: She blows my mind for all the wrong reasons
Date: 2007-03-12 08:58 am (UTC)This is why they shouldn't have done that out in public. Unless she's an exhibitionist (which I don't think women tend towards?) Anyway, ugh. Maybe that was meant to be funny or hawt but the creep factor just grows. And not in a good way. ;P
no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 05:37 am (UTC)And yet, it never occurs to him that maybe, just maybe, he should move his giant creepy shrine to all these serial killer-y, and his uterus in a jar, into the bedroom? For the love of the gods and goddesses!
Not to mention, I still maintain that calling a male serial killer 'Plain Jane' after his victims makes absolutely no sense. Serial killers get named in a variety of ways; they get names unique to them, like Jack the Ripper of Son of Sam, or they get named after the regions they do their killing in, like the Monster of Miramichi or the Tehran Desert Vampire, or they're named in reference to the folks they kill, like the Old Lady Killer or the Atlanta Child Murderer, or they way they do it, like the Brooklyn Strangler or the Teacup Poisoner. But nobody gets named, y'know, 'Whitechapel prostitute' or 'Scarborough woman' or 'Terminally ill patients'.
And, is it really formatted like this? With a line break every two or three sentences?
no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 09:02 am (UTC)The newspaper's not going anywhere, after he already put it on the wall, but the least he could do is get some pictures or wall scrolls to cover them up. And definitely put the uterus in his bedroom.
But nobody gets named, y'know, 'Whitechapel prostitute' or 'Scarborough woman' or 'Terminally ill patients'.
I agree. It's way too bland and vague a name. It might sound catchy at first but it quickly gets dumber the further one gets into the story. It works as a sort of place holder but it really isn't the sort of thing that would stick. Even if they call them the "Plain Jane Killer"... beh. If it turns out it's the female partner, I'm still gonna snort.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 09:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 06:44 pm (UTC)And the only way 'Plain Jane' would work would be if it was a female serial killer going after beautiful women out of envy, as expressed in a note to the police. An 'I'm plain, so everyone should be' kind of thing.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-13 03:18 am (UTC)And yeah, that would make more sense, as a motive for the female partner being the killer. Overall, there is a very serious lack of motive.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-13 03:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 05:40 pm (UTC)Besides, if she were to change it, it would ruin the entire story. *eyeroll*
no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 06:48 pm (UTC)I... can't even tell if you're being sarcastic, anymore. On the one hand that's a truly sarcastically stupid idea, but on the other hand, well, consider the source.
And if you can't change anything without ruining the entire story, then you really haven't followed The Formula all that well. Formulas are broad and general things which should really be able to handle any number of changes, since about seventy percent of the book should be nothing more than fluff surrounding the actual core formula.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 07:51 pm (UTC)In a fascinating turn of events this story is about seventy percent formula and thirty percent fluff. The next section is up, so there will be more later.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 07:16 am (UTC)I envy your ability to maintain your sanity.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 05:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-13 02:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-13 03:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-13 07:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 10:51 am (UTC)Brain go splodey.
This is the vilest piece of literature I have ever encountered (taking into account the fact that I have never read Rice, Hamilton, or Paolini).
no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 05:44 pm (UTC)Is it that vile? It's very... perfunctory for me. Like this is a red herring. Here let me make it a red herring obvious for you. Bleh.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 08:45 pm (UTC)Now I want a uterus in a jar. I'd keep it on my window-sill and bring it down to show visitors. It'd be a conversation piece as well as a loyal friend. I would call it Lucky. Lucky the uterus.
Now you can tell this person that her story has literally broken someone's mind. D:
no subject
Date: 2007-03-12 09:05 pm (UTC)This story has apparently broken several people's minds. It's not a fun read.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-13 02:29 am (UTC)Presenting: Lucky the Uterus
Date: 2007-03-13 03:14 am (UTC)The jar photo came from http://www.blm.gov/historic_bottles/ and the uterus image came from http://weebs.org/weeberworld/uterus/
Re: Presenting: Lucky the Uterus
Date: 2007-03-13 03:50 am (UTC)Though I keep on thinking about the Life of Brian.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-13 03:33 am (UTC)