the Shade

[kippurbird]

Arya held tightly onto the dragon’s egg as she urged her horse into a canter. Next to her rode the two remaining guards of the egg’s resting place. They had barely made it out of the grotto alive. The other guards had stayed back to give them a chance to escape from the Shade, Druza. The spirit possessed sorcerer had come out of no where destroying their defense. They had barely been able to put up a resistance. His command of magic was too strong.



So they had done the only thing that they could do, flee into the night with the egg and hope that they could reach safety before they were caught. The guard on her left gave out a cry of warning and for a split second she turned around. It was all she needed to see.

Devouring ground behind them on a smoke breathing horse was Durza. The Shade’s flame red hair easily identified him, even without the horse. The horse ran with unnatural speed, causing Arya to spur her horse into a run. They had to flee. They had to get away from him.

He laughed behind them. She could hear it, loud and harsh. Taunting them. Playing with them. He wasn’t worried that they would escape.

Still, they had to try. One of the guards slowed, briefly to let loose an arrow, before catching up with them again. She didn’t know if the arrow hit or not. She wasn’t looking behind her any more. Only in front of her, looking for a way to escape.

Escape… from this narrow… box… canyon. She glanced at her companions. They were trapped. Spinning the horses around the two guards left her, forming a barrier between her and the on coming Shade.

Not wanting their sacrifices to be in vain, Arya quickly started to call up words in the ancient language that would send the egg away. Away from Durza.

“What do you think you’re doing, pretty elf?” Durza called out as he approached, his horse dancing in the moonlight sending gouts of smoke into the air. Arya doubt that it was truly alive, at least not any more, but she pushed that thought out of her mind, concentrating on finding the right words. Words of hiding, of travel. Durza barked out his own words, just as she finished. Words of death… for the two guards fell just as a brilliant green light surrounded the egg, taking it away.

“You’ll never find the egg now!” she called out bravely, looking up to see his snarling face.

He didn’t say anything at least not at first. She waited for him to kill her, staring at him defiantly. Then he said something in a hiss of anger. She had barely time to register the word before heeding it falling into darkness.

Comments

[prototypical]

Now, if Paolini wrote like that, we wouldn't have reason to make fun of his books. Nicely done.

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Devouring ground behind them on a smoke breathing horse was Durza. The Shade’s flame red hair easily identified him, even without the horse. The horse ran with unnatural speed, causing Arya to spur her horse into a run.

Synonyms are your friends!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yeees... but how many synonyms are there for horse. Wait don't answer that.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Perhaps the critic was referring to the verb "to run," which you used two forms of in the same sentence.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

>> I knew that.

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Nope, I was referring to 'horse'. And off the top of my head, I can come up with mount, steed, mare/stallion, and any of those can be modified with various terms like steady, galloping, surefooted, foam-flecked, sweat-dappled, et cetera, ad infinitum.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Also, I can think up at least two off the top of my head. And the theasaurus gives me a few more.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

You managed to work in the famous zombie horses of The Land of Algae, i see. Nicely done.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I figured there had to be a way to make it plausible.

[kurai-hikari.livejournal.com]

Are you going to write more of this? Please say you are!!! I really want to see how you would write Eragon! You've already demonstrated you're much better than Paolini.