more random crap I've found on the internet about Eragon cause I'm bored.

[kippurbird]

Paolini's "sneak peak" at Eldest from a letter he sent out to book stores when Eldest was released.

For those of you who want a sneak preview of ELDEST, I'll say this:

Two die, one is reborn, and one is renamed.
Flowers sing, birds speak, and ants wage war.
And a hammer sails through the eye of a boar.

A sword, a dragon, a half-answered riddle.
A scar, a blood oath, a celebration.
He who was broken must be made whole,
Before blood may meet blood in the field of battle.

From here.

Sounds like a fan brat's attempt at writing a prophecy.

Comments

[-youngblood-.livejournal.com]

Here's a letter I'd like to send to Pao-Pao in response:

Dear Mr. Paolini,

You're ridiculous.

Regards,
_youngblood_

[reverie-shadow.livejournal.com]

This letter was sent to bookstores with an autographed copy of the book to be raffled off and in conjunction with a contest sweepstakes where one winner would actually get to MEET Christopher Paolini.

So here's a question:

Hypothetically speaking, you enter this contest and, by some stroke of luck, win.

You're standing there, face-to-face with Paolini. What would you do?

What would you do?

"Mister Paoweenie, your poem sucks." :)

[the7bells.livejournal.com]

Amen. Send this one off with it:

Dear Chris (can I call you Chris? I only like to call good writers by a professional name.),

I think Eragon and Eldest are out of this world. And by that, I mean they should be forever removed out of this world. And that is not a sign to go into poetry either.

Without a whole lot of Love,
the7bells.

[indescane.livejournal.com]

...that...nyurgh. Argh. ARGH!

I don't think I can say anything else. Is that travesty even supposed to rhyme? If it's meant to be free verse, it's bad even for most free verse. If it's meant to be prose, then the masters would be rolling in their graves.

Jeesh. I wrote bad poems when I was eleven, but at least they had rhythm and rhyming structure. And he was nineteen or twenty at the time of writing Eldest, wasn't he?

[indescane.livejournal.com]

As kippur would say, hit him with a clue by oar.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

What would you do?

I have a fair number of ideas, but I think most of them are illegal.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

That is the second worst poem I have ever read.

[ladyphoenixia.livejournal.com]

I fear to ask what the worst poem you've read is.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Fortunately for you, I don't know how to find it again. Suffice it to say that it was about September Eleventh and it made me literally fall out of my chair and roll around on the floor with laughter. I'm pretty sure that was not the desired effect.

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

Point and laugh, but then...I'm unimaginative and I save my vitriol for mocking BNFs.

Having said that...can a creator be a BNF of themselves? Is Paolini his own BNF? And if he is...can I use my BNF hateing vitriol on him?

[indescane.livejournal.com]

Why, yes, authors can definitely be their own BNFs. See Anne Rice and Laurell K. Hamilton. :D

That said, though, I don't think Paolini is particularly self-centred. Not a good writer, for sure, and rather oblivious, but I don't think he's so arrogant that he would assume the "OMG U JUZ DUN UNNERSTAND MY INTELEKSHUALISM" stance against non-fans or outright detractors.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I think it's supposed to be... mysterious. Beyond that I don't have a clue.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Give him a copy of my LJs where I've been analyzing it. And the Meat stories.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

BNF?

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

Big name fan
Usagi Kou, Cassie Claire...

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

To paraphrase pro-wrestler John Cena:

"I think these books are the BOMB. And by that, I mean we should drop them all on terrorists and let the sheer idiocy of the story do the killing for us."

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be surprised if he did... considering the bullshit he already apparently spouts. Claiming to aim for 'a lyrical beauty somewhere between Tolkien and Beowulf', for one.

And I've seen first-hand accounts from people who say they were there when he visited their school, and they asked (or were present when he was asked) about the similarities between Eragon, Tolkien and Star Wars. His response, I understand, was generally "It's a homage, a tribute. Next question!"

[ghostgecko.livejournal.com]

It couldn't be worse than that poem supposed written by an unborn fetus to the mother who aborted it. My eyes rolled so far back I could see my frontal lobes.

[reverie-shadow.livejournal.com]

KIPPURBIRD, NOOOO!

Actually, I'd pay a lot to be able to see his reaction to your critiques...and your Meat stories.

But...it's be a scene not even money could buy.

[ladyphoenixia.livejournal.com]

Hehehe. I still remember the time when a friend of mine was posting on lj some emo poetry written by an acquaintance. And deconstructing it. Oh, the hilarity.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

So would I. I bet it would be priceless. Perhaps one day I when I get published I will be able to do this.

[the7bells.livejournal.com]

haha. Nice.

Stupidity kills.

[wingedrivers.livejournal.com]

He who was broken is either gonna be Galby torn in two to become Ultimate Evil!Galby and some Ultimate Good!Galby (much like the Skeksis and the Mystics..) Or it'll be Eragon, who's other half is probably the dragon or whatnot...

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

From what I've heard of Eldest, I think the wound Durza gave Eragon near cripples him, but the elves magically heal him with some kind of blood oath ritual.

[cazrolime.livejournal.com]

Dude. I now have a mental image of them cutting his arms and holding them up so that he showers in his own blood. Which... somehow heals him?

I imagine that's not what really happens. :P Though it's about as logical as anything that's gone before... >.>