Eragon pt. twenty five

[kippurbird]

Chapters The Ramr River, the Hadarac desert, a Path Revealed.

Summary


Apparently Saphira's saddle goes missing because, when Eragon and Murtagh discuss what to do with Elf Sue, they worry about saddle sores for both him and elf girl. Wasn't the saddle that Brom made for Saphira supposed to prevent those sort of things? And if it's missing, where'd it go and how'd did it get lost? Their solution? They tie the Elf Sue to Saphira belly. Unprotected from the wind or the elements. They tie the unconscious elf to her stomach, face down towards the ground. This possibly gravely injured elf is now tied to Saphira's stomach. How is that not dangerous? Tell me? Tell me, why couldn't they just make a litter for Saphira to carry? This is how she carried Garrow way back in the beginning of the book. So why can't they do that again? In another show of brilliance Saphira stays close to the ground instead of flying high in the sky so that she might be mistaken as a bird. This is to hide from the soldiers that might be following them.

Do you know what that reminds me of? A ninja going around saying "Sneak, Sneak, Sneak."

We have a blue dragon that can blend in with the sky trying to hide on the ground.

Brilliant.

Now we begin our long and hard trek towards the Haradac desert. In a lovely bit of mystery the alarm has managed to supersede Eragon and Murtagh so that they have to avoid villages and towns. No explanation as to how these places got the information. They just know. They ride all day and night without stopping and eventually find a safe place to rest. There is some discussion onto the fact that it has been three days and Elf Sue still hasn't woken up. Eragon is worried about her and feeds her water by a rag "through her sculpted lips" feeling oddly protective of her. Apparently Eragon's still doing the creepy stalker thing.

The next day they all walk. Yes, even Saphira. The elf is still attached to her belly. I wonder how many times she hit her head on things? They reach a river and Saphira flies everyone over just in the nick of time before the guards get to them. Eragon and Murtagh are so tired that they occasional wander off while walking. Eventually they get to the desert and take a nap.

They traveled in four days, thirty five leagues which is about 121 miles. That's about thirty miles a day. Not bad.

Murtagh and Eragon are slashy cranky at each other from lack of sleep. Eragon manages to magic them up some water before they have dinner. They eat. They sleep. It's boring. Then Murtagh says that it should only take them a few days to cross the part of the desert that they're trying to cross. If we remember from last chapter it took them almost a month to cross the same amount of territory. I think the heat and lack of sleep is getting to him.

Eragon continues to obsess about the elf in a very creepy way.

They soon see mountains that are so tall that they can't see the peaks of them when they're still a day's ride away from them. They reach the mountains (Which was supposed to take them almost a month) by the end of the day.

Eragon then reflects in amazement that they crossed sixty leagues in five days, something that's impressive for riders who are able to change horses regularly. Four days took them thirty five leagues, in nice climate. Which leaves twenty five leagues in desert climate which is the equivalent of seventy five miles. It is physically impossible for a horse to travel that amount of distance in that environment.

So. How did they do it?

Zombie horses.

See Snowfire and Murtagh's horse who's name I can't be bothered to recall, dropped dead at one point during the ride but like professor Binns they just kept on going. Eragon and Murtagh just didn't notice.


Eragon then muses about the fact that now he's outside the empire for the very first time and how it's his duty as a Rider to save people from Galby's Evil empire. It's all very noble like.

He then gets the idea that he should try and read the elf's mind. The elf mentally bitchslaps him until he manages to think that he's a friend in the ancient language. We learn that her name is Arya (but I will still call her Elf Sue) and that she didn't realize that she was free of the Empire. We learn that she's in a trance because she was given a rare poison Skilna Bragh was given to her and every day they fed her the antidote before giving her new poison.

So basically, they poisoned her, cured her, poisoned her, cured her, poisoned her, cured her... why are they doing this again? They already have her drugged so that she can't use her powers? No reason is given. It's apparently something that you do if you're evil. Kind of stupid (I mean what if she develops a resistance to the poison, there would you be) but... evil. I think. More stupid than evil. Really.

"AH-ha! I am Evil! I am going to poison you!"

"No!"

"YES! And then! Tomorrow before you die I shall cure you... before poisoning you again! MWAHAHAHA... Mine is an evil laugh!"

Alec:*bitchslaps the evil person* Stop being stupid!

Sorry, my muse had a fit and couldn't take it any more.

Anyway. We learn that Elf Sue only has three or four days to live before she dies. She then mind melds with Eragon to give him the location of the Varden who hold the antidote. When Eragon comes too from the mind meld we learn that he had been sitting around with a pained expression on his face. Eragon explains what he learned and then mentions the fact that it looks like it will take them longer to get to the Varden than it took them to get where they are from Gil'ead. It took them five days to get there from Gil'ead. Elf Sue only has four days at the most. She should be dead by the time they get there.

Murtagh points this out, saying that it will be impossible to do so without killing the horses (apparently he hasn't noticed that they're zombie horses already). Eragon and Murtagh then start bitching at each other like an old married couple. It's very slashy.

"You're totally worthless and need everyone to take care of you."

"I am not."

Whine, whine, bitch complain, pretty boy fight! At least until Saphria breaks it up. She makes them promise to talk about their problems.

Apparently Murtagh's problem is that he doesn't want to go to the Varden. Why doesn't he want to go to the Varden because they'll expect things from him. What things, he doesn't say, but apparently it has to do with who his parents are. Or who his father is. He's about to reveal who his father is... but they get distracted.

Awww...

Apparently Urgals are a foot. Murtagh recognizes them from their banner and has apparently fought their leader. He agrees to go with Eragon until they reach a certain point, that way he can keep away from the Urgals. The Urgals, it should be noted, are marching on foot. Eragon and Murtagh are on horseback. This is important to remember for later on.

Other things to remember, it should take them over a week to get to the Varden. Their horses should be dead. Why? Well you'll see next time!

Comments

[karaotter.livejournal.com]

Tying the Sue to... *headdesk*

Heaven forbid Paolini's characters actually do something smart for a change...

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

There are absolutely no words that I can use to describe my feelings to that sequence. It literally left me speechless.

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

Gah! Gah! I want to throw a copy of LMB's Paladin of Souls at Paloni's head, just so he'd get a clue about horses and riding (not to mention characterization, plotting, coherent magic/religious systems, writing believable villians....) In that book, an experienced rider is captured by enemy soldiers and forced to go along on a forced march (they're lost and trying to get back to a friendly border.) Less than two days hard riding, in a proper saddle, with spare horses, leaves bleeding saddle sores on both her legs and a strong desire to just lie down.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Apparently she's just not as special as Eragon is.

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

Bah! Ista is the Saint[1] of a god, whom she insults on a regular basis. Of course, if you were a saint of the Bastard, you'd want to insult him a lot too.

[1] In that universe, another Saint was told, "Remember, you are the tool, not the work. Expect to be treated appropriately."

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

She's still not as special as Eragon. (of course we still need to define what we mean by special).

[dragonwhishes.livejournal.com]

Kips, I'm not sure how many times I've said this because of these analazations, but I love you.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Love you too Mel. :)

[ambientfiligree.livejournal.com]

This isn't specifically related to the post but...

I've met Christopher Paolini. (He's a little snot in real life, just like Eragon is a little snot in the book.) This was prior to the deal with the major publisher; he was self-publicizing in Montana. But anyhow, he was very stuck-up, and claimed he taught himself to draw without using any references.

Yeah, I'm an artist. I don't get that at all.

So I'm assuming that's how he looks at his writing. He taught himself how to, magically. Like Eragon learns how to read, magically.

Any questions on what he was like are welcome!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

What?

How do you even do that? Do you close your eyes while drawing? I mean, I taught myself how to draw and I used reference, it's how I learned.

Sounds like he is an utter twat. Rather like his hero.

[(Anonymous)]

I am dead serious. I stared in utter disbelief for a moment before asking that no artist inspired him to draw, he used to references whatsoever, and he said yes. I am still in awe of his ego, and denial that no one can do that.

[jacedraccus.livejournal.com]

That sounds consistent with what else I've heard about him. He is in total denial over any possibility that he might be fallible, and any suggestion he is gets brushed aside.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Did he use lots of pretentious language, like he seems to do in all his interviews?

[ambientfiligree.livejournal.com]

Yes! And the best part is that most of his audience at the library were like... eight years old to twelve years old. It seemed very scripted, like he sat down with his beloved thesaurus and wrote out his monologue.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

*imagines Paolini being... well... PAOLINI... in front of a bunch of grade schoolers* *snickers*

Oh God. That's PRICELESS.

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Okay, Eragon? I know you've been raised in a shack in some podunk backwoods craphole where you have to trade stones for meat and all, but when you're living in a feudal era and you have a mount and a wounded woman, you put the woman on the mount. You don't tie her under the damn thing! She's not 'The Woman Who Rode the Hrulgin' over here, kid, she's an unconscious hostage you've rescued and who it behooves you, as the titular hero, to treat respectfully and not like she's a sack of corn meal....

*deep breath*

I see what you mean about that passage. Even second-hand the stupidity is getting to me.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, were you expecting intelligence from Eragon? Personally, I'm sorry that the Elf Sue didn't drop and die horribly from the fall. That would have been amusing.

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

The blue dragon is flying close to the green and brown and grey ground, remember? Worst case, the elf would just break something.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's right. Here I was thinking that Saphira was being intelligent. Putting my own expectations or thoughts onto the character. Silly me.

And Eragon could just heal the broken bones right quick.

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

Well, I suppose all the whacks upside the head explain most of tranny-elf's future behaviour. *will continue to refer to She-Elf as tranny-elf, and possibly hermaphrodaeic-elf, until given complete evidence that she is incorrect*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Does she act like an utter twat too?

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

In true Paolini fashion.

[spoofmaster]

Methinks the Elf-Sue is going have have dead limbs from her circulation being cut off, as well as a lot of nice rope-shaped bruises/bleeding sores. And neck injuries, unless they tied her head up...so then she'd just have a really stiff neck. Honestly, with how easy her previous torture apparently was, I think this has actually been a change for the worse for her.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I think they left her head hanging. She's gonna have whiplash, at least. And yes, apparently it was better with the bad guys. They even showered and bathed her with pine scented soap. None of this dragging around and getting tied up like luggage.

[gjohnsonkoehn.livejournal.com]

Damn, I hadn't even thought of that. It'd be bad enough to be slung over the back of a dragon for the better part of a week; you'd be bruised and tender and just generally bounced around, without any real ability to keep control over yourself. But hanging by, presumably, wrists and ankles, and maybe neck and waist, from no-doubt rough, scratchy rope is going to leave you feel like you've done, well, the better part of a week on the rack.

Congratulations, Eragon; you're not only being disrespectful towards your rescued hostage, you're actually, actively torturing her!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

But that's okay, because he's the good guy.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. I'm actually feeling sorry for the Sue. Locked up and tortured for months on end? Yeah yeah, cry me a river. In the care of Eragon? Oh dear, dear! You poor girl!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I think I'd rather be locked up with the bad guys than be with Eragon, personally.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Agreed. So very, very agreed.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I mean, three meals a day. Not beaten. Their interrogation technique sucks ass, they obviously provide you with bathing materials. So much better than getting threatened with a burning hot piece of sand and tied to the stomach of a dragon.

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

Lady, you're preaching to the choir.

The idea of chaos doesn't even explain this

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Sapphira makes them promise to talk about their problems? What problems could Eragon possibly have? And... ugh. I refuse to believe that Eragon is a pretty boy. Or that Murtagh likes him that way, if ONLY because Murtagh seems to be the only sensible OC thus far. Other than not noticing his warhorse-that-isn't-a-warhorse has turned into a zombie for the sake of the author.

Why the hell is there so much traveling in this book? Did Paolini look at all of the fantasy stories with a lot of travel, totally miss the point of why they traveled, and go, 'I gotta do that too!' or did he just assume the travel had to be there?

Because I don't know about you but everywhere sounds the SAME.

And... yeah. As everyone has already said, I'd damn well rather be in that Shade's care than Eragon's. I'd even believe that Shade loved her more than Eragon does. Who wants to prove me right? (I mean, I bet they never even talked or anything but I'm about ready to say there's a case for ANY pairing you damned well please in these stories, if only because with these characters it just doesn't matter.) ;P

Oh and... Kippur? Definitely make that chart whenever you get time. I'm eager to see how it works out. :)

Re: The idea of chaos doesn't even explain this

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I imagine there's so much traveling because that's how you find things. You travel to them. It's how they got rid of the Ring, isn't it? It's classic.

Re: The idea of chaos doesn't even explain this

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Yeah but about half of the things they found by traveling they didn't have to travel so far to find, if the author had confined it between one or two large cities. I mean, I can't think of anything off the top of my head right now but even that fortress they found the elf chick in could've been within one of the cities. And some of what they did find they didn't even need. Such as the EVIL MOUNTAIN. I mean, I vaguely recall you said they found some piece of that 'puzzle' in the cult/near the cult city of the mountain but I'm sure it could've been planted elsewhere just as well. XD

And at least one thing Brom already had. That 'uber' blade. ;p :D

[andy-longwood.livejournal.com]

So what Eragon knows so far about the elf-sue is that she's pretty and abused.

Not that she's strong-willed or particularly kindhearted or a tiger in the sack or a fascinating individual who challenges his mind and brings out the best in him or anything, just that she's the prettiest lil' thing he's ever seen and he wants to protect her from all the mean ole' bad guys with his manly manliness.

I'd love it if Arya survived and told him he was creepy and had a poor grasp on what a meaningful relationship is based on. But I suspect this is too much to ask of a 16 year old male author who's been raised on the Pillar of Strength Fantasy Heroine who never seems to need a reason to love Teh Heroez, but does because that's what Wimmen Do when a phenomenally talented teenage boy gets a hard-on for their faces.

Ugh.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Of course Arya is going to survive, she's the Epic romantic love interest. Can't you tell?

[andy-longwood.livejournal.com]

Homg it's almost like you've read the book or something!

Chalkwitch: Ever noticed that the chicks in fantasy novels never actually have any particular reason to lov etheir dudes?
Chalkwitch: THey just kind of ocme around to it in the end?
Chalkwitch: Kind of like, "Yeah, okay, sure."
Chalkwitch: "You're here, you're expressing interest in me."
psychicsaphie: ...I want one that goes "Thanks for the help , but uh, I have no clue who the fuck you are."
Chalkwitch: What's sad is that it's probably fairly accurate for the time period because back then you were seriously lucky if you could get a man who didn't treat you like a burro who was sexually compatible with him, much less a man who listened to you once in a while and was hot.
Chalkwitch: And a hero.
Chalkwitch: When you start bringing self-reliant girls who haven't been brought up with their only possible future being married to some guy who will most likely not be particularly appealing, that's when you need to change the "Oh, okay, yeah I love you," system.

But that would be expecting rather a lot of comprehension of gender roles in multicultural worlds, I guesss.

Romance in fantasy

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

Sadly, you're right. Also, my guess is the love interest is just there to be the love interest so there isn't much effort into putting any feelings or motivation into her. So when it happens, it just happens. And really, the hero doesn't usually listen to her because she probably never gets any good lines to begin with. At best, she gets some polite behavior from him.

And I agree, that system works fine for a medieval sort of period. But I doubt they would call it love or go "Oh, YES! I suddenly realized I DO love you!" which is unfortunately how some of the acceptance seems to go in horrible fanfiction, if not some of the fantasy books themselves. I'm fine with a general acceptance of "Well, you're pretty decent and I could learn to love you. I also refuse to be the last girl in my village to get married. I'll do it!" I think that's kind of what you meant anyway but I was just clarifying my specific annoyance with how it's written. :)

Though, really. If they're a beautiful heroine, they should have the chances of a much better match anyway. Their parents, if the heroine is lucky, will try to find someone who would care about her as much as they did. Of course, their key concern is someone who has money enough to do that for the rest of her life (and if they're really wealthy themselves, then some kind of political or financial ties.) But I doubt they'd go "Okay, he's gonna beat her. But look at all that dough! You'll be able to pay the doctor to heal your broken bones, honey."

psychicsaphie: ...I want one that goes "Thanks for the help , but uh, I have no clue who the fuck you are."

I love that idea. It's at least believable and then the author can try and make it work more honestly from there. :D