kippurbird | (no subject) (Reply)

The office of the Department of Improbabilities (3b) was currently in a quiet spot. Alec Troven dozed quietly in his chair, feet up on the consol, a beaten fedora over his eyes. Next to him, his wife Verra watched him with a predatory gleam in her eyes. Slowly, slowly she inched forward, one hand snaking out. Just as she was about to grab the hat the laws of narrative timing kicked in and a loud blarring buzzer went off.

[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!]

“AI!” Alec cried out, falling backwards. Verra jerked her hand back and looked the picture of innocence. As Alec righted himself she looked at the computer screen before growling something in draconic. “That bad?” Alec asked, pushing the hat out of his eyes.

“Worse.” She showed him the Words. He read it. And then he read it again.

Puzzled he said, “Is that even possible?”

“No.” She started to press buttons on the portal device and as soon as it opened stepped through. Alec, followed, strapping on his sword belt. And the two agents stepped into the Discworld.

-=-

The figure wandered into the great city of Ankh-Morpork, the smell making him dizzy. It was
his first time to the twin city but yet he felt something, like he belonged, which he had never felt before. His clothes were dusty from travel and sweat glistened on his tanned skin. He strolled slowly down the thronged streets of the city, through the bustling crowds as a smell and a voice rang out like a siren.

‘Get your hot sausages! Luverly pork hot sausages! Get them while they’re hot!’ the voice shouted.

The wafting smell of food did the impossible task of blocking out the smell of Ankh-Morpork and the figure’s stomach growled in hunger. He stumbled out through the crowd into a junction between a number of roads, the sound of cattle audible under those of everyday city life, the smell leading him to a short, skinny, rodenty man with a tray of food.

‘Ah you look hungry sir. Care to try a genuine pork hot sausage?’ the vendor asked.

The figure nodded and the vendor handed him over a hot sausage after taking the money. The figure sniffed the hot sausage and proceeded to ram it into his mouth, chewing vigorously. The vendor stared at the figure in amazement with a few passer-bys also gathering to stare. They all knew what was supposed to happen when someone ate one of Dibbler’s sausages and were waiting for it to come.

The figure swallowed the last mouthful and licked his lips. ‘Tasty.’ He said grinning while a gasp of awe went up from the crowd.

Alec let out a hiss of disbelief, “You can’t do that! No one’s allowed to do that! Even I can’t do that, and I can eat almost anything.”

“Watch the exclamation points love,” Verra said idly as she marked down, ‘not getting sick off of C.M.O.T. Dibbler’s sausages’. Alec continued to grumble however as Dibbler sent the mysterious figure (or the Stu) into the Shades in search of Mrs. Cake. They followed him as no one in the Shades decided to make him into a naked mark on the pavement. They were probably smart enough not to get near the Stu. No one came near Alec and Verra, but that was only because they couldn’t see them.

The figure came to a door and rapped on it hard. It opened to show a short fat woman dressed in black.

‘Yes oi am.’ She said politely before he could say a word.

‘Are you Mrs. Cake?’ he asked.

‘Drat. Oi keep forgetting to switch it off.’ She said.

‘Why are you answering me before I say anything?’ the figure asked, his brow wrinkled in perplex ion.

The Stu’s face took on a peculiar shape as it became a perplexed ion, causing Alec to put a hand over his mouth to stifle a giggle. Verra only shook her head.

Was working at the library today. Apparently I'm in the old racist section of the library with book titles like "the politcal behavior of the American Jew" and "characteristics of the American Jew"

Have to go and have lunch with Sally to day. (yay).

We've started showing the Condo out to prospective renters. Not roommates but renters. Which sucks muchly, but my dad can't afford to leave it empty an more. *sighs* I'm not sure what to do, not like there is anything to do.