THREE HOURS SLEEP -forgive me.

[kippurbird]

I went and saw Watchmen last night. 12:05 showing.

It was as faithful to the book as possible. Unfortunately it's impossible to be completely faithful because it'd be like trying to turn the Talmud with all the different people's opinions and stories into a movie. There are just too many layers to put in a one dimensionally layered medium.

HOWEVER, having seen it, I am now certain that it is part of a plot to cause WWIII.

There are five factions in this upcoming war.



First the Studios. Watchmen is going to make gobs of money. Gobs and gobs of money. This is going to make all the executives go $_$ and green light two sequels to create a trilogy. As they aren't familiar with the material and their tiny pea brains wouldn't understand it even if they did read it. They're of the mindset that comics = easy movie material = easy money.

Second the parental watch groups. They're going to see Comic book movie! Something to take the kids to. After all there's Spider-man, X-Men, Superman and the Batman movies and as long as there is parental watching it should be fine! Until they see the blue penis. Oooh yes, the blue penis. The very well endowed blue penis of Dr. Manhattan. Never mind the horribly graphic blood and gore but a penis! OH MY! This was supposed to be wholesome (I don't know why) family entertainment! God forbid they show a body part! (As opposed to a guy getting his armed sawed off. o_O ). So they're going to be raising bloody hell.

Third is the Fan Girls. They're going to watch and they're going to go <3 over Ozymandias (who is damn mmmmyum) and Rorschach who is creepy cool and has a face that shouldn't be loved but could be. Stubbly men, you know? And he's redeemable! And naked guy! and Silk Spectre a perfect girl to hate! You can hear the slash and Mary Sues being written.

Fourth are the fanboys. Who are likely going to be relatively happy with the movie but as soon as they get wind of the Sequel... well... yeah.

Finally there's Alan Moore. Who is Alan Moore. And his seething hatred of this movie as well as movies of all his works is a horrid and tangible force that is magnified by his hair until it shoots out in massive waves of Angry Writer of Doomness. And it will only get worse when the news of the Sequels reaches him for that will send him into Defcon 1.

All of these forces are going to be released onto the world over the weekend. The resulting psychic clash is going to cause an explosion that will rival anything that any super-villain hoped to create.

So, I'm going to be hiding under the bed this weekend in fear.


As an utter side note. I was discussing the movie with my mother this morning and telling her that she DIDN'T want to see it. She's not much for gore and chopping of body parts off and unhappy endings. So she pretty much agreed with me and said, "No, I don't want to hear any more of it."

Then I mentioned the blue penis.

"O RLY?"

Comments

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

I really, really hate to be a bitch but...could you cut this? I haven't seen it yet and don't want even the slightest bit of spoilerage.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I didn't think there was any spoilers, beyond what could be seen if you've read the graphic novel.

But, CUT!

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

I know, I'm being paranoid and I'm sorry. But thank you.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I'd say more, but you're paranoids.

After you see it you can see my wild theories!

If we're still here...

[mmexlibris]

I'm with you. The world needs more Alan Moore Blue Penis.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Just as long as we don't die from it.

[mmexlibris]

There's a pithy headline in there, and it's too damned early for my brain to make it.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

It'll probably be weirder then.

[vytresna.livejournal.com]

I thought Alan Moore was actually relatively pleased with how it came out?

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

He's never seen it. Says he'll never see it. And has refused any association with it. He absolutely hates any movie adaptation of his work. Even before knowing it exists.

[lenka0602.livejournal.com]

oh, the fan girls and their slash fics. or any fics for that matter. need to be killed. with fire. lots of fire.

sorry for talking in such short sentences - I literally just came back from a screening and my mind was totally blown:P

[lenka0602.livejournal.com]

the world indeed lacks tragically in the blue penis area

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yes. Mind blowing is a good answer for the movie.

[mmexlibris]

I agree. And once we've mastered the blue peen, maybe we can branch out into other colours.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

I can't wait to see it. I've read the comic. Frankly, my two favorite characters are the original Silk Specter (Sally Jupiter) and the second Night Owl (Dan something). I thought they were very compelling characters.

The only thing I can think they would change from the comic to the movie is the amount of smoking. I would think (haven't seen it yet) that they would take out how much Laurie (second Silk Specter), Janey (Dr. Manhatten's first girlfriend), and the Commedian smoke. After all, blue penises are okay, but cigarettes are bad.

[thelastmehina.livejournal.com]

"Relatively pleased" when it comes to Alan Moore is along the lines of, "I'll strangle your pets as soon as I get done with the fuckers responsible for From Hell and V for Vendetta.

[dove-cg.livejournal.com]

So you're saying... when a cigar is just a cigar, there's apparently something wrong with people. ;D

[lenka0602.livejournal.com]

yeah they cut that out. So when she accidentaly fires up Archie it is not because she was looking for something to light her cigarette is, she just does it. with this happy girly glee on her face. And then she is all "Oh I pressed the wrong button I didnt know what would it do" which bugged me a bit. But oh well.

[palmer-kun.livejournal.com]

You should become a Blue Man Group groupie

[dryaunda.livejournal.com]

What's his problem with movies?

[vytresna.livejournal.com]

I looked into it in order to determine whether I was hallucinating that he said it's as good a job as they could do with such a multilayered story (apparently I was), and Alan Moore's statement on movies:

I find film in its modern form to be quite bullying. It spoon-feeds us, which has the effect of watering down our collective cultural imagination. It is as if we are freshly hatched birds looking up with our mouths open waiting for Hollywood to feed us more regurgitated worms. The 'Watchmen' film sounds like more regurgitated worms. I for one am sick of worms. Can't we get something else? Perhaps some takeout? Even Chinese worms would be a nice change.

I'd take that as meaning he's a snotty coffee-shop artiste and probably hasn't seen Pan's Labyrinth.

[faded-enmity.livejournal.com]

I think you're terribly mistaken in thinking that film is one-dimensionally layered. Films necessarily have several dimensions and can't exist at all without them -- films are about the visual aspect, the soundtrack, the writing, the camera work ... so much goes into a film that you should really be appreciating -- if you're not, then you're missing out on what films are all about.

[kevias.livejournal.com]

I felt it was excellent, with a complex plot, conflicted characters, and subversion or aversion of nearly every comic book cliche. I have to praise the moviemakers for dumping the censors and PC people and showing that death and destruction are an ugly, messy, horrible business, although I would've preferred the sex and nudity be somewhat abbreviated.

Sequels I cringe at. Most superhero movies have the superhero defeat the villain, so the sequel can setup a new villain pop up to be defeated. They're episodic. Watchmen doesn't fit in this mold, so I'm very skeptical on the notion of a sequel.

[kjtaylor.livejournal.com]

I just saw the movie today, and don't worry - the filmmakers have already explicitly said: no sequels! Also, I thought the movie was excellent.

Also, Alan More? Is. A. Dick. I hate his damned guts. Partly because I would kill to have a movie of something I wrote and can't help but see him as ungrateful, but also because, quite frankly, it really makes me angry that he refuses to see filmmakers as artists. And they ARE. They're every bit as worthy to be called artists as he is. Apparently the director of this movie said he really hoped dear ole Mr Moore would one day watch the movie and say "well, it didn't totally suck".

Moore said in reply that he's "never going to watch that f*cking thing", and I have NO idea why anyone would care about what he thinks anyway. The man is a psycho and a jerkoff of the highest order.

OK, glad I got that off my chest. Now it's back to bidding on swords at ebay.

*up up and away!*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

No. Let me rephrase. I meant that it can't do what the comic book did in terms of presentation. Like in the Rorschach chapter it was done as a Rorschach in terms of panels. And the newspaper clippings and the pirate story. Things like that which can't be translated into film.

Filmy itself is of course a multi-layered medium, if it wasn't then they'd all look the same.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Oh yes! This was as unPC as you can get. I did think that yes, the sex scenes were a bit... long, but I didn't mind the nudity so much.

Sequels... well it depends on how they're done. But the Watchmen? Dear lord no! It'd be impossible to do one.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

The filmmakers have, but the Studios...

Yes. He is, isn't he? I mean seriously. And he's in comic books one of the most belittled forms of art there is out there (unfortunately). He honestly doesn't have a place saying that. I would love my stuff to get turned into a movie too! (As long as it's not like Eragon).

The people who did this movie did it because they liked the material and wanted to share it with a larger audience. I think that's a wonderful thing.

[kevias.livejournal.com]

The Watchmen story is a story. You have some people, they do things, some of them die, some of them change, a message is given, and that's the end. There really aren't any loose ends that need to be tied up, the ending is deliberetly ambiguous, and unambiguating it would undermine the whole point.

[anarchicq.livejournal.com]

Well I noticed his name wasn't on the credits. It said something like "Based on the graphic novel co-created and illustrated by (Illustrator's name)."