Znnnkkk...

[kippurbird]

Right. So, third of the way through. No thing's happened yet. Triscuit is still being kept in the dark because there are somethings he Just Can't Know. Even if it would be extremely helpful for him to know. I'm kind of reminded of Lyra in His Dark Materials (which I'm reading right now) in that she has to be kept in the dark about her being the "One". But they do it so that she can make her own choices. For better or for worse. And she's not the type that just sits around whining about things, instead she goes out and actively does them. It's not important for her to know about being the Chosen one or not; she does these things because she wants answers. Triscuit doesn't get answers and he cries. A single tear. I have more confidence in the kid.

Kluge is getting turned on by She. Minions (That is such a stupid name for a race you've created) apparently have a hot spot at the top of their wings. She is replaced by a naked Sushi who watches "his sexual excitement come to fruition".

I'm not really sure what exactly that means.

I'm not really sure I want to know.

I have ideas, but I'd rather not think about them.

One of them involves little apple trees.

Now that he's successfully sprouted. We turn to business, but not before learning that Kluge is in love with her and As You Know Bob (#6?) Sushi shouldn't be having sex with the minion because the only time a Minion should have sex is for reproductive purposes. It actually says that. And yet these Minions have human level intelligence and don't seem to have any enchantments on them at all for obedience. They seem to be happy though their only purpose in life is to fuck and fight... well, maybe that is a good life.

Massive infodump about Plans. Three and a half pages. As opposed to just showing us what they're doing as they're doing it. Sushi tells us. In annoying detail. I shan't bother to recount it. It's stupid.

Blah, lots of dead people (forty) mysterious thing that has to happen on the sea of Whispers. Random babbling filling pages. Kluge angsts about not being able to be loved by Sushi. It gets foggy. It's magical fog. That has body. It uses body defying shampoo. The fog turns into arms and lifts the ship up. There are faces in the water, kinda like in the Lord of the Rings with the Dead Marshes. They are"The Eaters of the Dead!" Wasn't that in Ender's Game? Blah. They dump bodies over board and get free passage and don't die horribly.

Meanwhile, we go back to Triscuit's daddy (who also rides a Stallion) and Earwig who are out for a ride. Daddy suddenly doesn't trust his secure meeting room... for some reason so they're out in the middle of the open where they can get attacked. In an entirely pointless conversation Daddy says he's worried even though he's read the report that the Coven probably dead and even if they weren't they wouldn't have been able to make it back. MmmHhhmmm He wants to move the abdication ceremony some safe. But while Earwig and the others agree with this idea apparently they would need to move the entire Royal Guard. Why do they need the entire Royal guard? So that way they can't leave the palace and the Evil Women can attack as planned.

And now I'm falling asleep.

G'night.

Comments

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

* Villains Lair *

"Now that they haven't thought about us for centuries lets head over and attack!"

"Brilliant!"

* Meanwhile at the heroes place *

"I have this strange feeling that a danger we haven't thought of for several centuries may come back and attack us during the great occasion."

"It's probably just gas."

"Yeah you're right."

*A few days later*

"Oh look! We're being massacred by a danger we hadn't thought about for centuries!"

"If only we had listened to your apparently entirely unfounded worries!"

"Oh the irony!"

[smurasaki.livejournal.com]

Why do they need the entire Royal guard? So that way they can't leave the palace and the Evil Women can attack as planned.

Just once, I'd love to see an ill-timed villainous attack. I mean, really, when it come to exiled villains, this kind of thing is silly. If you've been out of touch for a century (or however long it takes to breed Minions *snorfle*), you run the risk of dramatically attacking an empty castle. After all, the good guys won't send you a card when they build a new one down the road.

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

Wait! Have the sorceresses done any espionage? Or scouting missions?

[last-servant.livejournal.com]

Of course not, they're too busy having sex

*dramatic pause*

with both genders. *gasp*

[last-servant.livejournal.com]

Exactly how many pages have passed in which nothing has happened?

[authoressarktos.livejournal.com]

Of course not, they're too busy having sex

*dramatic pause*

with both genders. *gasp*

I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything XD

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*snerks*

Yup.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yes, but where's the fun in that?

Three centuries and they have a spy. *sighs*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Yes, they have. They have a Spy. Natasha.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

*snerks*

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Umm... over two hundred.

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

How...

But...

How many words are there in this book anyway?!

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

She'd better watch out or Rocky and Bullwinkle will get her!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

It's like over 600 pages.

[last-servant.livejournal.com]

...
...
...
*recovers*
Good lord, and I thought Eldest was boring.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

At least Eragon was actually DOING something. Even if it was stupid.

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

But... but...

How can you write TWO HUNDRED PAGES where absolutely NOTHING happens?!

I can understand the main plot not starting before maybe a third into the book. Though I'd expect that the first third would then be seen to lead logically to the main plot.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

You're expecting there to be a plot.

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

But there has to be! The plot must be tight, everything that happens in the first 140 pages has to lead up to the main plot. Even if, indeed especially if, it doesn't seem relevant at first.

Congratulations! You are winner!

[karma-kalisutah.livejournal.com]

*hands you an internet trophy*

[smurasaki.livejournal.com]

Wait. That means they can communicate from their exile. Which makes the whole exile thing yet another degree of stupid. *headdesk*

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

...Wow. I think I like the world you live in, but Stuthors and Suethors obviously don't live in the same one. And seeing as how authors like this are just Suethors and Stuthors with a fine veneer of plagarism originality... *sigh*

[the-norseman.livejournal.com]

Sighs

You know I keep making excuses for my own little project (which has flaws that I'm aware of). Then I see something like this...

It both encourages me and baffles me.

[last-servant.livejournal.com]

*adjusts clipboard*

I believe that is what we would call the WTF defense mechanism.

*strokes beard*