Even more things I'm still not allowed to do at work.

[kippurbird]

Even more things I'm not allowed to do at work.

• Lurk




• Especially not in the shadows


• Or behind bushes


• Trees


• The stacks




• If upon disobeying the lurking rule I am not allowed to jump out and scream "Surprise!"




• "Want to buy some watches"


• Flash someone.
  


• Cackle evilly if someone walks by.




• I am not Batman




• Or Batwoman


• Or Batgirl


• I am not any member of the Bat Family.




• Just because I have a Green Lantern's ring doesn't mean I'm a Green Lantern




• Even if I wear my Green Lantern T-Shirt.




• I do not need to roll a skill check to see if I can check in periodicals.




• Or roll a strength check to see if I can pick up a mail bin


• Or any other sort of check




• Work is not a dungeon.
  


• There are no dragons.
  




• Or Orcs


• Goblins


• Vampires


• Or any sort of monsters




• I am not a fifteenth level rogue.


• I cannot magic missile the darkness




• Or attack the sculptures with my ax.
  


• There is no Gazebo.
  




• I can not smite the evil bitch from hell.


• Boredom is still not an excuse.
  




• No really.




• Just because people think my cookies are addictive doesn't mean I actually need to put pot in them.




• In fact, I must remember that I don't even know how to find pot


• And that it's illegal.




• I will not see how many balloons it takes me to fly


• I will not hang glide off the roof of the building.
  


• The Batcave is not in the stacks.




• There is no batmobile in the parking lot




• I do not own a batmobile, I own a Saturn






• Tarot cards are not an appropriate way to see how much work I can get done.
  




• I will not use Tarot cards in front of people and then look at them shaking my head like I know something




• Tarot cards are not allowed at work.






• I do not have a TARDIS




• I am not the Doctor in his eleventh regeneration


• I am not the Master either


• Or the Rani
  


• I am not a Time Lord




• Really.
  






• While I have the One Ring I will not go around whispering "my Preecsious" while wearing it.




• Or pretend like I'm invisible while wearing it.
  


• I do not need to throw it in the fiery pits of Mount Doom




• The kitchen is not Mount Doom


• Neither is the Chemistry lab






• I cannot turn invisible


• I do not have telekiniesis
  


• I can not get everyone to do a dance number while singing




• This is not a musical


• Or a Disney movie




• I cannot randomly jump back in time.


• I am not the Intersect
  


• No one is following me.




• I am not paranoid


• I will not pretend to be paranoid.




• I will walk, not skip


• There is not a secret society that meets every Thursday in Ross Plaza




• There is no Conspiracy




• You do not need a secret hand shake to check out books


• The rare book room does not contain Disney's brain




• Or aliens




• I do not need to call Fox Mulder about this.
  






• I may own a lightsaber but I am not allowed to challenge people with it




• Or say " X" There is something I must tell you. I am your father.


• I am not a Sith Lord


• I am not a Jedi


• I may not bring the lightsaber to work.




• Even for Halloween


• Or Purim






• While on the subject of swords, I may not bring my LARP sword to work




• Even if it's made out of foam


• I am not a level twenty fighter




• The miniatures on my computer do not come alive at night.
  




• Neither does the hedgehog


• I will not tell people that they do.




• I will not cackle madly while screaming "It's ALIVE ALIVE!!!"




• There will be no mad cackling at all




• I will not bring a super-soaker to work.
  




• This is a library. Books and water do not mix.
  




• I will keep a copy of this list on me at all times




• Including the previous ones




• Ignorance is not an excuse