What I am not allowed to do at work....

Even more things Kippur is not allowed to do at work...


* Gremlins didn't take the books.
* Or move the books.
* Or hide the books.
* There are no gremlins.
* Despite all evidence, I will not insist there are.
* I am not allowed to fine professors for giving me their reserve book lists in late.
* Or for keep on adding reserve books even those this is the "last one".
* Even if I donate the money to the library.
* Or to Haiti.
* Voodoo dolls are not appropriate ways of dealing with frustration.
* I don't even have a way to collect the necessary ingredients to make one.
* Yes. That should stop me.
* Cloning myself is not an appropriate way to get the seven things that need to be done "first" every morning.
* Nor are monkeys.
* We don't have the computers to do so.
* Kittens are not the answer.
* Putting hands over my ears and going Lalalalalalaaa does not make it go away.
* The evil overlord list has no applications to work.
* The office plant is not named Audrey II.
* It does not need the blood of students to survive.
* It will not eat students.
* Or staff
* Or community members.
* No matter how much I want it to.
* "Would you like fries with that?" is not appropriate to ask when a patron wants to check out a book.
* Nor sprinkles.
* a drink.
* They cannot make it a value meal for an additional thirty cents.
* Even if that is a fantastic deal because you haven't been able to do that in years. Decades even.
* My pixel pets are not to be talked about.
* Even though I got that really rare egg.
* No one knows what I am talking about.
* I am not turned into the Master.
* I am not allowed to say, "Be vehwee vehwee quiet I'm hunting Rabbis".
* BEGONE FOUL DEMONS!! does not make Millennium work any better.
* In fact, holding an exorcism is just plain silly.
* Besides, if I were to do it, I should get a rabbi to do it.
* I am not allowed to ask a rabbi to exorcise Millennium.
* Can not win a staring contest with a book.
* The fact that it is hailing doesn't mean that work is closed.
* Even if it hailed in Los Angeles.
* It only hailed for two minutes.
* I am not a starfish.
* the mythology section of the library is not where books that supposedly exist are found.
* We are not open twenty four hours on the second Tuesday of the week.
* We do not have a slip and slide in the stacks because of the leaks.
* Backwards speak to allowed not am I.
* Sdrawkcab lleps ot dewolla ton ma I.
* Daer ot drah si ti.