kippurbird: (Duck of doom)
Way back in 2007 (is that way back?) I was part of a writing group. One of the writers in the group gave us a novel she called, "Plain Jane".

I had a lot to say about Plain Jane, of which you can see here. it had one of the more uurgh endings that I've ever seen in a book. In the end she left because our criticisms were to harsh we didn't understand her genius.

[ profile] jessaj discovered that she had gone ahead and gotten the book self-published and let me know.

So, I thought I'd share with you all.

She gave herself a five star review as you'll be able to see.
kippurbird: (Witic)
So apparently Miss Formulaic quit the writing group.

She said that the criticisms were to harsh.

I leave you to your own thoughts on this.
kippurbird: (*headdesk*)
So, I got back from my writer's group.

I gave my criticisms. Other people gave their criticisms.

It sort of rolled off of her.

Apparently she was writing a Paradigm Shift story. That is a story where your expectations are turned on their head at the last bit. IE. You have a serial killer who you think is male turn out to be female.

This, I guess, was her formula.

I dunno.

It seemed rather shaky to me.

Everything else she said was an easy fix.

The tunnels underneath are apparently catacombs. Why are there catacombs underneath the city I don't know?

Apparently Kent is perfectly capable to get a pig by himself from a slaughterhouse at three in the morning. By stealing cars and other things.

Some of the stuff she said it couldn't be fixed because it had to be like that.

kippurbird: (paint drying)
Mostly because I'm a freak and way blown tired out of mine I took the Mary Sue test for Kent (the profiler) Harbringer and Alec.

Kent scored a 69 which is 50+
Kill it dead. Or make sure you read the instructions properly (some people don't do this, which causes freakishly high scores) and take the test again.

Alec scored a 42 36+
Fanfiction authors, you might just want to start over. Role-players and original fiction authors, at this point your characters are likely to provoke eye-rolling and exclaimations of "yeah, right!" from your readers. (Well, at least from me.) Immediate workover is probably in order.

Eragon, while I'm at it, scored a 124. Whooo... wow.

Random: Apparently, according to Miss F. Gary (from the Evil Overlord's story) motivation being Money wasn't good enough. He should have some other, deeper motivation beyond wanting money. Gary says that he likes the money and is okay with being shallow like that.
kippurbird: (+5)
Miss Formulaic's Formula.

A couple of people have asked so what is Miss Formulaic's formula.

What she does is reads a book. She checks what page the act turns are. She checks what pages the reveals are. She checks on those sort of things.

Then she writes her book based on those things.

Not on plot. Not on character. But on pages.
kippurbird: (Ew)
If you thought the giant uterus was weird/disgusting/wtf wait till you see why Kent got locked up in the loony bin.


The brain incident )

And then Kent pulls an Eragon by killing Rebeca just like Rebeca killed all her victims.

Read more... )

Why am I rooting for him again? Really?

Apparently being in love with a whack job erases the fact that he's a whack job. Because Kent and Nicole get back together.

They kiss and make up )

And our final chapter:

And it's a doozy )

Edit My story recommendations:

Damn they're long )
kippurbird: (*headdesk*)
*chants to self* I am in my happy place. I am in my Happy place. There is no stupid story. I am in my happy place.

Plain Jane just turned into James Bond Villain. And Kent into James Bond.

Serial Killer abuses the Evil Overlord Rules )

And then things started to get really stupid so I stopped.

Oh and Joshua apparently is not the killer.

Edit I lied. I continued reading.

Read more... )

Edit the second

The killer has built a giant womb... made out of the uteri he cut. A giant Twelve foot womb. Made out of uteri. I am fucking not kidding you.

Uber womb )

And... the killer is Rebeca the Meter Maid.

I'm going to go die now.
kippurbird: (Urge to destroy world)
We finally get some killer action! And the Killer starts acting like a nitwit. Here he is, utterly untraceable. He's made six kills and one aborted one and they haven't a clue as to who he is. So what does he decided to do?

Killer's POV )

Yes. The killer, who has been completely untraceable up to this point and SO good that he can get into the cop's house is going to KILL a cop. If that's not the stupidest thing he can do, I don't know what... actually, yes I do.

Break one of the Evil Overlord's rules. Number Eleven to be exact:

I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

breaking rule number eleven )

I need a flail icon.
kippurbird: (*_* SHINY!)
I got the final chunk of Plain Jane.

In it we have:

Police woman sexually harassing suspect!

Magic Mammaries )

return of the Uterus in a Jar and Profiler must be psychic! )

Joshua continues his creepy streak )

Kent is also creepy )

And I got bored. WHOO!

Now, I'm fairly certain that Joshua is Plain Jane. Haven't gotten there yet though.
kippurbird: (>:D Heh)
Right, so, this is Miss Formulaic's chapter that I mentioned that has a uterus in a jar. The one that is either a really big red herring... or not.

uterus in a jar )


Mar. 8th, 2007 09:40 pm
kippurbird: (*headdesk*)
Just got back from the writer's group. We all gave her our comments. I was not the only one who commented on Kent's dislikability etc.

She said, "I can not do anything with your criticism, it would ruin the story and the big reveal. Everything will make sense when we learn who the killer is."


You can't write a book and expect people to follow along with it waiting for the big reveal if it doesn't make sense in the first place.

She says that we have met the killer already and that the killer is not the Profiler or the Partner. They were red herrings.

Well, only a hundred and fifty pages left to go.
kippurbird: (Witic)
Dear Dell,

When I ask you to send me a new power cord for my laptop, I do not wish for a new keyboard. While I appreciate the speedy service, the keyboard really doesn't fix my power problems.

Please get it right this time.




My prediction for tonight's writer's group regarding Miss Formulaic:

I will give her my criticism with Limeeyal's essays and she will smile, nod and say she knows it would make the story better, but she doesn't have the page count and she needs to keep to the formula.


Had a bit of a panic attack yesterday and I wanted to hide under my desk covering myself up with a blanket. I think work is getting to me. I need a break. Perhaps I will take a day off someday soon. Can't be Fridays anymore because they need me to lock up. Perhaps a Monday or something.

In better news, may have found an apartment that's affordable, decent sized (except for the kitchen) and allows cats. This is a good thing. It also has a pool, which is a definite plus. I've never lived somewhere with a pool, but I hope that I will be soon.
kippurbird: (Nugan)
So... finished up the next bit in Miss Formulaic's story.

It seems like whenever a character is not talking about the Profiler they're thinking about him. Both Policewoman and Partner suffer from this.

Policewoman gets some coffee:

“We’ll have to make due.” Nicole watched the young man as he stirred in the hot milk. How she wished Kent was here. He could tell her everything she needed know about this guy. Like why did he dress like a slacker when obviously he had some intelligence under that over-producted hair?


Each and every time he thought Nicole had finally, finally, finally caught a glimpse of what an asshole Harbinger was, some kind of invisible bell would ring in her head and like Pavlov’s dog, she would go running back to him. What kind of hold did the profiler have over her? How much better in bed could Kent be?

Policewoman is on a stake out with partner and leaves stake out to get coffee. Then she goes to Profiler who is staking out a different person. She doesn't tell anyone where she's going. She catches Profiler breaking into a car and makes up with him. Instead of watching the house, like they should be in a stakeout they read the Archie comic book and snuggle. Yes. They snuggle.

This allows potential killer into the house to attack victim. I say potential killer because back at the stake out with Partner, they actually catch someone whose doing the same thing.

The attack on Profiler's girl gives him a chance to angst horribly about not being there in time.

Kent couldn’t move as he looked over Nicole’s shoulder at the downed woman. That was five. Five women he had failed. How in the name of God had he failed again?

Kent tossed the bed. He pulled the dresser away from the wall. No perp. A breeze moved the curtains away from an open window. The profiler ran over as sirens sounded in the distance. Sticking his head out, Kent scanned the backyard. Nothing. No one. Plain Jane had gotten away, yet again.
“Bastard!” The profiler slammed his fist against the windowsill as he shouted into the empty night.

When he learns that the other stake out actually caught someone, he's still confident that they've got the wrong person. He's not at all unshaken or anything.

He watched Nicole turn away and head to the front of the house. Kent looked around the dim bedroom one last night. He would go with her. He would look at this supposed suspect, but his confidence was unshaken .
The killer had been here tonight.
Of that, Kent had no doubt

If he were a normal human being, he would be shaken. Even just a little bit. Just a wee bit. But he's not. Argh.

I have copied out several of [ profile] limyaael's essays to give to her. The ones on Character Flaws, Secondary characters and killing your darlings. I shall give them to her with my critique tomorrow.
kippurbird: (What goes on in Kippur's head)
Trolling the pit of voles. (AKA in the Book Crossovers section.  Found some lovely gems.

Tutor love by animeGr89 this is about a girl who fails in one of ur subj class and the teacher decided to get her a tutor she wasn't expending anyone but somethin happens the first chp short but other chps would be longer i promise plz R&R update next chp 2morrow

Jezabell and Juliet by Alannatheknight It's a cross between Romeo and Juliet and Cinderella, Jezabell is under the Tyrant rule of her stepmom and Juliet is a jew in love with a christian!

In other news, went apartment hunting. Looked at two apartments, sort of. The first one was nice and felt sort of artsy. The second one we couldn't get into. We have, I think, until the end of march to find a place. Hopefully we'll find one soon. 

I will move out of the house this time. I will. I will. I will.

Got an email from the leader of the writing group I belonged to. She thought I was offended by Miss Formulaic's novel because I seriously hated Profiler. She said I didn't have to read it if it made me feel uncomfortable. Am trying to figure out how to explain that it just really sucked... without saying it just really sucked, and that I wasn't offended at all, but I'm not going to say it's lovely just to say something nice.  Am pretty hard to offend. This is only offensive to my lit majorness and not me as a human being. If that makes sense.

Trying to concentrate on work. Is not working.

kippurbird: (Arrrgh)
*gnaws on Miss Formulaic*

Going through her selection and ... this just showed up.

In which the Profiler is psychic )

Then she has policewoman excuse his behavior (he stole someone's iPod) by saying "Even though, over and over again, Nicole reminded herself that Kent couldn’t help himself..."

That's not an excuse! The guy is a klepto and has serious personal issues, not being able to help himself is no excuse for him to break the law like he does!
kippurbird: (._.; ... Yeah..)
More fun with Miss Formulaic. She just uploaded the next part of her story. Here's some choice bits.

Read more... )
kippurbird: (*headdesk*)
Strange but true: The Firewalls that block me from going to that binding site that I need to go to while at work will let me visit a KKK hate site. I think the Firewall is antisemitic. It doesn't let us go where we want but gives us free access to people who hate us. Perhaps this is its way of saying go die now? Or perhaps it's trying to oppress us. It's not letting me go to sites that I need to get my work done so then I get fired and am poor and will die a horrible death on the streets.

Great, the firewall is antisemitic and it's trying to kill me.

Or it could just be me.

Anyway, on to more pleasant matters.

I had my workshop with Miss Formulaic last night.

She went into a ramble to this one guy about the Hero's journey and how he wasn't following it and kept on blabbing about act turns needing to turn on the hero and this character was the magician and really basically trying to stereotype every character in his book. It made me want to take Joseph Campbell's book and smash it over her head. Yes, the hero's journey is important and everything but that doesn't mean you have to be a slave to it. And it doesn't mean that you need to have the hero, the magician, the ... cute sidekick or something.

I gave her my crit which was basically that the profiler was entirely unlikeable in my opinion and that whole scene with the molesting at the car was just... wrong. I got told that it was supposed to be hot and kinky. It certainly didn't come off like that to me. And she smiled and nodded the entire time and I don't think she paid a bit of attention to what I said. Perhaps I need to do a fan girl on her instead of a Lit Major.
kippurbird: (Writer at work)
So, Miss Formulaic has sent the group the first one hundred pages of her novel about a serial killer. Here are some choice bits. The main characters is a Serial Profiler Genius, The Policewoman who used to be his lover, the Policewoman's partner and current lover.

Miss Formula at work )
kippurbird: (*headdesk*)
Right, so remember the person who posted the seven guidelines to make a character more likable? (Found here if you would care to remember.) We had our writer's group meeting tonight and I had to read her work and critique it. It was horribly cliched.

She has phrases like, "Even though she knew in her heart this man hadn’t killed Leah, he might know something, anything to track down her friend’s murderer, " This man being a mysterious stranger in a coat holding a knife and was found in a room full of blood and Leah's body very badly cut up. But she knew in her heart that he didn't do it. Yes.

And the fiance was the designated asshole, who she didn't love at all, so she won't have any conflicting feelings when the mysterious stranger comes and sweeps her off her feet. It just went on and on and on like that.

When I pointed it out to her, she says, "Yes, I know it's formulaic, it's supposed to be that way, that's how it is in the genre. I only have a certain amount of pages to tell the story in, I don't have the space to make it uncliched."

My response was a "............" with a smile on, of course.

I'm not even really sure I know how to respond to that. Except maybe "Nargh".
kippurbird: (*headdesk*)
So, I belong to this writing group. And one of our members mentioned, last meeting, a list of seven things to make a good character. She posted it to the list last night. The list being:

Now the 7 ways to make a character more likable/relatable...
#1 - Very good at what they do
#2 - Funny
#3 - Treats others well
#4 - Others people like the character
#5 - Kind to pets/kids/elderly
#6 - Character has undeserved misfortune
#7 - Has physcial/mental/education handicap or just the underdog

And I just went, "gnargh". All of these traits are for creating false sympathy/empathy for a character. You have to like the person, because how can you not like someone who is funny? Likes animals? Etc. It's creating an automatic response, forcing you to like the person as oppose to getting to know them. And why does your character have to be likable in the first place? Or relateable? And even still, how do these things make you relate to those characters. It just makes me feel like I have to like them. It's very Sueish, to use a term.

I posted up a response to this and she answered back:

Response )

Now, she does make some points, but over all, I don't agree with her. Things like Universal and touching irk me. And those things that she mentions don't make a character feel genuine. Her approach to writing seems to be very formulaic. In fact it is as she's currently writing a horror/romance and using Anita Blake as an example of what to do as it sells. Personally, I would favor originality over formulaic.

Edit, my reply to her
reply )

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