kippurbird: (white tit head tilt)
Signs that I shouldn't be allowed to draw late at night.

I was talking with a friend last night about Andrew Ryan from Bioshock and what he would find fluffy cute etc. And it was decided that he would find money and capitalism "cute" and go gaga over.

This is the result of that conversation:

picture underneath. )

It really kinda of disturbs me.
kippurbird: (>:D Heh)
*just leaves this here*

kippurbird: (>:D Heh)
Who wants to buy me Inheritance for Hannukah?! >D



Apr. 23rd, 2011 11:51 am
kippurbird: (*_* SHINY!)
Origami plague of frogs?

more frogs! )
kippurbird: (Boom!)
More things I'm not allowed to do at work.

* My job description is not: putting sticky things on books.
* Even if yes, that's what they're paying me to do.
* I will not put smiley faces on the green dots for inventory.
* Inventory is serious business.
* And that's serious, not srs.
* While Passover is coming up, I will not create my own plague of origami frogs.
* Or locusts.
* I don't even have instructions for locusts.
* I can't substitute cicadas for locusts.
* Besides, I folded the instructions up for another origami thingy.
* I will not google the instructions for cicadas.
* I will not create any sort of origami plague.
* The Origami a day calender is not to be abused in this way.
* There is no tea time.
* Even though most of us do drink tea.
* Lunch time is not an illusion.
* I do not need my towel.
* Forty two is not the answer to the rabbinical students' questions.
* Or to anyone's question.
* Weeding is not to be done as 'this is stupid' or 'this is not'
* The Twilight books are not to be weeded.
* Unless told to.
* The voices in my head don't count as people authorized to tell me to remove them.
* Even if they say they're authorized.
* The voices in my head are not authorized to do anything.
* I am not allowed to double a person's fine when they ask if they have to pay it.
* Even if I tell them first.
kippurbird: (What goes on in Kippur's head)
I've been sitting on this bit of logic in my head for a bit.

It's X-Men fandom related, so feel free to skip over if you don't care.

In New X-Men 138 Cyclopes - Scott Summers- and Emma Frost start a telepathic affair because Scott is having emotional issues and Emma is a bitch like that. While Emma supposedly is really falling in love with Scott, Jean doesn't take to kindly to being cheated on. Cheating on the Phoenix is never really a good idea anyway.

Later Jean dies -again- and comes back as the full Phoenix and encourages, nudges Scott to accept the relationship with Emma.

I started to wonder why she would do that. After all, earlier she was right pissed at Scott and Emma.

So, I thought, well Jean pushed Scott to Emma because obviously if he wants the conniving betraying bitch he should have her. And all the problems that are associated with it. Like eventual betrayal and perhaps cheating on and all sorts of fun things that will likely hurt him, as opposed to being with Jean.
kippurbird: (Kale or Trever)
Dear Kips,

I'm not going to be having Ash's babies. So STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!! I don't care if it's just an example for your book. I am a man. I have man bits. I do not have lady bits. I do not have a very special place inside myself because some of my previous incarnations were women. There is not a very secret spell that Ash knows to make me pregnant. There will be NO pregnancy whatsoever. Zero. Zilch. Nadda.

The only thing that will be getting pregnant around here is the cat. And I hate you for the teleporting kittens while I'm at it. I don't need to find them in my soup.

While we're at it, Rhys is not going to be impregnating Kale. He doesn't know any secret rituals to make him able to have babies. Adrian and Alec are in the same boat. Theo and Adrienne can have all the kidlets they want, I'm sure. Besides they've got enough money to pay for nannies and things like that.

No love,

kippurbird: (:D)
Better update.

I went to the Once upon a time panel with authors Lynn Flewelling, Christopher Paolini, Patrick Rothfuss, Brandon Sanderson, Megan Whalen Turner and Brent Weeks.

The first question put to the panel was, "Can an everyman character be in epic fantasy or does it require epic characters?"

The general consensus was that you can. And in fact it helped the readers relate to the characters and stories. There were two dissenters on this, one was Paolini, the other I didn't get the name of. They said that they liked the larger than life characters because they can do all sorts of neat things. Because they are awesome and super-powered. And that is awesome.

And then she went on to say that they called that sort of character a Mary Sue and she didn't see anything wrong with that.

The question was passed to Paolini where upon he declared, "If that's your definition of a Mary Sue, then I guess that makes Eragon one!" Hah Hah. The other panelists looked a bit uncomfortable at that sort of thing. The whole Super-Powered awesome characters are AWESOME bit.

Some (I don't remember who) said that nobles and kings are hard to relate because they're rich and noble and who here is a king?

This I don't believe. I think if you're a good enough writer you can write an interesting rich and noble character. They have the same problems as everyone else does, if not more because they can have the issues of ruling people.

Then they started talking about chosen ones and the idea of Destiny. Paolini did admit that Eragon was a chosen one. But he also said that he was trying to play with the idea of destiny and prophecy by having someone learn that they were going to do something and then killing themselves so that they wouldn't. I don't remember that. But whatever.

TI think it was Brandon Weeks who said that following the Hero's Journey so strictly to the letter, like Lucas did in Star Wars Prequels wasn't a good idea because you ended up shoehorning things into there that didn't always make sense. Things like heroes should have a virgin birth so... Ankain was made from midiclorens. Paolini had a confused look on his face when this was said.

He is aware of fan fiction and slash fic. He also admits to faking in his languages. His final piece of advice on languages was that "apostrophes are fun!"

Right then.

When he saw that my Eragon book was all full of notes and sticky tags he wanted to know why this was. I admitted to be doing some critical work on his books. He was interested and flattered. I was coy, not actually saying I thought they were bad.

Later, today, I actually had a conversation with him where upon I asked about the lack of Galby and he said he was trying to do an, "Orson Wells" (I think) where you hear about the bad guy a lot but don't see him until the very end. He promises that we will actually see Galby in book four. As for the picture of Galby in the guide to Alagesia, he said that someone else was supposed to draw it, but they couldn't do it, so they were going to use a picture of the Ra'zac. He said no, to let him do it, and he stayed up all night drawing it.

I'll take that as a fairly reasonable answer. Though I do worry that even as a bad sketch he looks like a typical Evil Dude.

He said that no, he didn't think Eragon was a Mary Sue. And we started talking about what Mary Sues were before he had to go off to do an interview. He did ask for my card though. Which I gave to him.

We'll see if anything happens. XD
kippurbird: (What goes on in Kippur's head)
In which Kippur has a weird moment:

Who would win in a fight?

The Old Spice Man or the Most Interesting Man in the World?
kippurbird: (hee!)

Moshti with Hair by ~Kippur on deviantART

Alec was always leaving his potions that he created in bottles he found around the house. Sometimes he would even pour out the current liquid in the bottle to make room for his own thing. Going into the refridgerator to take out a bottle of coke could lead you to finding a potion of gender changing or perhaps some sort of drink he found on some planet.

Moshti couldn't read. He was just a baby who like drinking liquids. He saw the bottle, in one of his bottles to be exact, and figured that here was dinner.

It was not dinner.

It tasted good. But it was not dinner.

Alec thought the hair looked hysterical. Phoenix wouldn't talk to him for a week. Moshti loved the hair though, running his trunk through it all the time.
kippurbird: (What goes on in Kippur's head)
What is a unit of kippur?

A kippur is a unit used to measure the awfulness of a book. The more kippurs a book has, the worse it is. While it could be said that there is a scale of kippurs, generally no one has been able to agree on how many kippurs should make up a satisfactory standard scale. After all, new bad books are constantly found and break the old standard. Therefor it is just uniformly agreed that the more kippurs a book has, the further you should stay away from it.

How is a kippur derived?

Using a very precise formula involving the number of pages, the amount of purple prose, the urge to throw the book against the wall, the amount of times 'wtf' is uttered, and use of book as an insomnia cure, the kippur is derived.

Because of the amount of pages is involved in the creation of the kippur unit, a larger book may have more kippurs than a smaller book and yet still be as good. There for it is always important to check the page numbers with the amount of kippurs a book has before making your decision on if a book is good or not. Much like the spiciness of peppers, how many kippurs a person can take is up to the individual reader.

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kippurbird: (*headdesk*)
Look at the Brisingr
Now look at wall.
Now look at Brisingr
Now look back at the wall
You're not banging your head on the wall.
But you could be, if you keep on trying to make sense of the book.
Look again.
You're a published author.
You've just won the Nobel prize for literature.
What's this?
It's a envelope from an agent.
Open the envelope.
It's a request for your manuscript.
The agent rejects it anyway.
I'm on a mule zombie horse.

Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!
kippurbird: (Norway Whut?)
From Craig's list.

Looking for Rabbi versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create a Golem


One Rabbi versed in the Dark Talmudic Arts to create one Golem for household of three. Golem will perform rudimentary household chores such as dishes & sweeping, basic Math Tutoring for our daughter in 3rd grade and basic household security. Golem must be obedient and fairly unobtrusive on our every-day lives.

We will supply all materials needed (clay, twigs, calfskin parchment, etc) needed to create the Golem. All you need to do is use your magical ancient Rabbinic skills to animate said Golem!

Please note! We are looking for a Rabbi to create a Golem: an anthropomorphic being created from intimate matter from Jewish folk-lore, NOT Gollum: a former Hobbit turned into monster and looking for "precious". This is important! We have no interest in living with Gollum. We want a Golem. Please respond, serious inquiry only.

kippurbird: (Boom!)
Even more things Kippur is not allowed to do at work...

* Gremlins didn't take the books.
* Or move the books.
* Or hide the books.
* There are no gremlins.
* Despite all evidence, I will not insist there are.
* I am not allowed to fine professors for giving me their reserve book lists in late.
* Or for keep on adding reserve books even those this is the "last one".
* Even if I donate the money to the library.
* Or to Haiti.
* Voodoo dolls are not appropriate ways of dealing with frustration.
* I don't even have a way to collect the necessary ingredients to make one.
* Yes. That should stop me.
* Cloning myself is not an appropriate way to get the seven things that need to be done "first" every morning.
* Nor are monkeys.
* We don't have the computers to do so.
* Kittens are not the answer.
* Putting hands over my ears and going Lalalalalalaaa does not make it go away.
* The evil overlord list has no applications to work.
* The office plant is not named Audrey II.
* It does not need the blood of students to survive.
* It will not eat students.
* Or staff
* Or community members.
* No matter how much I want it to.
* "Would you like fries with that?" is not appropriate to ask when a patron wants to check out a book.
* Nor sprinkles.
* a drink.
* They cannot make it a value meal for an additional thirty cents.
* Even if that is a fantastic deal because you haven't been able to do that in years. Decades even.
* My pixel pets are not to be talked about.
* Even though I got that really rare egg.
* No one knows what I am talking about.
* I am not turned into the Master.
* I am not allowed to say, "Be vehwee vehwee quiet I'm hunting Rabbis".
* BEGONE FOUL DEMONS!! does not make Millennium work any better.
* In fact, holding an exorcism is just plain silly.
* Besides, if I were to do it, I should get a rabbi to do it.
* I am not allowed to ask a rabbi to exorcise Millennium.
* Can not win a staring contest with a book.
* The fact that it is hailing doesn't mean that work is closed.
* Even if it hailed in Los Angeles.
* It only hailed for two minutes.
* I am not a starfish.
* the mythology section of the library is not where books that supposedly exist are found.
* We are not open twenty four hours on the second Tuesday of the week.
* We do not have a slip and slide in the stacks because of the leaks.
* Backwards speak to allowed not am I.
* Sdrawkcab lleps ot dewolla ton ma I.
* Daer ot drah si ti.
kippurbird: (meat!)
One of the best things about visiting the dwarves was their meat. After having to listen to Arya forbid him meat on those plains as they ran, as he craved it. What she gave him was no longer satisfying. He'd remembered the sweet and juicy taste of meat and now he wanted, damn be her abstaining from meat. While as beautiful and knowledgeable as she was, she just didn't understand the simple pleasures of a bit of sausage or roasted meat on a stick.

On their journey to the dwarven lands Nar Garzhvog showed him how urgals use their meat. How they simmer and savor it. It was both savage and sublime in his almost animal way of eating it. His meat was large, bucks heavy and fat. Eragon barely could eat it all, though Garzhvog ate his with gusto. His was a strange and spicy meat, different than anything Eragon had tasted before. Uragls, Eragon decided, knew their meat and knew it well.

But the dwarves! Oh the dwarves! At every occasion they had meat, out in display of everyone. It was almost garish and overwhelming. Dwarf women and men would serve him, offering thick slabs of meat to eat. At the wedding celebration, Eragon didn't know how much meat he got or how many offered to give him meat.

All he knew was they gave him more meat than he could handle, but he took it all. He knew, in the back of his mind, that he would have to go back to the elves and their distaste of meat. So he wanted to engorge himself as much as possible until then.

He knew they wouldn't understand. But he was a man and a man needed meat to eat like he needed air to breathe.

So. Yeah.

Dec. 7th, 2009 09:40 am
kippurbird: (Alternates Logo)
Title Beginnings Middles and Ends
Fandom Alec's Weirdness
Notes Um. Yes. Been reading Neil Gaimen.

Would you like a lime?

Here, sit down and I'll tell you a story. Take the lime too, I found it somewhere. I could tell you where, but it's not important. Maybe you'll figure it out later. Fridge brilliance. Or fridge logic. I suppose your mileage may very on that. And on those last three sentences. I can't tell you what I mean, because that would ruin it. Private joke. So, a story.

Read more... )
kippurbird: (What goes on in Kippur's head)
So, what does it say about a person who writes a story about a fan girl who falls into the author's fantasy world, which is the fan girl's favorite books. Which said author hasn't published yet, but clearly in the fan girl's world they have been?
kippurbird: (SHARK VS PLANE)

In answer to the question of how does she walk: Her boobs are buoyant.
kippurbird: (>:D Heh)
Twenty Neil Gaimen True Facts.

So, I've been pondering posting the rejection letter for all and sundry to see, but I don't know how classy that would be and stuff like that. So, I am thinking on it.
kippurbird: (SHARK VS PLANE)
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